a-southern-reader

[a-southern-reader]

Jaune is laying on the floor in team JNPR’s dorm and Pyrrha is on her knees shaking him.

Pyrrha: “Jaune wake up! Please wake up!”

Ren runs into the dorm

Ren: “Pyrrha I got your message! I told Sun to bring Professor Ozpin. Now tell me what happened!”

Ren gets on his knees to do CPR

Pyrrha: We were hooking up, and he asked me to sit on his face.”

Ren: “And then you said, ‘I’m not going to do that babe because I don’t want to actually sit on your face and hurt you.”

Pyrrha: “No… No I actually did it.”

Ren: “Sure, but you didn’t actually sit on his face. You kinda hovered there right?”

Pyrrha: “No… I actually sat on his face. Full force, full weight, everything. Please help Jaune!”

Ren: “Yeah there’s nothing to do here, he’s dead.”

Proceeds to stand up

Pyrrha: “What!?”

Ren: “I mean that’s awesome!”

Sun comes bursting in with medical supplies

Sun: “Ozpin is on his way right now! What’s Jaune’s status!?”

Ren: “Pyrrha actually sat on his face, she didn’t even hover.”

Sun: “Yeah, there’s nothing we can do to help.”

Pyrrha: “What!? No we need to bring him back!”

Sun: “Pyrrha, you are an absolute queen.”

Pyrrha: “You mean the two of you aren’t going to try and revive him!?”

Sun: “We don’t need to.”

Ren: “I’m his teammate second, but I’m a guy first and that goes against Bro Code. Because every guy would love to die by his girlfriend sitting on his face.”

Pyrrha: “I should be arrested, I murdered my soulmate!”

Ren: “You two are more than soulmates now.”

Ozpin comes bursting in

Ozpin: “Oh my!! What happened to Mr. Arc!?”

Ren: “Pyrrha actually sat on his face, no hovering.”

Ozpin: “Is this true Ms. Nikos?”

Pyrrha: “Yes.”

Ozpin: “The two of you think this is a joke? Ms. Nikos I apologize for these two behaviors.”

Pyrrha: “Thank you!”

Ozpin: “We should be thanking you. So the death certificate should say, Death by Snu Snu.”

All three guys then look at Jaune’s face and see the massive smile on it.

[a-southern-reader]

23 years old and not even received a single cheap plastic flower. High probability that I would only receive them at my funeral.

get 🥺 men 🥺 flowers 🥺

[a-southern-reader]

Perjury, imagine a world where everything said in a court room is 100% the truth.

If you could commit one crime, and that crime could never be committed by anyone ever again, what crime would you choose?

[a-southern-reader]

I think Disney did this because they learned from their previous mistake when the Beast turned back into a “handsome” prince and every single female said, “Wrong!”

i never knew there were men in the room for this, “that was tough” oh man they were not prepared XD

[a-southern-reader]

Jaune: “What are you doing?”

Weiss, standing on top of the kitchen counter: “This in my house and I live here. I can do whatever I want, thank you very much.”

Jaune: “Where’s the spider?”

Weiss: “Under the table.”

[a-southern-reader]

I just imagine the first time Neo did this to Jaune he freaked out.

Jaune: “Oh no I broke Neo!! This is just like my pet hamster all over again!”

Any chance for some Silent Knight love?

Neo: *Walks up to Jaune and handsigns* (Hey, Blondie. I got a crick in my back. Think you can help me pop it?)

Jaune: Sure can!

Neo: *Nods and turns around with her arms crossed in front of her chest*

Jaune: *Squats down a little and wraps his arms around her* And up.

Jaune: *Picks Neo up and squeezes until he hear a crack that quickly turns into a shatter as Neo's illusion falls away, revealing that she had been facing him the whole time.* Huh?

Neo: *Inches away from Jaune's face, leans in and gives him a big wet smack on the lips. She then drops from his grip and sticks her tongue out* (Got you!) *Happily skips away*

Jaune: *Blushing* I... uh...huh?

[a-southern-reader]

Emerald: “There’s something written on the lamp. I wonder what it says.”

Rubs the lamp to see the writing better

Suddenly a trail of smoke comes out of the lamp and transforms into a girl with blonde hair and a heavily developed chest

Yang: “OI! Ten thousands years!!! Will give you such a crick in the back.”

Emerald dressed as Aladdin. I kinda decided to adjust Aladdin’s design for the character. I also added a version of the fake Princess! You know, with her abilities Emerald can easily steal products in the marketplace… as well as to brainwash some naive Arab Prince :D

[a-southern-reader]

Jaune: “You’re doing this only for the money Nora!? You said all of the revenue would be going to a charity.”

Nora: “Oh, so you’ll only let me pimp you out if it was for a good cause?”

Jaune: “Yes!!!!”

Jaune At The Carnival part 2

Ruby: *Holding a cotton candy de size of a basketball* Carnivals are so much fun!

Yang: *Hugging a big stuffed animal* Weiss, do you like your first carnival so far?

Weiss: *Smiling* It is a pleasant experience.

The two sisters smile at that comment.

Blake:  *Looking away from the group* Pyrrha is at the kissing booth.

Yang: No way!

The rest of the team turn to see what Blake is talking about.

Yang: Wow, I didn't know Pyrrha liked that kind of thing.

Ruby: Same, and isn't she spending too much money on it?

Weiss: How indecent.

Blake: I'm a little curious to know who is the guy she's kissing for her to pay so much.

Yang: Me too, but Pyrrha is in the way.

Ruby: Wait! She is moving.

Pyrrha moves to the side to get another bag of lien off the floor.

Blake: is Jaune.

The girls went quiet

Meanwhile.

Neptune: *Coming out of the bathroom* I knew I shouldn't have had that burrito for lunch. Let's see how Jaune is doing. (Not many customers are arriving, maybe he is bored)

Neptune returns to the kissing booth and can see a long line of people waiting for a kiss.

Neptune: What's going on?!

Neptune recognizes some of the girls. Some of them are the hottest girls in all the kingdoms.

Neptune: (Team RWBY, the bunny from the CFVY team, Weiss's older sister, that weird read-haired girl, and that twintale short girl from the CEMN team. Why are they all here!?) *Look at the beginning of the line*

Pyrrha: *Stop making out with Jaune and giggles* I can’t get tired of this. *Put a hang on her bag to grab more lien but is empty* Dang it. Don’t move Jaune. I just need to withdraw more money and I'll be back. *Runs off to the nearest bank*

Jaune: *Red and on cloud nine* O-ok take your time. W-who is next?

Ruby: That would be-

Yang: *Gets in front* Me! Hello lover boy.

Ruby: Hey! I was first.

Yang: Sorry sis, you snooze, you lose.

The girls continue arguing while Neptune tries to understand what is happening.

Neptune: (No way! Jaune is getting them all! I need to do something) *walks over to the booth* Hi Jaune, thanks for warming up my seat. *Start pushing him out of the booth* (Sorry buddy, but I won't miss this chance to kiss these hot babe’s ) I can take it from here. *Then he sprinkles some mint in his mouth and with a smile he said* Ok, who's the next customer?

Yang/Ruby: *With disgust* Ugh/Eww

The rest of the girls realize that Jaune is no longer in the booth and they begin to leave the line until there is no one left in it.

Neptune: Wait! Where are you girls going?! Come back!

Extra:

Later that day.

A new Kissing booth was built and it was getting a lot of customers. Who had the idea? you ask yourself. This was done by none other than Nora Valkyria.

Nora: *Wearing a top hat and fake mustache * Come on ladies, the Kissing Booth is open to the public. With just $ 1 you can kiss our beloved JNPR team leader, tongue included.

Pyrrha: *Holding a cart full of money bags and wearing red lipstick on her lips* I'm back! Where is jaune?

Nora: That’s the spirit! Get in line! (I’m getting rich!)

[a-southern-reader]

I just rewatched “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” a movie that I only saw once when I was like 7 years old, so I don’t remember anything.

So I play it on Hulu not remembering or recognizing anything from the movie, until it gets to Deep Thought answering the question, the answer to everything, the answer to life and I say at the exact same time as Deep Thought… 42.

I didn’t remember anything from the movie except the answer to The Question, how!?

[a-southern-reader]

I just noticed Ruby hiding behind the couch. Looks like she’s really interested in what’s happening on the tv. 😂

Taking it easy (cont.)

This isn’t finished by the way….

[a-southern-reader]

I feel like it’s more fucked up for clone. Because if I’m a clone then that’s mean I was originally made to be a copy of someone else, I’m not my own person in a way.

But if I’m a robot, then I am my own person. Someone created me for a purpose or reason, or maybe they just wanted to create some form of life. The real difference is I had my own “life” from the very beginning.

This makes me think of one of my favorite shows when I was growing up as a kid and that was Lego Ninjago. I remembered when Zane figured out he was a robot it shook me and the character in the show. But in one minute Zane learned that even though he was a robot that didn’t mean he wasn’t a person, or that he didn’t have his own life. He was created because his father wanted to create something original that he could love and raise. If he was a clone, then that would just mean he was a shadow of something else, not original.

Just something I thought about for the poll.

[a-southern-reader]

Why can I imagine Lucifer himself blasting through the wall yelling that his little angel, as funny as it is, is too innocent for porn. He’s burning the whole building down for them trying to tarnish his baby girl.😂

source

source

[a-southern-reader]

My favorite thing in this special is when Death sees the story of Little Match Girl he goes, “Wait a minute, did she fucking die!? Nah I’m Death and Hogfather tonight and I’m giving her the best present in the world. Life!” Immediately resurrects her and drops her off at a good home.

[a-southern-reader]

Okay I was just scrolling through social media and I came across a video the made me burst out laughing.

Dad: “You know Levar Burton from Reading Rainbow.”

Daughter: “Oh no, was he a pedophile?”

Dad: “No no he wasn’t a pedophile.”

Daughter: “Oh thank god.”

Dad: “He was arrested for tax evasion though.”

Daughter: “Well that’s okay.”

The second we hear news about someone we looked up to during our childhood we immediately think, “Oh no were they a pedophile?”😂

[a-southern-reader]

Ruby: “She’s getting sexier with each iteration. If we don’t stop her soon everyone in Remnant will become a tier three sub to her and subscribe to her Onlyfans. If that happens she will be unstoppable!!”

VV (Viral Virus) Penny Mk. 3 (Winter's Age Model)

[a-southern-reader]

Ruby: “I call Chewbacca!!! And Weiss can be Anakin Skywalker from Episode Two! Weiss say you hate sand.”

Weiss: “What, why?”

Ruby: “Just do it!”

Weiss (monotone): “I hate sand.”

Ruby: “That was so perfect you could have been his understudy.”

Jaune: This is just like Star Wars!

Nora: It is nothing like Star Wars!

Jaune: Yes, it is. I'm Han Solo, you're Princess Leia, and Ren is Luke Skywalker.

Ren: Why am I Luke Skywalker?

Jaune: You have a semblance that lets you see into people's souls, don't you?

Ren: That's not the same as having the force. I have the gun, so I should be Luke Skywalker and you should be Han Solo, since you're the leader of our group.

Jaune: Not all Jedis are leaders. Didn't you play Fallen Order?

Ren: I just want to be clear; I'm Han Solo, you're Luke Skywalker.

Nora: I am Princess Leia, though, just to be clear.

Ren: Fine.

Nora: Because they do become an item later.

Ren: ...Okay, Jaune, you're Han Solo and I am Luke Skywalker.

Jaune: That's... not where I was going with this.

Nora: Nope! It's too late! We're destined!

[a-southern-reader]

We're just going to cuddle, I promise. (Vernal)

A cold night in the forest

Jaune: *Sleeping in his tent, inside his huge, cozy two-person sleeping bag*

Vernal: *Kicks him*

Jaune: *Wakes up* What the fuck?! Vernal! What are you doing?!

Vernal: I'm cold, let me sleep in your sleeping bag.

Jaune: Wait, who said "I DoN't NeEd A sLeEpInG bAg, ThAt'S fOr LiTtLe GiRls"? Hmm… Who said it? *Smiles* Oh yeah! *Serious* You.

Vernal: Shut up, are you going to let me sleep with you or not?

Jaune: After you hit me… No.

Vernal: *Angry* Come on! Share the sleeping bag with me!

Jaune: No!

Vernal: So you're going to leave me in the cold?!

Jaune: Yes!

Vernal: Are you gay?!

Jaune: Excuse me?!

Vernal: I mean, you don't want to share a sleeping bag with a girl.

Jaune: First of all, just because a man doesn't want to share his sleeping bag, doesn't mean he's gay! And second, I won't let you, because you're an asshole!

Vernal: Agh! I'm sorry, ok! Just let me in, please! I... I don't wanna die in the cold.

Jaune looks at her for a moment.

Jaune: *Sighs* Ok, but no funny business.

Vernal: Relax dude. We're just going to cuddle at most, I promise.

Jaune: Ok. Get in.

He opens his sleeping bag and Vernal gets in.

Vernal: *Gets closer to him* Thanks Jaune.

Jaune: Sure... Just try to keep your hands to yourself.

Vernal: Me?! YOU try to keep your hands to yourself. If you touch me I will break your hand.

Jaune: Ha! You wish

Vernal: Asshole

Jaune: Bitch

5 minutes later

Jaune and vernal are entwined with each other inside the sleeping bag. Jaune moves his hips while Vernal hugs him tightly.

Vernal: You are so warm~💕 You are so warm~💕 Aah!~💕 I love it~

Jaune: *Kisses her neck*

Vernal: Fuck~💕 I love the way you kiss my neck ~💕

Jaune: Shit~ I'm about to cum...

Vernal: Do it~💕 Cum inside me~💕 I want it~💕 Please~💕

Jaune speeds up his pace a little and when he is about to cum Vernal kisses him passionately.

Jaune: Mmm~💕

Vernal: *Huff* It feels so good~💕…. Can we stay like this for the rest of the night?

Jaune: *Pant* S-Sure... *Pant*

And with that last word, Jaune falls asleep in the arms of a happy Vernal.