zel-hidel

[zel-hidel]

Ok, y’all, I was literally obsessed with How To Train Your Dragon when I was a wee lad, I absolutely loved the movies, so I mean this with the utmost respect to the director and the crew behind it, but WHY do we need a live action adaptation of the movie?

Like, what is the purpose? Will it have any different themes or any purpose other than just being a live action version of an amazing movie that we already have? The trailer looks good enough, toothless looks pretty good, glad they were faithful with his design, but it seems like it’s just going to be the animated movie again but I get to see all of Hiccups pores.

I’ll have faith though, it’s the same director as the OG movies, and I believe that he can make this different enough to justify its existence. I’ll go see it either way.

[zel-hidel]

Descartes was kinda exclusionary. “I think, therefore I am.” WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US WHO DON’T THINK? ARE WE NOT???

[zel-hidel]

The fact that The Onion bought Info Wars brings me great joy and satisfaction

[zel-hidel]

Tragedy of T

T slowly opens the door to his home, his ears drooping low and his posture hunched. He shambles inside and makes his way to his dinner table. He pulls out a chair and falls onto it, leaning his head over the back of it with a groan. He sits there for a while before the rumble of his stomach gets him up and brings him to the wooden cabinet nearby. He opens it, only to be faced with bunches of carrots. It’s always carrots. A lone bowl sits to the side, and he looks wistfully at it, and he grabs a few carrots. He sits back down at the table and slowly, laboriously, starts eating them. 

He has no appetite for carrots right now, he hasn’t for a while, but he had no remedy for his monotonous meals. He’s tried for years at this point, he’s tried for so long to get the one thing he desires most, but he was thwarted every single time. He looks to the ceiling of his house, the tree roots reaching down from above him, the packed dirt being the only thing keeping the rain off his head. The voices that always taunt him echo through his mind, the high-pitched and playful words sounding malicious in their repetition. 

This one simple phrase being the motto of what has been tormenting him for such a long time. “Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!” He starts to shake, and his thoughts start to become fuzzy. Anger begins to fill him, so long has he faced injustice. Every time he’d try to get a bowl of Trix, children would always find it and take it from him, whether or not he obtained it legally. He slams his partially eaten carrot onto the table, and he stands up and starts pacing around. 

After a minute, he stops and sighs. He walks over to his landline set next to his bed. He starts dialing a number. Out of everyone he knew, there was one person who knew his pain, but for different reasons. This person had been in and out of rehab for addiction problems, but no matter how hard he tries to escape from his vice, he is always reminded of it in some way. The phone rings a few times, before someone picks up, and a high pitched voice answers from the other side.

“Sonny’s residence, Sonny speaking.” He says. 

T sits down on his bed. “Hey, Sonny.” He says. “I uh, heard you were back home.” He looks down at the ground. 

“Oh, hey T. Yeah, I just got back from rehab again. I think I’ve conquered my addiction this time.” Sonny doesn’t sound quite confident, T could tell.

“Yeah…”

“You’re upset. What’s wrong? Did the kids take your cereal again?” 

T sighs and lays back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling once more. “Yeah, they did. I’m just so… tired of this. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of trying to get Trix, I’m tired of being told it’s for kids, and I’m tired of these stupid carrots. I just… I want to be able to have a bowl, just a bowl. Why is that too much to ask?”

Sonny chuckles. “T, I know exactly how you’re feeling. You know what? I’ll be over in a bit.”

T frowns, sitting up in his bed again. “Really? What for?”

“You’ll see.” Sonny says, his tone sly. He then hangs up the phone, and T stares at the phone for a moment before putting it back in its place. He gets up and starts pacing around, wondering what his friend is up to. After half an hour, he hears a knock on his door. He quickly walks over to it and opens it. An orange cuckoo bird stands there, one of his wings behind his back and a big smile on his face. 

“Sonny!” T tilts his head, trying to peer around him to see what’s behind his back. “What do you have back there?”

Sonny walks into T’s house, making sure to keep his back away from T’s sight. “Well, you’ve been having a hard time, so I wanted to get you something.”

T’s eyebrows shoot up, curiosity building up inside of him. “Really? You shouldn't have!”

“Oh, but I did.” Sonny says, then pulls his wing out from behind him. In it is a large plastic carrot. 

T’s expression drops. “Oh, a plastic carrot.” He tries to mask his disappointment, but it's clear on his face.

“Not just a plastic carrot.” Sonny says, putting it in T’s hand. “Open it.” He winks. T looks down at the carrot, noticing a slit in the middle of it. He pulls on it, and it separates on a hinge. His jaw falls to the floor, seeing that inside the plastic carrot was the one thing he’s been after for so long. The carrot was full of Trix. 

T quickly closes the carrot and looks at Sonny with a mixture of emotions on his face. “H-how?” He looks back down at the carrot. “I can’t possibly… they’ll find me if-”

Sonny puts his hand on T’s shoulder. “If you eat it quickly enough, you might be able to finish it.”

T looks at the carrot, a smile starting to form on his snout. “Maybe I could…” He shakes his head. “But the kids will probably get to me before I could take a bite.”

Sonny smiles, and walks over to his cabinet. “Not if I hold them off.” He opens the door, reaches around the carrots, and then opens a secret door behind the cabinet. He takes out a box of Cocoa Puffs, and waves it at T, being careful not to look at it himself.

T looks at his friend in shock. “Wh-” He sighs. “Sonny, did you put a secret stash of Cocoa Puffs behind my cabinet?”

Sonny laughs. “Guilty! Anyways, what are you waiting for? Get to eating before they get to you.” He approaches the front door. 

T wipes a tear from his eye as he runs to his cabinet and pulls out his bowl, excitement welling up inside of him. He yanks the cabinet open and pulls out the bowl. He opens the carrot, and the Trix falls, clattering into the bowl. He rushes to his fridge and opens it, removing his singular jug of milk, and pouring it into the bowl. He looks at the plastic carrot, and on closer examination, he realizes that the leaves of the carrot form a spoon shape.

Sonny walks outside the burrow house, and stares off into the distance. On the horizon, he sees a sea of small shifting figures, approaching at a concerning speed. The children are coming. He looks down at the box of Cocoa Puffs he’s holding, and he starts to shake. He takes a deep breath in, and he opens the box. The smell of the chocolate wafts out.

Sonny's eyes fixate on the contents of the box. “Munchy… Crunchy…” Sweat beads start to dot his forehead. “Chocolatey..!”

He looks up at the rapidly approaching children, they have gained a lot of ground in very little time. He closes his eyes, and digs his hand into the box, and pulls out the cereal. He shoves it in his mouth, and he gives in. “I’M CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS!!! I’M CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS!!!”

Sonny starts bouncing around, off the house, off the nearby trees, and even off the clouds themselves. Everything he bounces off turns into chocolate, and the ground becomes a slippery milky chocolate.

T takes a bite of the Trix, and his eyes start to get wet. “The fruity part of my complete breakfast…” He mumbles to himself as he continues to eat the Trix, savoring every bite of the cereal. After such a long battle, it almost doesn’t feel real to him. He looks at the door, and sees chocolate start to seep from under the door… No, that's not right, the very dirt itself is becoming chocolate.

Outside, the children are almost upon Sonny, but they slip on the chocolate ground, unable to get any traction. Sonny keeps bouncing around, making him impossible to catch. As more and more children make their way to the area, they start clambering over each other, making ground towards the house. Eventually, one of them catches Sonny, and they all hold him down, stopping him from bouncing off everything and turning the world around them into chocolate. 

T walks over to the door, peering through the peephole and seeing that the children are close to reaching them. He hurries and grabs a chair, shoving under the handle just in time. The door knob starts to jiggle, but the chair keeps it from opening. T continues to eat his cereal as the kids begin pounding on the door. He looks down at the Trix, there isn't much left. He is startled when he hears a smashing sound, looking up to see a small hand had broken through the door. Next to it, another hand punches through the door. T backs up towards the far side of his house. The head of a little boy smashes through the door, right between the legs of the chair, and looks up at him with a disturbing smile.

“Silly rabbit… Trix are for kids.” The boy says. 

T ignores him and continues eating the cereal. He looks at the very last bite on his carrot spoon, and, with tears of joy streaming out of his eyes, shoves it in his mouth and chews it slowly. The door is completely smashed, and the children flood into his house.

“Silly rabbit… Trix are for kids.” The children all say in unison as they make their way towards T.

T swallows the last of the Trix, and then quickly slurps up the milk from the bowl. He puts it on the ground. “I guess Trix really are for rabbits…” He says, a solemn smile on his face, the flow of tears only getting stronger.

The children grab him, repeating their chant ad nauseam as they grab T and start to pull him out of his house. T doesn’t fight back, he has finally achieved his life goal, he doesn’t need to fight anymore. The kids drag him towards the door, and outside his house, leaving it as if they never had arrived. 

[zel-hidel]

To all my LGBTQIA+ friends out there, don’t give up, don’t despair. Stay strong and try to keep your spirits up. The radical right can’t win if they can’t break your spirit. I love you all and I’m praying for it to not be as bad as I fear.

[zel-hidel]

Today is a really bad day, evil has triumphed. I’m really disappointed in how this election turned out.

[zel-hidel]

Community college is crazy, I was in history class while my professor talks about the American fur trade, when he randomly goes on a side tangent about his beef with a raccoon at his house that he opens with “There’s a raccoon at my house that I’d like to skin.”

[zel-hidel]

We need to discover the key to hopping dimensions so I can go to this dimension and just see how it is.

[zel-hidel]

I feel like I’m losing my mind. The Sonic X Shadow Generations release trailer had a CGI segment for Sonic, and the model looks different to me, but I genuinely have no clue why.

[zel-hidel]

Minor spoilers for Sonic x Shadow gens:

WHAT THE honk IS UP WITH THE TERIOS SKIN??? Like, why does he have the same animations as shadow? I thought he’d at least run because of his lack of air shoes.

Game is great though, I’ll do a small review of it when I finish it.

[zel-hidel]

Ok, so apparently King Tutankhamun was buried in 3 different sarcophagi, each one more extravagant than the last like he was some sort of Russian nesting doll.

Like, his subjects just looked at this recently deceased teenaged ruler and decided to give him the 3 for 1 special on sarcophagi, and if he called now, he’ll get one made of solid gold.

Not to mention he had a small tomb with his stuff haphazardly scattered around.

I think that’s funny.

[zel-hidel]

I once got hired by a window manufacturing company and the first thing they asked me to do was go throw bricks through peoples windows… is that normal????

[zel-hidel]

So I just found out that Sonic X Shadow generations isn’t getting an early release on switch, so I had to hastily cancel my preorder, and preordered it a different console. What’s up with that???

[zel-hidel]

Wow, I just went down a massive nostalgia trip, I was looking through the PBS Kids website on the way back machine and playing games I used to play. It hit me HARD, I’ll tell ya that.

[zel-hidel]

Yoooo invincible season 3 is coming in February!

[zel-hidel]

Apparently Donald Trump’s campaign has spent over 30k on MCDONALDS OF ALL THINGS since January 2023. This man’s heart probably won’t last until 2028, and yet people still want him.

[zel-hidel]

I don’t think I like typhlosion anymore…