yourbluebutterfly

[yourbluebutterfly]

Time wasn’t in our favor (Jay Halstead x female reader)

Content warning:adult themes,ptsd,cussing,mentions of drinking and substance abuse,drugs,violence,overdose

Summary:when cases come and go and people from the past reappear,Jay can’t help but to rethink his life choices and his mistakes.While he faces new obstacles he has to face,many from his past while potentially losing loved ones.

Jay couldn’t help but that morning before shift had started to sit at his desk,zoned out thinking about the time he ran back into his best friend he served with,an the girl he’s been secretly pinning over for years.He remembered the look on your face when you came out of Knox’s house seeing him and him seeing the fear held in your eyes with bags under yours,the way you seemed to be skinner and drinking which you never drank when guys would jokingly ask you if you wanted a drink you would always turn them down.

But Jay couldn’t help but smile hearing your voice was your were running up the steps of the district to the bull pen twirling in your chair asking what todays case was.Two weeks ago marked you being clean for four for years,you had used drugs before you joined the rangers but you beat the addiction and was clean and happier then ever.

Though you were close with Jay sense you served together in the rangers,with mouse you were partners at the district with Antonio.You had a similar way of doing your job as him,you didn’t do it by unnecessary violence,which is why Jay believed he couldn’t stop himself from falling in love with you despite all his relationships he had been in you were best friends and you were always there no matter what without any judgement even if it happened to be three in the morning with work the next day,that wouldn’t matter you would be there.

“We have many victims being seen getting into a car,near Louis park on Main Street,in which these victims are later found with their throats slit.all these victims are female,proximately twenty-three through thirty-five.” Voight informs everyone before we all roll out.

You couldn’t help it but noticed something seemed tense and upsetting Jay like he knew something nobody else knew.

“You good there Jay,everything alright?” You ask him sliding your coat over you concerned for you best friend while you got a dirty look from Lindsey like why wouldn’t he be.

“Yeah I’m fine,it’s just something about this seems to familiar doesn’t it?” Jay couldn’t help but ask when you worried why he was tensed.

“I mean Jay we deal with so many cases,maybe one from the past was just to similar and messing with you head,try not to think about keep your mind clear.” You smile gently shoving his shoulder before getting into Antonios car.

Jay couldn’t help but wanna stay focused on you,trying to figure out what you meant by keeping his head clear,frustrating Lindsey as she tried to kiss him.Though Jay would rather be focused on so many more things at hand then kissing Lindsey back,he faintly kissed her before following the team.

Jay couldn’t help but sorry the second Voight said they would split up,him and Lindsey while you went with Antonio and Kim went with Voight and Kevin and Adam.He knew he had to stay focused like you said,you were always right about things like that,even back in Afghanistan,you were so blown into that kinda life style you came home with such a badass attitude and he loved you for that.While Lindsey pulled on his sleeve he froze hearing that name.

You made sure you radio was on for a moment before turning it off after they knew who the offender was.

“Okay hey let’s just talk about this alright,rationally Garret.You think threatening to kill her is gonna get you away so much easier,just a another body isn’t it to you?she has a family,a mother and father,she’s somebody’s sister,someone’s best friend.Let her go you know you still have a heart down deep under all that misery.” You were speaking softly but Jay wanted to run in guns blazing,you didn’t know Garret like he had he killed girls for gun,an slung china white like it was candy at birthday party for a kid.you always tried to rationalize everything from the very first moment you met Jay,he knew that.

But Jay couldn’t help it but shove Voight yelling,beyond upset you were in there alone and nobody would go in after you to even let him sense his history with the guy.

“Your dragging her down with you!” Jay yelled shoving Voight.

“I don’t think you know your best friend as much as you claim to,she fits in way too Dam well with Greg they could almost be the same person” Voight told him while Lindsey let out a little snort which resulted in Jay punched Voight straight in the nose,causing him to have a noise bleed before he saw Greg running out back and Kevin had shot him in the foot so he couldn’t run and handcuffed him.

Jay ran into the house to see you helping the girl who had been hostage up as he hugged you from behind while you let go slightly off the girl before Voight let her out and to get help,you hugged Jay back nervously laughing.

“Jay I’m fine really” you smile as he picked you up in a hug carrying you out to his car to take you home,he didn’t care if you guys still had work.Seeing and hearing you alone stuck in a house with Garret Matthews was enough to make his blood boil and worry to consume his brain.

“Are you sure,I never ever would be able to handle and deal with myself if that would of went sideways and I would of lost you” jays voice became quiet as he gently cupped your face worried he was dreaming an something had gone wrong.

“Jay I am here,I will always be here no matter what seriously,we have went through everything together don’t you dare for a moment think you gonna get rid of me that easily.” You smile and freeze,never in a million and thousand years would you if though your best friend would of kissed you,someone who you believed always treated you like a baby sister as you kissed him back you could feel him smile into it as if he felt like he just won the lottery,as he broke the kiss.

“I love you and I always have ever sense I met you recruiting for the rangers,you were always and always are smiling an making jokes.you were my light at the end of the tunnel in the rangers and the same thing for many of the others and I will never be able to thank you enough for that and everything else” he confessed as you kissed him again before getting out of his truck.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Jay” you smile half giggling as he was seemingly blushing,as he winked at you.

“I’ll see you angel” he smiled waiting for you to go inside before he headed home,crashing the moment he got inside in a deep sleep that he didn’t hear his phone ring,or hear the voicemail till morning.

The last thing Jay was ever expect to hear when he got to work was “what the hell” from Antonio as he rushed over to him.

“Man I’ve tried calling you hundreds of time,somethings not right with y/n I woke up getting this voicemail” Antonio told him as Jay glanced at his phone realizing he had three miscalls from you as he played the voice mail you left Antonio.

Your voice was groggy and slurred like you were drinking but it sounded broken which broke Jay that he wasn’t there for you when you needed him but you were always there for him.

“I don’t remember what year it was but uh- we were both going through some shit an all and I love Jay to death and love you guys and all worst is he will always be my saving grace but uh-sometimes I’m not healthy I would say at the moment and stuff,but I wanna be strong enough for him and you guys.” You voice dropped with sadness as Jay fell into his chair feeling like he couldn’t breathe hearing you voice become quieter and more sore sounding from crying.

“I don’t wanna hurt him but it’s also my fault-I never really told him anything like this and he really never told me anything like that,we have always wanted it to be like perfect happy best friends.I love Jay more then anything but uh-we are a little toxic together sometimes he’s still my little bluebird Jay you know but I don’t know if we are gonna be kicking it everyday.” Jays breathe felt as if it was gonna give out and like he was dying,how could he of done this to you and not be there for you,you would of answered in the first ring if it had been him leaving this voicemail to you.

“I think we need to grow within our heart and our souls and mind,mature a lot so we can be the best versions of ourselves for each other I just want him to be happy because I don’t wish evil upon anyone.i love him so much Antonio that it fucking hurts but Garrets right,I am more like him then I know and no matter what nothings gonna change that no matter how hard I try.so I need-I need you to love and protect him for me and for him,keep him from doing stupid shit but also be there when he needs someone’s shoulder.” Your voice dropped out at the end as If you passed out from being so tired.

“No,no,no,no” Jay stood up while Voight came up the steps asking what’s wrong while Jay ran down and out the district as Antonio told Voight about the voicemail.

Jay busted through your front door in a panic feeling like he was dying not knowing where you were and if you were even okay,you are the most genuine human being he had ever met,he couldn’t help but freak out calling his brother.Jays heart stopped when wills voice was nervous and hesitant telling him that you were in the hospital as Jay rushed to the hospital going way over the speed limit,knowing he could get out of any ticket if he really had to.

Jay had rushed into you room seeing you heart monitor muted but showing you were flat lined and Will tried to comfort him as he told him that you passed from a overdose.Jay couldn’t handle hearing that he didn’t get to say everything he ever wanted to tell you,he wasn’t there when you needed him the most like you had always been for him,he felt like he couldn’t breathe until he realized he was having a panic attack for the first time sense serving that you and mouse stopped by telling him to put his head between his knees and to squeeze your hands.

Right as Jay was about ready to walk out of the hospital he heard Wills voice yelling wait she has a pulse,he couldn’t help but run like it was the last thing ever he would see.As he got to where you were lying in the bed will was beside you gently pressing your chest as your monitor showed a heart beat as Will lifted him arms from you he grabbed his brother stopping him from crashing into the floor as the others walked into the hospital.

“Shhh jays she’s okay she’s here,she’s with us” Will tried to comfort his little brother who was full on crying and relived,Lindsey surprised having never seen Jay cry like that ever in their entire relationship.

Jay couldn’t help but let out a gaps of air rushing to your side hearing your groggy voice again,the same one he was afraid he would never ever hear again.

“I fucking quit fuck you” looking at Voight with a smirk before looking over at Jay and smiling and gently putting your hand on his cheek. “Hey baby,don’t cry” you kissed his nose which made him smile.

“Please don’t ever do that again I can’t imagine my life without you,I would seriously die without you I have loved you sense the day I met you and you were arguing about hotdogs with mouse an i can’t ever do this,I can’t live without you I love you more then life itself,marry me please,marry me and take me as your husband” he rushed out his words which made you smile giggling as some of this words were mashed together.

“Of course I will,I could never in thousands of years ever say no to you,I would be more then honored to become your wife”