zttakesdc - Tumblr blog

[zttakesdc]

Witch gang

[zttakesdc]

There are going to be some night when you don’t feel like going to the party. So don’t go to the party. Let everyone else have their existential discussions about free will and the decay of the universe over cocktails. Stay home and read through your book collection instead; you’ll have more fun...

[zttakesdc]

I'm not really asking anything, but I just wanted to say that I felt the SAME way about Howard during my freshman year. I promise you it will get better!! You just have to find your group and sometimes that takes trial and error. So take each day in stride and find the little things that make your stay at Howard special. Also, if you need anything, just let me know! I hope you have a great year at Howard :)

Thanks so much! I really appreciate this. It's been challenging to say the least, but I'm optimistic that things will get better soon! 

[zttakesdc]

are you there on a scholarship or are you looking for scholarships so that you can leave?

I'm not at howard on scholarship, but if I do transfer, I DEFINATELY will need a scholarship or some sort of finacial aid/work study.

[zttakesdc]

are you thinking about a school transfer, and if so what school?

If it doesn't work out here, I would like to stay in the city. I REALLY love the city. I've been reading into the media studies programs they have at George Washington University and Georgetown and I really am interested in learning more about them. One of the greatest things about it is, that I'm close enough to actually go to the school and learn more in person and take tours and such. :) 

[zttakesdc]

I don't have any reasons, I left them all behind. I'm in a New York State of mind.

[zttakesdc]

An Update

So, I've noticed that it's been a while since I've updated my blog, and I hope you'll forgive me. In short, things have been okay these past few days. I got to go to New York, which was a DREAM COME TRUE, and I discovered how to maximize my Netflix viewing experience, and TV is back this week. 

In regards to my last post, Howard is more manageable...I'm starting to catch on to the social rules, but I still feel like a fish out of water. I'm trying my best to stay positive, but sometimes it's hard. I'm going to maximize my experience here as best as I can, at least through the first semester.

Classes are going okay, but to be honest, I need to focus more time to studying. Lately I have been indulging myself on too many trips down to U Street, and I need to cut back, or make it a weekend thing.

I've started to work out. Ive noticed my face was starting to get a bit pudgy, as I send snapchats and such to my friends, so I decided to make a change. I really wish I had a blender, so I could make my own healthy smoothies and such. My aunt offered to get me one, so I just need to double check the dorm policies, to see if I can keep one.

I've also thought about switching my major to either journalism or media studies. I've been watching a lot of movies and TV lately, and I realized, that that is what I really love, and what I'm passionate about. I haven't gone forward with it yet, I still need to talk to my counselor about it, but should I continue my studies here, I might want to switch majors.

I know it's college, but the girls on my floor are SO LOUD! The later it gets, the louder it is... what's a girl gotta do to get some sleep?!?! hahaha. Well, good night anyways.

Stay cool, and later days

Z

[zttakesdc]

I’d like to take time to thank my friends back home and elsewhere for the support and kind words. It really meant a lot to me.Things are rough right now, really tough, but with you’re love I know I can make it through.

Like I said before, I’m trying to take things one step at a time, one day at a time, and I guess that’s all I can do at this point.

Things won’t necessarily get better tomorrow or the day after, but I do believe in time, it will.

So thank you guys for everything.

[zttakesdc]

Get excited about the little things. About wearing a new outfit for the first time. About Sunday brunches with your best friends. About the new cute guy in your class. About finding an extra dollar in your pocket. About anything that even remotely makes you happy because as you grow up, passions fade and enthusiasm gets mistaken for foolishness. So don’t let the grey world stop you from shining.

(via breathe-fairy)

[zttakesdc]

I think I’m allergic to people who are unwilling to broaden their perspectives.

Dau Voire (via kushandwizdom)

[zttakesdc]

The Good, The Bad, and The Lonely: The Somewhat (Ugly) Truth About My First Week (WITH GIFS!)

So Monday started off great. I got an adequate amount of sleep and I was ready to go!

I made sure I got up with enough time to get to the cafeteria for breakfast, and to find my first class. I decide to take the scenic route to class, because I have almost three hours before class starts, and why not? Since it’s still kinda early, theres no one really outside, so I kinda dance as I walk to the cafeteria to put myself in a good mood :) I’ve been listening to the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack since I saw the movie, so naturally I played “Hooked on A Feeling” by Blue Suede. At this point I’m basically strutting down the yard, jamming out to some 70s Rock Classics, having the time of my life morning.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m the first person in here or what, but unlike lunch and dinner which is always mediocre, breakfast is surprisingly good in the cafeteria.

First class of the day, Intro to Black Diaspora, which is basically a history class about black people moving and migrating to different places. Seems like a cool class, and my professor is really nice and funny, and he actually isn’t that bad on the eyes ;)

Second class of the day is English Composition for English Majors. My professor, Dr. Kirlew is AMAZING! She is super smart, and funny, and she took the time to really get to know us (which wasn’t that hard because there’s only 18 of us in the class). I see her not just as my professor, but maybe a great mentor or maybe even a friend.

So now, its lunchtime! Hooray! Let’s head down to the cafe! WAIT, THE CAFETERIA CLOSES AT 11 TO PREP FOR LUNCH?!?! What do I do? Unwillingly spend dining dollars at the food court. Yes, the food court has better food (AND I MEAN WAY BETTER FOOD), but it takes dining dollars away :( Fine, I guess I’ll do it. Little did I know, that when the cafe is closed, EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER IS IN THE FOOD COURT.

  As chaotic as the lines and the occupancy of the food court were, I manage to find a table, and I’m joined by some people that were in my last couple classes, and we talk about the VMAs, that happened Sunday night.

Because how could we not talk about it. The VMAs, in one word, were,

                                               BOOTYLICIOUS

So, anyways, after lunch, I have this class called, Love in Antiquity, which talks about the idea of love in different cultures and societies. The class is really interesting, but since the class is full of juniors and seniors, they honestly could’ve cared less about it. Everyone (but me, might I add) was heavily preoccupied.

Tuesday was its own adventure. It was a WHOLE LOT HARDER TO GET UP.

At around 7am, the fire alarm was set off, for the 6th or 7th time. No one was particularly alarmed, because at this point they were pretty routine. Girls have been setting off alarms by burning hair the past week, but there was no real sense of urgency, because there were no classes that week. But today, people were pissed off, because it was almost guaranteed you were going to be late if you had an 8am class. Little did we know, a small microwave fire actually did break out, and in a weird, twisted kind of way, everyone in the building was actually relieved and happy that it was a real fire this time.

Around 9am, we were let back in the building. I have math class at 9:45 in a building about 5 minutes away from the dorm so, I have time to get ready and not be late. Math is basically awful. The teacher’s humor is very dry, the course matter is very dry, the classroom is on the 5th floor and the elevators are only for the staff and handicapped people. The best part about the class is the view from the window. You can see all of downtown DC from up there, which is pretty neat. But honestly, the class looks difficult and boring, and I’m really going to have to focus, because at one point during the class, I felt sleep try to take over my body, and I was actively fighting it.

and I could tell I wasn’t the only one in the class struggling to stay awake.

   Wednesday, my schedule was exactly the same as it was on Monday and will be on Friday, except in between lunch and Love in Antiquity, I have Freshman Seminar. In FS, we’re reading this book, and applying it to things you can do at school to be more successful. But at one point, the teacher of that class made this speech about how the “white man” was opressive and the cause of all our trouble, and to be stronger black people we needed to cut our ties to “white america”, and not partake in anything it had to offer (?). I couldn’t believe it, I was taken aback. I seemed to be the only one who felt like that, because everyone else cheered, and gave this man a STANDING OVATION. WAIT WHAT?

  The rest of the week was pretty, meh from here on out.

NOW, REAL TALK:

Making friends was IS hard. Every time I go out of my way to be friendly and meet someone, the conversation always goes something like this:

ZIA: Oh, Hi! I think we have the same (insert class name) class! My name is Zia, what’s yours?

PERSON: Oh cool, my name is (insert name here). Nice to meet you! Where are you from?

ZIA: California. You?

PERSON: (insert state/town/city/continent here). What type of music do you like?

ZIA: Oh, I like Beyonce…

PERSON: ME TOOO!

ZIA: and I like Alicia Keys…

PERSON: She’s really talented! Who else?

ZIA: and I like Eric Hutchinson.

PERSON: Uh…who’s that? I’ve never heard of him?…

ZIA: He’s this guy, he has this acoustic sound, his style of music is a mix of po…

PERSON: *WALKING AWAY FROM ME*

ZIA: bye?

I wish I could say I was over exaggerating, but then I’d be lying. This happens (to me, at least) more often than not, anytime an interest of mine or something about me comes up, and the other person/people don’t know what it is or is unfamiliar with it, and it DRIVES ME CRAZY. You’d think people’d have an open mind, but I guess not. The last place I thought this would happen would be at an HBCU.

I did meet this one person who thought my differences were cool, which made me really happy. We made a plan to meet up at Starbucks to hang out. She never showed up.         

                      She sent me to voicemail when I called, and ignored all of text messages I sent. I got the message about an hour after I waited. When I saw her in person, I asked if she forgot, but claimed she was sick. Twitter claimed she was out shopping in Georgetown…

I did actually watch a movie with a few girls in my building one day, but after that, they barely acknowledge me anymore. 

Luckily for me, there’s always one friend I can always count on…

    But I’m actually not on Nexflix that much.

I thought college was going to be this really cool place and people were going to be accepting and cool and want to meet new people, but I guess not.

I’m swear I’m the only person who is having an absolutely awful time.

Everyone, especially my roommate LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVES HOWARD…

And here I am…

I can’t go on any social media site without someone declaring to all 500 of their friends and followers how much they’re enjoying college.

And can’t help but feel jealous that that’s not me, too.

At this point in my post, I know, I’m going to be flooded responses of, 

"You’re just not trying hard enough!"

"You need to get out and do more!"

"You need to be more social!"

But hear me out:

But the honest truth is that I AM. I go to little seminars, and club meetings, and socials. I try my best to be an active student on campus, and social with people, but the ugly truth is that I JUST DONT FIT IN. I’m a square peg in a round hole. What most people don’t realize, even as I’ve tried to explain over the years, is that the wall I’ve built around myself was never intended to keep people out. At one point in time, there never was a wall around myself to begin with. The wall was built because people kept mistreating me and taking advantage of me, and I needed a way to defend myself. Coming here, I let my guard down, and all this week, I’ve just been attacked.

I wish I chosen to SF State, or Cal State Fullerton. I really love DC, but this school isn’t doing anything for me. I wanted the college experience: to go to class, get good grades, go experience the city, go to concerts, see movies, make friends, one big hurrah before ACTUAL ADULT LIFE HAPPENS, but everything so far has been:

1. Wake up

2. Get dressed

3. Go to School

4. Go Home

5. Do Homework

6. Sleep

7. Repeat

HOW BORING IS THIS? ANSWER? 

VERY.

I swear a little part of me is dying everyday.

I just want to meet someone who is interested in the same things I am, or even just someone who is willing to give something different a try. Someone to accept the fact that I’m not your typical, sterotypical african-american girl: I LIKE CLASSICAL MUSIC AND CLASSIC ROCK, I LIKE GOING TO MUSEUMS, IM NOT A BIG PARTY PERSON, I DONT TWERK, I DONT DRINK OR SMOKE, I THINK BOOKS ARE COOL, I LIKE BRITISH TELEVISION

BUT…

I AM A REALLY NICE PERSON AND I LIKE HAVING FUN, AND EXPLORING, FUNNY YOUTUBE VIDEOS, AND MUSIC AND MOVIES.

WHY DOES THIS SEEM SO IMPOSSIBLE, SO INTANGIBLE???

I actually joined the George Washington University Class of 2018 Facebook group, and boy is the grass greener on that side (both literally and figuratively)! There were clubs that sound interesting, events that sound fun, people who seem really cool, but I cant partake in anything because i don’t actually go there. Its almost like window shopping, and seeing the one thing in the world you want more than anything, but under no circumstances can you have it. I feel like I applied to the wrong school in DC.

                                 I really want to be able to enjoy going to Howard as much as everyone else, but honestly right now, it’s really hard to. Right now, most students are counting the days until homecoming, and I’m counting the days until I get to leave. Christmas, Thanksgiving, How can I leave campus? Study Abroad? Take classes on another campus? Transfer to another school?

I’ve been actively seeking a way out, because no matter how short a time I’ve been here, I know myself well enough to know that this might not have been the best pick for me, and I think that I’ll be able to do much more academically and socially elsewhere. I love what this school stands for, but I can’t pretend like everything is peaches and cream over here anymore. Because after holding it in for so long, it’s gotta come out. I thought If I told everyone it was going fine, that I would in time start to believe it as well. No such luck. 

On the outside, much like Sheldon’s, my smiles seem and feel forced:

But J.D. from Scrubs perfectly captures how I really feel on the inside:

  In spite of how cynical I may seem, please believe me I do want this to work out, I really do. I wish everyday could feel like the morning of my first day. But until it does, or until something changes, I’m just going to have to take a deep breath, and take things one day at a time.

  Because things should get better.

And I'm not going to give up until they do.

Later Days,

Z

[zttakesdc]

Throwback to when me and my roomie were tourists for the day and wandered around the National Mall.💙❤️🇺🇸 #zttakesdc #throwbackthursday #collegelyfe #eastmeetswestcoast (at Lincoln Memorial at National Mall, Washington)

[zttakesdc]

The Pinning Ceremony

[zttakesdc]

My brother wanted to go see Georgetown, so we went!

[zttakesdc]

My dorm tour is up and running! Be sure to check it out!

[zttakesdc]

MY PARENTS JUST LEFT

[zttakesdc]

On the Pinning Ceremony, Accessories, Georgetown and Fitting In

So, today I got to take part in the pinning ceremony at school, which is basically where in the middle of the yard, in front of Founder's Library, current students and alumni get to put a pin on you. The pin is super cute, it's the school crest, and I'm probably going to put it on my blue jacket collar, or on whatever I'm wearing. 

Random thought, I've been super into buttons and pins lately. I think they're the prefect thing to add a cool pop to any outfit. Also sometimes they're cool conversation starters. My buttons that I bought at Dapper Day at Disneyland have always awarded me so many compliments and inquiries and from that it was always easy to start a conversation. So hopefully my new Howard pin will do the same.

My brother wanted to look around the Georgetown University campus today, so we went. It was really nice, but OMIGOD, how steep the campus was! It was built on a hill, not unlike one you'd find in San Francisco. So many steps, so many stairs, but OH MY, what a BEAUTIFUL school!

I kinda got to thinking about Howard today after the pinning ceremony. Before the actual pinning ceremony, we, the class of 2018, gathered in the auditorium and got to hear these speeches from various students and faculty, and at the end, we had to stand and raise our fists as the negro national anthem was sung.

As I looked around, I imagined how must a non-black person would feel right now. Awkward? Uncomfortable? And as much as I wanted to deny it, I felt those things. As much as I didn't have any reason to, I felt so weird doing that. It didn't feel natural. Afterwards as everyone was laughing and talking, and having a good time, I felt myself just sitting there and doing nothing, just watching things happen. I felt so uncomfortable, like I didn't belong. I've spent my whole life around white people, and I feel like I can't survive without them. They're kinda my placebo in a weird way. Unlike my brother, being the token black friend never bothered me, greatly because I was never made to think that I was, even though, honestly I kinda was.

In that moment it kinda donned on me that I don't really know how to be around so many black people. I secretly wished that I had chosen to go to San Francisco State or Cal State Fullerton. Somewhere I can openly express my love for Mumford and Sons and Darren Criss without too much question or judgement. 

I talked to my dad about it and he told me that it was an adjustment and i just needed to find my niche. It took me almost 3 years to find my niche in high school, but once I did, i was set. You know. I need to keep reminding myself that I'm not going to like everyone, and not everyone is going to like me, but I need to keep putting myself out there, because, as Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being A Wallflower, so greatly said,

"LIFE STOPS FOR NO ONE"

So, I honestly just need to stop thinking about all the things that will go wrong, and focus on all the things that'll go right. To give it a chance. Go out and meet people and do things. BREAK FREE FROM MY BOX!!! Isn't this why I chose to go to a HBCU?

God never gives us more than we can handle, and  maybe out there, somewhere on campus, is someone who is dying to talk to someone about their love for Mumford and Sons and Darren Criss, too...

Later Days,

Z