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Ozpin thought it was a good idea to provide a therapist for Beacon’s students due to the physical and mental challenges they face. Right now Jaune is lying on the couch for his session.
Therapist: “Now how would you describe your teammate Pyrrha?”
Jaune: “She is so cool! She’s a 6ft muscle mommy who bathes herself in milk, honey, and twinks like myself. What’s not to love!? Oh I’m sorry, is this an insensitive time to thirst over muscular women? Trick question! A time like that doesn��t exist.”
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TV Announcer: His crimes listed are shoplifting, pug smuggling, first degree… llamacide?”
Qrow: “That llama knew too much.”
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Winter: “You’re under arrest for attempting to carry three people on a single motorcycle.”
Yang: “Damn, wait. Did you say three?”
Winter: “Yes, three.”
Weiss: “Oh my gosh.”
Blake: “Ruby fell off!”
Ruby sitting in the middle of the road for the past hour
Ruby: “They’ll be back. Any minute now they’ll notice I’m gone.”
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#rwby#jaune arc#weiss schnee#blake belladonna#ruby rose#yang xiao long#nora valkyrie#pyrrha nikos#lie ren#rwby shitpost
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Jaune: “Y’all are going to have to wait. I’m already treating a patient.”
Yang: “Come on, does your patient even have a serious injury like us?”
Nora just shows her broken arm after bare knuckles fight a group Ursas.
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Jaune finally grew a beard, but he thought it didn’t look good on him so he decided to shave it. Weiss just so happened to walk into his dorm while he was shaving.
Weiss (crying): “No, your beauty is being destroyed!”
Jaune got it all off and turned around to show Weiss
Jaune: “So Weiss, how do I look?”
Weiss: “Like the devil!”
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Weiss: “Why did I make the hoodie schedule if no one is going to follow it!? Yang has it from 1-4pm today and I get to have it all night to sleep in.”
Jaune: Can I have my hoodie back?
Ruby: Can I have my virginity back?
Jaune: I gave you mine too! It was an equal trade!
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Jaune is laying on the floor in team JNPR’s dorm and Pyrrha is on her knees shaking him.
Pyrrha: “Jaune wake up! Please wake up!”
Ren runs into the dorm
Ren: “Pyrrha I got your message! I told Sun to bring Professor Ozpin. Now tell me what happened!”
Ren gets on his knees to do CPR
Pyrrha: We were hooking up, and he asked me to sit on his face.”
Ren: “And then you said, ‘I’m not going to do that babe because I don’t want to actually sit on your face and hurt you.”
Pyrrha: “No… No I actually did it.”
Ren: “Sure, but you didn’t actually sit on his face. You kinda hovered there right?”
Pyrrha: “No… I actually sat on his face. Full force, full weight, everything. Please help Jaune!”
Ren: “Yeah there’s nothing to do here, he’s dead.”
Proceeds to stand up
Pyrrha: “What!?”
Ren: “I mean that’s awesome!”
Sun comes bursting in with medical supplies
Sun: “Ozpin is on his way right now! What’s Jaune’s status!?”
Ren: “Pyrrha actually sat on his face, she didn’t even hover.”
Sun: “Yeah, there’s nothing we can do to help.”
Pyrrha: “What!? No we need to bring him back!”
Sun: “Pyrrha, you are an absolute queen.”
Pyrrha: “You mean the two of you aren’t going to try and revive him!?”
Sun: “We don’t need to.”
Ren: “I’m his teammate second, but I’m a guy first and that goes against Bro Code. Because every guy would love to die by his girlfriend sitting on his face.”
Pyrrha: “I should be arrested, I murdered my soulmate!”
Ren: “You two are more than soulmates now.”
Ozpin comes bursting in
Ozpin: “Oh my!! What happened to Mr. Arc!?”
Ren: “Pyrrha actually sat on his face, no hovering.”
Ozpin: “Is this true Ms. Nikos?”
Pyrrha: “Yes.”
Ozpin: “The two of you think this is a joke? Ms. Nikos I apologize for these two behaviors.”
Pyrrha: “Thank you!”
Ozpin: “We should be thanking you. So the death certificate should say, Death by Snu Snu.”
All three guys then look at Jaune’s face and see the massive smile on it.
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23 years old and not even received a single cheap plastic flower. High probability that I would only receive them at my funeral.
get 🥺 men 🥺 flowers 🥺
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Perjury, imagine a world where everything said in a court room is 100% the truth.
If you could commit one crime, and that crime could never be committed by anyone ever again, what crime would you choose?
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I think Disney did this because they learned from their previous mistake when the Beast turned back into a “handsome” prince and every single female said, “Wrong!”
i never knew there were men in the room for this, “that was tough” oh man they were not prepared XD
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Jaune: “What are you doing?”
Weiss, standing on top of the kitchen counter: “This in my house and I live here. I can do whatever I want, thank you very much.”
Jaune: “Where’s the spider?”
Weiss: “Under the table.”
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I just imagine the first time Neo did this to Jaune he freaked out.
Jaune: “Oh no I broke Neo!! This is just like my pet hamster all over again!”
Any chance for some Silent Knight love?
Neo: *Walks up to Jaune and handsigns* (Hey, Blondie. I got a crick in my back. Think you can help me pop it?)
Jaune: Sure can!
Neo: *Nods and turns around with her arms crossed in front of her chest*
Jaune: *Squats down a little and wraps his arms around her* And up.
Jaune: *Picks Neo up and squeezes until he hear a crack that quickly turns into a shatter as Neo's illusion falls away, revealing that she had been facing him the whole time.* Huh?
Neo: *Inches away from Jaune's face, leans in and gives him a big wet smack on the lips. She then drops from his grip and sticks her tongue out* (Got you!) *Happily skips away*
Jaune: *Blushing* I... uh...huh?
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Emerald: “There’s something written on the lamp. I wonder what it says.”
Rubs the lamp to see the writing better
Suddenly a trail of smoke comes out of the lamp and transforms into a girl with blonde hair and a heavily developed chest
Yang: “OI! Ten thousands years!!! Will give you such a crick in the back.”
Emerald dressed as Aladdin. I kinda decided to adjust Aladdin’s design for the character. I also added a version of the fake Princess! You know, with her abilities Emerald can easily steal products in the marketplace… as well as to brainwash some naive Arab Prince :D
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Jaune: “You’re doing this only for the money Nora!? You said all of the revenue would be going to a charity.”
Nora: “Oh, so you’ll only let me pimp you out if it was for a good cause?”
Jaune: “Yes!!!!”
Jaune At The Carnival part 2
Ruby: *Holding a cotton candy de size of a basketball* Carnivals are so much fun!
Yang: *Hugging a big stuffed animal* Weiss, do you like your first carnival so far?
Weiss: *Smiling* It is a pleasant experience.
The two sisters smile at that comment.
Blake:  *Looking away from the group* Pyrrha is at the kissing booth.
Yang: No way!
The rest of the team turn to see what Blake is talking about.
Yang: Wow, I didn't know Pyrrha liked that kind of thing.
Ruby: Same, and isn't she spending too much money on it?
Weiss: How indecent.
Blake: I'm a little curious to know who is the guy she's kissing for her to pay so much.
Yang: Me too, but Pyrrha is in the way.
Ruby: Wait! She is moving.
Pyrrha moves to the side to get another bag of lien off the floor.
Blake: is Jaune.
The girls went quiet
Meanwhile.
Neptune: *Coming out of the bathroom* I knew I shouldn't have had that burrito for lunch. Let's see how Jaune is doing. (Not many customers are arriving, maybe he is bored)
Neptune returns to the kissing booth and can see a long line of people waiting for a kiss.
Neptune: What's going on?!
Neptune recognizes some of the girls. Some of them are the hottest girls in all the kingdoms.
Neptune: (Team RWBY, the bunny from the CFVY team, Weiss's older sister, that weird read-haired girl, and that twintale short girl from the CEMN team. Why are they all here!?) *Look at the beginning of the line*
Pyrrha: *Stop making out with Jaune and giggles* I can’t get tired of this. *Put a hang on her bag to grab more lien but is empty* Dang it. Don’t move Jaune. I just need to withdraw more money and I'll be back. *Runs off to the nearest bank*
Jaune: *Red and on cloud nine* O-ok take your time. W-who is next?
Ruby: That would be-
Yang: *Gets in front* Me! Hello lover boy.
Ruby: Hey! I was first.
Yang: Sorry sis, you snooze, you lose.
The girls continue arguing while Neptune tries to understand what is happening.
Neptune: (No way! Jaune is getting them all! I need to do something) *walks over to the booth* Hi Jaune, thanks for warming up my seat. *Start pushing him out of the booth* (Sorry buddy, but I won't miss this chance to kiss these hot babe’s ) I can take it from here. *Then he sprinkles some mint in his mouth and with a smile he said* Ok, who's the next customer?
Yang/Ruby: *With disgust* Ugh/Eww
The rest of the girls realize that Jaune is no longer in the booth and they begin to leave the line until there is no one left in it.
Neptune: Wait! Where are you girls going?! Come back!
Extra:
Later that day.
A new Kissing booth was built and it was getting a lot of customers. Who had the idea? you ask yourself. This was done by none other than Nora Valkyria.
Nora: *Wearing a top hat and fake mustache * Come on ladies, the Kissing Booth is open to the public. With just $ 1 you can kiss our beloved JNPR team leader, tongue included.
Pyrrha: *Holding a cart full of money bags and wearing red lipstick on her lips* I'm back! Where is jaune?
Nora: That’s the spirit! Get in line! (I’m getting rich!)
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I just rewatched “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” a movie that I only saw once when I was like 7 years old, so I don’t remember anything.
So I play it on Hulu not remembering or recognizing anything from the movie, until it gets to Deep Thought answering the question, the answer to everything, the answer to life and I say at the exact same time as Deep Thought… 42.
I didn’t remember anything from the movie except the answer to The Question, how!?
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I just noticed Ruby hiding behind the couch. Looks like she’s really interested in what’s happening on the tv. 😂
Taking it easy (cont.)
This isn’t finished by the way….
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