xuchiwa

[xuchiwa]

“Am I strong?’ That’s the only answer I want.”

independent selective roleplay blog for Sasuke Uchiha; of the anime, Naruto. canon divergent and headcanon heavy. multiverse & multiship friendly. oc friendly. slow activity; due to work and mental illness. am also running a couple of other blogs, so activity will also be shaky due to that. not necessarily affiliated with the naruto fandom. 

dark content will be featured, explored, and written on this blog; all generally tagged accordingly. if there is a specific thing that might be lesser known that you would liked tagged to cover bases or if you would rather have your own specific tag for me to add, please do not hesitate at all to reach out in dms or inbox.

rules | muse | verses | memes

adored by shadow ( mun is 30+ )

Other blogs:

xheartpages - multimuse & multifandom xuntamed - shaw- mr love’s queen choice xsalvaticn - vanitas - the case study of vanitas xgildedmask - dominique de sade - the case study of vanitas personifiedchaosx - jack frost - rise of the guardians 

[xuchiwa]

I was initially confused on the whole stir over the post notes thing and then realized that I had the thing on xkit where it switched it to the bottom, so there is no change for me --

[xuchiwa]

You ever say a passing comment, realize that it could be read as sarcastic instead of genuine, mentally ruminate over it but then know it'd be weird if you brought it up like 24 hours later to clarify what you meant?

This brain is a prison --

[xuchiwa]

@irrelevantbirthed asked: drops a pokemon egg in your inbox.

There's a look of scrutinizing suspicion at the egg before him, head tilting just a fraction to assess.

.... Strange.

Still, careful curiosity pricks at him; Sasuke kneeling down closer to it for a moment before he carefully picks it up. Who knows --- could be useful.

[xuchiwa]

I made at least one headcanon for every muse / blog ( just one of the multi, i'm not a masochist -- ) and i'm proud of myself for following through.

-- Now. Bed because we got an early rise tomorrow -

[xuchiwa]

Genin Sasuke's 'jealousy' towards Naruto isn't in any capacity any kind of negative feelings towards Naruto himself. All of it is internal.

Ignoring the anime and the filler they added between tsunade becoming hokage and that rooftop fight - because they piss me off on trying to make Sasuke feel horrible at every turn - Sasuke's first shown to show 'jealous' feelings towards Naruto is after the Sand village attack / after that big fight between naruto and gaara.

If Sasuke truly 'hated' Naruto for that fight, he would not of been honest with Sakura about who really saved her. She tries to thank him, and assumes it was Sasuke who saved her from Gaara because she didn't think Naruto would of been strong enough, but it's Sasuke who not only corrects her, but also firmly redirects her protests to double down. But then it shows his face and how he looks from Sakura to Naruto and how he isn't happy about the fact that it's true. But not because he feels anything negative towards Naruto.

It's because he fully thinks it's a sign of his own weakness. Naruto had always been 'behind' him --- and now he was able to do something he wasn't able?? Able to defeat someone he wasn't able to?? Nevermind that the cursemark was seriously hindering him and made him unable to truly fight to his full capacity - Orochimaru's doing; he knew wtf he was doing in manipulating Sasuke from a distance - all Sasuke sees is Naruto going from someone who everyone was convinced wouldn't catch up to someone like him turning into someone who can catch up to him.

And if he can catch up to him, that means he must be standing still. Or getting weaker -- those are the only two options to him. And it eats him alive from the inside until it all comes to an overflow. ( Itachi was the last push to tip the cup over, 'choosing' to focus on Naruto instead of Sasuke and then 'effortlessly' beating and incapacitating him; leading to Sasuke challenging Naruto to that fight on the roof top. )

[xuchiwa]

I went out for most of the day to try and do some errands, and even though I only found one of the things I needed, I also got something a lot better -

[xuchiwa]

My activity has been all over the place, and it's because my /sleep/ has been all over the place. Can't explain it, because it's either waking up at ungodly hours and being unable to go back to sleep on my days off or being unable to sleep at all when i get home from working my overnight shifts on a few unlucky days. I just can't win --

Also in a week, I'll be over in the UK to visit my fiancee and attend our friends' wedding and I'll be there for two weeks. I ... wanna say that I'll be active because I actually tend to sleep my best when I'm with her in any capacity, but I shouldn't make any such promises because my attention will most likely 100% be on her. ( We have a lot of movies to watch together and she has to deal with me visiting waterstones 500000 times -- )

Either way --- I'm still kicking around. Just trying to survive low sleep and the most recent heat wave.

[xuchiwa]

Hi babes, I'm in a bit of a pickle right now. I had to run both mine and my wife's cats to the vet yesterday after finding bloody poop in the littler. The visit was $343 all together, but I also had to get cat food, hay and veggies or the guinea pigs, and also gas for my car. My check was $523 this week so it was a pretty big blow. I still need to pay rent, and I also have another vet visit coming up for one of my pigs thanks to an eye infection that won't quit even with antibiotics. I'm offering up my ko-fi for any assistance y'all can give. Even if you can't donate, please consider sharing this in hopes someone else can. No amount is too small right now.

Ko-fi

Thank you, loves.

[xuchiwa]

You Won't Be Alone (2022)

[xuchiwa]

And this was one of the problems of getting close, of being known. It meant people watched, that people noticed when something wasn't the usual. When something was wrong. And when people who whisper about how much they love you against your skin during stolen moments alone start noticing when something was wrong ...

Sasuke exhales a long breath, tearing his eyes away from Katsuki before wiping sweat from his brow. Another mistake during one of Aizawa's exercises, one that he was usually much too fast to be caught in. They'd been adding up, haven't they? "No .... It's nothing, just ... tired."

A lie, a flimsy one at best, one that almost makes him wince in how it falls; stilted and clunky. But it was all he had ... he couldn't very well state any part of the truth. Even as the weight of it grows heavier and heavier in his stomach, the heavier it gets with each new passage of information he gives and receives.

He straightens his back, still keeping his eyes pointedly away from the blonde, starting forward. " --- It's nothing. I can make up for it, promise."

@xuchiwa liked ✧ 𓂅 for a starter !

"you've  been  distracted  this  week.  what  the  hell's  goin'  on  with  you,  huh?"  tongue  clicks  against  the  roof  of  his  mouth.  he's  given  sasuke  one  too  many  chances  to  come  clean  on  his  own,  but  he  hadn't.  almost  a  full  week  of  sloppy  mistakes,  slowly  grating  on  his  nerves.  not  because  katsuki  had  to  make  up  for  them,  but  because  sasuke  was  better  than  that.  he  knew  better.  "you  gettin'  sick  or  somethin'?"

[xuchiwa]

Ya'll must be so sick of me being angry over this and i apologize; i'm almost always ready for you guys to just leave when i go into my 'uchiha rages' --

[xuchiwa]

Sometimes I genuinely subscribe to the whole 'It's fiction, don't get too negatively influenced by it' and then other times it makes me genuinely angry --

I might be rewatching the Hokage Summit arc at work and getting really frustrated at how Konoha's hand in the Uchiha genocide is skimmed over just to condemn 'Sasuke choosing revenge' -

[xuchiwa]

I slept for like 95% of the day and I don't know what to do with myself on not being half dead on my shift, like if this what having enough sleep feels like? --

[xuchiwa]

[xuchiwa]

"I'm fine, Sakura."

How was he to explain the itchiness underneath his skin, tearing into him each moment he thinks back to his uselessness during the attack? How the curse mark had rendered him utterly unable to help, how he couldn't even stop Sakura from getting hurt, how he had to watch as Naruto fought Gaara alone? His teammates needed him, and what had he done?

Cried and begged and pleaded for his life all while running away; away from the compound and from where his parents laid prone and--

The sharp sound of something falling brings him back; Sasuke hesitating for a few moments before he realizes that he had dropped the container that he had found; the one he had picked up just moments ago. He closes his eyes for a brief moment, inhaling deeply before releasing it slowly so the images could be firmly locked away; using the sharp pain of fingernails digging into his palm to help. Not here. Not now. Now in front of her.

He doesn't look to her as he kneels down, picking up the container once more, before turning to set it down next to the other salvageable things they had found. " ... I'm fine." The words were softer repeated, gentler, as though in apology. "Just dealing with the reconstruction and cleaning efforts like everyone else."

Sakura's hands brush dust and debris from the covers of books, but her thoughts are elsewhere as her body took care of the menial tasks. She hadn't realized her attention was focused on Sasuke until he said something. It's true, she was thinking about him - worried. How could she not after the turmoil of the past weeks? This was the first opportunity they've had with Naruto out of the way.

Fingers clutch the books tight against her chest, and they thud gently against her chest to wake her up from her trance. "I-," she stammers and looks away. "It's not the mark." It's true she is worried about it and what it's doing to him. Shy eyes look up from behind pink bangs, "I'm worried about you," she confesses. "Not because I think you're fragile," If anyone is fragile, it's her. Fragile is not a word she would use to describe Sasuke. "I care about you, Sasuke-kun, and I just want to know you're okay."

[xuchiwa]

Naruto Shippuden: Bonds is such a funny movie, because it came out during a time where Sasuke appearances / crumbs were so scarce in the anime, so they basically said "You know what; we're gonna use him as our selling point by advertising him all over the place, and not only that but we're gonna make him sluttier to sell the point even more -- '