a-southern-reader

[a-southern-reader]

Team RWBY and JNPR are in Beacon’s gym working out. Yang walks over to Jaune and Pyrrha who are training on a punching bag.

Yang: Hey guys, what workout are y’all doing?

Jaune: It’s a new workout Pyrrha made for me. I don’t fully understand it, but she’s my fitness trainer.

Jaune proceeds to slap the punching bag at perfect butt level height repeatedly.

Yang(whispering): P-money, I don’t know if I should be proud of you, or concerned.

Pyrrha: I’m thinking maybe you should add this to your workout routine, look.

She points Yang towards Blake who’s biting her lip while watching Jaune slapping the punching bag and causing the fabric to ripple.

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Weiss: Do you ever wish Jaune was like the morally gray shadow daddies in your books?

Blake: No.

Weiss: Not even once?

Blake: Not once.

Weiss: I find that hard to believe.

Blake: Look, the morally gray shadow daddy is not going to reassure me that, yes he still loves me, 97 times a day.

Weiss: How insecure are you?

Blake: Very.

Weiss: Okay, but you’ve never wished that he was like a tattooed alpha male?

Blake: Is this alpha male going to wash the dishes every night and watch videos so we can learn to properly clean our bathroom?

Weiss: There’s men who do that!?

Blake: At least one.

Weiss: Okay, that’s pretty cool. But still…

Blake: I will keep my blonde floof made for love!!!

[a-southern-reader]

Spanish Colonial History: Where’s the City of Gold!!? Sure we already found tons of gold, but that just means there has to be a city of gold. Also we keep on finding this stuff called platinum, it’s not gold or silver so we’re going to dump it in the ocean.

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I’m just realizing something. The toughest and baddest boss from the last game wasn’t mentioned. What about Rick the Door Technician!!? He was surprise nobody expected!

Now it's time for Jedi Survivor.

[a-southern-reader]

I hope they bring back Nomad of Nowhere!! It was so good, then for some reason they put it on hiatus in the middle of the season. Once they brought it back and finished the season everyone was hyped and said they wanted more, and guess what they did. Nothing!!!

Please bring back and revive Nomad of Nowhere!!

Yo…

Is this for real?

[a-southern-reader]

Ozpin thought it was a good idea to provide a therapist for Beacon’s students due to the physical and mental challenges they face. Right now Jaune is lying on the couch for his session.

Therapist: “Now how would you describe your teammate Pyrrha?”

Jaune: “She is so cool! She’s a 6ft muscle mommy who bathes herself in milk, honey, and twinks like myself. What’s not to love!? Oh I’m sorry, is this an insensitive time to thirst over muscular women? Trick question! A time like that doesn’t exist.”

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TV Announcer: His crimes listed are shoplifting, pug smuggling, first degree… llamacide?”

Qrow: “That llama knew too much.”

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Winter: “You’re under arrest for attempting to carry three people on a single motorcycle.”

Yang: “Damn, wait. Did you say three?”

Winter: “Yes, three.”

Weiss: “Oh my gosh.”

Blake: “Ruby fell off!”

Ruby sitting in the middle of the road for the past hour

Ruby: “They’ll be back. Any minute now they’ll notice I’m gone.”

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Jaune: “Y’all are going to have to wait. I’m already treating a patient.”

Yang: “Come on, does your patient even have a serious injury like us?”

Nora just shows her broken arm after bare knuckles fight a group Ursas.

[a-southern-reader]

Jaune finally grew a beard, but he thought it didn’t look good on him so he decided to shave it. Weiss just so happened to walk into his dorm while he was shaving.

Weiss (crying): “No, your beauty is being destroyed!”

Jaune got it all off and turned around to show Weiss

Jaune: “So Weiss, how do I look?”

Weiss: “Like the devil!”

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Weiss: “Why did I make the hoodie schedule if no one is going to follow it!? Yang has it from 1-4pm today and I get to have it all night to sleep in.”

Jaune: Can I have my hoodie back?

Ruby: Can I have my virginity back?

Jaune: I gave you mine too! It was an equal trade!

[a-southern-reader]

Jaune is laying on the floor in team JNPR’s dorm and Pyrrha is on her knees shaking him.

Pyrrha: “Jaune wake up! Please wake up!”

Ren runs into the dorm

Ren: “Pyrrha I got your message! I told Sun to bring Professor Ozpin. Now tell me what happened!”

Ren gets on his knees to do CPR

Pyrrha: We were hooking up, and he asked me to sit on his face.”

Ren: “And then you said, ‘I’m not going to do that babe because I don’t want to actually sit on your face and hurt you.”

Pyrrha: “No… No I actually did it.”

Ren: “Sure, but you didn’t actually sit on his face. You kinda hovered there right?”

Pyrrha: “No… I actually sat on his face. Full force, full weight, everything. Please help Jaune!”

Ren: “Yeah there’s nothing to do here, he’s dead.”

Proceeds to stand up

Pyrrha: “What!?”

Ren: “I mean that’s awesome!”

Sun comes bursting in with medical supplies

Sun: “Ozpin is on his way right now! What’s Jaune’s status!?”

Ren: “Pyrrha actually sat on his face, she didn’t even hover.”

Sun: “Yeah, there’s nothing we can do to help.”

Pyrrha: “What!? No we need to bring him back!”

Sun: “Pyrrha, you are an absolute queen.”

Pyrrha: “You mean the two of you aren’t going to try and revive him!?”

Sun: “We don’t need to.”

Ren: “I’m his teammate second, but I’m a guy first and that goes against Bro Code. Because every guy would love to die by his girlfriend sitting on his face.”

Pyrrha: “I should be arrested, I murdered my soulmate!”

Ren: “You two are more than soulmates now.”

Ozpin comes bursting in

Ozpin: “Oh my!! What happened to Mr. Arc!?”

Ren: “Pyrrha actually sat on his face, no hovering.”

Ozpin: “Is this true Ms. Nikos?”

Pyrrha: “Yes.”

Ozpin: “The two of you think this is a joke? Ms. Nikos I apologize for these two behaviors.”

Pyrrha: “Thank you!”

Ozpin: “We should be thanking you. So the death certificate should say, Death by Snu Snu.”

All three guys then look at Jaune’s face and see the massive smile on it.

[a-southern-reader]

23 years old and not even received a single cheap plastic flower. High probability that I would only receive them at my funeral.

get 🥺 men 🥺 flowers 🥺

[a-southern-reader]

Perjury, imagine a world where everything said in a court room is 100% the truth.

If you could commit one crime, and that crime could never be committed by anyone ever again, what crime would you choose?

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I think Disney did this because they learned from their previous mistake when the Beast turned back into a “handsome” prince and every single female said, “Wrong!”

i never knew there were men in the room for this, “that was tough” oh man they were not prepared XD

[a-southern-reader]

Jaune: “What are you doing?”

Weiss, standing on top of the kitchen counter: “This in my house and I live here. I can do whatever I want, thank you very much.”

Jaune: “Where’s the spider?”

Weiss: “Under the table.”