#whump humor

[whumperofworlds]

No one:

Not even me, who is writing a cute and fluffy fic:

My brain: Okay but what if they get fucking KIDNAPPED?!

[this-violence-of-mine]

No you don't understand I need to see him crawling, covered in blood, horrifically injured, and traumatized

[whump-is-love-whump-is-life]

Trying to interact with the rest of your fandom as a whumper:

[abhainnwhump]

[whumpster-dumpster]

Oh no, I'm about to make it much worse 😈

[whumble-beeee]

Crack Prompt: Welcome to the Whumpee Store!

(aka totally not bbu what do you MEAN)

Whumpees stacked on shelves grocery store-style

Different aisles for different types of whumpee ("No ma'am, this is actually the conditioned aisle, the defiant aisle is on the other side of the store, aisle 9.")

Workers that are TOTALLY not whumpees themselves probably

Or maybe that teenager helping you really is just your average dead-eyed retail worker. Basically the same thing at this point anyway.

"Sir, that's the price for a fresh unaltered whumpee. You can mold them however you want."

"You want me to do YOUR JOB for you?! What kind of establishment is this?!"

On that note, whumpees made to order

You want a medium-sized defiant whumpee that'll start crying and freeze up the second you turn the lights off? Say less.

Tags on the more dainty and dewey-eyed whumpees that say "Torture with Care"

"Mx., you broke the warranty when you threw your whumpee down the stairs. The instructions clearly state they're meant for household chores only, you'll have to pay full price for a new one."

Whumpees in those sealed plastic action figure boxes, forced into a single pose for. however long it takes you to buy them please buy them they're begging you please PLEASE PLEASE THEY CAN'T TAKE--

Whumpees staring hopefully (or fearfully) at every potential customer that walks by.

BARTERING. RIGHT. IN. FRONT. OF. WHUMPEE.

Customers trying to get the conditioned whumpees to crack so they don't have to pay as much for them.

"I'm not sure this whumpee is trained as well as you say, I'm gonna need a demonstration"

Living weapon whumpees locked behind those stupid glass cabinets that you have to get a store attendant to unlock for you if you want to get at one

^Exotic/rare/expensive ones too

Thank you to all my friends on the Whump World server for all your suggestions and enabling me :) I probably have more too, but this was getting long lmao

@whumperofworlds | @randowhump | @kira-the-whump-enthusiast | @whumpninja

[whumpdoyoumean]

From Rahul Kohli's Instagram story

[the-bloody-sadist]

Guys I would like to propose a conversation on why whumpblr has the most wholesome fandom coding and yet every whumpblr introduction post I ever see sounds like this:

“Hiiiii everybody! I’m new here, nice to meet you! I’m a bit shy, but I’ve been around for a while reading whump posts and thought it was finally time to join in! Here are some of my favorite tropes!!!!! ❤️😘🥰💕

LIMB CHOPPING, ANAL FISTING UNTIL PROLAPSE, TOE REMOVAL, REPEATED HEAD TRAUMA AGAINST THE SHARP CORNER OF A WALL, CRITICAL ORGAN ABUSE, FORCED CONSUMPTION OF BROKEN GLASS

If you guys are into that, let me know!! 💕💕💕💕 I follow back!”

You guys sound like the sweetest serial killers in the world

[whump-kia]

the love of crafting intricate plots to add tension and stakes to my whump fics vs the need to beat the ever-living shit out of blorbo immediately is the culprit of all my woes ever

[whumpees]

I want both 🙂

[the-bar-sinister]

"blorbo is so sad and tired!" "they deserve a break!" "take them out of situations!" "coffee shop au!!"

What if I like them best when they're miserable? what if I want the situations to get worse?

[whumperofworlds]

Your sad, covered-in-blood whumpee fucking bit me.

[jordanstrophe]

I don’t know why, but I love the concept of caretaker being terrified for whumpee’s safety that they just grab them by the arm and yank them. It’s not gentle, it’s not even careful, it’s just a pure forceful yoink.

[whump-is-love-whump-is-life]

Enrichment in my enclosure (hurting the character)

[abhainnwhump]

[whumpster-dumpster]

All you whump artists are so talented 💕