#bitterness

[nobeerreviews]

There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall.

-- Colette

(Cluj, Romania)

[etteraths]

[picklebunbun]

જ⁀➴₊⊹ 🎀 dazai x male! reader

๋࣭ ⭑

velvet ring

big thief ♥︎

⇄ ◁◁ I I ▷▷ ↻

⁰⁰ ²⁵ ━━●━━━━━━━━ ⁰² ⁰⁸

๋࣭ ⭑

⟢ male! reader, can be read as trans or cis, masculine pronouns

⟢ genre: angst, like MAJOR angst, bittersweet? ending {up to your interpenetration}, so a bit of fluff

⟢ cw: implied homophobia, verbally fighting, crying, self deprecation, dazai isn’t good at communicating, implied su1cide and maybe OOC

⟢ fandom: BSD

⟢ romantic, dazai and [name] are engaged in this

summary: major fight happened between dazai and his fiancée, about him not outwardly expressing his feelings, [name] feels like he’s walking on eggshells around him. Dazai comforts [name] while he’s bawling his eyes out, everything is okay after that

[angel’s note👼🪽: taking a break from the usual requests because I really wanted to do bsd, sorry, also, this is based off my oc with dazai (I made them have marital problems) I wanted to do very angsty stuff too]

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒

it was the dead of night, only darkness filled the room, the loud silence of the couple only made the somber attitude worse.

there were days like this were they wouldn’t talk to each other, usually it was after a fight, but not this time. What else could they talk about though? It wasn’t unknown that Dazai could read you like an open book, his intellect was truly terrifying. As for you, it’s hard to talk with your partner when they won’t communicate with you

it often made you sad though, Dazai had no problems talking about himself to his friends, or anyone. The most frustrating part is that he makes light of it whenever you try and talk about it with him. Were things just different when you’re engaged? Maybe he was just on edge because you were both men , but Dazai didn’t seem like the type to care about those things. Maybe it was just you, you did always feel a bit insecure just by being with his fiancée, Dazai was certainly known to be a “playboy”. Being engaged should mean that he ultimately chose you right? I mean, sure, they legally can’t get married but they were basically at that stage

it just made everything so frustrating all the time, how can you expect a healthy relationship without communication?! That’s like a key component of a relationship!

“..hey, [name], are you awake..?”

“….yeah.. I can’t sleep”

“me either.. c’mere for a second”

you looked at him ,confused, until Dazai lazily wrapped his arms around you and you got the idea. The {h/c}-ette hugged him as well, it was pretty easy to tell if Dazai wanted to cuddle. It just felt weird, almost as if he was cuddling with a stranger, or at least that’s what it felt like. Dazai used to say how you had this overwhelming warmth about you, you’re not quite sure if he still thought that now, it was okay I guess, it’s not like you needed the constant praising.

it was a beautiful night though, the last quarter moon illuminated the deepest of shadows in the room, although, it could never hide the amount of darkness around you and Dazai. Even while being wrapped around eachother, you know deep down that you couldn’t feel warmth in this relationship, but little moments like this were nice.

Whenever the moon was half lit, or more specifically, the 3rd quarter moon was when Dazai most liked it , when you asked “why? Why not when it’s fully lit or fully dark?”, Dazai always said the same thing “it’s like how Wednesdays are halfway through the week, the last quarter moon gives me hope for another month, just waiting for a break so I can relax”. Sometimes his messages were so cryptic, you could never really tell if he was going to do something to seriously harm himself or he just says things cause of how meaningful he thinks they are.

Dazai went rambling on about his day at work, you listened, but there was something at the back of your mind. You figured to tell him in the morning, for now, it was time to shut your eyes, there was no point in staying awake now since you could hear the soft snoring that was Dazai’s slumber.

-𖤓°⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

“well, I’m off to work! Bye, my love!”

“wait, Dazai… can I ask you something?”

Dazai turned around, he knew what was about to come, whenever you two fought you set off like a firecracker, completely blinded by how you were feeling, it’s entirely justified too. Usually, Dazai would’ve thought about this in advance, but what could he really say? Expressing himself seriously was not an option, so he’d just have to deal with your red hot anger.

“hm..?”

“do.. you.. hate me?”

“w-what?! Of course not! I could never hate you, I’m engaged to you! How could you think that?”

“you just never talk to me, you talk more to your co-workers than you’re own fiancée!”

“maybe I should get married to them instead them, heh..”

he tried to make a joke, you did not like that

“are you kidding me?! You’re joking about this? Dazai! This isn’t funny! I’m tired of you not talking to me!”

“woah, okay, calm do-“

“HOW THE HELL CAN I CALM DOWN? IT’S LIKE I’M LIVING WITH SOMEONE I DON’T KNOW, YOU DON’T TELL ME ANYTHING!”

“oh, I don’t know [name]! You’re screaming in my face right now, maybe that’s why!”

“THAT’S THE ONLY WAY I CAN BE HEARD BY YOU, DON’T YOU THINK THAT’S A BIT WEIRD, I HAVE TO SCREAM AT MY FIANCÉE BECAUSE HE JUST WON’T LISTEN.”

“YOU NEVER LET ME TALK, YOU JUST TURN IT INTO A BIG ARGUMENT.”

“WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TALK ABOUT ANYWAYS? YOU NEVER TALK TO ME, I BARELY EVEN KNOW WHAT YOUR FAVORITE DRINK IS, I HAD TO HEAR IT FROM ATSUSHI, ARE YOU KIDDING ME.”

your eyes were getting cloudier by the second, it was frustrating talking to him. Your throat felt like there was a lump of air stuck in the middle, your eyes hurt from the stinging tears that were forming. Your voice was cracking as you felt yourself about to break down

“IS THIS IS WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT? THE FACT THAT I CAN’T COMMUNICATE?! YOU’VE BEEN GOING FOR MY THROAT FOR THAT?!”

“I-I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU FOR MONTHS.. you never listen.”

“well, you ju- woah woah woah, [name]..?”

you broke out into violent sobs, you couldn’t keep on fighting, it was so exhausting just screaming all the time.

“hey, hey, hey, hey, calm down.. why did you suddenly start crying?”

when he asked you, you couldn’t stop weeping even more, everything was just building up and then you just let it all out. You were holding your chest while you cried, it felt like you just got a heart attack, well, at least that’s what it felt like, really, your heart was just shattered like it meant nothing to Dazai. He loved you, your sure he does, but lately it just feels like the more distant he seems, the more distant his loving embrace feels, the more colder it feels when he says “I love you”, like he’s forced to say it.

finally, your teary screams were reduced to nothing more than quiet sniffles, an occasional whimper here and there. You seemed composed enough to form a complete sentence, so Dazai asked you, in the softest tone he has

“why were you crying..?”

“…”

you looked at him, your eyes were wet and so were your cheeks, a red gradient formed around your eyes and nose from wailing so much. You looked around, not wanting to see his face, avoiding any eye contact. The room was so hushed, you could hear the pitter -patter of a bug if you wanted too. It’s no use, he probably wouldn’t leave until you told him.

“.. sometimes I feel like you don’t care about me enough to talk about your feelings, I just wish you would talk to me instead of making jokes, it makes me feel humiliated, like my feelings don’t matter, and then you get mad and argue with me when I don’t know how you feel!”

Dazai stayed silent, not knowing what to say, or even what to think.

“is that it? You’re not going to speak to me?”

silence again

“..okay, I’m just going to get some fresh air..”

the door slammed closed, Dazai was left there to soak in his own feelings. Honestly, the arguments before seemed minuscule compared to this one. He wasn’t a sensitive man, but everything felt so overwhelming, he couldn’t help but feel teardrops staining his cheeks. Dazai always took advantage of the relationship, ignoring your previous arguments, but now if he kept this up, he would lose you, and he’d have no one again.

-𖤓°⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

cricket, cricket, cricket

that’s all you hear at night. At first, Dazai would keep you up with useless conversations about philosophy, to which you lightly punch his elbow, but now it just felt so lonely. Back to back, not looking at each other, laying in bed, you could never face each other after that, you’d have to deal with it tomorrow, but right now, you’re just tired of everything

[natalia-hart123]

on leaving your hometown

paul revere -noah kahan / buzzcut season - lorde / ketchum id - boygenius / scott street - phoebe bridgers / my tears ricochet - taylor swift / all imagines came from pinterest

[feral-ballad]

Else Lasker-Schüler, tr. Eavan Boland, from After Every War: Twentieth-Century Women Poets; "In the Evening"

[Text ID: “I had to do it— suddenly, I had to sing. / I had no idea why— / But when the evening came I wept. I wept bitterly. / Pain was everywhere. Sprang out of everything— / Spread everywhere. Into everything— / And then lay on top of me.”]

[finntheartist-sketchbook]

(09-10) Jaded Miku

She's so over it man.

[bebemoon]

“i will destroy and ruin everything” [medea]

[whumpster-dumpster]

"Came to see me get my just deserts, huh? Are you happy now?"

"Happy? Do I look happy to you? What do you take me for? No matter how angry I've been, I never wanted you to suffer like this."

[furiousgoldfish]

me: is in any space with other people around

me: well if anyone in this room actually cared for me or wanted me around they would have personally broken into the house I lived in circa 5-20 years ago and rescued me from the abuse or at the vERY LEAST they would have been there for me to periodically reassure me that I am right and my abusers are wrong and that I'm not a horrible person or a waste of space every time my self perception would start to waver to the abuser's point of view. This is a sham and none of these people are based. I'm going home.

[writethestory365]

To be a Christian is to forgive the inexcusable, because God has excused the inexcusable in you.

- C.S. Lewis

[alwaysrememberjesus]

Pray for the Desire to Forgive

[babytoothbrain]

Bitterness has Made me Unlovable

"Self Destructive Tendencies", @heavensghost// Henrik Uldalen// Andrew Garfield// Peeled Lemon, Jeffery Hayes// "From the Book of Time", Mary Oliver// Skull of a Skeleton With Burning Cigarette, Vincent Van Gogh// "ROMANCE", Elaine Kahn//

[officialyourdailyinspiration]

Anger and bitterness are two noticeable signs of being focused on self and not trusting God's sovereignty in your life. When you believe that God causes all things to work together for good to those who belong to Him and love Him, you can respond to trials with joy instead of anger or bitterness.

John C. Broger

[oceanicpoetry]

i just saw a gifset of that scene in the loki series where he does a bunch of random theatrical moves in the hopes that it will activate the time-slipping and all i could think about was 'yes this is definitely the most powerful sorcerer in asgard, the guy who studied his craft for over a millennium' and i just sighed. goodbye loki who was a multi-faceted, fully realised character. hello comic relief loki who does bizarre dance moves in front of another person fully believing that it will activate random mystical powers.

[sicut-anima]

TIRFs treat transmascs like fuckin' dogs. They expect us to come running when they call, to defend them against our mutual enemies, to bear their sorrow and rage and never ask for anything in return. All this I would do and happily if they didn't abuse us at every turn. Every trans women positivity post is followed up by OP ranting about those uppity TRAs.

[c-duceusclay]

FCG, whose group definitely won the “unexpected mini road-trip” competition: We met a king and a queen 😃

Ashton, who definitely lost: It’s not a competition