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Scary BPD things we don’t talk enough about:

Complete dissociation

Not knowing who you are/not recognizing yourself

Having no control over the things your saying, which can include things like threatening to bodily harm/kill people/animals and other really terrifying things

The speed at which you can go from extreme anger and rage to being better about a situation is almost unnatural and really eerie to reflect on sometimes

Having to “childproof” you environment by locking up things like prescription pills, alcohol, sharp objects, lighters, etc.

Intrusive thoughts/voices in your head/saying or thinking things that feel like they come from someone else

Worrying that you’re going to hurt somebody (and I don’t mean emotionally I mean like worrying you’re going to black out in rage and stab someone to death)

Other people worrying you’re going to hurt/kill them and them taking visible precautions against it which make you feel worse

All or nothing emotions. Everything is too much or it’s nothing. The feeling like you have so many emotions your body can’t physically contain them or just feeling empty

The depression cycles where you can’t sleep or can’t eat or can’t get up to use the bathroom for hours on end

The extreme lengths people take to try and control you when you’re having an episode (especially if you’re a minor living with a parent) like locking you up or physically restraining you etc.

Not making plans for the future because you don’t think you’re going to make it that far for whatever reason

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todays one of those days, nothing goes right and everything feels wrong, having bad bpd flare ups are the worse. i could feel everything but nothing at all, i could feel the hair on my arms rise but couldn’t pinpoint the main factor of how i’m feeling. my socks weren’t laying right on my feet but i couldn’t pinpoint a way to calm me down.

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When I say, I love you, it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are.

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finally met someone who’s chaos matches mine, and who’s presence is as peaceful as my solitude.

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Date someone who understands you're a work in progress but still adores you for the absolute fucking masterpiece that you already are.

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Isn't it a beautiful thing how we find people who can make us feel so happy, even at the times when we don't believe in happiness at all.

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My new favorite thing that I recently started practicing is to argue that " I am entitled to my feelings ". What does that mean? Say I am upset or scared or anxious or angry about a situation and then I am trying to communicate my feelings to the other person, and then they say something like " but why are you feeling this way, it's not even that serious.. or don't worry the solution is easy I think you shouldn't be upset over something like this.. " and that's when I started saying " you can't judge my feelings. I am entitled to my feelings. If I am feeling upset then I have the right to feel upset. My actions afterwards is something you can judge, deem right or wrong, my actions is something we can discuss. But my feelings are mine and I am not gonna suppress them just so that I don't come off as overreacting or silly. I know this will be fixed in the morning but if I wanna cry about it then I am gonna cry about it as long as I want, and nobody is allowed to tell me nothing about it." I am growing, I am learning, I am trying to be more honest with myself. I am working on changing my unhealthy behaviors or restraining my unhealthy coping mechanisms. My reactions to a given situation is something I can adjust, but I will never suppress my emotions and I will never lie to myself again.

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once she emotionally detaches herself from you that’s when you’ve lost her, when her mood no longer depends on you, when she stops noticing the little things.

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i am not afraid to do things alone , when i’m always by myself

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this year i’ve met the most broken but strongest part of me.

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ME

She would rather come off too strong than too weak. She comes across as clingy because she's passionate about loving you and she's not interested in playing these guessing games people love to play nowadays. She would rather care too much than pretend not to care at all. She always bombards you with messages because your attention is all she wants. she's transparent with her emotions and that's what she believes in. She wants you to know that she cares. She wants to make you feel special. She wants to make you feel loved because for her, your happiness is her happiness. I know it might come across as annoying or irritating, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather choose someone who's always there for me than someone who doesn't really care about me. If you have a girl who always reaches out to you, calls for your attention and a girl who always wants to be with you, consider yourself lucky because they're as loyal as they can get no matter how annoying, clingy or crazy they are.

She has trust issues because she's been lied to in the past. It's not easy for her to open up to you again but if you take your time and slowly prove to her that you deserve that trust, then she will gradually open her heart and begin to trust you. It won't be easy, but if you're really serious about her then you will definitely need to prove it. I promise you, it will be all worth it.

My anxiety is silent. You wouldn't even notice a change on the outside but I'm honestly stressed, I can't even manage simple tasks. People call me lazy, when in reality I'm just overwhelmed.

i’m so insecure & i hate it , not a day goes by where i stop and think about the way i look , then i start comparing myself to other females specially when i go out and i see some female, pretty ass female with a nice body & beautiful smile, i just be looking at them wondering how could someone be so pretty without even trying , it’s honestly so hard trying to accept myself for who i am & for the way i look . yeah i be feeling pretty sometimes when i get all ready but then i try taking pictures or i look at myself in the mirror & i just notice all my flaws & it puts me down & ruins my whole mood , i really hate this feeling .

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this is your daily reminder that people with personality disorders are not inherently abusive and calling them such is ableist and very fucked up!! -Janus (she/they for this post)

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You won't understand

How isolating it is

To be surrounded by love and support

And to feel like the things in your mind don't make sense

And that they'll never understand why you shut yourself away.

It's not me

It's my brain

You won't understand.

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You deserve so much.

You deserve to be treated with kindness, love and care. You deserve to be called beautiful/handsome every single day. You deserve cute notes and teddy bears and candy wrapped up in ribbons. You deserve to be listened to. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be referred to with the correct pronouns. You deserve to be cuddled when you are sad and when you are tired. You deserve to be kissed. You deserve to have someone take care of you when you are down or when you are sick. You deserve to know that people love you. You deserve to be taken out on dates. You deserve to have someone get to know every little part of you, and have them love every single part. You deserve to be told your hair looks fabulous. You deserve to be told that you are an amazing human being. You deserve to be spoken to with kind words. You deserve to have someone stay by your side through the good times and through the bad. You deserve to have someone do their best to understand you. You deserve to be loved.

You deserve the world.

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i hate it. Anxiety

i hate the 3am thoughts and the 10am thoughts. it’s slowly killing me and i feel like i’m too far away to make a difffence.

I’m tired of the nights

me sitting or laying there

crying myself to sleep feeling useless and not good enough. being too sick to even look at your own body as you hate it THAT much

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She was

An unexpected calamity

To the walls

I had built

Around my heart.

She stormed in,

Took me by surprise

As she ripped apart all my pain,

All my fears,

All my detachment

And settled within

As though my heart

Were her new home.

I have no idea

What spell,

What potion,

What illusions she has cast

In order for her to make me fall,

Become enamoured

And crave her as much as I do,

However she claims the same of me

As she has fallen for me as well

And claims me to be her salvation,

For I'm her angel.

She's my devil,

My love,

And the light of my very eyes;

The healthy love I had been expecting.

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The time we spend apart is mere seconds compared to the eternities I would wait to be with you.