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Today I saw the light but then it got dark again.
I’ve never wanted to share my pain with anyone because it’s too intense and too much for the naked eye to understand. But people are constantly judging me for this and that, they don’t take a second to realize that there is ALWAYS a reason for my actions. Lately I’ve become selfish-but in this sense to better myself and try to overcome my demons. I’m not giving the attention or care, that I used to, to everyone else’s individual problems. I have no room left in my brain to worry about all the pity parties people seem to make up, because I could probably one up you and then that and then the next one. Even when I do, people don’t like to lose so they pretend they don’t have time to rebuttal. I haven’t had the time to be realistic with people and provide guidance. Especially when all I give I’ve yet to receive. I have very little energy left in my body; I mean I’m juggling college, an unpaid internship, keeping up with my own home and the bills and groceries that come along. Above all I have to constantly monitor myself- Did I eat yet? How long did I sleep? Did I forget my medicine last night? - just some things are always in my mind. These past few weeks life has happen in every way I can’t control, I’ve had to realize that I need a mental nap which led to falling behind in school. Now that my life finally seemed promising again school feel harder on me than ever. All of these unnecessary stress started to take a toll on my body with daily anxiety attacks, trouble sleeping, missing meals and of course that led my body to over react to everything. Whether it be confronting an old demon or pushing my patience all they way to its breaking point. Twice. So what else would a manic depressive girl do? I’m now fighting a manic phase. My body is in overdrive-I’m not sleeping or eating but my body doesn’t mind cause it knows I’ll crash eventually. I never know how long my episode will last days weeks or God forbid months, but in the end I will crash and hopefully I don’t relapse. If my depression relapse one more time. I don’t know what will happen. Isn’t that scary?
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when I grow up I want to be just like nicki minaj
Why you ask? most would answer because shes a multi-millionaire, or shes got a big butt, or even that shes a leading hip-hop (female) artist. But no. It's because she's used the public eye to her advantage. She came onto the scene with many brightly colored alter-egos the fed the current culture of over-exaggerated-lady-gaga-expections plus an ass. Grabbing one by two audiences: horny men and envious women. She gave us what we all wanted to see and that is an huge ass. Think about it: every time an artist is seductive, they keep you wanting just a little bit more and leaving it to the imagination. Nicki has given us what we want from the gecko---so what now? well what do you think? of course, shes a step ahead (or behind?) shes taken every color out of her appearance going back to her black hair and natural make-up, haven't you noticed her wardrobe has as well? She used something the public wants-and that she has- and used it to her benefit as well as every lesson she's learned along the way. Example: Her most recent uproar was about her new song/video "anaconda". It is getting so much attention whether it be the amount of product placement, butts (in the jungle, yoga pants, short shorts), or sexual references. Either way shes getting paid. With the media always in a tizzy, the internet using her album cover for any gif ever, and just the original tune itself (Baby got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot) Don't you feel the need to watch the video?
Overall it's a vicious cycle and in the end Nicki claims it to be a song about an Anaconda and some ex- boyfriends.
but is it really just that?
I don't think so, if anything its master self-branding plan....
MORAL OF THIS POST I want to be like Nicki Minaj because instead of giving into the public eye-she gave it all to us and now she has nothing to hide. She's embraced everything she has to offer and will always be one step ahead of us. I think I'm going to try and do the same
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I watched this art being created awhile ago and I past it finished today. It’s amazing what people can do.
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I know it's been awhile
Dear tumblr, Haven’t posted anything in years it feels like so I’d like to formally apologize and make a promise. It’s time I documented my cool life through pictures and post of what’s it’s like these days. Its pretty fast pace with an internship at the most rad showroom and attending fashion school. As my classes get more interesting in the second quarter, I hope LA does too. I promise to try my best to experience this new life and make it the best it can be. So cheers tumblr, to the greatest adventure ever.
Stay tuned
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The daily struggle
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Check Break My Style on @weheartit.com - http://whrt.it/WbcXl6
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Instagram photo by @shesnotfine_ (Hi..) | Statigram on @weheartit.com - http://whrt.it/S1WQeA
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2012 | Tumblr on @weheartit.com - http://whrt.it/U05vPc
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A good outfit has a pair of oxfords in it
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