youngyoungcoyote

[youngyoungcoyote]

💖

A Checklist Of Possible Reasons I Am Upset, To Review When I Can't Seem To Figure It Out:

did not eat

new hyperfixation and no time for it

have not done a creative in 24 hrs

Bad Sounds

clothes are touching my body

cold

people

one (1) comment is stuck in my brain like a popcorn kernel

last time I drank water was ??????

nervous nervous nervous nervous

got a Slightly Worse grade than expected

last hug was ??????

slept a full 45 minutes

lonely ............

guts are shredding (again)

have not seen sunlight in 24 hrs

stuck inside

too much screen time

Yay Overwhelm

room is disaster area

have not talked to Person in a while

bored

imposter phenomenon (again)

no current routine

how long have I been working???

Too Much Socialization

and then. and THEN. I may consider:

something is actually wrong

[youngyoungcoyote]

Oh if anyone wants to follow me on Twitter I do have an account on there, @amuletocoyote

https://twitter.com/amuletocoyote

These two accounts exist in symbosis with each other so if you want the full "me" cyber experience you should totallyyy follow me on there ;3

[youngyoungcoyote]

[youngyoungcoyote]

This hitting hard rn

[youngyoungcoyote]

You may not have a place with our feral brethren, but you do have a place with us upright animals; don't forget, us coyotes are all in this together and when we see that, when we see each other, we all have a home amongst one another.

I watch those in the dog park with envy

My ears twitch at the sounds of their happiness but I cannot join in

Coyotes are not welcome at the dog park.

I watch those in a pack with envy

Their howls and barks echo in the empty night and my heart pounds

Coyotes are not welcome in a wolf pack

I watch the other coyotes with envy

They tussle and groom each other like family does and I sigh

I am not welcome no matter where I go.

[youngyoungcoyote]

❤️

the urge to stalk through the woods at night and accidentally-on-purpose become the neighborhood cryptid is strong

[youngyoungcoyote]

Ooo this one made me feel tingles, yeah I've had the thoughts before, sparingly, but they've come before.

Do you ever walk behind someone and think how easy it would be to attack them and snap their neck?

Do you feel that hot rush of adrenaline that culminates at your fingertips and your jaws ache and your vision blurs and all you want to do is kill kill kill?

Do you ever wish to feel alive? The warm blood drips down your face as people around you scream in horror at what you've done but you can't bring yourself to care because you've finally let it out after hiding it inside you for years and it feels so goddamn good.

Do you ever think that one day you're going to snap and give in to temptation?

[youngyoungcoyote]

Arwarwargh :>

[youngyoungcoyote]

Just like, imagine holding this dude, holding this skrunkl and his face ahhhh I love it

[youngyoungcoyote]

We all just want love :)

[youngyoungcoyote]

An addendum to this I forgot to put in the first reblog

The line "Ah what a glorious tale of fantasy I have spun" really brings it all home for me; as it really shows the disbelief in your own memories, experiences, trauma; that you are really exaggerating it like it's fiction.

I say "you" but I also mean "I" too.

I hate how I compare my trauma to others. I hate that I wish worse things had happened to me just so I can feel "valid" in my suffering. The people around me know my pain but wearing the mask of being fine and carrying the emotional burden of my family for so long has damaged me. They do not know the depth of my wounds and I will not tell them, so I lick them with a tongue far too dry to soothe the aches.

I know I am the glue that holds them all together and for far too long that weight has rested on my shoulders. I am not fine, they know this, and yet it is not enough. The therapy and medicines are not enough. Acknowledge my sacrifices and the blood that bleeds from wounds still fresh; tell me that I am righteous in my anger and apologise for what you've done.

Ah, what a glorious tale of fantasy I have spun.

[youngyoungcoyote]

ouch, okay this one actually hit close to home, to me.

Too often I have said "No my trauma is exaggerated/made up/non existent" and that "I was a brat who deserved everything that was coming to me" or "no your life was good actually you're just misremembering"

For so long I beared the burdens of others, acted as an "ad hoc" therapist, and gave out advice, and also my energy too I suppose.

I never thought about it until this post, but I was a lot of that glue holding my household together through those turbulent waters, and I still don't give myself enough credit. Only recently have I began to give myself credit and think about it all in a different light.

And so I was in the shower earlier, coincidentally I was just thinking of trauma, and I thought "No, it's not that my trauma was lesser, it's just that others experienced it differently."

All of us are valid. And if it's worth anything, I see your scars, your cuts and blood; and I think you're strong as hell, like glue.

I hate how I compare my trauma to others. I hate that I wish worse things had happened to me just so I can feel "valid" in my suffering. The people around me know my pain but wearing the mask of being fine and carrying the emotional burden of my family for so long has damaged me. They do not know the depth of my wounds and I will not tell them, so I lick them with a tongue far too dry to soothe the aches.

I know I am the glue that holds them all together and for far too long that weight has rested on my shoulders. I am not fine, they know this, and yet it is not enough. The therapy and medicines are not enough. Acknowledge my sacrifices and the blood that bleeds from wounds still fresh; tell me that I am righteous in my anger and apologise for what you've done.

Ah, what a glorious tale of fantasy I have spun.

[youngyoungcoyote]

🙏

normalize being so afraid of the world that you become what they fear

[youngyoungcoyote]

Me !!!

I'm not a COWboy..

I'm a COYboy!

Yeehaw bitch 🤠

[youngyoungcoyote]

You're right, this was a post with a bad phrasing and is exclusionary the full scope of plurality anyways; I'm sorry for my ignorance in this moment :(

Shower thought of the day, can cats experience plurality?

I mean, they have personalities, all animals do; can all animals experience plurality?

[youngyoungcoyote]

Bro they really just calling these bots anything nowadays

[youngyoungcoyote]

In ancient Rome, roads were dotted with white stones (cats' eyes) which reflected the moonlight, acting as street lights to help people walk on the street after dark. Pictured is a Roman road in Pompeii.

More: https://thetravelbible.com/mysterious-archaeological-finds/