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My boss’s first language isn’t English. However, she loves giving inspirational speeches to everyone. I think today she was trying to tell us “don’t just stand around looking pretty”, but what she actually said was “WE DONT HAVE TIME TO BE SEXY”.
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cats opening doors with their faces is astounding. you got four paws little fool.
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so who do I get in touch with about marrying obama’s speechwriter

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Everyone: you can't just have a language made up entirely of loanwords
Japanese: ಠ_ŕ˛
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More of the Best #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly Tweets Part One
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At 29, I realized today that sweatbands on your wrists are to wipe your forehead not because your wrists get really sweaty.
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me: it’s ok i’m not mad me 5 mins later: actually? you can go to hell
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when cats knead on you and you can feel their nails puncturing holes into your skin but they look at you with that loving warm expression and you look back like
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