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sext: i don’t ignore you as much as i ignore other people

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me, a legal adult: when i grow up,

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But honestly

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Me in jail: so are you guys familiar with the Cell Block Tango

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there’s just something better about sitting on the kitchen counter I can’t explain it

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my skills include reading an entire page of an academic text without absorbing a single word

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despite what rian johnson tried to achieve with shirtless kylo ren, this was the hottest moment of the movie

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One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.

Anonymous (via wordsnquotes)

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a 90’s kid? don’t you mean sad adult?

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IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video