z0n3d0ut66

[z0n3d0ut66]

It's Been A Lonely Year

For: @z0n3d0ut66

Trevor whumpfic tw: suicide, suicidal ideation, weapons

roughly half of a febuwhump fic that i'm posting early, it’s not in the best condition yet so im open to all feedback ((:

They had just wrapped up filming, both cast and crew gradually departing from their seats during the shoot. Trevor felt the last of his social battery drain as he stood up from the chair where he’d been seated for the last hour or so, the energy seeping from his body and dripping through the floor. 

“Oh, Trev,” Damien called out, jogging to catch up to him, “We’re going out for drinks later, did you wanna come with?” Trevor stilled, staring blankly at him, bouncing the words around in his mind before he answered. “Not today, no, sorry,” he stammered, rubbing a hand in his neck awkwardly. Damien simply nodded, and they said their quick goodbyes to each other before he left.

As he moved through the building, he could hear his friends talking and laughing together, but their happiness didn’t quite reach him. It felt like there was a force-field around him, preventing him from coming in contact with practically anything positive. 

With every passing day, it got harder to do even the simplest of tasks. He’d been late to work twice this week because he couldn’t, genuinely couldn’t get out of bed. Trevor was utterly neglecting his personal hygiene as well. Not on purpose, but he didn’t remember the last time he showered or brushed his teeth. He couldn’t go out with his hair in knots and tangles, so the only things he did in the morning were getting dressed, brushing his hair and leaving. 

His desk looked barren and out of place with the others’, shoved in between two already lived-in tables. A handful of Sonny Angel figurines stood along the edge, something Ian had used for a tiktok and then left on his desk. He felt awfully guilty for it, increasing every time Trevor saw him glance at them over someone’s shoulder.

Spencer had stopped him to talk just before they started another games shoot, pulling him aside into an empty room. “Hey, so I’m not sure how to say this nicely,” he started, those few words enough to reawaken the monster that had already been eating at his insides. 

“We just, we need you to be more enthusiastic, you know,” he said, fidgeting with his jacket zipper as he spoke, “you’re bringing down the mood.” 

It hit Trevor harder than it should have. 

Nevertheless, he did actually try to be better during filming, pulling all his acting skills out the closet to hide himself from the view. It seemed to be working. So well, in fact, that he almost forgot he was acting. Almost. 

All of it only served to make the fall higher. He could hear the other cast members talking as he left the set. “Nah, I don’t think we should tell him,” Damien’s voice sounded, followed by Arasha’s shortly after. 

“I guess you’re right,” she sighed, “he does tend to overreact to things like this.” Trevor ducked behind one of the walls of the set, pushing himself into the painted wood as he listened. Courtney let out a sound of frustration, letting their head fall onto the table with a soft thud.

“Well we have to do something about him,” she complained, the irritation painted into her expression. “You-Know-Who is going to bring the entire company down with him if we don’t watch out!” Trevor froze. What the hell had he done?

He booked it out of the office, saying a few rushed goodbyes on his way to the parking lot. The radio, unlike normally, was kept off the entire ride home, his only solace the rapidly descending sun on the horizon. Things always felt better at nighttime.

His home was cold when he entered, but this time he didn’t bother lighting the fireplace or turning on the heating. Trevor knew where today needed to end.

The bathroom door was ajar, he saw from the end of the hallway. He could at least give them an easier cleanup, Trevor thought. He passed by it for now, walking through his bedroom door instead. The bag fell over unceremoniously, the sound swallowed by the carpet.

He crouched by his nightstand, pulling the bottom drawer open to reveal his pistol. After having triple checked that it was in fact loaded, he returned to the bathroom and stepped into the bathtub. The cold porcelain made the little hairs all over his arms and legs stand straight. 

His phone vibrated, catching his attention momentarily. 

It was a text from Damien.

Trevor threw his phone through the hallway, not bothering to read whatever Damien sent him. Immediately he cringed at the sound, regretting his decision as he heard it bounce down his stairs. 

He tilted his head back against the cool white tiles, and held the gun tight in his hands. He thought briefly of his dog, who was staying over at his mother’s house for a while. He’d be just fine with her. 

Trevor shoved the barrel down his throat, gagging at the overwhelming metallic taste. The bathroom cabinet caught his eye from across the bathroom. The paint job was messy and looked extremely rushed, something he had never noticed before. His finger shook on the trigger, feather-light touches hitting it repeatedly before he calmed himself down enough to go through with it. 

A flash of white-hot pain rushed through him, setting him ablaze from the inside, before he collapsed into the porcelain, blood dripping down the wall among bits and pieces of brain and bone.

[z0n3d0ut66]

noooo the mcyt interest is backkk time to go disappear into my cave (room) until school starts again so i can binge wild life (i watched the first episode of jimmy's then a few others coz i wanted to hear ren sing again then i stopped watching)

bye until then i suppose. i refuse to watch all povs of hermitcraft that i want to watch though. too many hours. im just watching mumbo's from his latest episode and forward.

[z0n3d0ut66]

sleeeepyyyy mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[z0n3d0ut66]

i can't find the trans mcyt showdown or whatever coz im dumb 😭😭 please help. i found the gayness one tho so that's awesome

[z0n3d0ut66]

the first one: damn, rude bitch (i can say this coz i wrote this, and then orphaned it). she gon' die and your rude ass writes FANFICTION when you have to say a few words to her?

the second one: why did i write that as a part of a suicide note? it's very much something i'd do IRL but still wtf?

the third one: yeah i have no words. i get why people may not believe me when i say im asexual

last one: why did i have to clarify that? i think most people would get it.

[z0n3d0ut66]

im reading a fanfic that i wrote (and orphaned) last year and why the fuck am i like this? its a collection of one shots and i think someone dies in half of them, and i write this??? the fuck. also i don't actually remember writing this which is cool.

[z0n3d0ut66]

ok. i do agree with that sorry lol

i apologize

dude Scar (from the lion king) has such a loser ass origin story. oh the girl didn't like you back? boo fucking hoo. that is no justification to BETRAY YOUR BROTHER WHO YOU GREW UP WITH AND HAS ALWAYS LOVED. she liked mufasa more than you, cry about it. IN THE OG LION KING, U WE'RE THE C*NTY GAY UNCLE AND NOW YOU'RE SAYING THE REASON U EVEN BECAME SCAR IS CUZ A GIRL DIDN'T LIKE YOUR ASS?? you're not twelve. but also, scar is a much better name than fuckin Taka or whatever the shit it was before

9/10 movie, would watch again, banger songs cause my music taste is broken.

[z0n3d0ut66]

OH i forgot to add that they got killed coz of the dying their hair part lol

some1 take away my tumblr plz

please ignore my previous post about requesting a suicide trevor fic and laugh at these. he's so fun! they're in a psych ward btw. like a bad one. like a "hey, christian parents. send ur sinning kids here and we'll fix them :)" one. they're dying each other's hair in the bathroom :3

[z0n3d0ut66]

this is so haha. (its 2am. im 7 chapters into a 42 chapter long fic, which is also several hundreds of thousands of words long. no regrets) the other character is severely injured in the hospital + is basically a vigilante + has over i think 100 charges against him + is slowly falling for courtney + had his family (wife + kid) killed by several gangs and has seeked revenge on said gangs since, hence the murder charges + killed a guy for selling CP or smth like that

was abt to talk about courtney, but no im too tired. ima continue reading this stupid fic now /j coz no stupid

[z0n3d0ut66]

rock make happy.

Follow for the same picture of a rock every day

[ image id: a picture of a grey and white rock on a white background, with a stock photo water mark overlaid on it end id]

[z0n3d0ut66]

yes the autism is autism-ing. the smosh in the search history didnt fit lol

[z0n3d0ut66]

please ignore my previous post about requesting a suicide trevor fic and laugh at these. he's so fun! they're in a psych ward btw. like a bad one. like a "hey, christian parents. send ur sinning kids here and we'll fix them :)" one. they're dying each other's hair in the bathroom :3

[z0n3d0ut66]

if ur a fanfic author in the smosh fandom can u please write just like a short one shot in the style of "mentally ill character who does not receive help. suicide." cuz i want to read one but i have a hard time finding any. i will try to write one myself but i'll wait until i'm doing worse to do so.

[z0n3d0ut66]

wow i want to know more abt this cause it sounds awesome

Are you writing a Smosh band au?? Because I am insanely into that!

YES I AM OML

it is a metal band au in which anthony started a band called helldawn and ian started a band called freezing pyre, but they used to have a band together (black comma code)

freezing pyre plays more dsbm/heavy metal, whereas helldawn is black metal/dsbm!!! still figuring out the writing, but I have like... four fics written and SO MANY ideas. its super dark and emo but like... idc I LOVE BLACK METAL SO MUCH (also the idea of arasha in corpse paint HELLO???) so yeah this is my appeal to ask me about my au haha

[z0n3d0ut66]

man. i saw an ianthony fic and they said in the summary that ian had always been a girl (they changed his name as well) and that everything was exactly the same w smosh except they made it straight. that's how you know there is tension /lh /j.

(i don't ship the real people i just found this funny lol don't come after me. this person can write straight ianthony idc i just went haha when i saw it)

[z0n3d0ut66]

i have nothing to say. it's beautiful. (the og comment was about how good josh's memory is) two different ways of saying the same thign. im sorry it s so late. its almost 4am and im bothered that i cant fcontinue reading the fic i was reading cuz the next chapter has a lot of stuff that makes me feel weird. i already got almost triggered by another bit of another chapter (it was the main guy's frieds not taking what he was saying seriously and then those friends were confused when he left like mfs get a life) sp i cant continue reading

[z0n3d0ut66]

unironically actually reminded me to drink water. thank you a lot im so thirsty

you think just because you're gorgeous that means you don't have to drink water?? pssh, think again, bub. you really thought just because you're smart and beautiful and loved that means you don't gotta drink water. ridiculous.