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All I wanted to do was send my friend the pretty castle pictures and face book send no.

Oh, to run away and live in a mossy castle on a hill.

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My boss has nailed the technique for getting our department's attention in 3 words. "DATA ENTRY, DONUTS"

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Taking an IT course and one of the quizzes has me explaining how to make a PB&J but as if it was an IT trouble ticket. I think I nailed it.

Client is hungry, there is no other food in the house except bread, peanut butter, and jelly.

Solved the issue by creating a sandwich that instead of meat and cheese has peanut butter and jelly.

Step 1. Gather all ingredients and necessary tools which are the following. A plate, a butter knife, jelly, peanut butter and bread.

Step 2. Take 2 slices of bread and place each slice on the plate next to each other so interior of bread is facing up.

Step 3. Open peanut butter jar and place knife into peanut butter while using a scooping motion to transfer peanut butter into knife.

Step 4. Take knife that now has a portion of peanut butter on it and smear onto 1 of the slices of bread on the plate until knife is clean. If there is extra peanut butter on knife scrape back into peanut butter jar. Close peanut butter jar once done.

Step 5. Open jelly jar, use the same motion used to put peanut butter onto knife but with the end result being jelly on knife. Spread jelly onto other slice of bread that does not have peanut butter on it. If there is remaining jelly scrape back into jar and then close the jelly jar.

Step 6. Place knife into sink to be cleaned later and return attention back to the plate with the slice of bread with peanut butter and the slice of bread with jelly.

Step 7. Pick 1 of the two slices up and align the two slices of bread on top of each other making sure that the jelly and peanut butter are touching and not on the outside.

Step 8. Enjoy!

[wretchedem]

Ever have one of those days when your meat suit feels cramped and your skeleton doesnt have enough room. Because I'm having one of those days. I need a taller meat suit.

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x

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"stop looking at me! It's making me laugh and I can't take a shot while laughing!" -my mother

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Jeez Cayla is Internet famous now! :D

Strollin’ ‘Strade mass post

All the inside jokes from ConnetiCon…

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aminals are om noming hardcore

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laughingsquid:

To LARP or Not to LARP & What the Hell is LARPing? 

L.A.R.Ping is amazing and fun. i love it<3

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[wretchedem]

An old old story I wrote when I was 13.

Ok...little kids I'm going to tell you a story on the REAL WORLD!!!Once apon a time there was this crack dealer. His name was Robert A. McSniffing-Crack. As you can plainly tell he sold crack. He also sold cocanie...which his buyers didn't know that they were not getting hooked on cocanie.[INTERUPTION!](little kid #1):HEY! isn't that a drug and arn't drugs bad? (me): ok ok ok yes they are bad for you ok? ok. now just be quiet ans listen...back to the story~ But they were getting hooked on really fine sugar that just had it's flavor twisted. Well Robert...(me):ehhh screw that name. We will call him Bobby...yes Bobby it suits him alot better than "Robert"does...if any of you kids have a problem with that o well...ok back to story~ Every day he went to his public stipper pole that happened to be down a dark alley.[INTERUPTION](little kid #2):why is it a striper pole...what is a stripper pole?(me): YES!!! it was a sripper pole GET OVER YOURSELF!!! Ok go online and look them up I don't have time for this chit-chat my god.(little kid# 1): I wanna know what it is!!!.(me) SHUT UP!! Sheesh just let me tell the story! ok back to the story ONCE MORE! ~ Ok there was one twist with this stripper pole. It was MAGICAL!!! It's magical power was that it helped make babies...so it replaced the daddy. Well since it replaced the daddy alot of the prostitutes loved this pole and loved getting high. Hense Bobby....(me): I dont like that name any more it sucks....ummm....the new name is...Biggy McCrack-Addict..(little kis #3): why do you keep changing the name?(me): SHUT UP!!!! THIS IS MY STORY NOT YOURS!!! Once you tell a story you can do what ever you wish but BACK OFF THIS STORY IS MINE!!!....god you kids are getting annoying...ok back to the story.~ Well Biggy McCrack-Addict had most of his sales there and made most of his money there. But he had one problem....he was also hooked on ecstasy. Which was really bad since most of his clients were "ladys"(under my breath): psht laddies yeah....once pigs start doing the can-can they will be ladies.(little kid#4) what did you say and what is ecstasy?(me); I said shut up and LOOK IT UP!!! What is with you and your damn questions..I can't tell a story in peace now and days! ok lets get back to the story AGIAIN!~ Well he had to try and quit ecstasy but that was so hard since it made him feel soo good ;). Biggy went day and night trying to get it out of his system. It was alot of work beilive it or not. But the prostitues did not help...there was just to many and they were still coming!!! Cause for some reason the pole its self was having BABIES!! ummm....mister....how can a pole have kids?(me): IM A GIRL!!! LOOK I HAVE BOOBS!!!*hehe* and remember annoying little rugrat this is my story so I can do what ever i want with it. ok back to the story before my patients runs out.~ Ok this pole was having babies so much that it died but its kids lived on. But that one pole had thousands upon thousands of babies. Most of them were sold on ebay though so there was only 2.4 poles left.(me): yes I said 2.4!!! back to the story~ Ok so the cops were on him at every moment they could. Which wasn't alot since(me):.....I think he locked them all up....MUCHKINS DO NOT COMMENT!!! I don't need you correcting me every other moment!!! back to the story~ Well seeing that he locked up all the cops which nobody knows how that happened so that will be a forever mystery and most likely another story. He kept selling all his drugs at the magical stripper poles. That just happened to be down a dark alley. He made thousands of dollars...BUT they were made of tampon wrapers so it was kinda hard to use them as real money. So he than created his own line of money called CrackCash. So know he had to keep his new money lline going. While selling crack and all the other drugs he had. WHILE detoxicing from being on ecstasy. He had alot to get through. But he than found a Drug Dealers Anonymous group. So he went to that every day before he sold his own home made drugs. He got over is little addiction to ecstasy so he was all good in that part of his life.[INTERUPTION] (little kid #5and6): what is a tampon? is it a girly product?*taps girl sitting next to them on shoulder and asks her that* (little girl) DON'T ASK ME THAT*punches the two little boys out* *faces forward* OK you can continue I like this story =).(me): damn you have problems....I didn't think a 4 year old would do that!! but I like your style...anyways on with the story~ The prostitues were still his biggest clients still...but they had become old women. So he became very disgusted. Since he had taken a drink out of the foutain of youth. Hense he would never age. But the prostitues...*ahem* I mean old wrinkly get the hell away from me prostitues were still turned on by him. So they kept coming. By that time the 2.4 magic poles were stolen....but for some reason Mexico's population had grown very quickly and the population was 400x bigger than it was a year ago. (me): I wounder why? lol. back to the story~ Well he was a mulit-billionare...which means drugs are acturly good for something!!! So Biggy McCrack-Addict lived happily....whoa I mean horridly ever after. Only because he had to deal with old wrinkly get the hell away from me prostitues.(me):man I feel bad for that guy...HAHA NOT! =) back to this god damn long story~ Soon after he couldn't handle being around those ugly as hell people so he worked about 14oz of meth into his system and died happy while looking at a play girl magazine. Than all of the old wrinkly get the hell away from me prostitues finnaly hung them selves cause their so called master left them. Which their master was really a hobo that worked the corner at Bob's Discount Furniture. (me): So annoying little munckin's how did you like the story? (kids#1-5)*so quiet you hear crickets in the back ground*(me): whatever you finnaly are quiet and the story is over....brats(little kid #6): I LOVED IT!!! Tell another story!!!(me): hey I like you!....2 minutes later....whoa where did all the other kids go? and why are there suicide notes on the ground? O WELL. At least somebody liked the story. Right my imaginary friend named BillyBob who just happens to be 21 and not 4. =)(imaginary friend named BillyBob who just happens to be 21 and not 4): I loved it and remember I'm not a girl...or am I? ;) lol. THE END!!!

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Cat in the box:3