#disability guilt

[desultory-suggestions]

I know that when you’re struggling with your disability it’s easy to tell yourself that you’re acting entitled, that you’re lazy, that none of your peers or friends or coworkers need to rest so much or need so many adjustments to get through the week. Truthfully, no they don’t need to! Because they are not you, they are not experiencing what you are. Try to quiet the comparison in your head telling you to live up to standards set for the abled. You know what you need, and a good first step in dismantling shame is reminding ourselves that we cannot be measured by anyone else.

[cryptid-aac]

Disabled partner guilt very much kicking my ass right now and we're still long distance and thus not living together yet

[shoreline-system]

Really urging you to try and unpack the capitalist and ableist ideas of doing enough to justify your existence actually.

Like, yes, we live in an unfair system where you need to afford to live. On a practical level, that is the situation many people find themselves in.

But fundamentally, you don't have to earn the right to exist. You have nothing to prove to anyone before you're allowed to exist in this world guilt-free. Your right to life does not depend on your productivity or you "living up to your potential", it is fundamental and unchangeable. You deserve to be here.

Don't let the guilt of falling short of some arbitrary and ever-changing (and likely unobtainable) goal wear you down. You have nothing to prove, and you deserve to be here.

[thepeacefulgarden]

[chronicpaingirlie]

something i struggle with a lot is like. the idea that im allowed to rest even when im not in so much pain that i physically have no other option. im allowed to rest even if i can still walk. im allowed to rest even if my pain is not the worst it’s ever been. im allowed to say no to doing things that will make my pain worse, even if i technically Could do those things.

idk it’s just like. i guess i have a hard time with internalizing that i deserve rest and gentleness for Any pain, not just The Worst Pain. there’s not a bar !!! u don’t have to be in This Much Pain to reach a point where u deserve gentleness!!! aaaaaaaaa

[basilpaste]

i have a personal hc i never really share where mira is some manner of chronically ill. it fuels how she feels incapable of her task, how she doesnt feel like euphrasie made the right choice by blessing her. shes not strong enough, shes not good enough, how could someone like her save the world?

being chronically ill is being forced to be stagnant. and even if she loves who she is without changing, she still feels unworthy.

[daftpatience]

one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

[lastwave]

hdb is so chronically ill its unreal. post polio syndrome. hep c. withdrawal syndrome depending on the playthrough. probably some sort of sleep disorder. all this probably amounts to chronic pain and fatigue and nausea...and he guilts himself on days he feels like he cant work bc of it. partially bc his self hatred abt being an addict and partially bc he sees being disabled as a moral failure (tbh he sees both as a moral failure). and its just like. ugh i get it. i really fucking get it.

[monachopsis-11]

One of the hardest things for me about being disabled that I don’t see many people talking about is the guilt of not being able to do the kind of activism I want to do. I try to educate myself as much as possible when I have the focus/energy to read up on things but no matter how much I learn and how many petitions I sign and how many creators I try to support it feels so small.

I want to do so much more for the causes I care about, I don’t want to be complicit in the things going on in the world when I see calls to action by people who need help, to be at protests and events lifting up peoples voices who need it as best I can. I have so much admiration for the people who stick out unbearable circumstances without any choice or those who choose to show up for months until change happens but I don’t know how to do that.

I feel guilty for not helping as much as I want to and not being able to donate either. It feels like I’m at the same level as the people who say things are awful and then ignore it and turn away and do nothing.

But I am fatigued, overstimulated, in pain, and barely able to keep up with my life. My job, self care, chores etc. are already too much to handle to the point where my therapist has even told me it would be a bad idea to try to volunteer because I just don’t have the energy.

There’s only so much I can sacrifice without destroying myself in the process but I feel like I owe it to the people who are being hurt to suffer with them, I’m not better than them, what excuse do I have to protect myself when they don’t have that ability themselves? What excuse do I have not to help?

I don’t know what the point of this post really is, just that it’s hard and if anyone else experiences this I’m sorry.

[thesicklycowboy]

Anyone else get Imposters Syndrome with their own illnesses/how bad their health really is? Like my family and friends have legitimate been very worried and stressed. And like so consoling about the nearly dying thing, as well as my chronic illnesses in general nowadays. And I can't handle it.

Like I grew up constantly being medically neglected, gaslit and forced into backwoods natural cures for at best. And so now for them to all look at me and take what I say seriously? And believe it? And react like people about it?

Like logically I get why it makes sense. But inside it feels like Im deceiving them somehow when I am not. And thatd legit be impossible for alot. I have proof even for myself via others and official diagnosis and papers. But I feel so much shame/guilt over every bout of big loving/worrying emotion my way directly stemming from them. It just sucks ass.

I wish I could just enjoy the support, love and care. But I feel obligated instead to make up for any damage I inadvertently caused by daring to simply be alive and its exhausting. And makes it all worse.

[little-bloodied-angel]

As someone who's permanently physically disabled as a result of an abusive relationship some of y'all's takes on Izzy are fucking UNHINGED. Like "I hope you never go near an abuse survivor, EVER, in your life" levels of revolting. I shouldn't be struggling for breath with a panic attack after trying to scroll through a blog for pictures but here we are.

Nobody, nobody, can ever deserve being physically mutilated by someone they trusted. Nope, not the assholes either. And nobody can do that to someone else and claim it was their fault for being an asshole. And nobody can traumatize MULTIPLE PEOPLE and point to that other person as the source of the problem. What the FUCK are you talking about.

(ok to rb but if you start arguing that "well, actually" I'll block you)

[kottkrig]

Ok serious post for a sec while it's in my head, kinda sad personal stuff about art in general

I really miss doing regular commissions but I may not be able to open them publicly again in a long, long time (if at all), because I've gone 25+ years not knowing that I'm disabled (AuDHD) and it's given me a whole slew of health issues

Being constantly hypervigilant and masking has caused multiple burnouts, regressed my life skills, and possibly permanently damaged my body. I've spent a lot of time in medical appointments over the past decade and I'm still not much better, but with finally getting support it's slowly going uphill I think

Art and writing makes me happy and I want to keep doing it, but I'm easily overwhelmed and things are not the same as it once was. I have to take it slow and accept that I have way more limits now

Thank you for understanding and for sticking around still I appreciate your feedback so so much it's one of the few things that brings me joy ;_; 🫶

[thedisablednaturalist]

Office disability culture is so fucked in environmental science and fieldwork. Like the mindset that to do the job you have to be in perfect physical health or you should just quit. Like I'm not talking about something that is 100% physical labor here, everything is mostly achievable with aids and you don't need to be able to do every single thing. But there's this weird like..pride..that my older coworkers have. They work out in the gym and brag about how many reps they did. They tease each other for having medical issues. They don't ask for accommodations because they fear that their legitimacy will be hurt. That it means that they can't do their job anymore. That they won't be TRUSTED to do their jobs anymore. That it will get taken away.

So they FURTHER hurt their bodies by not resting, not taking breaks, not using ergonomic equipment, not using safety equipment. Not drinking enough water. Not using mobility aids when they are so old that it's supposed to be acceptable. They don't use the scooters at the grocery store, they don't use their handicapped placard, they don't use knee pads or compression gloves.

And here I come in, 24 years old, looking perfectly healthy. And I use walking sticks, I sit down a lot, I have my care bag, I have a ton of gadgets for making fieldwork more comfortable, I have boundaries and limits, I wear braces and knee pads and compression gloves. I use my handicapped placard.

They react in one of two ways:

1. How DARE I. I'm so lucky to be young and no one sees THEM having to do all those things (literally nothing is stopping them but pride). Like old man if you need a break take a fucking break. I'm not going to hurt my health to make you feel better about hurting yours. I'm not risking a flare up to spare the 65 year olds feelings. Im gonna take my break and use my equipment cause my boss doesn't care as long as the work gets done. I'm tired of glares from 100 year olds making themselves struggle across the parking lot when they could also be using the fucking scooter. (I never take the last scooter, there's always another available. Also it's not my fault if walmart only provides 2 scooters for the whole store).

2. It shows them its okay. Its okay to need aids. When I first showed up at my job it was very...macho..everyone was afraid of seeming old (theres probably only 3 of us under 30 in the whole department, most people are at least 50, mainly 65 year olds). Then they saw me using my walking sticks, taking my medicine openly, bringing a chair with me when working away from my desk, using my TENS unit. I overheard one lady ask her granddaughter what fibromyalgia was (apparently she had spotted my pain tracking journal).

My older coworker with a bad knee got a walking stick like mine and beamed when she showed me. The grandmother uses a cane and a walker interchangeably and more often. I get asked where I get my little portable fan and pocket heaters and special clothing. Even abled coworkers are doing it. My coworker who's younger than me sets alarms to take breaks now just like I do. People seem more comfortable using things that help them now.

My boss has really struggled. He has a lot of internalized ableism and hates thinking of himself as crippled. He spent his whole life physically active and strong and all these health issues and overexertion are catching up with him. Like he did environmental testing in areas with fucking radon. He did work where they threw asbestos around like snow for fun. He's done a ton of really hard physical work. He grew up with the mentality that pain was just something everyone has to push through. But I think seeing a young person make the choice not to push through is helping him a bit. He wants to make his own walking stick, he goes to the doctor more. We bond over having constant medical issues and I even gave him the name of my surgeon. Yea he still says stuff like "shoot me if I have to use a wheelchair" (not as much anymore since he now knows I use one) but he's getting there.

Yeah so I've had this in my drafts for a bit and I wanted to update that my boss has been walking around with a fucking broken ankle for the past couple of weeks. He thought it was just arthritis pain and eventually couldn't take it anymore and went to the foot doctor. The doctor has no clue how the fuck he's been walking on it. Now he has to wear the boot and he's banned from fieldwork while he heals.

Older people and the elderly need to learn that it's okay to not push through the pain and ask for help. Everyone needs to learn this, and not be like my fucking boss. Go to the doctor, get that sore joint checked out. Get those tests done. Use that aid. Stop walking on a broken ankle just because you can.

[chronicpaingirlie]

im not bad for setting boundaries because of my disability!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[voidscreamns]

./

[martyrbat]

detective comics #509

[ID: Bruce Wayne sleeping in his penthouse, his eyes squeezed shut as the narration reads, ‘Gordon's strained laugh sounds hollow, but it echos in the Batman's mind... and haunts his dreams...” Bruce awakens to a hand on his shoulder and before he can think, he's twisting it and holding it down. The panel expands, revealing the hand belongs to Alfred as he's almost toppling over! He cries out, “M-master Bruce—my arm!” as Bruce groggily realizes who it is. He lets go at once as Alfred moves to the end of the bed and holds his arm while stammering an apology, “S-sorry, s-sir... Sorry if I startled you.” Bruce looks at him with aghast as he cries out, “My god, Alfred—I almost broke your arm!” Alfred reasons, “You must have been having a nightmare, sir.” as Bruce sits up and puts his face in his hands. He weepily dismisses, “A nightmare—what kind of an excuse is that? Old friend... forgive me...” Alfred reassures, “Nothing to forgive, sir. Just bad nerves, sir.” END ID]