yerlocal-blog

[yerlocal-blog]

12/10/19, local sketch gas station

it’s about 10:30pm on a tuesday night. sister has a sprained knee and can’t get out of the car and needs mint juul pods (even tho nowhere has it lmao). 

important characters are: me (21yr old baby face, leggings and sweatshirt), crackhead buying a 12 pack of beer and cigarettes.

interactions go as follows: 

me: -sees crackhead with his hands full of beer and lighting a cig as he's about to head out, proceeds to open the door for him-

crackhead: thank u, thank u baby 

me: np!!

crackhead follows me outside, closely behind me 

me: -picks up pace to ditch crackhead, realizing i shouldn’t have held the door for him- 

crackhead: whatcho name, btw?

me: -10 seconds later after debating whether or not i should respond or just get in the car but getting freaked out that he’s right behind me proceeds to yell- vERONICA 

crackhead: psssshhhhh that aint it -walks away from me- 

i don’t know why i chose that name, i don't know why i told him anything at all, and i dont know why i even went to get my sister juul pods in the first place

[yerlocal-blog]

10/16/19, morning shift

at one of my jobs, we spin a bottle on a stack of napkins to make them look all pretty. this is what i was doing for a good 5min, then this big dude walks in, probably around late 40′s-early 50′s. I take his order, give him his receipt, and go back to the napkins. the counter is pretty long, so im at the end closest to the registers. this is because most people who annoyingly wait for the food by the counter stay close to the other end, as it’s by the drinks and where they’d be gathering their food anyway. big dude gets his drink and stands right in front of me. 

i consciously just stare at the napkins and try to avoid eye contact. 

big dude: that’s one long game of spin the bottle.

me: ha ha ya issa lonely game today (insert awkward laugh)

big dude: well, i guess doing that helps eliminate people grabbing so many, huh?

me: oh yeah, some people leave big piles on the table and we can't reuse them, so i end up just throwing them away

big dude: hmm.. well, you cant blame them, those burgers are just so big and juicy

me: ..............yup.................

big dude proceeds to stand there until my coworkers from the back line call my name and he leaves to sit down.

they laugh at the interaction and tell me they’ll take over if he comes back. one of them says “i dunno what happens when men reach that age, that they think they can say stuff like that”. both of them are male, so i appreciate them noticing, but still. seriously, what age does that happen 

[yerlocal-blog]

9-20-19, morning shift

a woman and her husband come in. she's wearing a boot on her right foot. he’s wearing a green shirt.they’re probably 50-60yrs old. i welcome them, ask them how their day is going, the same old typical speech. 

they order their food. they pay. interaction goes as follows:

woman: do you know if your tea is made with tap water?

me: ...uh.... i know that tea machine spits out the water, whether it’s filtered or not i’m not too sure. i think it is made with tap water though

-man starts laughing-

woman: ugh. the county switched the water and now it tastes like dirt. i don't want dirt tea. 

me: omg I feel you, i’m picky about my water as well

woman: i mean, seriously. every business here says their water is filtered but it tastes like dookie. thank you for being honest. 

at this point, i’ve been standing for 3 hours and haven’t laughed at anything all day. i start uncontrollably laughing. the woman walks away.

man: I'm sorry, she's really heated about this damn water thing. (he’s still laughing too)

me: omg no, she made my day. enjoy!

i go about my business, wiping down this, sweeping that. i start to sweep over by them.

me: so, what's the verdict? dirt tea?

woman: yes ma’am. dirt tea. yanno, i’ve lived  here 40 years and never had a problem with the water. they say it’s safe to drink, but it doesn't smell right. they call it “organic water”. it tastes like shit.. 

me: girl, i’m right there with you (even though i haven't noticed the change, partly because I suck at staying hydrated). i won't even drink spring water. 

woman: -sigh- i guess ill have to go buy me a damn brita. maybe that’s what happened, the county signed a deal with that company so we’d be forced to buy one and the county gets some part of the profit. 

me: ooo a conspiracy theory, i love it! 

they get up and start to head out. before they do, the woman turns to me, winks, and says “you’ll remember me next time someone asks about dirt tea”

[yerlocal-blog]

9-16-19, nail salon

i went with my buddy to get my nails done today. this isn't a salon i frequent, so i wasn’t looking to book with anyone specifically. i ended up sitting at this dude’s station (eh, mid 20′s, cute lil lisp, quiet talker, had a bruise on his thumb nail)

characters: me, nail salon dude (will be referred to as ‘dude’), and my buddy (male, tall, kinda a country boy)

interaction goes as follows

dude: wassup

me: hey, how’s it goin 

dude: -sits down- when was the last time you drank (again, he talked super quiet)

me:.....what 

dude: would you like something to drink 

me: hahaha no thanks, i thought you asked me when the last time i drank was. we’re gettin real deep real fast, eh?

dude: i mean... when was the last time you drank? last night? 

this small talk went on for a few minutes.

dude: so, you a hippie?

me: what does that mean

dude: wym

me:.. i mean there’s a lot of different definitions nowadays. i refuse to use plastic bags and carry a reusable one with me at all times, if that’s what you mean. 

dude: nah, i meant like....... do...you....smoke?

me: ;- ) -insert small talk-

few moments later

dude: so, you ever dropped before?

me: acid? i mean -insert personal story-

dude: nah i meant shrooms 

me:... my bad, i thought ‘dropped’ was for acid. yanno, you drop acid, you eat shrooms... but -insert personal story- 

dude: you ever done molly?

me: ...nah....

dude: you ever been super drunk?

me: i mean yeah, but i def puked. 

dude: imagine you take a pill, you pass out for a lil, but when you come to you’re super drunk, without drinking, but you can handle it 

long story short, he talked to me about drugs, being “grounded”, the existence of god, music festivals, and this EDM rave he’s going to this weekend (side note, his plans are as follows- friday: molly and smoke, saturday: smoke first acid later, sunday: smoke). i talked to him about sacred geometry, STRFKR, other religions, the demise of the american capitalistic system, and conspiracy theories about the government. 

point being, you never know who you’re gonna run into and what you could potentially talk about. especially in public. dude was a cool dude, but i hope he doesn’t fry his brain on psychedelics. 

[yerlocal-blog]

9-14-19, sally’s beauty

i recently decided to dye my hair. my boyfriend went with me to get some dye at sally’s. 

important characters: me, my boyfriend, lady wearing scrubs (blonde, big soul-piercing eyes, super southern voice, very vocal, probably late 30′s), lady working there (chewing gum, seemed annoyed, probably somewhere in her mid 30′s)

interaction went as followed:

i saw employee lady helping curb lady pick something out, they both seemed to know what they were talking about. i only really use box dye and dont remember much about hair products from my scene phase (lol RIP 2011). 

me: im sorry to bother you guys, but im SUPER dumb about hair stuff, i know i need developer but i dont remember what the numbers mean. can you point me in the right direction?

scrubs: yas girl, you just pick out a developer mhmm that's what you do. 

me: ...hmmmm.... which number?

employee: oh, she can get away with uh 30. her hair aint that damaged. babygirl you get that 30 developer. you can leave that on longer -pops gum- 

me: yes, 30, got it, thank you! 

-both scrubs and employee walk away, leaving me and my boyfriend to pick out a color-

bf: dO BLACK, GET BLACK

me: hell no, im too pale 

scrubs from the isle over: OMG NO GIRL DO NOT DO PALE, IT...IT AINT THAT U TOO PALE, U JUST WONT LOOK GOOD. DONT DO BLACK -comes running over- you should do a blonde omg do blonde, er... whatcha want?

me: i think like a chocolate/chesnut brown, just something to take the red out of my hair 

scrubs: -stares blankly-.....babygirl that color brown is red, see, it’s in the red family group 

me: shit, i meant to say orange, my bad, i like the red in it. i think i like this one 

scrubs: ha ha ha girl, seems like you dont know what you want. -points to something completely opposite to what i said i wanted- do this, thats my vote. 

me: ha he ha hee i think imma still do this one, i super appreciate your help though!! 

scrubs: -grabs bottle from me- lemme see what developer you need. hmmm.... -stares at bottle and starts to read, struggling- 2 fl oz of 20 developer... dUHEX....hold up that doesn't make sense....dOOX....what the hell...

me: -knowing she's accidentally reading the french translation right after the english- uhh... thank you! i think i got it! i think that’s the french translation, so i need 20 developer

scrubs: i think i know how to read, thank you. dEX...DOOEX....oh whatever here. leave it on for like, 35-40 minutes.  

i thank her and  pick out my developer and turn away to go pay. scrubs stops and looks at me talking about some kinda oil or something to put in my hair so it’ll make it prettier.

scrubs to employee and me: you think she needs this? i think it’ll make her hair super pretty. aint this the shit you were telling me about?

employee: she dont need that. let her be, she knows what she wants. -walks into the back- 

scrubs: this is what i think it is. oh shit, there’s only one bottle, do you have more in the back?

me: oh, i dont think imma get it, but thank you!

scrubs: ....were you gonna get it too? i wasn't talking to you....

me, very confused: .................nah, it’s all yours. 

i appreciate the southern way of helping people, truly. sometimes it’s too much though. im very thankful for the employee lady for saving me out of some awkwardness. also, PSA- 20 developer should not stay on your hair for that long. check after 20 minutes. (thank you google for helping me not fry my hair). next time i’ll go into this the northern way- staying quiet and just googling my questions. 

[yerlocal-blog]

B&BW

i went looking for the loved sandalwood rose aromatherapy lotion (yes, i know it’s been discontinued for 3 years now but shut up). white barn was having their candle sale. 

key facts for this odd interaction: i was wearing a weezer shirt, it was around maybe 3-4pm, and it was very busy (it’s in a mall).

the characters for this interaction are: myself wearing the weezer shirt, my boyfriend, and rebecca the B&BW sales associate (has a VERY s l o w vocal pace and an extreme case of vocal fry, probably in her late 20′s maybe early 30′s). 

interaction goes as follows:

rebecca: o h  m y  g o d, girl, i cannot believe you're wearing a weezer shirt in public, i cannot believe you're wearing this right now, how old are you

me: oh -smiles because weezer is trash now, thinking we can have a conversation-, you dont like them? i’ll admit their new stuff is garbage. im 21 tho lol

rebecca: o h  m y  g o d, n o o o o o o, i hate weezer. this one time, i was at a party, i was super drunk, my friend started to play a song and i was like “ew is this weezer” and my friend was like “o h  m y  g o d, beccccaaaaaaa, this is beck” it was real bad, i hate weezer 

boyfriend: ....-laughing- sounds like you dont like beck, why dont you like weezer?

rebecca: i dated a guy who’s last name was beck so that’s probably why 

boyfriend: -still laughing-......lol ok, so maybe you dated a guy with the last name weezer, eh? 

rebecca: idk, prolly, i just hate weezer

becca continued to talk to us for a little while, as i tried to break away to save my ears from the vocal fry. im still super confused as to why she a) thinks beck sounds like weezer and b) why she was openly shouting about her alcoholic past times while she was at work (don’t get me wrong, i love it, i wish more cashiers were as open as becca- you go girl)

[yerlocal-blog]

an odd rant

i know they say ‘college is a waste of time’ as well as ‘don't bother getting a fine arts degree’. but no one really says anything about science degrees. i have a BS in biochemistry, i should be making bank, no? 

no. 

you see, living in a small town, when you have that fancy science degree, you still won't get a job. you have a BS? cool, but you’re gonna need a masters to do this job. you just graduated in 3 years? cool, but you need at least 5 years of experience- educational experience doesn't count. 

so you finally find a job you can do. great. minus the fact you’ll be severely overqualified and underpaid. want to go ahead and request time off for that family vacation you’ve had planned for 2 years and already bought the plane tickets for? sorry, offer declined. it’s not fair to the employees who have been here longer that you’d even ask for time off, even though we severely need you on board and we have 1 person doing the job of 3 people. even though you list it as your one condition to employment. even though you state before hand that you’ll come in early/stay late, are not requesting paid time off, and that you’ll work weekends to make up lost time. 

so you apply for more jobs. finally get a call back. oh, what's this? you have 2 fast food jobs? you don’t need this one! even though you applied, we took the time to call for an interview, and you listed it on your resume. yeah, this one will give you lab experience, but you already have two jobs!! why would you want to give that up for a job that has to do with your degree!!!! we know you’ll quit those for a better opportunity but i think we’ll go with older candidates. sorry for calling you, good luck in your job search!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck the corporate chain. fuck living in the suburbs. fuck not getting a call back. fuck getting the calls that lead you nowhere. fuck getting jerked around just because you’re younger and have less experience. GOOD LUCK WITH YER JOB SEARCH!

[yerlocal-blog]

9-10-19, unexpected night shift

went to the second job to fill out their redbook. ended up covering a closing shift for a shitty coworker. 

it’s about 7:30-8ish. we close at 9. front register is down. a cute old couple, probably in their 70s-early 80s come in. they’re cute. 

interaction goes as follows:

lady: oh! you must be new! 

me: ha ha, nope. been here for almost 4 years. 

lady: well, our paths just haven't crossed yet. im lois. this is my husband john. 

(the man was slightly past the age where he can maintain conversation, still cute tho)

man: and im john. 

me: well, lois & john, im ____. nice to meet you both. what can i do for you tonight?

lady: here’s our usual, it’s a bit odd but they always help with our request. i’d like a medium coffee, black, but split between two small cups. and we’d each like a donut. 

me: omg I DO KNOW YOU GUYS!! 

i gather their order together and insist that it’s on me. partly because i think they're so cute i don't care about the $5 and partly because i have the authority to do that. 

lady: god bless you. that is the sweetest, nicest thing someone has done for us in a while. thank you very much.

man: thank you thank you 

they both sit down and stay for about 30 minutes. as they were leaving, the interaction goes as follows-

lady: well, i’d say we’re about done here. girls (my other closer was a younger female, maybe 17yrs old), come here. is it okay if i ask for a hug? you both have really made my night. 

us: omg of course! 

we hug the lady and begin the “have a nice night/drive safe” speech. 

man: can I have a hug? -looks at his wife- 

us: omg yes! plenty to go around. 

lady: -looks at us as he bends down for a hug and mouths- he’s mentally not there -waves a finger around her head in a circle- 

something about old people hugs really make ur heart melt, yanno

[yerlocal-blog]

9-9-19, morning shift

typical slow monday morning. I get an order for a burger that needs to be cut in half. following protocol, you wrap the burger in foil once, cut in half, rewrap in new foil (still having the original layer of foil around the burger). important information: the burger contained a lot of add ons- lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, onions, peppers, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms.

older woman comes up after eating her first burger. devastated, she holds out the burger and proceeds to yell “THIS IS DANGEROUS! there is aluminum foil ALL in my burger, I CANNOT eat this. I could CUT myself with it. It is NOT that hard to cut in half!!! Not to mention ALL of the stuff on top has fallen OFF! This is very sloppy!!!”. my GM proceeded to tell the woman about the contamination hazards of using an actual knife and how the foil layers help to keep the contents of the burger in the bun. he also mentions how the more you put on the bun the harder it is to keep the buns together, cause yanno, balancing. he told her we cannot accept food back over the counter and that we would gladly remake her a new one free of charge.

I remade it, uncut, and placed a knife in her bag. 

she ate it. along with the aluminum foil-contaminated burger. 

[yerlocal-blog]

9-1-19, morning shift

this scene takes place in the local fast food joint. the characters included are: me (21yr, female, slightly small in appearance, baby face) and yankee man (probably 60-70yrs old, wrinkly, kinda limps, wears a yankee hat).

me: your total is ___. -yankee man pays- your number is 92, have a good one!

his food is done, no new customers have ordered. coworker proceeds to yell out his number. yankee man does not move. being a good citizen, I decide to bring his food to him. 

me: here’s your food! enjoy!

yankee man: you probably knew it was me from the hat, huh?

me: ...ha ha ya, that’s it alright! enjoy your burger! 

yankee man: those are... beautiful tattoos. do you have any more? or rather, do you plan on getting any more?

me: ....ya I have a few more. and I do want more. anyway, I have to get back to the kitchen, enjoy your food, sir! have a nice day! 

yankee man: well, those must be expensive huh? 

me: ....I guess so, but you really pay for what you get, yanno? ha ha ha ok well I really should be getting back up there, please, enjoy the rest of your day! 

yankee man: You know, if you want more, I’d be more than happy to pay for them for you. 

me: .....uh.....ha ha....uh.. why... um.. why would you do that? ha ha h a h a

yankee man: because those are beautiful tattoos. they look beautiful on you. I would love to buy you beautiful things. 

me: ....wELL YOU KNOW I STILL HAVE TO FigURE oUT WHAT I WANT AND mAKE SURE IT’S REALLY WHAT I WaNT, YanNO? HA HA HA BUT THANKS ENJOY YOUR FOOD I SHOULD GET BACK NOW HA AHA

yankee man: do you normally work sundays? 

me: uH NO BUT YOU KNOW, GOTTA PICK UP THOSE SHIFTS WHEN THEY CALL U IN, HAVE A GOOD ONE! 

yankee man: well, I’ll be here every sunday if you change your mind.

yankee man proceeds to watch me the rest of my shift. I tell my GM and he lets me leave and watches me get into my car. 

[yerlocal-blog]

8-29-19, night shift

customer comes in, orders food, and proceeds to ask me about my tattoos. says he’s gonna get the same one I have but somewhere else. proceeds to lift his shirt up and show me his back. that’s where his sick back piece is going to go. he asks me who did my work, so I tell him. he hands me his receipt and asks if I can write down the contact information. as he leaves, my high school coworkers stare at me thinking I gave him my number. he was probably 45. 

a nice man walks in with his son. they order their food and I give them their cups. before the man pays for his food, he yells at the son “DO NOT GET SODA, I AM WATCHING YOU”. I jokingly say “wow, I need you to follow me around all day and yell at me when I drink soda ha ha haha”. he looks up and tells me his children are special, they’re different. i expect him to say they have superpowers or something but he tells me “they’re not allowed to have any sugar. they want dessert? they eat a banana. they want something other than water? they drink milk. they will not have a drop of soda until they are in high school”. I smile and hand the man his receipt and watch as they chow down on their greasy food.