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I have so much love for her.

And she doesn't want it.

And i can't have it because it's not mine.

And I can't give it to anyone or anything else because it's not theirs.

It's hers, all hers and there's no where else to put it.

It's so fucking heavy, and i have nowhere to put it.

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I‘m not sure if I‘m alright

really my emotions are all over the place

one moment l'm up

the next I‘m down

sometimes I feel so empty

as though there's a hole where my heart should be

just an emptiness inside me

but I tend to just say I‘m okay

it's simpler that way

nobody ever asked you to elaborate on being okay

there are moments when everything feels confusing

days blend together indistinguishable

I wear a mask, so others can‘t see the struggle inside

when night comes I'm by myself

drowning in endless thoughts

every night is a struggle trying to find sleep

while my mind races on, I replay every era

every regret

I question whether it's all going to make sense someday

if the ache will ease

right now it feels like wandering through a dense fog

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"I have enough memories to drink coffee all by myself in a cafe so empty yet so crowded with the ghosts of those who have left but always stayed."

-Mahmoud Darwish

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Alcohol and cigarettes are just overrated.

Try not to talk to a person you love.

You'll know the real meaning of addiction...

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The truth is

that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you'll see their flaws. That's just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don't last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they're out of money, under pressure, or hungry.

For goodness sake, love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind. Love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice. It's seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship. When you're in love, you're capable of learning everything and knowing things you would never dare even to think because love is the key to understanding of all the mysteries. Through love's lens, even the darkest corners of our existence reveal threads of hope and resilience." - Unknown

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Someone said,

„anger is sadness that had nowhere to go

for a very long time“

and I‘ll never forget it.

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The story begins with the breeze Your minted breath after we've kissed The gulmohars I tucked in her hair The gulmohars paint her portrait in my head Shes one of a kind you see She reminds me of the sea, The tiny currents i broke with my feet The tingle I feel so luxury Her skin which meets with mine The big waves I begin to ride To take risk is to gamble, To die is a fear makes me tremble But for her, to divinity, i'll offer my life To bring her a smile, To my body she brings life On my grave she can grow lives.

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Voice

Her voice. Please don‘t let me forget her voice.

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Fall in love

I didn‘t want to fall in love, not at all

but at some point you smiled and holy shit

I blew it.

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Ask people to stay

I think we ask people to stay because we‘re scared they‘ll take pieces of us away with them if they leave.

But nothing that comes from within us ever really leaves: it stays in our bones like the gold in a leaf.

It‘s in memory. It is written.

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There is no word in my

Language for the enormity

Of this loss, it's like waking

Up with your skin removed

Every breath is painful and

Every touch a five alarm fire

The world is full of hazards

I am left helpless

Some mornings I wake up

Lucky enough to almost

Forget but that phantom

Limb still needs scratching

I still don't know how to

Move in a place where you

Aren't and I've locked all

The doors, I cannot escape

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Your words taste like honey

They’re a bright light when I’m lost at sea

They keep me warm like a childhood blanket

In fear, your smile is all I need

And though my eyes are sometimes blurry

And though my hands are too cold to touch

Frozen

I can lick your name up off my lips

To feel my energy line up in love

But even in this bliss, one thing always gives me pause

Once I drink your sweetness in, I’m not sure that I can stop

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Die perfekte Frau

Sie ist stur und hartnäckig, aber Gott weiß, ich liebe sie.

Es gibt Tage in denen sie wütend ist, ohne einen bestimmten Grund, außer dem, dass sie wütend ist.

Wenn sie krank ist, ist sie hilflos und alles was man für sie tun kann, ist sie in den Arm zu halten, bis sie eingeschlafen ist.

Es gibt Tage in denen sie alles kritisiert, Wetter, Menschen, Musik oder sogar dich und du musst einfach damit klar kommen.

An manchen Tagen schließt sie die Welt aus, sie wird alle ignorieren weil sie einfach alleine sein möchte.

Manchmal erstickt sie einen mit Liebe.

Sie küsst und küsst, bis ich sie bettle damit aufzuhören.

Sie kitzelt mich bis es innerlich schmerzt und hält meine Hand bis sie nass geschwitzt ist.

Es gibt Tage an denen sie jede Stelle meines Körpers mit ihren Lippen abtastet.

Manchmal sind ihre Haare völlig zerzaust und hängen ihr ins Gesicht.

An manchen Tagen ist sie richtig nervig und quasselt ständig in meinen Film hinein.

Manchmal stelle ich ihr eine Frage, zum Beispiel, wo wir essen gehen wollen und sie kann sich einfach nicht entscheiden, bis ich irgendwann aufgeben und selbst einen Ort aussuche.

Manchmal macht sie Witze, in Momenten, in denen sie lieber ernst sein sollte.

Tage an denen sie mich um 3 Uhr Nachts nicht schlafen lässt und Tage wo sie um 9 Uhr abends ihre Augen nicht mehr offen halten kann.

Sie ist ein Widerspruch in sich.

Sie ist alles was ich immer wollte.

Ich würde alles tun um ihre schlechten Tage zu erleben, ihre wütenden, ihre „ich brauche Zeit für mich“ Tage, jene an denen sie lacht und vor allem jene an denen sie glücklich ist.

Weil sie alles ist was ich immer auf dieser Welt wollte

und ich würde sie um keinen Preis missen wollen.