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Baby potato

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Do you know what happens if you show up in a death metal mosh pit dressed as the hippyest hippy that ever hippied?

You have an awesome time & everyone wants to be your new friend.

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I started this running joke with my 6yo daughter where Creepy Daddy™️ (steepled fingers, brooding brow, raspy voice), would appear when she needed to be asked to get ready for bed, do homework .etc.

And she went along with it, talking about how creepy daddy was cute coz she thinks creepy looking things are cute, but also just to get in on the whole joke.

Then last night she decided to take it a step further. She started talking about how Creepy Daddy™️ is her boyfriend and she wants to kiss him.

I need to figure a way out of this before she repeats our inside joke to the wrong person and I get a visit from the police.

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A Victorian couple and the true head of the household pose for a family photo. 1890s.

Via Historic Photographs 

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That is hysterical. I about peed on myself

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you really just have to see this one

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Weed gummy should cost 50¢ and be sold out of vending machines and at corner stores

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Lightly slapped my wife’s ass as she was bent down to get something from a kitchen cupboard earlier.

Without turning around she gave out to our daughter.

I laughed for a good 2mins until I could explain that it wasn’t her.

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I joked with my students today; “Heeeyyy it’s December now! You know what that means? Mariah Carey’s gonna be let out of her cage to start delivering presents to good boys & girls on her skateboard. That’s how it works isn’t it?”

Got like 50/50 chuckling along and looking at me like I had three heads.

I count it as a win.

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Goddamned EU red tape.

So yesterday I went to take banana, peeled it, and came back to show my partner because wow, this is a VERY STRAIGHT banana !

Like abnormally straight !

!!!

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Also “had had”.

Why is English?

i hate that "that that" is grammatically correct. why is english the joke language

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Canadian Geese arrived this morning for their overwinter stay.

And I’m not exaggerating when I say they literally arrived this morning.

Saw the first V formation just before I dropped the little one off at school. Then I headed into work. I’ve a straight shot on a single road most of the way. I must’ve almost caused an accident a half dozen times coz I just kept staring upwards. 7/8 more formations flew straight over my head from front to back.

Fucking incredible.