3lephant-blog

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The #mountains were wonderful but it's good to be home. #vacation #outdoors #outside #getoutside #naturelove #loveofnature #lake #beautifulnature #appreciate #vegansofig #nofilter #peace

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Maya.

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Any day with Melanie is a good day.

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Come and Go.

So, I've been working at Farm Sanctuary for about 4 months now (though it feels like it's been longer and shorter than that) and I'm feeling like I wish I could hold on to more.

I have these truly wonderful moments with these amazing animals. Valentino was a holstein steer who was rather old but was very much my first love. When I first met him I rather disliked his slow movements, his lack of cooperation with the plans that I had for him in regards to when and where he would be eating, and so forth. I can remember many times that I would be behind him with my hand on either hip pushing (of course my push compared to his massive body made little to no difference) for him to go closer to his food so that I could close him off from the other cattle who would try to come hijack his food. There was even one time that I was pushing and he released the most mighty of farts, so strong in fact that my hair was blowing like I was in a photo shoot. But I grew to love him, and recognize bits of myself in him, as well as learn lessons about "taking time". Then a few months after meeting him he tragically stepped in a hole and broke his leg, which took him down, and out of our world. It was so fast. And I knew he was old, and I understood that he needed to go...it just felt too soon for me. I just figured that since he was doing so damn well, that I would have plenty of time with him. And I just loved him with everything. And I remember watching him leave, and just feeling like there was some really important part of me that was departing with him. And then there was Doris, the goose who taught me that no animal can be categorized by there species. And I knew when I started taking care of her that she was sick, and I knew that she was older. But I just got so much joy and hope from seeing her, and making salads for her, and trying to figure out what she felt like eating that day. And she ate so well for me, and seemed to be doing so much better. And then on one of my days off I found out that she had left. That the tumor had taken her over, and that she had to go. There are these really truly amazing animals that teach me so much, and that really reach in and grab something in me that I never really knew existed. And I feel this continuing to happen to me with other animals, and I feel myself falling harder and harder for these beautiful and amazingly resilient animals who seem so indestructible. And I simply can't imagine what could possibly, inevitably, and eventually stop their breath. And I don't want to.

Let me also explain this feeling of slippery hands with interns and the Education Dept, and really any other "temp" type position on the farm. When I first came out here I was so excited about the interns that I was meeting who were generally like minded and if not then it was really interesting to talk to them and share opinions and perspectives. I grew really close to the first group of interns and Education Coordinator. Well, after about a month from the time that I met them they all left (2 months later for one of them). And I felt this real emptiness when they left because it was just about enough time to really delve into each other and create a real bond. So, the next group of interns I didn't explore much in the way of relationships, probably due to my still healing in some ways from the absence of the initial group of people that I fell in love with. By intern group round three, and with a new Ed Coordinator from NY as well, I started to discover this new set of people and really truly adored them all. We went to quite a few events in Chico together, and really had some amazing and intense conversations during commutes to and from the farm. But then of course, a month later they were all gone. Gone back to the various locations around the world from which they had come, and again with a promise that we would one day see each other again and keep in touch. I then found out that Breezy, the Ed Coordinator that had come out from NY would most likely be heading back that way in a few months. After dropping off the last intern at the airport and receiving the news that Breezy would be gone, I sort of sunk into the idea that all relationships have a beginning, a journey, some varying level of significance, and then finally an end. And I know that this should be okay, and that it should all feel so normal and familiar. But now, my options are fairly scarce for people who actually want to be around me and develop something more that just a functioning coworker habitat, and if there is something more, it's semi limited. I assume it's a fear of crossing some sort of boundary. Or perhaps it's just me. Or something. Hard to say. I just feel like I need to adjust to having a severe lack of duration in relationships, and let that be what it is. I should just enjoy meeting these new people who are so generous to volunteer themselves to work for free on our farm. And I should just accept that maybe a lot of being someone who does anything they want, whenever they want, is going it alone.

And alone is certainly comfortable, but I hate comfortable. Which is maybe why I seek out new company, or seek abnormality in known company. Because all I've ever known to love are the things about each of us that make us abnormal. The individuals whom I love to be around and watch and admire, are never those who are typical. Or normal. Because normal is far too comfortable.

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#eatlikeyougiveadamn #greentea #yogitea

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#raventhechicken

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The more #raw we get the more #freshfruits and #freshveggies flood our shelves. #happy #dietshift

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Dye.

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My little lady.

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#nakeddanes

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Crafting my #rawcrackers made of #flax #chia #garlic #basil

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Mmm mint chocolate pudding! I was told this recipe yesterday and didn't think it would be so #easy #fast and #delicious !! #chiaseeds #carob #mint #coconutwater #rawvegan #rawfood

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I love how my shelves look after I go grocery shopping. #food

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Well, I guess I am back and rediscovering Tumblr. Just trying to find a platform to write something down regarding my life. My life as an outspoken, blunt, sexually fluid, atheist, vegan, feminist, humanist, working to be freegan in a life where for some reason those categories I fit into make me abrasive. You gotta love having instant enemies. 

So, I wanted to start tracking interactions. For free. And so here I am. I currently work at Farm Sanctuary and live in Chico, CA but have no emotional ties to any physical place specifically. I can find home just about anywhere, probably because I have spent so much of my 25 years moving. 

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Bed shark. (Taken with Instagram)

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Best thing I've seen all day! (Taken with Instagram at The Hive Lounge)

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Taken with Instagram