g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries - Tumblr blog

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

someone hold me in my sleep back to chest just let me weep cursed drip from the ceiling leak gives me no peace please, stay with me here steady breath behind my ear a little love not an ounce of fear heart is full and thoughts run clear

Kaci O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

saltwater sting

back to the basics in nature feet deep in a cold path on a warm spring night. up to my ankles, the waves pull me in and push me out. exfoliating with wet sand the grains imbed into every open cut only washed out with salt water legs shake with the sting. I can't claim to be clean but something in me feels cleansed.

Kaci O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

A collection of quotes I’ve found online that speak to me in a language nothing else does

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

The Fallen Deer Winslow Homer 1892

Fawn response

Floorboards creak and eggshells crack under my feet. one wrong step and I can't turn back what if I say the wrong thing and you'll hate me. if my spine grows too strong I backtrack. retreating into the grass frozen for a second like a dear in headlights. licking the dents of the car that hit me so it does not get mad. if I try to stand up for myself and in defence bite back all backbone grown in starts to retract when your teeth are bared I've done it again, shown an undesirable emotion do you hate me? when you use my name it makes me scared. no no, it doesn't matter water under the bridge. I'll say whatever pleases fawn for your favour if it will fix any rift that you caused. but it was my fault for reacting to who cut me first with your claws.

Kaci O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

Sinner

Jesus on the cross saw all the sins of humanity every crime committed in passion or in pain

Jesus saw me thousands of years on committing sins in passion committing crime in pain

He saw everything I've done and what I'll do and He still chose to die

maybe that means I am worth something to someone after all

Kaci O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

I just can't get it out of my head. like a church bell ringing. I could've given you salvation and I would've taken you in sin

you were my salvation and sin

Kaci O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

Abstract painting by Shirley Johnson. Acrylic and dyes on paper

hickeys linger under my skin like mould. spreading obscenities through my body. in the mornings I can't breathe. the ghost of both hands crush me. suffocating, spotting every wall on my body.

Kaci O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

poetic parallels

I try to find poetry in the parallels

he wrote 'I love you more than I can say' you wrote ' I love you more than you could know'

something is there. poetic parallels, deeper meanings I just cannot put my finger on it

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

suffering through the lens of social media

I'm not an office siren with doe eyes and Bayonetta glasses. I'm not early 2000's fox or deer or bunny pretty not serving black cat energy or subway/red dress girl confidence my hair isn't old money dark coquette cottagecore light academia. tonight's girl dinner is fingers and empty stomach bile so I can try to be skinty girl core in my healthy girl fruit smoothie gymshark era but instead, I'm in my bed rotting era not me being depressed that's so not giving clean girl core time for sad girl Sylvia Plath summer

Kaci O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

Residual sensation

your residual 

taste

and lingering 

sensation

burn holes 

in my throat

where your 

gripping fingers

sink into

my nails claw 

and claw 

inside and out

get out of me

get out of me

K.O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

Body

I'm not slender-framed, my body takes up too much space. how can I change? why can't I change? fat face is too oval and round, not a single attractive feature to be found. am I pretty now? why am I not pretty now? I don't want to roll over and give up dress on, makeup done, getting drunk in the club but I can't so I crawl deeper under covers no one look at me

it's too embarrased to be seen

K.O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

Resting, Antonio Mancini 1887

my teeth rot in the bed I lay in pressure sores skin fused from my thighs to my soles when those teeth fall out along with hairs of tinsel grey I store them, adore them hoping when I rot and fall the same I am too picked up, adored and stored safe

Kaci O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

In my head, I make up scenarios that always make me hurt.

even quietly, alone to myself, I cannot imagine being loved

K.O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

Eve

I too, like Eve  was tricked with tempting whispers to drive my divine teeth into bitter sweetness unbeknownst to the devil in disguise's tongue in my ear young and naive to the consequences and what this means going forward for my humanity

Kaci O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

photograph taken by me

can I kiss your tongue before you let your words knock me out

just so I can have a taste of love

K.O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

Cavern

you will never find a vacancy past the boarded-up entrance. no pink lush supple skin, but a black hole that rots wood to the touch. an empty decaying cavern too narrow to navigate without guidance. cobwebbed-filled womb, and expired eggs. surrounding flora hides any approach, a sign for the most not welcome. do not come any closer do not disturb a cavity that wishes to remain untouched by man

Kaci O'Meara ☆

[g0thiclygh0ulish-diaries]

down the gutter and out the drain my self worth lies trampled  like a dead rat in the rain

onlookers watch fed up, patiently waiting for the rain to stop

K.O'Meara ☆