writers-block-kills-my-words

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When I Handed You My Heart

You knew it was fragile;

You knew the pain and neglect

That it had suffered

The last time I trusted someone with it.

I told you as much over and over again.

But even after you held it an began nurturing it,

As you whispered words of reassurances,

You sat it down--

Neglecting it.

Only picking it up when you feared I'd notice

Or when you thought you needed it;

Otherwise, it was left in the mess you had made.

No wonder I felt so much turmoil and sickness.

But when I would turn around you'd be holding it,

And I overlooked the bruises that grew more and more each time.

Now that I have torn it from your grasp,

I will cherish it.

I will tend to it.

I will love my own heart,

So that one day it may forgive me

And, hopefully, love me back.

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Love.

Love should be the motivation to be together,

not the sole reason for staying.

Because sometimes,

Love isn't enough.

It should be

if it leads to hard work and commitment.

But if you don't nurture Love,

tend to it as often as a garden needs,

it will bear no fruit

or sweet smelling flowers.

You will have nothing to harvest.

And nothing that will sprout back up after the harsh winters that may come.

[writers-block-kills-my-words]

1-19-2024 (aka 24 days later)

Its the quiet moments

the small pockets of time

where the heart wonders

and the mind wanders

back to what you did to me

and I get mad all over again

and I get numb all over again;

back to the lies from your lips

trickling out for two years

then again for two hours

as I listen to your shadows of the truth dripping in shame

rather than my own intuition

that knew for months there was more to the truth.

Now I wonder

If all the good c

an make up for this one big terrible thing you've done

and will I know if it happens again?

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Once again…

Just wishing I was enough.

Enough to make you want to try.

Enough to be happy.

Enough to love.

Enough to stay.

Why am I never enough for anyone?

[writers-block-kills-my-words]

normalize changing an opinion after being educated.

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You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say.

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

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But don’t forget who you really are. And I’m not talking about your so-called real name. All names are made up by someone else, even the one your parents gave you. You know who you really are. When you’re alone at night, looking up at the stars, or maybe lying in your bed in total darkness, you know that nameless person inside you.

Louis Sachar (via sunsetquotes)

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Reading books is for ANYONE who's willing to challenge their own experiences. They try and learn from OTHERS' perspectives. But you never REALLY learn unless you lived the lessons of empathy from the pages. Dissing books is a total waste of time. An education for cowards.

[writers-block-kills-my-words]

Do you know what’s truly lovely about not believing in an after life reward like heaven? Anything you’re doing to work hard and be a good person is literally just to be a good person.

I have trouble trusting those that believe if they are good or act good they get some sort of reward for it or avoid an eternal punishment.

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I cannot believe that there are actually people out there who believe that I will burn in hell simply because I have trouble believing one man’s sacrifice thousands of years ago magically erases any terrible thing done from a word spoken to a life taken when I am literally just minding my business trying to avoid people, be kind to those I do interact with, and read my books.

I would rather be a good person living my life to the best of my ability than think any mistake I make can be made up with a few words or hours at church on Sunday.

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Now that I am 27

My body is taking those small steps

To grow stronger

As my soul battles

With the anxiety of growing older

Afraid to make the same mistakes again

Afraid of not being able to reach the goals I have for my future

Afraid of the stupid stigma that will come

That I am still stuck here

When I am 28

Now that I am... June 18, 2021

Now that I am 26

I am learning to love myself

And my soul fights with my body

For the life I deserve. 

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A true partnership requires…

intimacy,

friendship,

And inclusion in all aspects of life where it takes two to make it through. And sometimes even more.

But I have learned the hard way

That’s sometimes,

No matter how desperately we may wish it to be,

Love isn’t enough

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“Repeat after me: My current situation is not my final destination.”

— Unknown

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My body

and my mind

Have gone through

So many profound changes

In my short time on this earth

That I will

Never settle

For anything less

Than constant

And consistent

Growth

And

Change

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“Be nice to yourself. It is hard to be happy when someone is being mean to you all the time.”

— Christine Arylo