aconundrummer - Tumblr blog

[aconundrummer]

Sung into the dark guided 

Drifting now

Swish and lay back in buckets of black

Grab me Have me Take me

Rough hands and rug burn on the knees

It was quite close but never enough

[aconundrummer]

angered with  the hottest  sweetness

calculating my weakness to be greater  than my good sense i am a nighttime bloom  a brush dripping in  warm, dream breath

[aconundrummer]

I heard that a man jumped from the sixth floor of the library yesterday evening to his death.

I wasn’t surprised something like that had happened. I remembered five or six years ago when a student at the college I attended had jumped from the top of the garage complex to his death.

I wrote about it for the school newspaper. I spoke to the coroner and the police about it.

It was a sad thing.

They used an industrial-strength water hose to wash away the blood and white chalk outline on the sidewalk he fell to the sidewalk I used every morning to get to class. 

I guess that one in particular just stuck with me more than the others.

[aconundrummer]

I can’t say that I always do the right thing I’m not even sure if I know what that means I’d like to be someone who’s honest and tough And I fear that I’m close, but I’m not close enough

[aconundrummer]

When it hits me I cry streams of love Trails of light and dust booming bliss wood winds and chimes flowing inside me I can feel it all

[aconundrummer]

It warmly washed over me Green bath water,  baby pink memory, jasmine strong as spider silk You were a holiday and spirits were high

Rain falling down the gutter Silverware clanking  Fire crackling Humming tires toward Vegas

The sounds I heard when you woke me just to tell me you loved me 

[aconundrummer]

Take me to the crisp, cold, harsh, night air I slept across from you, and in the morning Once everyone had left  You kissed me from behind until I turned to face you And I let myself go

We walked for miles and I couldn’t feel my legs  My hands were ice, and my voice gin-dry And you took pictures of me

We kept sun-dried pavement White noise and jackets Coffee brewing into the early afternoon And the way we saw one another when we were loving

[aconundrummer]

The way you smell, a mix of sweat and nervousness. I can remember it even when you aren't around.

How you look when you're deep in your own thoughts,  you seem less frightened mulling them over. Most at ease, alone.

It's fucking ridiculous, what I notice, what I remember, what I can't forget.

It would be a pleasure to stop, and maybe learn someone new.

[aconundrummer]

I can’t seem to remember how it felt to be pulled back into bed Because my absence was so horrible, and leaving was the worst I could do

Clutching me so close Sighing so sweetly

But maybe I do And maybe parts of my body crack when I think about them, and I worry that one day I will break

[aconundrummer]

"Life is beautiful” they say. When people leave, when people die, when dreams fade with sunlight, that is a part of life. I wouldn’t say that those parts of life are beautiful. Life is also painful, embarrassing, unnerving, and uncertain. For every good moment, there is a bad one. There aren’t any “meant to be’s” or “destinies.” Life doesn’t give you things to “learn” from. Life happens randomly. Horrible things happen. You take them as they come and hope that for every bad experience, a good one will eventually come. You understand how important it is to appreciate the good things. You realize there is no rhyme or reason. You just, hope. 

[aconundrummer]

I catch glimpses of it in day dreams Believing the slaps of water against rocks are a lullaby And the afternoon light reflects a collection of rose-tinged memories that will, but haven’t happened yet

[aconundrummer]

I imagine falling into you, naked and waking slowly Fading in as I remember you before we were in love A glow of newness We filled empty spaces with hues of gold And I heard music in the dead of night

[aconundrummer]

In struggle I awaken In pain I grow wise In loneliness I am free

[aconundrummer]

Love never dies of a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness, errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds. It dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings, but never of a natural death.

Anais Nin (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[aconundrummer]

I don’t think something has to last forever to be successful.

[aconundrummer]

I can't fix you or make you forget but I can offer my arms   I can show you I still smile try to understand the nothingness you feel tell you that life goes on in different ways and my love for you bends in shapes that fit together in more ways than one