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3amthoughtsvented · 2 months ago

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[UN]Fail — Chapter I, Prt 2: Me and the Devil.

⸺ SINOPSIS ⦂ It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to…

✿⁠ ⸺ Platonic! Yandere! Batfam × Neglenced! Meta! Reader.

✿⁠ ⸺ Chapters Guide! ; Prologue ; Chapter I, Prt 1 ; Chapter I, Prt 2 ; Chapter I, Prt 3 ;

✿⁠ ⸺ Previous ; Next!

⸺ WARNINGS ⦂ Fem Reader ; Use of Y/N; Suicidal themes ; Suicide attempt ; Damian being a little jerk ; Yes girls/boys, Doodle dies ; Yandere themes ; Platonic yandere ; Bullying ; Abuse ; Sexual harassment ; Neglect ; English is not my first language.

✿⁠ ⸺ MDNI !! I'm serious.

✿⁠ ⸺ Words Count ⦂ 10.268

✿⁠ ⸺ N/A ⦂ This chapter was mainly translated by Google Translate, so if something doesn’t make sense, you know who to blame.

You adjusted the camera a few centimeters, trying to get it to focus. Once it did, you sat back down in the chair, the camera perched on your makeshift desk.

You squirmed a little, unsure how to start.

Clearing your throat, you began. “I… uh… this is my first time recording a video.” You fidgeted with Doodle’s hands under the desk before continuing. “I guess I should start by saying that before this, I used to keep a journal. I mean, I still have it, but I refuse to write in one ever again… Not after finding out what paper is actually made of.” Your face scrunched at the memory of that grim realization.

“Anyway… It took me a while to figure out another way to express myself—something that wouldn’t hurt the environment, you know? And then, while I was messing around in the mansion’s storage room, I found this old camera of Tim’s. It was kind of busted and dirty, but I fixed it after looking up some info on Alfred’s phone!” The memory of your little accomplishment made you smile proudly.

“Okay, a lot has happened lately, so I thought I’d talk about the important stuff. I guess I’ll do it in chromatic order… wait, no. Chrono…? Chrono…? Chronological! That’s the word!” You let out a laugh at your own mix-up and went on. “So… even though I’m still not doing great at school, I’ve made a lot of friends! There’s one in particular—her name’s Molly, and she loves nature too. She’s super smart!” You gushed about your new friend, who was always eager to share her knowledge. “She knows a ton about dinosaurs and told me all about them. They’re so cool!”

“I’m not great in most subjects... except for biology and P.E.!” you added quickly. “I’m really good at those two. In biology, I understand a lot of the stuff we talk about, and I get to chat with Molly and the teacher about it. And in P.E., people say I’m really ‘athletic,’ but honestly, I just like playing! Anyway, the coach made me join the kids’ volleyball team, even though I’m a bit younger than the other girls...” You shifted in your seat, your small smile fading. “I thought it was something cool… but no one in my family cared. Then again, I don’t think they care much about me at all.”

Silence filled the room for a few moments as you tried to organize your thoughts. You wanted to talk about it—everything you’ve been holding in—but it was so much that you didn’t know where to start without tearing up.

You felt your nose start to sting, so you wiped it as a distraction.

“Well… I didn’t see it at first, or maybe I just didn’t want to see it…” Your gaze dropped away from the camera. “But… I don’t think I belong here.”

Memories flooded your mind—every time your family was “too busy for you,” or when they asked you to leave a room so they could do “family activities,” even if you’d been there first. Not once did it cross their minds to include you, to see you as family...

You clenched your jaw, your eyes darting back up in desperation.

“But I just don’t get it...”

“I… I’ve thought about it a lot, and I don’t think it’s something I said or did. Cass and Steph also have villain parents, Jason used to get bad grades like me… and Terry is Dad’s kid too!” you protested, your voice rising.

“I don’t understand what’s so wrong with me...” Tears began streaming down your face. “Nobody wants to spend time with me… I try so hard to be useful, to not be a burden…” You glanced down at your clothes, now damp with tears and snot. “I-I even started sewing and making my own clothes because no one wanted to go shopping with me, and Alfred didn’t have time. I didn’t complain. I just accepted it. My fingers hurt so much, but I did it anyway.”

You were honestly proud of the skill you’d worked so hard to develop. Whenever you told your friends about it, they were always impressed, which motivated you to keep getting better. Even Alfred had been surprised by your talent. At the time, you thought you saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes before pride took over, but it was so brief that you dismissed it as your imagination.

Now, whenever he had the chance, Alfred helped you with your projects—offering suggestions and guiding you when you got stuck on a tricky stitch or needed advice on finishing your work.

The happy memories of working with Alfred eased the ache in your heart, pushing your tears away for a moment.

You grabbed a handkerchief (one you made yourself) and blew your nose, making sure to wipe away all traces of tears and snot—in that order, just in case.

“I think I got a little carried away…” you said, your voice a bit steadier. “I didn’t even explain who Cass or Terry are.”

You took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to explain the arrival of your dad’s new children (who didn’t even seem to like the idea of you calling him “Dad” anymore, at least not in the house). Children who, in turn, made it very clear from the start that they weren’t interested in spending time with you—saving you the effort of trying. Just like Dick. Or your dad…

You replayed those memories in your mind, preparing to share every detail with the camera.

After Jason joined the family, the next to arrive was Cass. As with all your other “siblings,” Alfred told you a little about her before she was officially introduced to the media as another adopted child of your father’s, and thus began living in the mansion.

Like every time before, a flicker of hope reignited in your heart. Maybe this time, you’d have a friend in the house. Sure, things hadn’t worked out with Barbara or Steph, but maybe that was just due to circumstances. Or maybe they didn’t bother with you because they weren’t officially part of the family. After all, Barbara had her own family far away, and Steph still had her mom with her (something you sometimes envied).

But things with Cass were supposed to be different. You had so much in common! For starters, you were both girls, both had villain parents, and you’d heard she didn’t talk much because she’d spent a lot of time alone—just like you! Oh, you weren’t worried about her not talking. You had so many topics stored up that you hadn’t been able to share with your other siblings, and now you finally had a chance to let them out!

The moment had finally come. You were going to have a friend.

When Cass arrived, she took it upon herself to explore the mansion. It took you a while to find her, wandering through hallways and peeking around corners, but you finally caught up to her in one of the endless corridors.

She turned as she noticed your presence. You approached her hesitantly, taking small, unsure steps until you stood face-to-face, holding Doodle tightly in your arms for emotional support.

“Hi, I’m Y/N.”

Cass nodded in acknowledgment, as if it were her way of greeting you.

“And you’re Cassandra,” you added. She nodded again. “I… Would you like to play with me?”

Images of your other siblings’ rejections flashed through your mind. Maybe she was too mature for that, like they were. You scrambled to correct yourself before it was too late.

“O-Or maybe we could talk! You don’t even have to say anything—I’ve been told I’m pretty chatty, so I could do all the talking for both of us! I’m fine with that! Back in my old house, my brothers didn’t really talk to me either, and besides—” You were ready to list every possible reason why hanging out with you was a great idea.

But a wave of Cass’s hand stopped your rambling. She waited until you were completely silent before responding.

Using her hands, she began signing. You racked your brain, pulling together the bits of sign language you’d recently learned, trying to decipher what she was saying.

Oh.

Your heart sank as you finally recognized the signs for No and Bother.

Cass seemed to interpret your silence as confusion. She brought her extended index finger to her bottom lip, motioning for you to pay attention.

“No. Bother,” she said aloud with some difficulty. You guessed speaking and the language itself were still new to her.

You didn’t know what to say. As Cass turned to leave, you instinctively grabbed the hem of her shirt, careful not to be forceful, trying to stop her.

“No…? You don’t want help with your English? I… I’m not great at most of my classes, but I think I could help you a little…” As you spoke, you began signing your words, hoping it would make your meaning clearer.

Cass only shook her head coldly before walking away. You watched her head toward the hallway leading to your father’s office. Of course. He was expecting her.

Defeated, you made your way down the stairs toward your room, doing your best to avoid Alfred, who would no doubt want to know how things had gone.

Key word: tried.

“Miss Y/N, how did it go with Miss Cassandra?” Alfred intercepted you just a few steps from your destination: your room.

You kept your gaze fixed on the floor, hoping he wouldn’t notice the traces of tears on your face.

“I don’t think she’s interested in making friends right now,” you replied briefly, and without waiting for his response, you headed straight to your room.

To be fair to Cass, you realized you had come across as pretty desperate back then. But, to be fair to yourself, having no one to interact with in the mansion except Alfred—and no other outlet to express yourself—was starting to make you feel trapped.

Terry wasn’t much different.

Once again, your heart couldn’t help but flutter with hope because this time, there was something different: Terry was definitely your brother. By blood!

You didn’t know all the details, but Terry was without a doubt your father’s son. Him and his little brother Matt, who was only a few years younger than you. But that didn’t matter! Maybe Matt liked to play “for real,” or maybe Terry, being used to having a younger brother, would take pity on you and spend time with you. Even just sitting in the same room without showing signs of annoyance would’ve been enough to make you jump for joy (mentally, at least).

When there was a knock at the door, you already knew it was Terry, and you ran to open it. Before doing so, you quickly fixed your hair and outfit, hoping to make a good impression.

Sure enough, it was him. You remember the first thing you thought when you saw him was that there was no denying he was related to your father. The same eyes, the same hair, the same features...

You couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy. But that didn’t stop you from greeting him with your best smile and inviting him inside.

Terry looked at you, slightly confused, like he was trying to place who you were.

“You’re Bruce’s kid?” he asked.

“Only within these walls,” you replied, half-joking, half-serious.

Terry raised an eyebrow but chose not to ask what that meant.

“Do you know where I can find him?”

You hesitated for a moment before answering, “I think he’s in his office.”

Terry was already turning to head upstairs when you stopped him with a loud, “Wait.”

“Aren´t...? Aren’t you the least bit curious about me? We’re siblings…”

That’s as far as you got before Terry cut you off.

“Listen, sweetheart,” Terry began, his voice soft but firm, “whatever just happened doesn’t change anything for me. I only have one family—one dad, one mom, and one little brother. Bruce isn’t part of that, and, well, neither are you. Sorry to put it like that.” He placed a hand on your head, as if to comfort you. “But hey, you’ve already got plenty of big brothers around here, right? Probably a relief not to have one more, huh?” Terry joked.

No, it’s not, you wanted to say. But you were too much of a coward to voice it, so you just let him leave.

Were you disappointed? Absolutely. Surprised? Not at all. Part of you had already been bracing for something worse.

You couldn’t help but let out a long sigh you’d been holding as you turned and headed for the garden.

You felt like you were getting better at dealing with it, bit by bit. The subtle rejections from your… housemates didn’t sting as much anymore.

At this point, calling them siblings felt wrong.

“No one’s ever going to say it to my face…” you muttered aloud. “But I know I’m not part of the family. I think they’re ashamed of me…” Your gaze dropped, tinged with sadness.

Memories of Dick shooing you into another room before his friends arrived flashed through your mind. Or that one time you overheard Tim talking with his friends, saying you were “just the butler’s kid.”

Well, you know what? Screw Tim. Since when is being Alfred’s kid some kind of insult? He could go take a hike.

And don’t even get me started on Mr. Wayne.

When you mentioned these things to Alfred, he dismissed them, insisting you were misinterpreting their actions.

You had no doubt Alfred loved you. But he loved the rest of the family too. You didn’t want to push him any further. You were terrified that if the time ever came when he had to choose sides, he’d pick them over you.

“…But I think I’ve figured out the real reason behind all of this.”

“It’s gotta be my powers. Otherwise, I seriously don’t get what I’m doing wrong. Though I wonder who told them about it... Since... Since that day, I haven’t used them.” You swallowed hard before continuing. “But that brings me to my last point.”

“I think Batman is my dad. And the Batfamily is my family.” You revealed to the camera.

“It’s not really a theory; it’s more of a fact to me. I’m not stupid. I’ve noticed how they all sneak out at night and how similar we look. Honestly, it’s kind of shocking no one from outside has put two and two together yet.”

“Sometimes I wonder if that’s why they exclude me all the time. But another part of me thinks I’m just making up excuses to avoid facing reality… I’d like to change things, but I don’t know how…”

You finished recording your video diary entry and switched off the camera, folding it up and setting it aside in a corner of your makeshift desk.

A few hours later, it was dinner time. For your family, dinner wasn’t exactly a moment of bonding—unless there was something worth celebrating in your siblings’ lives or your father’s.

For example, not long ago, you discovered something called a “birthday.”

It happened a few weeks ago, when there was a celebration in the grand hall for Steph. You hadn’t understood what they were celebrating until you asked Alfred.

They were celebrating Steph’s birth!

People did that? That’s incredible! Celebrating someone’s existence? Yours?

For a moment, your heart swelled with awe and hope. You never imagined there could be such a sweet custom in the outside world. But the feeling didn’t last.

Soon, other questions began creeping into your mind.

If it was tied to one’s birthdate, how come you hadn’t known about it before? Your family had so many members, which meant there should’ve been plenty of birthdays, right? Why were you only learning about this now?

You weren’t as clueless as everyone at school liked to think. If they hadn’t done it here, it must’ve meant your family had been celebrating birthdays without you—probably somewhere outside the mansion.

And now that you thought about it, you’d never celebrated Alfred’s birthday either…

You forced yourself to stop that train of thought for your own sanity.

But more importantly—had you ever celebrated your own birthday?

You had one, right? You were alive, weren’t you? That had to mean you’d been born. You should have your own special day… shouldn’t you?

This dinner wasn’t any different from your usual routine. Your family had different schedules for dinner, and only when Bruce explicitly demanded it did everyone gather in the dining room to eat. Even then, they chose times they knew you’d be busy.

You realized this one day when you finished your garden chores earlier than usual, just in time to join them for dinner. But instead of welcoming you, they exchanged glances with each other, and the meal went silent.

They were doing it on purpose—scheduling dinner at times they knew you couldn’t make it.

That night, you cried yourself to sleep.

You still wanted to belong somewhere, to be part of a family. But you weren’t human enough to be sure your friends would accept you if they knew where you came from. If they didn’t outright reject you, it would probably be out of sheer luck. Even your closest friends might start avoiding you, just like your family did.

You knew these fears weren’t grounded in reality, but the mere possibility was enough to keep you up at night.

You weren’t human enough to fit in with them, but you weren’t plant enough to communicate with them either, or for them to want to spend time with you like you used to with your brothers.

In your desperate search for scraps of affection from your family, you ended up neglecting the plants around the house. You didn’t know who the gardener was, but they definitely needed to be fired.

You started noticing how the natural glow of the plants seemed to fade when you got close, the flower buds would close up, and you swore the cactus thorns became sharper when you passed by.

Maybe this was part of your punishment for burning your brothers alive. You accepted it and moved on, but you still tried to show these plants care and love.

You couldn’t help but notice how much your relationship with the plants mirrored your relationship with your family. Maybe both situations were karma for what you’d done years ago…

Or maybe you were just starting to lose faith in forming any real family bonds with anyone in this mansion, except for Alfred.

On one hand, you did want to connect with your real father, but you couldn’t shake the guilt you felt towards Alfred, who’d taken on the fatherly role in your life since… well, since you met him.

Most of the time, you felt like you didn’t deserve him, or his care, or his affection. But you still loved him.

That night wasn’t any different.

Your father wasn’t home. Dick was in Bludhaven. Jason didn’t live with you, and neither did Terry or Steph. You had no idea where Cass was, and you knew Tim was holed up in his room because he’d come to the kitchen to grab his dinner and then leave.

Alfred was busy with his work while you ate your dinner on the kitchen counter.

"Alfred." He hummed, letting you know he was listening. "Do I have a birthday?"

He stopped for a second and looked at you. "That's an unusual question, Miss. But yes, I suppose you do have a birthday." Before he said anything more, he added, "However, we don't know the exact date of your birth. No one has been able to figure out your birthday for certain."

What did that mean? Were you never going to have a birthday? A special day just for you?

A day where you could feel loved…?

Before you knew it, you found yourself wrapped in Alfred's arms, suddenly aware that you’d started crying like the little girl you were.

"Oh, little miss..." Alfred murmured, "Please don't cry. It breaks my heart to see you like this."

You let yourself be comforted by his gentle care, curling up in his arms. But the comfort didn’t last long. Just moments later, Alfred’s phone started buzzing urgently.

He had to pull away from the hug to check what was happening. You could make out the contact picture of your father on his screen and the family chat that didn’t include you. It was something you understood, really; you didn’t have access to personal tech products. The closest you came to them were the TVs in the mansion’s common rooms and the video camera you fixed just yesterday.

You told yourself maybe they didn’t give them to you because you were still too young, and besides, Alfred did his best to keep you away from screens as much as he could.

Alfred apologized and left the room quickly. You wiped your tears and went back to your food, but now it tasted cold and bitter.

That night wasn’t any different.

But from the next morning on, everything changed.

You’d woken up with a better mood the next morning.

You got dressed and, before heading to breakfast and then to school, decided to record in your daily video what you’d been thinking overnight.

“So… Maybe I can’t help in a defensive way, but it occurred to me that I could help in another way.” You smiled at the camera, the difference between how you’d ended the previous video and how you were starting this one evident. “I thought, since Barbara and Tim support the family with communications, I could help by creating gadgets…”

“So far, nobody knows who makes the gadgets for Batman, but I have my suspicions that it might be Mr. Fox. He frequently comes over to our house, and him and Dad lock themselves in his office for long stretches…”

You cleared your throat and played absentmindedly with Doodle.

“I’m talking about biotechnological gear. Of course, I wouldn’t be able to incorporate real plants into battle like weapons, but I think I’m willing to use them in an indirect way, collecting cells and reinforcing certain areas artificially…” In your mind, you already had a ton of almost-solid ideas, only lacking the ability to bring them to life, though you’d need to put extra effort into the design of the gadgets.

Bioelectric gloves, a bioluminescent camouflage cloak, a pheromone detector, a fungal disarming sphere, a viral fiber bomb, and a smart hemostatic patch were just some of the ideas that were more developed in your head. You briefly explained each one’s function and how you’d make that idea possible.

You thought big, yes, and it would probably take years to bring those ideas to life given your current situation, but you really had nowhere else to turn and prayed that your father would be merciful enough to at least let you try once you turned eighteen.

“I won’t lie, most of these inventions were just silly ideas I had at that moment to help my mom. Most of these were originally intended to assist her in combat and defense. I spent a lot of time watching her act in battle and also seeing her develop biological weapons, so I have some basic knowledge about it, but I’ll need to study more…”

The last words reminded you of your busy day ahead. Checking a clock (that, by the way, you’d taken from the mansion’s storage and fixed up) hanging on the wall, you were alarmed at how little time you had to grab some breakfast before heading to school.

You quickly shut off the camera, grabbed Doodle, and shot down the hall toward the kitchen.

Alfred gave you a quiet scolding with his eyes as you showed up looking a little disheveled, but he let it slide and served you a plate full of pancakes. Needless to say, you devoured them like there was no tomorrow, and Alfred occasionally ruffled your hair after you finished one.

“I have some important news for you, Miss Y/N.” You looked up from your plate, giving him your full attention. “Tomorrow morning, another family member will be arriving. Master Bruce’s biological son, Master Damian.” Your mind short-circuited at the words “biological son.”

“What’s he like?” you asked timidly, maybe a little nervous.

“He’s about your age, and his upbringing is... quite particular.”

In the few minutes left, Alfred told you quite a bit about him and his background. At school, you couldn’t stop thinking about him, wondering if the story would be different with him compared to the rest.

But for your own sake, you promised yourself not to force anything if it didn’t happen. You weren’t sure you could handle any more cruel rejections.

The morning arrived painfully fast for your liking. Or maybe it was because you didn’t have enough time to process the situation? You weren’t sure, but as you put the finishing touches on your outfit, you felt, in a way you couldn’t explain, that he was already here.

As you left your room, you saw a new figure standing in front of Alfred. You timidly clung to his leg, peeking at the guest.

You hadn’t set any expectations about what he would look like, but you certainly didn’t expect him to look like this. He was on a completely different level, his appearance well-maintained, exuding both confidence and lethality, and he was a few inches taller than you. The only thing you could say you shared were the eyes—just as green as yours.

You realized that, so far, neither of them had spoken. Similarly, he seemed to be silently assessing you.

Swallowing, you decided to take the first step.

“Welcome home, I’m Y/N…” your right arm, which had been behind your back the whole time, revealed a small plush cat that you had hurriedly made the night before for him, even missing dinner to finish it on time.

A little uncertain, you held it out to him and waited for his reaction.

If you were right, as Alfred had told you, Damian and you were more alike than you expected.

He had been raised to be a weapon; like you, he was an… accident; like you, he had killed people; like you…

If your assumptions were correct, then the family would probably hate him just like they hated you. At that moment, you leaned against your friend Doodle, who, without you realizing, had become a pillar for you in facing your situation. You couldn’t count the number of times you had cried with Doodle in your arms. It was almost a daily routine.

“I heard you like animals…” you explained vaguely.

You noticed Damian hesitated before taking the plush with his free hand, the other carrying his belongings.

“What is this supposed to be?” he snapped, eyeing you sharply.

“A stuffed cat…” you answered as if it was obvious, but then you remembered your first day away from home—maybe he didn’t know what cats were, just like you hadn’t before arriving at the mansion? You wanted to retract the tone of your voice...

But then you witnessed him grab the plush with both hands before decapitating it with just his strength. The seams unraveled, and the stuffing flew everywhere.

Your surprise turned into anger. You yanked the toy out of his hands in a second.

“If you didn’t want it, you could’ve just said so, animal!”

Damian scowled and reached for his sword, which you hadn’t noticed until he unsheathed it. On your part, you could feel your powers surging back rapidly beneath your skin, a swarm of thorns ready to strike.

“Enough!”

You tensed when you heard your father’s voice, clear and angry. You realized that it had been months since you had heard his voice, and years since he had addressed you directly.

A little frightened, you half-hid behind Alfred’s legs. Your father had never spoken to you, and now, after all this time, he was doing so—but only because you had angered him. That couldn’t be a good sign for you.

Bruce assessed the situation with a cold look before speaking to you, clearly annoyed. “Y/N, if you were going to cause problems, it would have been better if you stayed in your room.”

You were shocked by his words, and you tried to argue. "But… I…" you didn’t know how to begin defending yourself, the shock of him addressing you after so many years was so overwhelming that you forgot how the conflict started in the first place.

“I don’t want to hear another word from you for the rest of the day. Go to your room,” Bruce cut you off.

You huffed in anger, but you didn’t want to make your dad angrier. You didn’t want him to stop talking to you forever. Resigned, you ran to your room, not without giving the new family member an angry look. Between the two of you, you both knew it was his fault.

You were so upset that you lost all interest in lunch and locked yourself in your room. Your room, which, by the way, was only a few steps away from the kitchen, and therefore the dining room. From there, you could hear the rest of the family gathering to give Damian a warm welcome, just like they had done for the others who had arrived after you.

You knew no one would say it, but there was no place for you in that welcome meeting, especially now that you had fought with the guest of honor.

You knew you’d have to distract yourself with something else. Your video diary, think about your next outfit to create, maybe make more toys for yourself. But even though you knew it was hurting you, you sat down by the door, listening intently to all the conversation taking place in the dining room.

For a moment, you closed your eyes and imagined what it would have felt like to be welcomed like that when you first arrived. Your head knew that many of them hadn’t been at the mansion before you, but in your world of fantasy, they had.

In that world, maybe you wouldn’t have been the product of abuse, and your dad would have received you with open arms, would have lifted you up and told you he loved you, even if your eye was defective. He would have told you it didn’t matter, and you were beautiful just as you were. He might have even let you use his last name and called him “dad.”

In that world, Dick would have made plans to show you what an Arcade was and would have been with you the whole time.

In that world, Tim wouldn’t hate you for no reason and maybe would play with you. Or that could apply to any of your other siblings.

In that world, someone would have noticed how hurt you were when you arrived and would have helped you do simple things like sit down, walk around the house, or climb into your bed. Basically, anything that involved using your legs. Someone would have pitied you and played dolls with you, or anything else. Anything would have been fine with you. Someone would have taken pity and started a conversation with you that lasted more than three words.

In that world, someone would have helped you decorate your room, someone might have bought you toys like they did for other kids, someone would have walked you hand in hand to your first day of school, someone would have noticed your struggles with schoolwork and helped you, someone would have comforted you when you saw your mom on the news, happy without you, someone would have realized your basic needs like hygiene and clothing, and would have bought you everything you needed and taught you, instead of Molly timidly instructing you on how to groom yourself due to teasing, and you turning the curtains from one of the rooms into dresses because you lacked clothes.

In that world, even if they didn’t know your birthdate, they would have made one up to celebrate it once a year, just for the sake of celebrating that you were alive for another year, celebrating that you were born.

In that world, if you had received just one of those things and died the next day, you were sure you would have died happy.

You opened your eyes, and instead of the fantasy world you had created, you found yourself in your now almost dark room, only lit by the natural light coming through your window, which reminded you that the only lightbulb in your room had gone out a few days ago and needed to be replaced. Your gaze moved from the ceiling to the faded and cracked walls; since your room was on the first floor of the mansion, it couldn’t be remodeled without the risk of the building collapsing. From the wall, you shifted to your bed and to what was under it— a trash bag filled with all your self-made toys.

They hadn’t been there before, but since you brought one to school so proudly and they laughed at you, you were too embarrassed to leave them visible.

Yes, they weren’t like the toys other kids had, yours were made with funny little eyes, wires, plastic or rusted metal utensils, everything taken from the mansion’s storage room. Still, you didn’t understand what was so wrong with them; they were cute and even funny, right?

Now that you thought about it, maybe that’s why you stopped inviting your siblings to play with you. You feared they would mock your efforts too. However, you didn’t have the heart to throw them away. Even though they were a bit defective and made from trash, they were yours, and you loved them. You went from leaving them scattered around the room to putting them in a trash bag under your bed, knowing that someday you would stop playing with them and would have to either give them away or throw them out…

Maybe that’s how your family felt about you? Were you just a funny little toy made out of trash? … Would they throw you away someday?

… Maybe you were thinking too much about it.

You lay down on your bed, ignoring your growing hunger and the lump in your throat. Maybe sleeping would calm you a bit.

You would have liked to say that you woke up on your own, in a normal way, but in reality, it was the strange sounds coming from outside that pulled you from your slumber. Confused, you approached the window to see what was causing the unusual noise.

Surprise! It was Damian, seemingly training with his sword, but the problem was that he was training with the very plants in your garden—the plants you had nurtured so carefully…

You watched, dumbfounded, as most of the taller bushes were cleaved down in a single swipe. You jumped out of bed and ran toward the garden.

The confrontation with Damian was intense. Insults flew back and forth, but eventually, he left the garden and went inside the mansion, leaving you outside with the mess he had made of your plants.

With gentleness, you began gathering the damaged branches of the shrubs, and making sure no one was watching, you used your powers to try to restore the plants to their original state. It was difficult, as you weren’t used to using your powers for anything, but after a lot of effort, you had managed to repair what was broken, carefully placing the branches back and gathering the fallen leaves. Slowly, the garden returned to its pristine condition.

By the time you finished, night had fallen, and you still needed to put the tools away. As you were finishing up, you felt a gaze on you. Looking up, you found your father’s indifferent eyes watching you.

How long had he been watching you? Was he concerned? About you?

You raised your hand hesitantly and greeted him with a small, friendly smile. Bruce didn’t return the gesture, and instead, he walked away from the window, leaving you with your hand raised and a face that had lost its smile.

Disappointed, you returned to your room, but stopped in your tracks when you noticed the door was open.

You didn’t leave the door open…

Quickening your steps, you entered your room, half-expecting to find Alfred, but once again, another disappointment when you found Damian inside.

It was already beginning to sour just encountering him, but what was worse…

Was that Doodle what he had in his hands?

Panic surged through you, and you ran toward him, trying to snatch your friend from his grip. But he was faster than you, pulling Doodle out of your reach.

"Give it back! It’s mine!" you cried, struggling with all your might to take it from his hands. Damn him for being taller than you.

"How can you not be embarrassed to have something like this? You’re a disgrace to the family line," Damian sneered.

"Give it back! It’s all I have left of my mom!" you shouted, your voice shaking with desperation.

Finally, you managed to get it back, giving Damian a quick jab to the shoulder. It wasn’t much, but it clearly irritated him.

"Bastard…" Damian muttered under his breath, starting to take a fighting stance again. But this time, now that it was just the two of you, you didn’t hesitate to show him the large thorns that emerged from your body.

"Touch a single hair, and I’ll leave you as a strainer," you warned him, your voice firm and filled with the weight of a promise.

Damian, realizing he was at a disadvantage, fell silent and stormed out of your room with heavy footsteps. It wasn't until a few long minutes of being on high alert that you were able to lower your guard and shut your door, making sure he couldn't come back in.

You quickly changed your mind. You and Damian? Complete opposites.

You were dumb enough to think that, because you were the same age and had similar backgrounds, you’d get along. But, honestly, you’d thought the same about each of your siblings, and look how that turned out.

By the way, you avoided eating anything plant-based, sticking mostly to animal products, but Damian was a vegetarian... The only thing that kept you both from tearing each other apart at dinner was the fact that Cass was there with you.

Things just kept getting worse with Damian. He couldn’t stand you, and you couldn’t stand him. Alfred had lost count of the times he had to step in when things got out of hand between the two of you.

You just couldn’t understand why Damian hated you so much. Maybe it had something to do with blood, because he didn’t seem to get along with Terry either. You often heard them argue, but Terry always shut it down, deciding to stay out of Damian’s games.

You admired him a little for that; you didn’t have that kind of control. You couldn’t explain it, but whenever Damian provoked you, your impulsive side just came rushing to the surface. At some point, fighting with Damian became a regular occurrence in the house.

Along with the constant scolding you’d get when it happened. They’d tell you that Damian had been through so much and that you needed to be the bigger person, not letting him get to you. Especially Dick, who would defend Damian and tell you how disappointed he was in you for letting him get to you. Yet he never once scolded Damian for starting most of the fights.

That definitely made the gap between you and your family even wider.

The only good thing about Damian was his friend Jon. Jon was the total opposite of Damian. Kind, fun, polite, considerate...

When they first met, your jealousy of Damian only grew. You could never understand how he could become friends with someone as sweet as Jon.

But your interaction with Jon was brief before Damian barged into the living room, shouting at you to get out and leave his friend alone. He didn’t exactly use those words, though. It was a much wider range of insults aimed at you, and he didn’t even call Jon his friend, but whatever.

The next day at school, you felt like something was off.

Most of the people you used to talk to were avoiding you. You didn’t even get to finish your greeting before they moved off to another room. What was going on?

When you got to class, it was the same thing. People were keeping their distance from you, except for Molly.

"What's going on? Did something happen?" you asked your little friend.

Oh no, what if they found out about your eye?

"Y/N... Everyone at school is saying... well... that you're Poison Ivy's daughter..." Molly confessed. "Is it true?"

Your world seemed to stop. You’d always known there’d be consequences if anyone found out who your mom was, but now that it was actually happening, your mind just went blank with panic...

... If you tell anyone that I'm your mother...

What was the right answer to that? Was there even one?

"Y/N...?"

You had no doubt that somehow, your mother would find out that the rumor about her child had spread, but it wasn’t you! But she’d rip both your eyes out before you could explain...

Both eyes? It was bad enough dealing with one and a half eyes, but none at all?

What if that wasn’t enough for her? What if she tore you apart again and threw you in the pit with worms?

"Y/N...!"

You didn’t want to, you couldn’t. She couldn’t. You had Batman as your dad, he’d protect you, he wouldn’t let that happen if you begged him a little.

... refer to me as Mr. Wayne...

... No?

How stupid. He wouldn’t help you, no one would. They’d probably prefer Ivy just took care of you so they could have peace with Damian.

But you didn’t want to die. Why? Why?

Everything started to blur. The voices became echoes, and the floor felt like it was moving beneath you. And... why was everything going dark?

Months passed, and things only got worse.

You didn’t know what was worse anymore—being feared or not being feared at all.

You were left alone in class, an outcast. Even Molly had to distance herself from you because the rumors had reached the parents’ ears.

They had organized a whole movement demanding that you be kicked out of the school. But as long as Alfred, your legal guardian, was still paying the tuition, they couldn’t expel you. Needless to say, your friends’ parents had forbidden them from interacting with you under any circumstances.

Little by little, the fear they had of you disappeared, and it turned into hatred. Suddenly, the bench where you sat was scratched and covered with hurtful messages. Your chair was sticky, and the place where your books should go was filled with soda...

Your things started showing up in the trash, destroyed. As you walked down the hallways, kids would stick their feet out to trip you. And there was a group of boys who took advantage of the teachers looking the other way when it came to bullying, and began sexually harassing you...

Sometimes they’d corner you and try to lift your skirt, claiming that you must be just as much of a slut as your mom.

You didn’t even know what that word meant.

Alfred went to the school dozens of times a week to complain about what was happening, demanding that they do something, but they just kept brushing him off.

Alfred decided that by the end of the school year, he’d pull you out of there and you’d be homeschooled. But for now, you had to endure the mistreatment, hoping that, with time, people would forget about you, just like your family had.

Because of the situation, your grades started plummeting. Before, you could barely stay afloat, but now you were failing most of your subjects.

Of course, Damian never missed a chance to remind you how disastrous and stupid you were at everything. You’d respond by sticking your tongue out and walking away to another room, but secretly, you started believing him.

Eventually, you were back to square one, with your only friendly interactions being with Alfred and Doodle again. You tried to comfort yourself by saying that now you had more time for inventions and clothes, but deep down, you knew you were just lying to yourself.

The bullying at school died down, at least directly. Now, they just avoided you. You knew you shouldn’t be, but you were grateful.

When things finally settled down, the idea of birthdays came back to your mind, maybe as a defense mechanism, without even realizing it. In your video diary, you mentioned that you had decided the day you arrived at the mansion was going to be your birthday. You were genuinely happy.

To make sure everyone knew, you created birthday invitations—nothing fancy, just the date and where the celebration would be held (the dining room), along with a cute drawing of you and the family member the invitation was for. You got a lot of resistance when it came to making an invitation for Damian, but Alfred insisted, saying that if you didn’t, you’d be doing to Damian what everyone else was doing to you. Sighing, you admitted he was right.

With Damian in mind, came Jon, so just in case, you made an invitation for him too. You made sure to deliver all the invitations in advance to everyone’s rooms or offices. For the family members who didn’t often pass through the mansion, like Jason or Terry, you asked Alfred to deliver them for you, and he had no problem doing so.

Fortunately, Jon came to visit a week before your birthday, so you caught him briefly to hand him his invitation.

His eyes seemed to light up, and his cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. "I’ll be there," he promised with a smile.

You smiled back and headed to the kitchen to continue helping Alfred bake cookies, unaware of the pair of emerald eyes that had noticed every detail of your interaction.

You looked at yourself in the mirror once more before heading to school. You used to happily put on your uniform and rush out the door. Now, you just wished the day would end as quickly as possible.

When you arrived at the school, you spotted your locker from a distance, battered and out of place. It had paint all over it, the latch was completely forced open and destroyed, and you could clearly see the marks of heavy blows. The inside wasn’t much better, your textbooks and belongings were broken, wet, and covered in dirt—completely irreparable.

You turned to look at a teacher lazily resting against one of the nearby walls, silently hoping for some explanation or at least a hint of indignation from them. Instead, the teacher averted their gaze and walked away.

You didn’t know how to proceed. What were you supposed to do in these situations?

Your nose began to itch, signaling that tears were about to come. This was the last thing you needed—being seen crying.

You ran as quickly as you could toward the girls' bathroom, taking note in the back of your mind of the older girls already at the sink. You locked yourself in a stall and silently let the tears out.

Well, maybe not so silently.

A few knocks on your door made you stop.

"Hey… Are you okay? Do you need anything? Maybe a tissue?"

You heard the dull thud of a hit followed by a muffled "Ouch!"—someone had reprimanded the girl who had tried to talk to you.

You didn’t know what to do. Words got stuck in your throat, unable to form coherently, but you made an attempt.

"No… I’m not okay," you answered in between sobs.

"Oh… What happened? Maybe we can do something about it," said a new voice, a little softer and sweeter.

You hesitated for a moment before telling them what had been going on.

"They bully me at school. They destroyed my locker and my stuff, the teachers don’t do anything, and my friends hate me." Your voice cracked, and you could feel the tears echoing down the hallway. "And I can’t leave until the school year ends."

You resumed crying, not caring anymore whether anyone heard.

The bathroom fell silent for a long while, except for your sobs. You wondered for a second why the girls had gone so quiet, but assumed it was because maybe they weren’t expecting this much drama from you…

"… Really?" asked a third voice.

You sniffled and responded with a quiet "Yes."

"That sounds really tough, sweetheart. I can’t even imagine what I’d do in that situation," the voice said, comforting you. "But I guess it’s what you deserve for being such a little bitch."

"What?"

You screamed in surprise as the door to your stall was violently slammed open. The three girls, older than you, wasted no time in grabbing your arm and throwing you against the tiles, leaving you crumpled on the floor.

One of them started kicking you in the stomach with force, while another quickly shut and locked the bathroom door to prevent interruptions.

The last girl pulled scissors from her backpack.

"Do you have any idea how much money my dad lost because of your mom’s bitch ass?! Because of her, we’re bankrupt!" she shouted, pointing the scissors at you.

One of her friends stopped her hand and spoke in whispers.

"Abby, what are you doing? If you hurt her, we’re screwed."

"I don’t care! I won’t be in this school by the end of the week because of this bitch and her mom."

The pain left your head spinning, and you were doing your best to keep your body from releasing spikes. You were sensible enough to know that would only bring more problems, and create chaos. Your dad had worked too hard to keep the media from finding out who your mother was. So, powers weren’t an option.

The sharp pull of your hair was enough to drag you back into reality.

"What if we give you a look that matches your insides, hm?"

The next thing you could remember was the sound of scissors cutting your long hair to pieces. You had spent so much time and effort on it because you wanted it to be as long and beautiful as your mother’s. Maybe to feel closer to her after she left you.

Now none of that mattered. Your hair had been destroyed, despite your pleas and tears. They didn’t stop, and no one came to your rescue. When they were done, it didn’t make sense to keep fighting, but before they left, they filled a trash bag with water and threw it on you.

"Remember, sweetheart, this is where you belong. This way, you’re more in tune with your outside," Abby laughed.

You don’t remember how long you stayed there, lying in the bathroom. All that filled your mind were the events of the past few weeks—how everything had escalated so quickly…

Your head barely registered the hours of class you were missing, but to you, it wasn’t a loss. It was a moment of peace after another—moments where you weren’t being tormented by the torturous silence from your friends, another second without hearing Damian’s constant insults about your academic failures and horrible origins, another second where your thoughts about your family’s neglect didn’t invade your mind. Your mother, Alfred, the flowers, the inventions—nothing. There was nothing in your head.

You wondered if this was what it felt like to be dead, if this was how peaceful it was all the time, like sleeping.

It must have felt like this, right? You never imagined it could feel so soothing.

The next thing your foggy brain could register was Damian’s silent figure, observing your pathetic state. You couldn’t make out his face, it was too much effort for your dazed brain, but surely he was laughing, right?

You didn’t know if he really hadn’t said a word this entire time or if it was just your fried brain not processing the sounds into words.

You don’t remember much more of that day in your hazy mind.

There wasn't much that could be done about it, according to the school. Since they didn’t know who the perpetrators were or what grade they were in, nobody got punished.

Alfred told you that you’d be skipping the rest of the week at school. He used the excuse that you needed to plan your birthday properly, to make it special. You knew he was saying that to distract you, and you wanted to thank him for it, but also tell him that it wasn’t necessary.

You wanted to tell him you weren’t thinking about what happened. Honestly, you weren’t thinking about anything. Reality had turned into a slow movie for you, you weren’t the main character, you were just a background extra in your own mind.

But none of those words came out. You just nodded in response.

In the first few days, you lost your appetite for everything. Your routine consisted of drinking water, then sitting in the sun, and then just sleeping. You felt guilty for not working on your responsibilities, but it wasn’t like anyone noticed when you did them, so you figured no one would notice if you stopped doing them.

By the third day, guilt caught up with you, and you asked Alfred if you could help him clean the mansion. He placed a hand on your head, your hair a bit more even now thanks to him, and told you that if that’s what you wanted, he had no problem with it.

Most of the family members were already busy with their daily tasks, which meant it was just Alfred and you. And, honestly, that felt perfect right now.

Your job wasn’t as demanding as Alfred’s. He didn’t want you overexerting yourself, just in case, so your task was to take the trash bags out of the rooms. The garbage truck would come at night, so it was better to have everything ready by then.

Confrontation therapy, you joked to yourself in your head.

But when you entered Tim’s room, now spotless thanks to Alfred, you noticed a red glittering flash in the trash can.

Your gloved hands reached in to grab the colorful piece of paper.

Your heart sank as you instantly recognized it: his invitation to your birthday. The drawing of the two of you holding hands, your messy handwriting, and the glitter you had added as a personal touch—it was all crumpled and dirty, torn in half, right at the spot where your fingers had been drawn joining.

Holding back tears, you left the room and passed by Alfred so quickly that he sensed something was wrong.

You went down to the base of the stairs, where all the trash bags were still piled up to be taken out all at once. You opened each of them, confirming your suspicions. There they were—every single one of your invitations.

Damian, Dick, Steph, Terry… everyone. You broke down in painful sobs after holding in your hands the crumpled invitation of you and your dad.

You left everything—gloves, bags, trash—just lying around. And you ran to your room, grabbing Doodle and jumping onto your bed.

You let out the tears you’d been holding in for days.

You felt Alfred’s figure standing in the doorway, jaw clenched and eyes full of deep sadness. You wished he could apologize for all the damage your family had done to you, but you knew that no one but them could do that, and even then, they wouldn’t be deserving of forgiveness.

“Why, Alfred? Why don’t they love me?”

You lifted your head off your pillow.

“It’s because of my eye, isn’t it?” Alfred could hear his own heart breaking. “I told them I can’t control it!” Your voice trembled at the end of the sentence, choked with a sob.

Alfred did his best to calm your panic attack that day. Poor you, without a family who loved you. But why couldn’t you see that you didn’t need a family if you had him?

To say he was selfish was an understatement. He knew that this improper thinking would bring more and more problems, and that the outcome would be even worse, but something in him made him keep you all to himself. As his only father figure.

Oh, his sweet little flower.

Since you found the reminder of your love and your longing for a family, thrown out in the trash, everything else that followed just stopped mattering.

Whenever you saw your family spending time together, you quietly slipped away to another room. If they accidentally bumped into you or asked about another family member, you'd ignore them like they weren't even there. You even started tuning out Damian's provocations.

Something inside you had broken in a way you couldn't explain. But it brought you a fleeting sense of peace that was always destroyed by something outside your control.

At some point, the peace you managed to find just wasn’t enough anymore, and you realized you needed to eliminate the problem once and for all.

09:34

You checked your watch. Alfred wasn’t home at this hour—he was out getting groceries. It was now or never.

You got out of bed and, walking quietly, made your way to the cleaning closet. You rummaged through the drawers until you found what you were looking for. A bottle.

Pesticide, the label said, along with all kinds of warnings about its use.

So, so soon, everything would be quiet.

“What do you think you're doing?”

The sudden voice in the room startled you, almost making you drop the bottle.

Damian, of course.

You decided to stick to your plan. If you didn’t respond, there wouldn’t be any conflict.

You walked past him, heading toward your room.

“I asked you a question.” Damian grabbed your shoulder.

You shook it off violently, removing his hand from you.

You weren’t falling for it. Not again.

“Oh, at least your brain’s finally doing something sensible.” He kept provoking you, eyeing the pesticide bottle in your hand and the damn Drake doll in the other…

…

“Hey, in that case, you won’t be needing this, right?” He snatched the doll from your hand. “Titus needs a new toy. You don’t mind giving him this one, do you? It won’t be of any use to you where you’re going.”

He dodged your wild swing. Predictable.

He avoided you a couple more times, then ran toward the living room, one of Titus’s favorite spots, completely forgetting about his friend in the house.

The chase lasted just a little while longer until you lunged at him, determined to get Doodle back. You grabbed one side of the doll, and he took the other, and you both struggled for control over the toy.

“What’s going on here?” Jon’s voice suddenly cut through the silence of the struggle, making you freeze.

You loosened your grip while Damian tightened his too much, and as a result, Doodle flew out of his hands, landing right in the flames of the fireplace.

“Doodle!” You shoved Damian away from you and ran to save your best friend, but it was already too late. He was being consumed by the fire.

Jon and Damian stood there, watching as you broke down in silent tears in front of the fire, helplessly watching your only memory of your mom turn into ashes.

Just like your brothers.

Jon started to move as if to comfort you, but Damian grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him out of the room, knowing that right now, both your emotions and your powers were a ticking time bomb.

Nothing. You didn’t have anything left of your mom. The only thing that wouldn’t go away were the scars she left on you, but somehow, that didn’t bring you any comfort.

You didn’t think anything ever could.

The rest of the week dragged on for you, but you eventually made it back to school.

You tried to ignore the whispers about your new appearance and walked straight to your classroom.

Unfortunately, it was Literature, a class you shared with Damian. And as luck would have it, Professor Lars always seemed to arrange the seating based on what she thought was best, and she always paired you up with Damian.

“The best student must sit with the worst one to maintain balance,” she’d say as her justification.

Damian was already sitting at his assigned desk, waiting in silence. Neither of you spoke throughout the class, but when you hesitated on how to answer a question about the book, Damian decided to break the silence.

“You’re an idiot,” he began. “Crying over a crappy doll…”

“Call it a ‘crappy doll’ one more time, Damian, and I swear, there’ll be a thorny root crossing your jugular,” you threatened.

“Hmph, your lack of arguments and your increasing violence just prove me right,” he smirked. “But then again, what else would you expect from the daughter of an unbalanced criminal?”

You slammed your pencil on the desk with a loud thud. “That’s it.”

Without wasting another second, you lunged at Damian.

“Take it back!”

“Never!”

The other kids crowded around, shouting “fight, fight, fight!”

Neither of you had the upper hand. Both were restricted by the crowd— you couldn’t use your powers, and Damian couldn’t use his moves without exposing his questionable abilities for someone his age.

From a distance, you could hear Professor Lars’s shocked gasp.

“Damian! Y/N! To detention!”

It was a total miracle they were able to separate you.

Professor William, your gym teacher, grabbed both of you by the arms and threw you into the detention room.

“You two will stay here until I fill out both of your reports and call your respective tutors, got it?!” he barked.

You both nodded. Then, the door slammed shut.

It only took three minutes. Two to make sure Professor William was far enough, and one to double-check.

And then you went back at it, this time, nothing could hold you back.

You extended your arm, letting it morph into a long, thick limb, more like a swarm of vines and thorns, and pointed it at Damian. He dodged it with the skill of an Al Ghul, jumping over desks and scaling walls with surprising speed, but you weren’t impressed.

Damian leapt to attack, but more roots sprouted from your legs, ensnaring one of his feet. With a flick of your hand, they yanked him down to the ground, slamming him hard.

You wasted no time and climbed on top of him, pinning him down.

“You don’t try!” you screamed. “You don’t try at all! But I do! I do it every damn day!”

You started to struggle with him, fighting for dominance.

“You’re horrible! You treat everyone like crap for no real reason! You don’t care about anyone but yourself, you and your stupid bloodline!”

You regained some strength and shoved the upper part of his body back into the ground.

“Then… then why…?” you trailed off.

“Why does everyone stick by your side? Why do they love you...?” Thick tears began to fall. “I see it! I see how you treat them!”

“But then why does Dick keep favoring you? Why does everyone give you all their love and attention? Every whim you’ve had, they’ve given it to you, but you don’t appreciate any of it.” You started hitting him in the chest. “I have to fight to get Dick to remember my name! I tried everything to talk more than three words with anyone in the family, but they just act nasty to me for no reason! I have to make my own clothes, fix my own stuff, and make my own toys from their trash because no one gives me anything!” You didn’t notice when Damian stopped fighting back, lying still on the floor. “I have to invite them to my own birthday, and still, they don’t show up! In the winter, no one notices when I disappear because I’m hibernating!”

“I could be dead, and if it weren’t for Alfred, no one would even know!”

You remembered your first winter at the mansion. There was a hole in your window, letting the freezing air in. You hadn’t realized that this time you would need more energy because of your injuries, so you slept with the usual amount of energy you always consumed. If it hadn’t been for Alfred, you would have woken up dead.

By now, you didn’t try to hide your sobs.

“You’re the product of something horrible, like me. Your mom’s family is horrible, just like mine. You’re a killer, like me. You’re broken, like me!” Your hits started losing strength. “But Dad loves you anyway. He won’t even let me call him ‘Dad’…! I… I… What am I doing wrong?”

“You get good grades, you have a whole kingdom to yourself, you have luxuries, pets, the best friend in the world, you have a huge family that loves you, even your own mother loves you! Mine tried to kill me more times than I can remember! How the hell can you feel so miserable, Damian?! Why do you insist on making my life miserable?!”

You didn’t notice the tears beginning to form in Damian’s own eyes.

“Is it the inheritance? If you haven’t noticed, detective, I don’t carry Mr. Wayne’s last name! The idea of being associated with me disgusts him!”

You took a breath before continuing. You could already predict you’d be hoarse the next morning.

“You don’t want me to be happy at the mansion, you don’t want me to be happy at school, and you don’t want me to be happy on my own terms! What the hell do you want from me, Damian?!” You gripped his shirt tightly, now stained with your tears. “If I die, would you be satisfied?! Because if that’s the case, just do it! I don’t care anymore!”

“Not anymore…”

You had no more words to lash out with, and if Damian had any to say, he kept them to himself and remained silent.

The only sound in the room was your sobbing.

Without you realizing it, Damian’s hand regained some strength and moved toward your face. You didn’t stop him and braced yourself for the worst, but against all odds, he gently wiped your tears away with the tips of his fingers and moved behind your head, pushing it against his chest, holding you in an embrace.

“Sorry.”

You opened your eyes, and your crying intensified.

Since you’d left your prison, autumn had never felt so warm.

✿⁠ ⸺ N/A ⦂ God, it took me a long time to write this chapter, the exams really hit me hard these past few weeks, but I hope the wait was worth it…

✿⁠ ⸺ N/A ⦂ I read a lot of positive comments on the previous part, I just want to thank everyone for the interactions! I really appreciate them a lot! <333

✿⁠ ⸺ N/A ⦂ About the tagging list, I’m not really sure what’s going on, but there are some people I can’t tag. However, if you want to be tagged, just let me know! Anyone who’s already tagged in this part, consider yourself tagged in the upcoming ones too!

✿⁠ ⸺ N/A ⦂ I think that’s everything. I’ve got an event right now, but when I get back, I’ll answer some asks you guys sent. Sorry for the delay, by the way! The exams are taking up most of my time. Anyway, don’t forget that every interaction is welcomed! Love you all <3

Edit: I just realized I didn’t make the taglist—seriously, I’m so sorry! I completely forgot when I posted it. ⊙﹏⊙∥

✿ Taglist ;; @nervousalpacalady ; @bunbunboysworld ; @arevvv ; @pato-spoiler-27 ; @chibiduck ; @lostsomewhereinthegarden ; @qxuanii ; @tatsuri-zomushiki ; @minkyungseokie ; @delias-stuff ; @hellcatsworld ; @eyeless-kun ; @tacendxx ; @numbu5 ; @amisupposedtomakesenserightnow ; @lilyalone ; @cynniee ; @randomlyappearingartist ; @gamocity ; mydarlingelena ; @horror-lover-69 ; @totired0-0 ; @sayorine ; @kiarst ; @space1crow ; @max-axnina ; @welpthisisboring ; @teabutnerdy ; @mintynilla ; @kore-of-the-underworld ; @pix-stuff ; @d3sperate-enuf ; @unknownloner1345 ; @qardasngan ; @cooki3dough ; @degenerates-posts ; @lonely-nerd-sodaholic ; @lilithskywalker ; @rissareader ; @qetigasitashvili05 ; @sydneyyyya ; @lunaissleepy ; @joana7654-blog ; @melonmochi ; @redkarmakai ; @scarletdfox ; @lunamonkeypower ; @its-a-dam-blue-brick ; @lostsomewhereinthegarden ; @hoshi-is-ult-bbg ; @lumiqou ; @jjsmeowthie ; @yukinaabutlazy ; @casspen-starlight ; @fantasyhopperhea ; @pansyitcanton ; @vrsin ; @gabbiegabbie24 ; @toadtoldtragedies ; @vanessa-boo ; @shycreatorreview ; @wizzerreblogs ; @kitkatkitmeow ; @couldeatthatgirlforlunch ; @justanerd1 ; @totallynotanagent ; @sugerqueenxoxo ; @beepyboopbop ; @confused-they ; @shadowytravelerlover ; @bunbunboysworld ; @dodora-kkkjkjjjj ; @aryuunachigiri ; @ceramic-raven ; @orilei ; @shamelesspalacebailiffllama-blog ; @wpdarlingpan ; @d3nnji ; @f0rtunej

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3amthoughtsvented · 3 years ago

Note

extreme angst: propmpt 6 for damian wayne

Type: One-Shot

Pairing: Fem! Vigilante! and Meta! Reader x Damian Wayne

Prompts: ⚔6: “Trust me when I say I don’t need you to tell me I’m worthless. I already know it.”

Content: Mentions of depressive thoughts, cursing, violence, ANGST, mentions of hospital patients being badly treated [very briefly more implied then anything], and an aged up Damian 16/17 yrs old.

Word Count: 6,577 words

Y/N: Your Name, L/N: Last Name, V/N: Vigilante Name

(P.S. I contemplated writing a happy ending for this, but the angst was so strong! This may or may not have yanked me down a dark and very angsty rabbit hole 😂😈)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The things that construct human life are not simple things like desire and needs. Nor is it wants and cravings. No, the things that construct life are the beliefs and ideals people have and carry with them. After all, without what we believed in, what would we be?

You believed in a lot of things, you believed in fate, in destiny, you believed that everyone had the potential for greatness. However, with a trail of failures and mistakes following you, you were having a harder time believing you were destined for anything other than being a royal fuck up.

Failing, it seemed, was the only thing you were good at. While of course you were a meta, but your abilities weren’t exactly useful. In fact with the powers that you had, you were surprised you didn’t realize you were a fuck up before.

Illusions, while they can be useful if one knows where and when to use them, can be detrimental to a mission if you don’t. Which unfortunately was your case.

You could make butterflies dance across your fingertips, snow fall to the ground while the sun was still shining, but when it came to combat, when it came to actually fighting and saving people. You were useless.

Even though you knew this, and you were fairly sure the bats knew it, they put you on their patrol. To make matters even worse, you were paired with Robin. He not only seemed to think putting you on the patrol was a mistake, but so was your existence. You couldn’t really blame him, after all he had to practically carry all the dead weight you were.

It didn’t matter how much Bruce Wayne- Batman, had you practice, your powers never really seemed to get any better. You couldn’t hold illusions for longer than a few minutes and it seemed the more you practiced the weaker you got. It didn’t help that news of your parents hadn’t changed in the past few years.

Your father had been missing for nearly three years and your mother was in a mental hospital due to taking a face full of Joker gas that had been meant for you. Your guilt had been eating away at you ever since.

Sometimes you wondered what would have happened if you had never been born. Would your father still be missing? Or would he and your mother be together, comfortable somewhere in Gotham. Humming as they rocked their new baby to sleep.

Sometimes you wondered if you were important, if you were worth anything at all. If it would matter if you were just to disappear like your father did, if anyone would actually miss you or if you would just be another person the void decided to claim.

And after your most recent patrol, you were leaning more towards the latter then the former. You had messed up, though it hadn’t technically been your fault, you couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Looking out the window, you watched as rain spilled down outside, splattering against the window. The only sounds were the storm raging outside, it was almost as if the memories of the previous night were calling to you, wanting you to relive them. Wanting you to feel like a failure all over again.

Closing your eyes, you let the steady sound of the rain send you spiraling into the past.

It was a cool night, patrol had been relatively quiet, of course almost all patrols you were on were quiet. Somehow, Batman seemed to find the perfect days to send you out where no action at all would occur. While this upset and infuriated Robin, you were delighted. No action meant there was no way you could screw anything up.

Unfortunately, this was one night Batman was wrong.

Sitting atop a roof of some building, you entertained yourself by making little fireflies and sparkles appear and swirl between your fingers. Robin, on the other side of the roof, was getting irritated at your attempts to get rid of your boredom.

“Would you cease with your parlor tricks? Those lights are going to give away our position.”

You had rolled your eyes and let one sparkle drift towards him before disappearing with a pop. He glared at you and you had to fight off a smile at his frustrated looks.

Spending months on patrol with him had made you learn that he was very easy to irritate. And since one of his favorite pastimes was bad mouthing you, irritating him every once in a while seemed like an even payback.

However, he was right. Your little light show could cause a criminal or something else to find out where you were. So you made the fireflies and sparkles disappear in an instant. It was an instant too quickly.

Almost automatically after your illusions disappeared gunshots rang out and you heard Robin shouting at you to get down. A sharp pain strunk your arm and you slammed against the roof. Blinking you watched as Robin vaulted over the edge of the building and towards whoever was shooting at you.

With your heart rate picking up in your chest, you shook away your shock and began trying to crawl to a spot where you could get to your feet and attempt to help. As you crawled you heard shouting and your nerves spun in your stomach.

Crawling would take forever, by the time you made it to a safe place, the fight would be over. And while you would have enjoyed that, leaving Robin on his own felt like a real dick move. So you closed your eyes for a moment and wished, prayed, hoped that you’d be able to get up safely.

Opening your eyes you looked and saw across the way, Robin wrestling with someone, a man. He was wearing dark clothing and something about what he was wearing, the way he moved, it was familiar. Behind Robin someone- another man dressed in dark clothing was sneaking up behind him.

Your heart leapt into your throat and you found yourself hurtling forwards. With barely any thoughts in your head besides the fear that your partner’s, one of the very few people who you knew wouldn’t hate you if you continued to fuck up, life was in danger.

Jumping across the rooftop you slammed against the man and the two of you went flying. The man let out a grunt and you heard a scuttle behind you but ignored it as the man and you rolled.

You slammed right against the edge of the roof, bouncing away from the edge you got slammed against the ground and the man glared at you for a second. Then he blinked almost in surprise and you took the opportunity to kick him off of you.

The man was launched to his feet and stumbled backwards towards the side of the roof. You watched for a moment before he fell over it. Your stomach flipped and you scrambled over only to spot the man’s hand gripping the edge.

As his hand began to slip you reached out and grasped onto it, the man snarled at you and began trying to pull you down with him. Pulling up slightly you tried to get the man back onto the roof.

The man swung his free hand at the two of yours pulling him up. A glint caught your eye and it told you that he was holding a knife. Shaking him slightly you tried to dodge the blade all while not letting him go.

“Would you stop that?” You hissed shaking him again, “I’m trying to save your life you fucking idiot!”

For a second the man froze then you heard a slight zinging, something stabbed into your hand, the pain was like a fire facing across your hand and up your arm. But, you closed your eyes wincing in pain. But refusing to let go, you pushed through the pain and continued to try and pull the man up.

“You won’t fall, you can’t die, I won’t let you!”

You couldn’t let someone die because of you, that was a mistake- a mess up- a failure you were sure you couldn’t come back from.

For a moment you felt as if you were gaining some leverage and were going to be able to pull the man back onto the roof. However he was too heavy and you began to slip over the edge. Giving you a strange look the man muttered something under his breath in a different language. He then swung his free hand up stabbing the blade he held into your other hand, the pain was different then the other hand. It was more intense like a white hot ball of fire, blazing and stinging. A gasp escaped you and finally your grip began to slip.

Letting out a slight yelp, you felt the man pulling his hand from yours. As he began to fall you felt his hand slip and you launched forwards almost over the edge trying to regrip the man’s hand.

“NO!”

Your fingers were a hair away from getting his when you felt hands on your waist and you were suddenly yanked away from the edge. Your stomach slid back over the lip and you fell harshly onto the roof. Breathing somewhat heavily you stared at the edge feeling your entire body shaking.

That man had just died, and it was all your fault. Your hands felt warm and sticky, both wrought with pain and the world seemed to be spinning rapidly. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears and everything seemed to be playing along to it’s drumming.

Thump, Thump, thump

“V/N.”

The man fell again, all while you reached out almost helplessly trying to catch him.

Thump, thump, thump

“V/N... V/N are you alright?”

Your hands grasped his and he looked up at you confused and slightly angry, you could feel the breath slamming against your chest almost dying to leave your throat.

Thump, thump, thump

“What’s going on?”

“Is she okay?”

The man tried to stab you and you felt the pain of the impact- no, you yelled at him...didn’t you?

Thump, thump, thump

“What’s wrong with her?”

“She’s gone into shock.”

The next slice, your own cries as the man slipped from your grip, going hurtling towards the black asphalt below.

Thump, thump, thump

“Oh my go- her hands...”

“We need to do something! She’s losing it.”

The determination on the man’s face as he swung the blade at your hand, the slight satisfaction in his eyes as he watched you scream over his fall.

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump-

“Y/N!”

You blinked, the sound of your heartbeat fading, the pain in your hands almost intensified for a moment and you blinked again. Looking around you found the other vigilante’s surrounding you. Someone had your wrist in their grasp.

Turning you found Black Bat examining your hands as Nightwing and Batgirl crouched near you. Behind them stood Robin, arms crossed, a very angry look on his face.

His expression and stance reminded you of a time you had tried to climb a tree only to fall out of it and come home with a mangled arm and leaves in your hair. Your father had stood exactly like Robin was, glaring and brooding. Your mother had calmly helped you remove the leaves before asking.

“Oh Miss Believer... what were you thinking?”

Blinking you shoved the memory away and tried to focus on getting up. However the second you tried to move both Nightwing and Batgirl stopped you.

“What are you doing?” Nightwing asked as he shoved you back onto the roof.

Giving him an exasperated look you gestures vaguely before replying, “Getting up, patrol’s not over yet.”

“Oh, no you’re not,” A voice in your ear said, Oracle, “have you seen your hands?”

Looking down you saw the matching blades protruding from each hand. Blinking it was then you realized that the blades were the reason why your hands were hurting. You sighed and looked up to find everyone, including Robin, looking at you.

In your own opinion, it hurt like hell, but after your most recent fuck up you didn’t want to even think about quitting. It was bad enough you were a failure, you didn’t want to be a quitter as well.

“I’ll be fine,” You said with a shrug, “we can just pull out the blades and bandage them then I’ll be good as new.”

Pretending what just happened didn’t affect you was difficult, but you wanted to seem as if you could keep on patrolling. After all you didn’t want everyone to stop just because of a few minor scrapes and yet another mess up of yours.

“That isn’t a good idea,” A new voice said in your ears, “looks like the blades are going all the way through to your palms.”

You flinched and blinked as you recognized the voice.

“Fucking shit, when did you get here Red?”

No one laughed, instead they all gave you worried looks and you heard Red Robin sigh from the other side of the comm.

“Just woke up from a power nap.”

“Five minutes isn’t a power nap Tim,” Oracle remarked.

“It is when you’re me.”

Hands were pulling you to your feet and you faintly heard a quiet discussion going on. Blinking you found Batgirl, Nightwing and most likely Oracle talking just a few feet from you as Black Bat helped you to your feet.

“What are we going to do? Patrol is almost over, but someone needs to take her back to Agent A so he can fix her up.” Batgirl muttered.

“I can do it.” Nightwing offered as he placed a hand to his chest.

Batgirl looked convinced and she nodded, however suddenly Oracle’s voice was in your ears, it seemed that she forgot to mute your comm.

“Do you really want to leave the three of them alone?”

Nightwing nodded, “Valid point.”

“I can do it!” Batgirl remarked, shooting you a slightly excited look.

“While I love your enthusiasm Steph, I don’t think you could safely get Y/N back here.”

There was a moment of silence that followed Oracle’s comment and you felt a strange wave of dizziness wash over you. Your head began to spin and everything felt weird and fuzzy.

Faintly you could hear voices talking but as your dizzy spell worsened it became harder and harder to make out what they were actually saying. Exhaustion mixed with the dizziness making it so you didn’t want to even try hearing anymore. Your vision began to go black as everything got heavy.

However, when you felt hands on yours, then the sharp pain of, what you could only imagine was, the blades being pulled from your hands. Your vision cleared and you bit back a scream.

“I’ll do it,” A gruff voice said, causing you to look up, “she is my partner after all.”

Standing right by you was Robin, a slightly upset look on his face and you sighed.

A loud bang yanked you from your memories and you blinked seeing a tree branch slamming against the window. Letting out a sigh you stared at your bandaged hands with a sigh.

If you had been a little quicker, a little smarter, just more in general the man wouldn’t have died and you wouldn’t have gotten injured.

The bandages looked a bit older, it had been a few days and while your hands still hurt you knew they were getting better. Another bang followed by a rattle caused you to pull your legs to your chest and rest your chin on your knees.

You could hear the wind, from where you were in the manor, singing through the trees, it was a loud groaning and whistling. Something that you would have pretended was a choir of ghosts had you not been reliving yet another one of your failures.

You were just about to close your eyes and let the ghostly choir sing about your woes, when the door creaked open. Standing in the doorway was Dick, he saw you and he looked slightly relieved

“Y/N.”

“Hi.”

You nodded in reply and watched as his gaze went to the window and he gave you a strange look. You had a bad habit of opening windows and propping open doors. However this time the window remained closed.

“The window’s closed. Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah, I didn’t want to get water everywhere cuz of the storm... What’s up? Is everything okay?”

Dick blinked a few times, almost as if he realized you noticed his strange behavior. He smiled and nodded, but before he could speak Cass appeared behind him. She touched his arm and he relaxed even more. Turning back towards you he nods again this time holding out a hand.

“Everything’s fine. Alfred just needs to check your bandages. Come on, he’s down in the batcave.”

At first you hesitated, something was going on. But after a moment’s thought, you realized that going down to the cave could give you more answers then trying to interrogate Dick here and now. Nodding you slid your legs away from your chest and stood up.

Following Dick and Cass you headed down to the cave. With Barbara and Tim both at the Bat computer, Steph and Jason talking and Damian, whose shoulders dropped slightly when you entered the room, brooding next to Bruce it seemed nearly everyone was here. More then likely Harper was out of town and Duke was busy, which as of late was usual.

Alfred appeared from around a corner carrying a tray with bandages and what you assumed was some kind of salve. Gesturing to a table, Alfred began walking towards it. You followed him and hopped up onto the table. Holding out your hands you watched as everyone began chatting quietly. With Barbara and Tim pointing and talking about something on the computer screen.

You blinked as you noticed an image on the screen. It was of a man in dark clothing, almost identical to the men who had attacked you a few days before. Clearing your throat, you looked back down at your hands.

Either they knew things and were keeping them from you, or they were still investigating. You wanted to know, wanted to know who they were and the man- why he had chosen to die rather than live.

“Did you guys,” You began capturing Barbara’s attention, “ever figure out who attacked us the other day?”

The room went quiet and your stomach flipped, they were keeping something from you. You watched as everyone began to share looks. It, whatever they were keeping a secret, either had to do with how you had killed- how the man had died or had to do with you in some way. That or they had lost complete and total trust in you. Which at this point you wouldn’t doubt.

The room stayed quiet for a bit longer and then Tim and Barbara shared a look before she looked at you and said, “Yes, we did. They were assassins from the league of shadows.”

You blinked in surprise and raised an eyebrow as you asked, “Why would they be here? Did someone put a hit out on one of us? Does... Does-”

“They were here to collect someone, not kill them.” Damian says, causing you to look at him, his expression was dark and you couldn’t help but feel he blamed you for this.

Looking away from him you tried to get answers from someone else. However everyone was either avoiding your gaze or they were giving you hopeless looks. You swallowed heavily, letting out a breath as you looked down and watched for a moment as Alfred brushed the salve onto one of your hands.

“Who?” The question tumbled from you as you began to think more about the assassins, “The only person I could think would be-”

Your gaze drifted back towards Damian and he shook his head. You looked around at everyone and finally Tim answered you, “It’s not him.”

“Okay, then who is it?”

More silence followed and you were getting frustrated, a tiny part of you hurt, thinking that they were keeping secrets from you. It made you think that they didn’t need you, not really. You met everyone’s gaze, going about the room. Practically begging someone with your eyes to tell you something. You ended at Damian and he raised his chin.

“You.”

Your heart stopped in your chest and you froze. You were ninety-nine percent sure that your jaw had dropped. You waved your hands causing Alfred to sigh. Shaking your head to ignore him and stammering out.

“What? why?”

“It appears my mother has learned of your ability to manipulate people’s minds.”

His words sent a chill over you and you went stiff. For a second you saw your mother in a hospital bed, her hand reaching out towards your before you pushed the memory away.

“... I can put illusions in people’s memories and minds.” You state glaring at Damian, “ And I haven’t done that since the hospital.”

Damian rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms and replied, “You did it nonetheless.”

“You didn’t see how they were treating my mother.” You began feeling a wave of anger wash over you as you fought off images- memories of her in pain, “What else was I supposed to do? They were acting like she and others who have been affected by the Joker gas didn’t matter! Doing that was one of the few good things I’ve done.”

No one met your gaze as you felt your heart pick up again. They didn’t agree with what you had done. In reality you hadn’t expected them to, you wanted so badly to believe that, that was the one thing you hadn't messed up on. But, the more you thought about it and the longer it got since you had done it the more you doubted it wasn’t another fuck up.

“You were controlling people.”

For a moment you saw a man in a white coat with a sinister smile on his face and glasses on his nose. Then you saw his hand reaching out to you as nurses came into the room. You were dragged back as he smiled at you, almost laughing.

A fury and sense of fear raced through you, you could still feel the hands of the nurses and aids on your arms. Still feel them yanking you backwards. Your heart beat faster and faster, your breathing picked up.

“I was doing what I had to protect people who couldn’t defend themselves!” You shouted as you felt tears beginning to form in your eyes.

Your lungs ache suddenly, just like they did back then. Your body was fighting against the nurses, you felt cuffs on your wrists. The room went dark and you were all alone. You screamed and shouted but no one listened, your voice went hoarse as you kept screaming.

People with needles, pills and masked nurses. Images and people flashed before your eyes, but then a sharp pain in your hand brought you back to the present.

Cass and Steph looked concerned, Jason had a knowing glint in his eyes and both Tim and Barbara had gone still at the computer.

“Not that it matters though,” You continued, closing your eyes, “I can’t do it anymore.”

People in ski masks appear in front of your eyes and you were in an abandoned warehouse. You saw the doctor, his smile and a man in a suit next to him. A fire was in your veins and you felt your powers flooding through you. Illusions, strong ones had leapt from you and you watched as the illusions tore through the doctor and the suit’s minds. It felt as if a part of you was torn open and ripped to bits, as if you were never going to be the same and you were bleeding out as you lost something precious and vital. Then you saw your mother’s unconscious figure, a machine helping her breathe, You took her hand and began to cry.

You shuttered at the memory as you fought back tears in the present, then felt a pain in your hands.

“Miss Y/N please stop moving.”

You blinked back into reality seeing Alfred trying to bandage your hand back up. Nodding you wince and quickly apologize, “Sorry.”

“It’s quite alright Miss Y/N.” Alfred said with a sigh as he continued to wrap up your hands.

You noticed, as you looked up from your hands, that a bunch of them were all in their costumes.

“Well,” Dick began shooting you a strange look, “we have patrol to go out on.”

Alfred finished bandaging your hands and pulled away from you. You hopped off of the table and began walking towards the other vigilantes.

“I’ll come with you.”

Dick shook his head and sighed as he and Cass walked towards you. Placing his hand on your arm he began to guide you towards the stairs. “No, you’re hurt and assassins are after you.”

“It won’t do me any good to be sitting on my ass waiting to be kidnapped!” You exclaimed, stepping away from him, suddenly angry, “Besides it’s not like I’m any safer here. What do I have here that I won’t have out there?’”

For a moment Dick blinked and looked almost as if he agreed. However Tim called from the other side of the batcave.

“Alfred’s here.”

You paused, your shoulders dropping and the anger leaving you fairly quickly as you turned towards Alfred. He was cleaning up different things around the bat cave. For a moment you remembered the rumors spread around Gotham. Ones that said to never mess with Alfred Pennyworth, or his family, if you did there would be hell to pay.

“Alright you got me there.” You sighed.

You watched for a moment then noticed Damian strapping on the extra bat gadgets that he needed for the night. A wave of shock washed over you and you crossed your arms, your jaw dropping

“Wait, Damian’s going? Then I should go. He’s my partner!”

Damian turned towards you, a very dark look on his face. He took a step forward and shook his head.

“No,” He growled, “you’re staying here.”

“That’s not fair!” You snapped at him, nearly stomping your foot, “Nor is it right! Who's going to cover you if I’m not there?”

You had moved forward so you were closer to him. Leaning forward you stared him in the eyes determined to find out the answer. There was no way you were going to leave your partner high and dry. No matter how much you messed up or how badly.

“Anyone really.” He replied.

You flinched and noticed a slight tick on his face, almost as if he was flinching as well. Taking a step back you let out a breath. Looking away from him you shook your head, locking your jaw as you scoffed. Part of you wondered why you ever believed that Damian would do anything other than badmouth you.

If even your partner didn’t think you could cover him- if he didn’t think you were worth something out in the field, were you actually important? Were you actually worth something? Or did they just keep you around out of pity.

“I’ve got it, don’t worry Y/N.” Tim said, capturing your attention, “ I’ll make sure the demon-spawn doesn’t get himself killed.”

You nodded and it took you a moment to realize that he thought you were worried about Damian, which you were, however the fact that your worry was so evident made heat begin to flush on your face. Shooting everyone one last look you turned and walked towards the stairs cursing under your breath.

You made it all the way up the stairs back into the library, closing the door with a huff. Throwing yourself into the chair you spin it back towards the window and cross your arms. You were pouting, or at least you were sulking.

Damian, much to your dismay, was right when saying that anyone could cover him. You didn’t really cover him very well out on patrol, it didn’t matter if you did end up saving him a few times you always got stuck in a muddle afterwards which just caused even more problems.

Wrapping your arms around your knees you glared out the window letting yourself focus on the storm. Imagining your anger being the rain and wind. Smashing against the house and trees, causing both to shudder.

You sat for a while glaring at the window, slowly imagining a ring around yourself, at first it was a ring of thick ice and the room seemed to go cold. As the rain crashed against the house your ring got thicker and taller.

You weren’t really important, you didn’t matter, you weren’t worth anything really. In the end you couldn’t do anything right. So why did the assassins want you anyways? What did they have to gain from you?

“Oh Miss Believer,” Your mother’s voice whispers, “what are you doing?”

The ice slowly melted as you began to realize something. You couldn’t get into people’s heads and plant illusions- control them, so what did you have to worry about really?

You could practically see fire curling around you and you heard the door creak open, then someone yelp in surprise. Spinning around you found Jason standing in the doorway smoke curling around him. He must have been smoking before he came into the library. When you spotted something in his arms you raised an eyebrow.

“What’s-” Before you could finish Jason pressed a finger to his mouth.

“Sshhhhh.” He hissed.

You blinked a few times in confusion and he closed the door behind him, tossing what was in his arms at you, you looked down at it in confusion.

It, much to your surprise, was your vigilante costume. Looking up you found Jason by the window yanking it open. He gestured towards you to come near him. You blinked twice and slid off of the chair.

“What are you doing?” You whispered.

Jason gestured towards the window and you shook your head even more confused. He sighed and shook his head.

“I think you should go, you have every right to be out there with the demon-brat. Besides like you said, he’s your partner. And as far as I’ve seen, you’ve saved the brat’s ass more times than he’s saved yours.”

You looked down at your costume, then you looked back up at him. Eye widening, you blinked a few times. Opening your mouth you went to say something to him but he shook his head. He pointed to the window and began walking towards the door.

“I’m going to buy you a few minutes, now go.”

Before you could reply, Jason opened the door and closed it behind him with a click. You looked down at your suit and gave it a thoughtful look before looking at the window.

Why not? After all you couldn’t really fuck anything else up right?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rain had slowed to a sprinkle by the time you made it into the city with your mask on. You jumped onto a roof and stopped to look around when you felt a hand on your shoulder spinning you around.

“What are you doing here?” Robin seethed as he dragged you away from the edge of the roof.

Rolling your eyes you yanked away from him and took a few steps back. Throwing your hands up in exasperation you shake your head.

“Helping, obviously! It isn’t right that my partner is out here but I’m not.”

“You shouldn’t be here!” Robin snapped, he opened himself to continue but stopped himself and shook his head, “You-you are so infuriating.”

You turned away from him waving your hands as you momentarily mimicked him.

“I thought it wouldn’t matter because I can’t” Making quotation marks with your fingers, ignoring the pain, you continue, “ ‘control’ people anymore. I won’t matter to the league.”

He goes quiet causing you to turn around and face him. A look flashes across Robin’s face and he shakes his head.

“You’re right,” He remarked somewhat bitterly, “Without that ability you are-”

You shake your head stopping him mid-sentence. You knew what he was going to say, he was going to tell you that you were worthless. That you didn’t matter. He was going to voice every single bad thought you have ever had about yourself. However, you valued him and his opinion and hearing him say it might actually break you. So you looked him in the eyes and said.

“Trust me when I say I don’t need you to tell me I’m worthless. I already know it.”

Something flickers in his eyes but he doesn’t really react,

“.... My mother,” He began, giving you a neutral look, “will kill you if she discovers you don’t possess the ability anymore.”

Before you could stop yourself you rolled your eyes and remarked, “And? Maybe I’m better off dead. Maybe everyone will be better off if I’m dead.”

Robin froze and the two of you stared each other down. You had meant the words, truly deeply meant them. They were something you hadn’t realized you felt, something you hadn’t realized you wanted to say. Wanted to get out. Part of you felt empty, it felt hollow. Taking in a breath you felt ice crystals coating your skin, coating your heart.

Robin took a step forward and you took a step back, your chest was aching and Before either of you could say anything else you heard a shout across the comm.

“Hey Rob! We’re gonna need some help here.” Nightwing’s voice echoed into your ear.

Looking to your left you spotted Red Robin and Nightwing dashing across the rooftops with, what looked like, four dark figures following them. Robin cursed and shot you a quick glare, pointing at you he nearly hissed,

“Stay where you are, do not move. Do you hear me V/N? Do not move.”

Rolling your eyes you flipped him off, however he took that as a yes and went sprinting off. Anger raged in your veins that he had once again told you what to do. So, you followed him.

The figures overtook Red Robin and Nightwing, causing a fight to break out on a rooftop not too far away from you. You leapt across rooftops till you skidded to a stop on the rooftop just next to the fight.

Robin quickly joined in on the fight and you noticed more of the assassins joined the fight. Your stomach flipped and you instinctively threw a hand out, pain racing across it as you stretched your wound. Light appeared quickly in front of them, they stumbled backwards, blinded.

Skidding across the roof you jumped over to the next nearest roof. From there you were able to see a better view of the fight and noticed that despite your light illusion the assassins had overcome being stun, fairly quickly.

Your heart was picking up in your chest, you watched almost helplessly as the assassins and vigilante’s fought each other. Of course you wanted to jump into the fight, but you knew jumping in would only cause problems. If you jumped in, someone else might accidentally let their guard down trying to protect you. And there was no way in hell you were going to let that happen.

It quickly began to appear that the vigilantes were outnumbered and out matched. The deaths of your friends and partner flashed before your eyes almost like a glimpse of the future. With your heart in your throat you zeroed in on one of the assassins, he had a blade raised and was swinging it towards an occupied Robin. A click almost rushed across you, you were linked to something, but you didn’t know what.

Closing your eyes you focused on your memories and emotions, all the times you spent laughing and joking with the others. How happy they made you and how it felt good to be in a family again. The feelings of protectiveness, the love you felt for each of them.

Grasping onto that you shoved it towards what you were linked to. You opened your eyes just in time to see the assassin stumble. Then suddenly he stood up straight and shook his head almost as if he was brushing something off. Then much to your shock he began fighting another assassin.

Your heart skipped a beat and you froze, hands still out pain coursing through them as you moved your fingers. You took in a breath and watched in awe and shock as the assassin fought for the vigilantes even going as far as trying to get the fight away from them.

“What the fuck Y/N?” You heard in your ear as a slight sense of dread began to spread over you, “why did you sneak out?”

Oracle began to scold you, but you weren’t listening, instead you were focusing on the assassin helping out Nightwing, Red Robin and Robin. A slight twang rang through you and you realized what just happened.

You had just planted your emotions and memories in the assassin’s head, they were illusions that would fade soon, but- but this meant you could still control-manipulate- plant illusions and suggestions in someone’s mind.

You dropped your hands and the assassin dropped to the ground. Blinking you noticed how another assassin had noticed you, cursing you turned and began to run.

They were going to come after you, you had to get away. You were useful now, a danger, this was just yet another one of your fuck ups. You couldn’t believe you deluded yourself into believing you could help. That you could have Robin’s back. All you were going to do was get him killed.

As you skidded across a roof, your foot slipped and you went over the edge. Grasping onto the roof’s lip you clung on for dear life as panic and fear raced through you. You could feel your wounds opening up again and pain was the only thing you felt.

Letting out a slight gasp you tried to ignore it and hold on when a thought occurred to you. If you dropped, if you died, you wouldn’t be a problem anymore. You couldn’t cause problems for the bats or be a pawn for the league. If you were dead, you couldn’t fuck up anymore. As the pain got so intense it caused you to have trouble breathing you saw your mother’s face.

It was serene and she smiled at you softly, running her hand across your cheek. She pushed your hair behind your ear and sighed.

“Oh Miss Believer,” She said, her eyes shining, “no matter what. I’ll always love you.”

With that you closed your eyes and let go. Hoping and wishing that wherever you ended up you’d see your mom again and maybe your dad. You were a believer after all. But despite all you believed in, you couldn’t keep lying to yourself.

You were trouble and a royal fuck up. Better off dead and better off gone. Without you everyone would be happier… wouldn’t they?

Oh Miss Believer.

Goodbye.

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