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I started this running joke with my 6yo daughter where Creepy Daddy™️ (steepled fingers, brooding brow, raspy voice), would appear when she needed to be asked to get ready for bed, do homework .etc.

And she went along with it, talking about how creepy daddy was cute coz she thinks creepy looking things are cute, but also just to get in on the whole joke.

Then last night she decided to take it a step further. She started talking about how Creepy Daddy™️ is her boyfriend and she wants to kiss him.

I need to figure a way out of this before she repeats our inside joke to the wrong person and I get a visit from the police.

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A Victorian couple and the true head of the household pose for a family photo. 1890s.

Via Historic Photographs 

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That is hysterical. I about peed on myself

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you really just have to see this one

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Weed gummy should cost 50¢ and be sold out of vending machines and at corner stores

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Lightly slapped my wife’s ass as she was bent down to get something from a kitchen cupboard earlier.

Without turning around she gave out to our daughter.

I laughed for a good 2mins until I could explain that it wasn’t her.

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I joked with my students today; “Heeeyyy it’s December now! You know what that means? Mariah Carey’s gonna be let out of her cage to start delivering presents to good boys & girls on her skateboard. That’s how it works isn’t it?”

Got like 50/50 chuckling along and looking at me like I had three heads.

I count it as a win.

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Goddamned EU red tape.

So yesterday I went to take banana, peeled it, and came back to show my partner because wow, this is a VERY STRAIGHT banana !

Like abnormally straight !

!!!

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Also “had had”.

Why is English?

i hate that "that that" is grammatically correct. why is english the joke language

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Canadian Geese arrived this morning for their overwinter stay.

And I’m not exaggerating when I say they literally arrived this morning.

Saw the first V formation just before I dropped the little one off at school. Then I headed into work. I’ve a straight shot on a single road most of the way. I must’ve almost caused an accident a half dozen times coz I just kept staring upwards. 7/8 more formations flew straight over my head from front to back.

Fucking incredible.

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You’re welcome

they should make a headphones that is comfortable to wear while lying on your side

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People really buy wholesale into the stereotype of the passive, non-confrontational Asian and yes…to an extent they are. You don’t want to progress to the finding out stage of fucking around with them though.

Also; the majority of S.Koreans do martial arts from a young age, and they have mandatory military service for all eligible males.

Can’t wait to see him getting laid out by a member of BTS.

When are Americans going to learn that the laws in other countries ARE NOT THE SAME AS THOSE IN AMERICA?

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You see, when a mummy shark and a daddy tornado love each other very much…