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Ready for christmas

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I’ve been waiting all year to post this.

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Me: So my dead name's pretty common, but it's not really in the media I consume so I should be fine just dealing with it irl

Characters with a similar name that becomes the character I'm most attached too in their media: Hello :)

Me: God fucking damn it

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Me when I realise I can just ignore the betrayal arc and have Erik and Oscar interact (and even possibly work together) in a possible Cafae Latte au

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Me, refusing to leave tumblr: sir, this is my emotional support hellsite

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The fact that the dating sim Giorgio is from is called Ace Romance Detectives AND is PG 13 makes me want to believe it's for asexual allromantic people (and that he's probably asexual too)

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Currently, finger painting a base for a piece instead of doing uni work and suddenly getting the motivation to clean my room at the same time that I realise that I'm low on blue tac. Any higher being above, why must I be made a fool at 8 in the afternoon

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9-10 year old me identitying as straight: I can excuse homosexuality but I draw the line at not feeling romantic feelings for anyone.

Adult me identifying as a romance-repulsed aromatic: You dumb ass bitch

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While I'm on the topic of just remembering things, shout out to 9-10 year old me who thought Charlie and Marv from the CBeebies "Charlie and Lola" where both 13 and in a romantic relationship with each other

"But since Lola is at most five or six wouldn't Charlie being 13 put in him a different school from Lola?" A) The UK has combined secondary and sixth form schools, while the USA has combined middle and high schools, so Charlie and Lola could just be going to a combined school. B) I was at most 10 at the time so my constantly sick child ass didn't fucking understand the school system in the slightest

Also, technically C, Charlie and Marv are apparently at most 10, which which absolutely would have probably caused more blue screening from 10 year old me than telling that same child about the fact that Club Penguin was inevitably going to shut down

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Currently laughing at remembering my first time hearing the Dress To Impress song Temptation and thinking "did someone commission a song about Erik from Cafae Latte" before ending up spending five minutes questioning life choices upon learning it was Lina's song for Dress To Impress's Halloween update just to end up saying out loud, "Is that fucking Annapantsu". Anyway, would absolutely recommend listening to the song even with no knowledge of Dress to Impress's lore

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Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

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Genuinely surprised that no one's written an Omega Light fic where he uses Alpha Matsuda as a sort-of beard because he's the only one Light trusts completely and who he believes would never betray him. He asks Matsuda to claim him because he's sick and tired of everyone bothering him about getting mated and it's very much a claiming of convenience and he tells Matsuda as much.... At least at first :)

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Propaganda

Ren: Ren (she/they) is the titular "demon roommate" of the series. They're a little closed-off, but they're also super kind, have a genuinely strong sense of justice, and are incredibly protective of their friends - especially co-protagonist Abby.

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Doctor: $140,000 a year

Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year

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My brain: What if Herla adopted Erik?

Me: Can you either let me go to sleep or give me details?

My brain: No <3