yanosolong

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Pin-Up in Lingerie and Fur by Fritz Willis

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Shirley Jackson, from The Haunting of Hill House

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Supergirl in Action Comics #323

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a distant town

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i learned a while ago that the whole "most of the stars we see in the sky are actually already dead because they're so far away that we're seeing them as they were thousands of years ago" thing is a myth because stars live so long that it's unlikely many, if any, of them have burned out yet, but i'm still glad that myth exists because there's just something about the thought of the sky as a graveyard of stars that gets to me

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Spotlight Sunday: Gundam Harute

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Dreams

Two super interesting ones last night.

In the first one I was in nyc and my brother was there. I guess we had just left a comedy show, I don’t remember anything before that. And the details in general are fading. But there was a guy, real bro type, that I started talking to and he said something about going to see a lot of stand up and for some reason I got it into my head that we should hang out more, that I needed a buddy to go to standup shows with or something like that. As he walked away I said “hey what’s your name?” and after a pause he said “John.” So I said “let me get your number” and after a pause he said “it’s not the best night for me, I’m really stressed out” and got in his car and drove away. Then Blake said he thought he posted on some comedy forum as such-and-such. And I looked online and it was bert kreischer’s fan forum or something, and by looking at this guys profile I could actually see his real-time location and he was driving in his car. So now I felt like I was stalking the dude.

So at some point I guess I reconnected with him and we went to this show and he was sitting at a desk in the back of this small room, like a comedy club, and he said “this is my office.” Then after the show he walked away and I was sitting at the desk and playing with the conference phone and the other stuff on his desk. And I was sitting there thinking this guy is a real douche, what have I gotten myself into hanging out with him. Then he came back in and he was with another guy who was even douchier.

Then we got into our cars and drove our separate ways and I went into a tunnel and the system took over the controls and guided me to my exit. I didn’t expect it but i was enthralled with the extensive tunnel system that took me exactly where I needed to go.

Briefly I remember talking to some people about how Matt Damato recommended i do a film academy and I met a bunch of kids who were impressed by my commercial experience.

Mom and I went to a suburban house where there were at least two kids running around. On the way in I found a strange creature on me. It didn’t look like any kind of bug I’d ever seen. It was like a coinpurse combined with a crab claw. And the dad saw it and said “you have to be careful with those. They will reach into your mouth and pry your jaws apart with these” showing me some clawlike appendages, but wide and flat like a duckbill. He took the thing away.

So going into the living room, the youngest kid was as tiny as a newborn kitten. But he could talk. He was hiding under some pillows and stuff on the couch and I couldn’t even see him but he was talking to us and answering questions and stuff. Mom and I were looking at books that his mom had ordered with his name printed into them as one of the characters. I don’t remember any of what we talked about. Eventually he crawled out of the pillows and he had grown some, he was like the size of a normal toddler now. He was being cute and I leaned forward and gave him a pat, like I would with my nephew, just on his chest, like, sweet kid. And he started bawling, and I was really confused, and he yelled “I don’t want to be touched on a specific part, like on my chest, I don’t want a grown, fucked, married man with children to touch me that way!” And I told him I wasn’t married and I didn’t have kids. I didn’t even want to get into the whole thing about not being a man. But he started attacking me, hitting and grappling, and I started to realize he was growing larger. At some point he was pushing me toward the door and he was taller than me. I wanted to just go outside to avoid his belligerence, but I couldn’t find my jacket.

Eventually I found my jacket and I put it on and I felt something inside and it was another one of the crab things. So I ran to the dad and showed it to him, and I said, “What is this thing called?” He said, “it’s a god-queen.” Then I pulled the jacket off and threw it on the floor and when I opened it there were like six more inside. So he told me not to touch them, to wrap them in something, and he told another one of the kids to go and get a bunch of tongs, one for each of them. The kid groaned and went inside. I waited for what I felt was too long, they were starting to crawl away. I walked into the kitchen to try and find them, but all I saw was a sushi chef who looked at me oddly. His knife was bending around strangely almost in a circle. I walked away.

I found a piece of tinfoil and wrapped one of the claw purses up into it and as I did I saw the mouth opening, like a coinpurse, with little teeth inside and suddenly that part of my hand went numb. I realized it had some kind of paralytic in its saliva. So I went outside, hoping to burn it or something, and the dad was out there and he had one of those aluminum roasting pans just filled up with them, filed in vertically so tight they couldn’t move. I said “we can’t destroy them?” and he said “This is how we deal with them.” Then he pointed to another pan a few feet away and said “that’s how they look after a few months” and they were like giant rotisserie chickens.

When I woke up I realized I had an answer to the question if I dreamed in color. I was listening to a podcast recently and they were talking about dreams and the guest said that some people dreamed in black and white. The host said he had no idea if he dreamed in color or not. He couldn’t recall an example. As for me, I thought “of course I dream in color, what a silly question” but then I couldn’t recall for sure. But when I woke up this morning I could remember clearly the redness of those rotisserie crab-purses.

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;)

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you know what i’m going to speak up and say it. the way people are now acting like covid was no big deal (including all political sides) is extremely bothersome. like it’s been forgotten about.

i realize we can’t obsess over it forever because that’s also unhealthy but please do not forget the people who died. remember all the people from doctors to retail workers who risked their lives. think about and consider the people with long covid who might never be the same.

think of people like my original pcp, a smart doctor and caring man who got it early in the pandemic and never recovered. he no longer works or can service the community.

or people like me who might have heart damage from it. even the less severe damage still affects my life and activities. my sense of smell and taste is constantly weirdly numb and off. it makes eating even more difficult and has been a huge struggle to adapt to when cooking, something i am very good at and enjoy doing.

or the experimental antiviral shots i got which was extremely surreal. the trauma of watching my oxygen levels dip so low i was about to go to the hospital before they went back up enough. the awkward silences with my doctor in full medical safety gear as she listened to my lungs and watched my heartrate for minutes — or doctor code for “i’m seriously concerned but i want to keep the patient calm”. i know i’m not the only one with that experience and i know others had much worse ones.

don’t forget all of them. don’t forget us. we’re not whiny, exaggerating, or hypochondriacs. we can’t live in fear but that doesn’t mean we should act like this didn’t happen and everything’s fine now.

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“the trouble is, you think you have time.”

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By Lazaro

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𝕽𝕰𝖂𝖑𝖔𝕲∆

大   て  る  る   大

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Kaneda by AbueloRetroWave

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the trouble is, you think you have time.

GONCHAROV (1973) dir. Martin Scorsese