writestylefeel

[writestylefeel]

It’s harder to watch someone suffer than to feel your own pain. Even when you have no control over your own, ownership always makes things a little bit lighter. You can remind yourself that this too shall pass. But when it’s someone else... you have less than little control - you have none at all.

[writestylefeel]

I have terrible thoughts. I also have terrible posture. But I do my best to keep both as straight as possible - or I may break.

[writestylefeel]

And I hope that you’re well. No need to reply but I wanted you to know you were thought of; constantly and fondly. 

[writestylefeel]

It’s painful to look back. Some things will never be the same, or never come back. It’s much easier to look back than look forward - after all, what do we know about what’s the come? All we know is that one moment we were ridiculously happy and all we do is focus on the fact that right now, we’re not. Suddenly everything is uncertain like that one moment was all we ever aimed for. We neglect to remember the following day, or even the following hour. We look back at the happier days because it makes us want more of them. We forget to look ahead and think: endless opportunities for happier days are right in front of me, it’s time I make them happen.

[to be continued]

[writestylefeel]

When the dust settled it was clear the damage was done. It would take a miracle to clean it all up. They say you can glue a vase back together, but it will always be chipped.

What if the vase stays chipped, and becomes more beautiful thanks to the lines that no artist could ever draw. The lines only life could trace. What about that? Huh?

[writestylefeel]

And it cuts like a knife.

But sometimes it cuts off the pieces weighing you down.

[writestylefeel]

Sometimes all something needs is a little work. Sometimes it needs a lot of work. Sometimes it needs a little time, other times longer. Have I learned enough in this time? Can you come home yet?

[writestylefeel]

I was never perfect, and I reminded you constantly.

I did hope we were though, and I reminded myself constantly that we were.

[writestylefeel]

Big Little Lies.

Even the truth can be a lie. You’re happy, until you’re not. And suddenly, it’s like every part of your body is telling a lie. Your brain knew better, but was asleep. Asleep in a land of kisses and laughter, never caring about the fact that nothing stuck, nothing resonated. It didn’t matter, until it did. 

[writestylefeel]

The problem was -

Once I knew I could fly, I jumped too often. Once I knew I had a voice, I raised it. Once I knew I could care, I fell even deeper. Once I knew I had the power to be happy, I looked for more.

The problem was that with more, comes more of anything, more, and not enough.

[writestylefeel]

I don’t believe in random. One thing happens and brings you to the other. There is no ‘this just happened’ - something brought it on. And I think you brought me onto someone I didn’t know. You brought me onto myself. A self that stood up for herself, one that spoke up when she was bothered. You brought out the girl who didn’t let things slide, you brought out the one who corrected what was wrong and decided to keep going regardless of the obstacle.

The problem was - 

[writestylefeel]

Driving all over your hurdles baby

I’ve been so loyal baby

How about you?

[writestylefeel]

I want to write you a letter with everything I never said, just to get it off my chest. And yet knowing myself, I’d seal it and mail it express next day.

[writestylefeel]

And I miss you but I can’t say so. It’s difficult to miss someone who failed you. Will it be the same? Did they learn? Did you learn? 

In the meantime, I had to put it out there, I miss you terribly.

[writestylefeel]

I like to pretend that you never existed. 

But then my brain brings you up...

[writestylefeel]

You left your mark, you forgot to take it when you left. You forgot to take my broken heart, it stayed there, on the floor next to your last footstep. For long enough that footprint haunted me, and my broken heart was waiting to be picked up. With time, your mark faded. The footprint faded. Best of all, with time, my heart healed.

[writestylefeel]

Even though the world was made for you, I hope you don’t get famous cause everyone would love you but won’t love you like I do.