advoir

[advoir]

TikTok is officially off the air. I joined Red Note. I’m watching The Social Network, the 2010 docudrama about how Mark Zuckerberg might be a genius, but he’s definitely a world class asshole.

[advoir]

Sounds like my first marriage. I don’t talk about it much. Because I look like a man, people assume I’m trying to make excuses for something I must have done.

women are capable of abusing men, people gotta snap out of this.

my sister is 13 years older than me. i've always had an estranged relationship with her, but once i learned about how she has treated her 2 husbands, i became utterly disturbed. her first husband was a very kind, quiet man who put together computers and played trumpet. he had big dreams to become a professional trumpet player. not only did my sister constantly mock him for this, but she also mocked him for having no interest in sex. he was very likely asexual and she tormented him over this

her second husband was also very kind and she treated him like absolute shit as well. he has since passed, but while he was living, she would threaten to physically assault him when he got on her nerves. once in the car with her, she told me she told him "If I snap and hit you, nobody will believe you. You can go to the cops all you want, but they'll laugh at you and won't believe you for saying you as a 6' tall man got beat up by a 5' 4" woman."

my sister is not physically weak. she does a lot of DIY projects by herself. she very well could injure someone gravely if she tried. my sister also constantly misgenders me and talks down to me for being a man and not wanting to call me that. i am physically disabled and she has yelled at me before for not shoveling snow for her, and telling me that if i'm a man i need to "Act like one" which in her mind meant do physical labor. she would get pissed off at our neighbors who were men because they wouldn't automatically try to help her with her yardwork and chores.

this isn't accounting for the shit that my mom did, either. i have one very vivid memory of her smacking me so hard my jaw clicked out of place.

women can be assholes. women can be abusive. we have to stop pretending this doesn't happen because the victims of this abuse never get to talk about their experiences. we can't continue to let shit like this happen. women can hurt people. acknowledge this

[advoir]

Nine installments (minus one I couldn’t find) into this franchise and among the increasingly insane plots and premises I can find only one consistent theme: humans just won’t stop fucking up Godzilla’s day. No wonder he’s always wrecking everyone’s shit. Poor guy.

[advoir]

“Is your brother crazy?”

“Yeah, crazy about helping those in need!”

This is the level of corny I was looking for.

[advoir]

As much fun as I think it would be to achieve true androgyny, I don’t yearn for it. I don’t yearn to look like anything. What I yearn for is everyone to stop treating me like a man. I hate being perceived as a man, it has always felt like a mistaken identity. I hate how much is assumed about me. I hate all the things people expect from men, both the positive and the negative. Everything a man supposedly is or is supposed to be, I’m not, nor do I want to be. I hate that, no matter how many examples I give that I AM NOT THAT, I inevitably disappoint the people in my life because I fail as a man. I don’t know what it’s like to feel any gender at all, let alone gender euphoria or dysphoria. If I ever dramatically change my appearance, it won’t have anything to do with accurately presenting a gender, it will be an act of self-defense.

[advoir]

I love how Korrd’s reaction to Sybok taking the Nimbus III embassy is basically, “I’m not drunk enough for this bullshit.” 🤣

[advoir]

My brain is trying to kill me, so I’m trying to smoke it into submission.

[advoir]

If vaccines caused autism, a LOT more people would be able to understand me.

[advoir]

I will never stop saying that Dr. Leonard McCoy making his way through a 20th century hospital is one of the funniest things ever committed to film.

[advoir]

I love the film quality in a lot of 1960’s movies. The colors are gorgeous. 🤩

[advoir]

Took the past couple days off because of too much pain. When it’s this bad, the only way to make it tolerable is to get so stoned I can barely walk. I’m glad I have the weekend to recover. I hope I do.

[advoir]

It’s such a strange thing to happen to someone who loves food so much, but it’s like a switch flips off in my brain and the idea of eating is suddenly repulsive. Sometimes I can find something still enjoyable enough to choke down. Sometimes I can’t. Today, I managed to eat breakfast. That’s it. I didn’t need much weed for pain today, but I’m hoping getting high will help me eat. It’s worked before. There are so many therapeutic benefits for me using cannabis, I sincerely thank God for this good medicine.

[advoir]

Having a body is weird and annoying.

[advoir]

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948) is one of the greatest films ever made and I won’t hear otherwise.

[advoir]

I might not be “raisins in the potato salad” white, but I have to admit, I’m definitely “likes mayo too much” white.

[advoir]

I try to pay attention to how my cravings are trending because when my brain suddenly decides I can’t eat something any more, it doesn’t matter if I can’t afford more groceries. Lately the only thing I really want to eat is trash. So I bought ENOF shake-on vegetable supplement and Vade protein packs. At least I’m getting actual nutrition.

[advoir]

Dune has been my favorite novel since I was a kid and now Denis Villeneuve’s adaptation, too, feels like visiting old friends.