xamidarling - Tumblr blog

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Beyoncé 2004

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hozier thinking his answers in interviews

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“Let me write a book, for I am in prison. Life is too enslaving, too crushing, too stifling. Let me write a book, grow wings, become invisible. Let me forget my sorrows, the lies that were told me, the delusions.”

— Anaïs Nin, from a diary entry featured in Mirages: The Unexpurgated Diary; 1939-1947

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https://www.instagram.com/p/CDW3G7vgwU-/?igshid=142lj4n3gbhv8

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everyone on the dying microblogging platform desires me carnally

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Already starting to see some color changes. Marble bettas have a ‘jumping’ gene that can alter their color, sometimes dramatically, as seen in Ferric.

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Templo Expiatorio del Santísimo Sacramento, Mexico by Rafael Cedano

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au where ty lee is studying child psych and mai is studying criminal psych

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What can I say? I have preferences.

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sometimes i think about gay people who lived centuries ago who thought they were all alone who imagined a world where they could live openly as themselves who met in secret spoke in code defied everything and everyone just to exist and i’m like..i gotta sit down. whew i gotta sit down

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@isabelleikpeme

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why are french people rude?

Ah well, the safest explanation when an entire country’s people are stereotyped as rude is that they have their own culture with different criteria for politeness than the ones you are used to. It’s probably easier for Americans to forget this than for the rest of the world, because they consume less foreign media than the rest of us (from literature in translation to foreign films) and are less exposed to aspects of foreign cultures that could inform them about different norms of politeness (online interactions happen in their own language and follow their own (anglo) social codes.) With this insular worldview it's easy to take it for granted that American good manners are universal. They are not!

A very common gripe against American tourists in Paris is that they talk so loudly in public spaces, which is definitely rude here but I assume that in the US, people just have a different threshold for what constitutes 'loud' (I wonder if it is due to being used to having more space than Europeans). I also remember a discussion I had with one of my translation professors about the American concept of ‘active listening’ and how negatively it is perceived in France. It may be that in the US it is polite to make 'listening noises' at regular intervals while someone is speaking to you, ‘uh huh’, ‘right’, ‘yeah’, ‘really?’, and that you would perceive someone who just stands there silently as disinterested or thinking about something else. In France it is more polite to shut up and listen (with the occasional nod or ‘mmh’) and it's rather seen as annoying and rude to make a bunch of useless noise while someone is speaking.

There are of course countless examples like that. The infamous rude waiters in Parisian cafés probably seem a lot more rude and cold to people who have a different food culture... People from other cultures might consider a waiter terrible at his job if he doesn’t frequently check on them to make sure they don’t wait for anything, but the idea that a meal is a pleasant experience rather than just a way to feed yourself (esp when eating out) means we like having time to chat and just enjoy our table for a while, so we don’t mind as much waiting to order or for the next course. French people would typically hate if an overzealous waiter took the initiative to bring the note once we’re done with our meal so we don’t have to wait for it, as it would be interpreted as “you’re done, now get out of my restaurant.”

The level of formality required to be seen as polite is quite high in France, which might contribute to French people being seen as rude by people with a more casual culture. To continue with waiters, even in casual cafés they will address clients with the formal you and conversely, and won’t pretend to be your friend (the fact that we don’t have the American tip culture also means they don’t feel the need to ingratiate themselves to you.) I remember being alarmed when a waitress in New York introduced herself and asked how I was doing. “She’s giving me her first name? What... am I supposed to with it? Use it?” It gave me some insight on why Americans might consider French waiters rude or sullen! It might also be more accepted outside of France to customise your dish—my brother worked as a waiter and often had to say “That won't be possible” about alterations to a dish that he knew wouldn’t fly with the chef, to foreign tourists who were stunned and angry to hear that, and probably brought home a negative opinion of French waiters. In France where the sentiment in most restaurants is more “respect the chef's skill” than “the customer is king”, people are more likely to be apologetic if they ask for alterations (beyond basic stuff) as you can quickly be seen as rude, even by the people you are eating with. 

And I remember reading on a website for learning English that the polite answer to “How are you?” is “I’m fine, thank you!” because it’s rude to burden someone you aren’t close to with your problems. In my corner of the French countryside the polite thing to do is to complain about some minor trouble, because saying everything is going great is perceived negatively, as boasting, and also as a standoffish reply that kind of shuts down the conversation, while grumbling about some problem everyone can relate to will keep it going. (French people love grumbling as a positive bonding activity!)

Basically, before you settle on the conclusion that people from a different place are collectively rude, consider that if you travel there and scrupulously follow your own culture's social code of good manners, you might be completely unaware that you are being perceived as obnoxious, rude or unfriendly yourself simply because your behaviour clashes with what is expected by locals.

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“But why are trees such social beings? Why do they share food with their own species and sometimes even go so far as to nourish their competitors? The reasons are the same as for human communities: there are advantages to working together. A tree is not a forest. On its own, a tree cannot establish a consistent local climate. It is at the mercy of wind and weather. But together, many trees create an ecosystem that moderates extremes of heat and cold, stores a great deal of water, and generates a great deal of humidity. And in this protected environment, trees can live to be very old. To get to this point, the community must remain intact no matter what. If every tree were looking out only for itself, then quite a few of them would never reach old age. Regular fatalities would result in many large gaps in the tree canopy, which would make it easier for storms to get inside the forest and uproot more trees. The heat of summer would reach the forest floor and dry it out. Every tree would suffer. Every tree, therefore, is valuable to the community and worth keeping around for as long as possible. And that is why even sick individuals are supported and nourished until they recover. Next time, perhaps it will be the other way round, and the supporting tree might be the one in need of assistance. When thick silver-gray beeches behave like this, they remind me of a herd of elephants. Like the herd, they, too, look after their own, and they help their sick and weak back up onto their feet. They are even reluctant to abandon their dead.”

— The Hidden Life of Trees: What They Feel, How They Communicate—Discoveries from a Secret World Peter Wohlleben,

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honestly if you wouldn’t bond with a symbiote you’re a fucking idiot, like you get unbelievably powerful and sexy and all you have to do is what? not go in fire or listen to noises that sound bad? newsflash idiot i already dont go in fire or listen to noises that sound bad. dumbass. you gotta eat some living flesh once in a while? whatever dude easy shit

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Imagine your chart if all of your house positions were flipped to their opposites. How different would you be? How different would your life be? I’d have Sun in the 10th House Moon in the 7th House Mercury in the 9th House Venus in the 11th House Mars in the 10th House Jupiter in the 6th House Saturn in the 12th House Uranus in the 12th House Neptune in the 12th House Pluto in the 10th House Sounds like a pretty cool person tbh… probably gets a lot done/is a hell of a lot more “successful” than I am. At the same time they probably aren’t even half as self-aware. This person strikes me as the type that knows what they want, but not who they are. Who would you be?

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did y’all see the guidelines for homeless shelters turning away trans people (specifically trans women)? every line of it is so awful. if you can, PLEASE donate towards homeless trans women today. these shelters are not safe for them.