youinwords

[youinwords]

20th January 2025

Why am I here today, no clue, perhaps this is the only place which I speak to. May it listen to me or nay.

Lately focusing on studies has been difficult for me, albeit being posted at a department where filling meds and relaxing to old songs with a cup of coffee in a cozy room is all that I do. I, who'd study all day and watch pg prep videos at night to save time would now laze around evenings and watch anime to pass time on unusual timings, hard to believe that these are two sets of adjectives used for the same person.

Now, When perhaps all the constellations have aligned, her birthday and the Coldplay concert would occur on the same day, that is tomorrow. On one side is the girl who walked into my life like a sunshine and made me believe that all seasons exist because they were to enamor her beauty differently every time they changed, who made me keep my hobbies and validated my excitement and passion about things I did and plentiful things as such.

On the other hand there's my sister who has loved me and my eldest sister in an unconventional but truest sense. She'd never do little things around the house but when there are things managing concert tickets she'd go through all the hell all by herself. Which she did. Getting tickets from random strangers was never a safe bet but come what may, she did get them - going through all that emotional mental turmoil.

But whilst thankfully, both things were equally managed well, my sister finds it insufferable on my part to even care about her birthday.

I wish my sister would understand how this is for me.

This birthday of her's isn't like the ones before,

There was no excitement a few days prior

Neither would I pack a gift for her,

Nor a thought coming up about how happy she'd be seeing the present.

Because someone else would be doing these things for her now.

How do I tell my sister that I do prioritize them as well, it's just that things have changed too much and there's very little that I know about my own self, to react over things.

I don't know what do 'I' the person does, when a wave has washed on the shore of my life and it has take away everything it has, yet just like mother nature it is audacious enough to give me opportunities to enjoy life and see pretty things happening around, being the concert.

One thing is sure, that the bittersweet past with her will always remain where it is, where it may seem concealed within the sands of time - but like a familiar day, those memories of her would come up and remind me of something that was beautiful, with this in mind where she taught me to live and love life wherever it is right now, I'll definitely go for the concert as well.

[youinwords]

बोहोत रोए मगर अब आपकी खातिर न रोएंगे,

न अपना चैन खो कर आपका हम चैन खोएंगे ।

[youinwords]

14th February 2024

Today is Valentine's day. The day when the whole world is engulfed in the dreamy world of love, when you see couples everywhere making the most they can out of the day, but here I am to say goodbye to you. Yesterday, I was almost sure that you'd not like me coming to see you off, especially on a day like this, but you agree meeting on platonic terms so I make peace with at least being able to see you for one last time before you leave to return only after a month or a two, and who knows how much the dark world of internship would seperate us.

Be it here, I apologise to you for not being able to be platonic today, I might've been just as a friend is to another but my heart is full of feelings and I tried my level best to keep them in so that as I promised, there won't be awkwardness between us.

But when I sat beside you today, I had never felt so strongly an urge to hold you close to me, to hug you and tell you how much I'll be missing you and how your missing warmth will be making this summer colder for me. I absolutely hated that you brought your friend along with you today, and that is because I felt it took away our personal space, the space that you and I would create. I would've really liked if there was only you and me so that I would've gotten a reason to look at you as long as the train is not moving, or perhaps until my sight couldn't see you anymore. Agreed, that we're not close enough to have an intimate moment, but it is a punishment for me when you deprived me of yourself.

How do I tell you that, since you haven't been telling me anything about yourself and your life, I feel guilty about telling anything about myself as well, since it looks as if only I am the one speaking and how do I not speak of your sweet voice which I do not get to hear when I'm speaking so much. Maybe this wouldn't have been like this if it was for only you and me to meet today.

Nonetheless, it was a time well spent, I'm glad my bouquet didn't make you feel awkward and rather you really liked it. You say that I'm good at origami and I should try for competitions, why do you try so hard to tell yourself that these things I do for you are not out of love....

आँखों से कह दूँ, बग़ावत सह लूँ,

बेगाने चाहत की लहरों में बह लूँ,

तुम हो खुली किताब, या शायरों का राज़?

तुम बिन मैं जी ना पाऊँ ...

[youinwords]

[youinwords]

[youinwords]

[youinwords]

[youinwords]

Kal

वो आज है, कल चली जायेगी,

पर वो आज है, तो है ।

कल, तुम उसे सिर्फ उसके instagram के post और stories मे देख पाओगे,

उसकी बातें,

उसकी आवाज़,

उसकी सागर से भी गेहेरी आखें,

उसके बदलते तौर तरीके, हाल चाल,

तुम नहीं देख पाओगे ।

पर वो आज है तो है,

इसलिए तुम आज उसे आखें भर के देख लेना,

उसकी बातो में खो जाना,

उसके लिए गाने गाना,

उसके लिए सब कुछ दांव पर लगा देना,

पर चार लोग मज़ाक उड़ाए तो उनके साथ हस देना,

पूछे तो कह देना - वो तो मेरी दोस्त है ।

सच्चाई जो भी हो,

उसे दुनिया तक पोहोचने की क्या जल्दी ,

प्यार हैं ही ऐसा अनमोल हीरा के जिसे तुम सब की नज़रों से दूर रखो,

इस दुनिया के मिजाज़ और लालच से परे किसी शहर में मिला हैं तुम्हे

तो उसे उस शहर की शांति में ही खो जाने दो,

कल वो चली जायेगी लेकीन,

उसकी याद र��े जायेगी ।

[youinwords]

Ye Dil

ये दिल, आजकल टूटता क्यों नही है?

फिर याद आता है की, इसे तुमने जो चुरा लिया था,

अब इसके तोड़ना और जोड़ना की ज़िम्मेदारी हमारी कहा ।

[youinwords]

Meri Tanhaiyon X AoT (Eren)

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(Contains spoilers of last episode)

A little help with unfamiliar words :

Lahu - blood

Jaam - wine

Daaman - blanket

Weheshat - bruteness/savage

[youinwords]

धूप तो हर रोज़ आती है, पर मेरी सुबह तुम हो ।

[youinwords]

सिर्फ दोस्ती रखने के बारे में सोचता, तो शायद वो ऊपरवाला भी मुझपर नाराज़ होता।

[youinwords]

4th October 2023

मैं कल के लिए तैयार हूं ।

पर यह खत लिखते वक्त रात के १२ बज रहे है, इसीलिए मैं कहूंगा के मैं आज के लिए तैयार हूं ।

फिर वही रात है। फिर वही रात है ख़ाब की

रात भर ख़ाब में देखा करेंगे तुम्हे

लेकिन किसीने बताया नही के, कुछ रातें ऐसी भी होगी के उन्ह���ं खाबों में तो देखोगे मगर अगले दिन, वो तुम्हे देखेंगे या नहीं - इसका कोई जवाब नहीं। आज की रात कुछ ऐसी ही है।

मुझे वो रात याद है जब मैं हमारी amusement park वाली trip से वापस आया था, जिस तरह मुझे पता था कि शायद अब तुम मुझसे बात नही करोगी। शायद आज की भी रात कुछ ऐसी ही है ...

और इस बार तुमने मुझे दूर रहने के लिए भी कहा है, मैं तुम्हारी बात मानूंगा। लेकिन मेरा दिल ये कैसे माने की कुछ दिन पहले जो इतने करीब थे, वहीं कुछ चंद दिनों में इस तरह पराएं भी हो जाए? और तुम्हारी आखों में मुझे मेरी दुनिया समा लेने की आदत लग गई है, अब सामने देख कर चलू तो कुछ खोया खोया सा मेहेसुस करूंगा।

अब कैसे तुम्हे बताऊं के रोज़ मेरे कानों को तुम्हारे मुझे बुलाने का इंतज़ार रहता था (है?), अब कोई और मेरा नाम ले तो पलट कर देखने में कहां वो बात रहेगी।

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कल, जब हम जाने - अनजाने में मिलेंगे, तब बात करो या ना, एक बार मेरी आखों में तुम्हारे लिए दबा हुआ प्यार ज़रूर देख लेना ।

[youinwords]

24th July 2023

You don't send me reels anymore. It is strange how in real we talk about Instagram but never on it. But nonetheless the app still shows me the reels you've liked, so I take a moment to think what must've been your thoughts while watching it. what does it know about us? - "its maybe just some bot", or maybe they know everything about us, they've read every message that we sent to each other, they've seen how I've fell in love with you and they've seen how you realised that you overshared with me. Not just you and me but all the stories in this world, some happy some sad and some lost, like ours...

There is a folder or my saved posts named as 'Feeling low?', it has exclusive content which you'd like to see on your bad days. In the beginning it has all the demon slayer based posts, reminds me once again that it was the first anime we watched together. I think that's why I don't feel like watching the new season. The thought that I'll watch it knowing it very well that we won't have the conversations we had back then, shatters something in my heart which I can only feel. I'll watch the season and I won't be able to send you memes on that, and there won't be a you who'll record the specific part and send me saying that you found this scene absolutely cool. Nonetheless, a good time it was.

For me to confess to you someday while our conversations were in full swing, was a possibility, but how do I tell you that I wanted to earn your trust before just confessing and letting you think that I'm just some guy who likes you, I wanted you to know that I'm here to stay. I think I failed in both the missions. I don't know where I've reached or where I am going. Lately, I find it very sad going out with our friends.

Because you wouldn't talk to me, I feel, lonely.

तुम हो, पास मेरे, साथ मेरे हों तुम यूं,

जितना मेहेसू करू तुमको

उतना ही पा भी लु ।

[youinwords]

Castle (2)

Your,

no, our - male friends make me feel jealous,

For they spend more time with you than me,

More open conversations, more banter, more time

Than me.

.

But I choose to still love you,

rather than making you my friend,

For I, yearn for that one extra second of eye contact we keep after making one.

For in the ruins of the castle of my dreams, in the high tower, I've already made you my Rapunzel,

For even if your hair are not as long as before, you still have the same charm as then.

.

I wish to rebuild my castle, the high tower,

So that no matter how high the walls are,

I shall risk all I have to save you from the isolation.

.

So that we escape the castle one day,

Face the thorns at our feet, the beasts in our path,

The thorns of roses and the sweetness of honey.

All that this world would give to us,

If only, we would be for each other.

.

#poemstoher

[youinwords]

A dreamy edit, from Tangled (2010)

(Jo mai jaanti, by Fareed Ayaz and Abu Mohammad qawaali party)

Lyrics :

जो मैं जानती बिसरत हैं सैय्याँ,

घुंघटा में आग लगा देती ।

If I knew my beloved would leave me one day,

I would have entraced them with the glow of my beauty.

तन वारती मन टोपे सैय्यां

My love, I would've sacrificed my heart and soul for you,

मोरे हार सिंगार की रात गई, पियू संग उमंग की बात गई

पियू संत उमंग मेरी आस नई।

My nights of adornment are gone,

All my hopes departed when my beloved left me today

होती न अगर दुनिया की शरम,

मैं तो भेज के पतियां बुला लेती।

If I were not bounded by the customs of this cruel world,

I would've sent scores of messengers and letters,

for you to come back..

[youinwords]

13th May 2023

Probably one of my worst Summers, And it started with you leaving without letting me know, trust me I really wanted to ask you about it, but I just couldn't because what am I going to say if you say that you simply didn't want me. But I want you to know that I just wanted to meet you once before you're gone for a month, a month without you is still a lot even if I know that I'll probably have to spend the rest of my life without you.

I've told you about how I feel towards you, it was very liberating indeed. But did you not feel anything else other than just feeling good about what I said about you, were they just good words to you, I wonder. I know that you'd say that you don't feel the same towards me, but after a few days of confession it struck me that love is magic, yes, but it happens in an instant for both may not be the case all the time. What I want to say is, maybe you're not feeling anything towards me but it could be that tomorrow you would, I'm not saying you should, but a possibility can't be denied isn't it?

I know you want me to be friends with you and sometimes I do feel that it would've been awesome if I had not fallen for you, so that I could've given all of me to you and you wouldn't have reacted the way you do now (I believe my approaches of romance makes things uncomfortable between us, but I love you, so my eyes are always searching you, for they're also scared that one day you won't be there and that'll be the case from life beyond that day, there's this phrase in Hindi where you say ' आंखे भर के देखना', perhaps this is it).

But on this side of the universe, I've chosen to fall in love with you. I'll honestly tell you that just like you, I don't like when people tease me about us either, and it's because they think there is something, which I would've most certainly loved if existed, but it doesn't so it's sad moreover it's also causing you a lot of trouble which I never wanted to happen in any way, anyday, but I know it's my fault behind all this, I never thought that people whome I'll trust so much will spread stuff about it all over the college, that's the reason why I stay alone for most of the time, I know me apologizing won't do much, but I'm sorry for whatever probelms this caused to you.

For the past few days I've been thinking about it, so I made a resolve, that I'll stay away from you, so that people will stop doing all this, I don't care whether the world knows how much I love you or I don't, I don't need them teasing me to boost my ego, I won't mind even if they tease me that you left me, but just don't tell me to not love you, I've known to do that and only that. I post so much about love, sometimes I forget that all that people here know about love is teasing someone when they post something like that. It is true that some posts are indeed directed towards you, but for the world I just want them to know how deep and powerful love is, it shouldn't be anyone's business looking into what's between us...

My confession ended that day, but there are still so many things which are to be said, I didn't then because it was not the right time, I wanted you to see the real me first and not the nice guy who I portray to be, and I'll give my reasons to all of these but for that I needed some time to pass so that everything happens slowly. And sadly time is a rare resource and I fear that I'm running out of it..

I know that after this course finishes you'll be gone home, and I don't know when will you return or would you even return or not. But whatever the case is, I'll be waiting for you.

If you feel like it, come back and I'll even tell you why I choose to wait. Unlike the movies where love stories finally come to that cliched happy end real life is much harsher and realities pull us away from the dream which we had thought about once, but I'm not afraid of it. My love story is already a happy one, because it was you who I chose to fall in love with..

मेहरबानी नहीं तुम्हारा प्यार मांगा है तुम्हे मंजूर है तभी तो यार मांगा है गैरो के डर से, तेरे शेहर से है कसम रिश्ता तोडू ना तेरा र���्ता मैं छोडू ना

#letterstoyou

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