writingstuffandthoughts

[writingstuffandthoughts]

I am a wreck, destroyed through my own actions

[writingstuffandthoughts]

my original novel, withering away in a corner, tears springing to its eyes as it watches me write yet another fanfic instead of giving it the attention it deserves: mother? what have I done to warrant such treatment? why am I your least favourite child?

[writingstuffandthoughts]

I have no purpose in life.

I am simply just existing.

[writingstuffandthoughts]

You drained me to the Point where everything is pointless

[writingstuffandthoughts]

If I could, I would Help you, but I cant. Tell me what to do. I am lost. I want you to lay in my arms and slowly heal you, but its Not working Like that..

[writingstuffandthoughts]

My Body could still be usefull, If you would let me go into the woods and be the body for new Life, as maggots eat me and flowers are growing in my rotting self.

[writingstuffandthoughts]

“write what you know” is boring. i write what haunts me at 3am.

[writingstuffandthoughts]

Remember that time when I was terrified by the thought of you leaving me. But now that you're gone, I realised that I have my freedom back.

[writingstuffandthoughts]

It's like I'm a tumor sitting in your glowing body. patiently waiting for you to notice me as I watch you grow and love as you become more beautiful everyday.

I am holding onto you, in order to not let go, to keep you for myself until you cut me out of you. While holding on, my existence slowly destroys your lovely soul and I'm so narcissistic that I won't leave.

[writingstuffandthoughts]

I will love you for eternity.

I want you to tear me apart, grab my ribs, pull them apart and look at what's yours. Slice me Open and sleep within myself, so I can hug you with everything I have and keep you warm until my Last breath leaves my Body and it goes stiff and cold.

[writingstuffandthoughts]

I am getting some strange thoughts and Feelings.There is a deep desire to take him, to not let go and dont let him be free ever again. I have the urge to destroy everything that could take him away from me.I sacrifice myself to him. I want him to love me, to use me as he pleases. Every breath he takes has to be watched by me and every step of his should be under my control. I want to make his room pretty. A pretty place for him to stay with me for eternity.

[writingstuffandthoughts]

[writingstuffandthoughts]

feelings (14.2.25)

I am not in charge of my emotions anymore.

In some way I love you to the point where I would let you do anything to me and still admire you. Without hesitation I would rip my ribs apart and gift my heart to you in order to see your smile one last time.

In another way I'm desperate to get away from you, because my jealousy gets to a point where I'm not happy for you, when you're having fun with other people than me. The thought of you laughing and sharing stories with your friends is leading to the strong desire to cut my veins, to the point where I have to dig my nails into my skin as deeply as I can in order to not commit.

Seeing your friends sitting with you, laughing as if the world has no problems and they're just enjoying their life causes the reflex to dig their eyes out and choke them to the point of unconsciousness where they're never gonna get near you ever again and live a life in pain and sadness because of brain damage. I want to bang my head on a table as hard and often as I can and I feel like I have to commit in front of your eyes, so you feel guilty for eternity and won't joke around with your friends anymore.

I want you to beg for my presence. That you will never leave me. Stay at home and never look at another person ever again. You don't need others. I will care for you. You will love me, laugh with me and adore me. We could have a great future. But you want to go outside and meet pathetic people.

I love you.❤️