wipeawaythedebt

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 25 | levelling up with you [epilogue] PREV | RIN | MASTERLIST

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Congratulations! You made it to one of the two endings of my first SMAU "YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS". I'm writing this note after having uploaded the first few chapters. Rereading and reliving my first completed projected feels really, really good. Although it is neither perfect nor flawless, I like to think I created something that is able to entertain. I will transfer what I've learned into future works.

Speaking of future works: While writing this note, I have already started planning and typing away on another SMAU! It will be called "NEVER LEAVE YOU STANDING" - yep, another Taylor Swift reference.

LAST WORDS TO THIS PROJECT: I cried my eyes out writing the routes. I am currently bleeding my whole uterus out, so that surely contributed to my very emotional state. But this is my first completed story and writing on this was the only thing I did for 5 days - so yeah, I guess I am allowed to cry a little.

SPOILERS for the Rin route: While Kenma seems to have moved on from y/n after the timeskip, I hurt myself through simply not letting Rin do that in the Kenma route. That is, because throughout the whole SMAU I constantly thought "which choice would make more sense for the reader?" I felt like I made it a little Rin-focused, at least at the beginning. But then again, there wouldn't be many heartfelt chats with Kenma when he practically lives next door and wouldn't want to talk about feelings, anyways. That's why, in my opinion, the Kenma route is a whole lot more emotional. The parting with Rin really hurt my soul. And I wrote him like he wouldn't want to let go of the reader, even after she decides against him again and again. So, sorry but not really sorry for ending it on a bittersweet note.

Welp. That's that. See you in the Rin route, if you haven't read it already. Or in my next SMAU. Or in the bonus content (which is still a work in progress). Or somewhere else entirely.

I want to thank everyone for reading and accompanying me on this journey. Special thanks to everyone who interacted with my posts, you put a smile on my face every time!

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 24 | the other end [~0,5k words] PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

Before you knew it, you were already streaming for a couple of hours. The fact that you were an item now didn't really change anything. Not the atmosphere, not the streaming itself. The only difference were the multiplied versions of an 'oh my god they are so cute' or an 'i always knew they were dating' which were spammed in the live chat.

Sitting there with Kenma felt like something you could do forever. It was like he opened up his own little world to you and you cherished every second of it. There was that idea in your head, telling you that maybe - just maybe - that career path was a possibility for you, too. After graduating, you decided, you would think about it again.

Your boyfriend would be more than happy to help you build up a channel, you were sure about that.

As if he could sense your thoughts, he turned his head and flashed you a tiny smile. It held all the love and adoration and confirmed once again that you didn't regret taking that train back home.

Happily grinning to yourself, you faced the computer screen again.

kenkenedits: i can't omg my heart fortnitefunkin: dude won at life, chick's hot sailorjupiter97: kenma looks so happy today joemamaxd: have we ever seen him smile before? lmao kodzukenisbae: damn he is whipped, good for her

Everything seemed pretty normal. Until you saw another message pop up in the chat.

sunarin: i'm very happy for you, blobfish.

And just like that, everything just didn't seem normal anymore. Everything was normal again. At least it was going to be.

You blinked away the burning in your eyes as you tried to focus on the game Kenma was explaining to your audience. Although the past days had been one of the happiest of your life, you couldn't deny that a major part was still missing in it.

Your Rinnie. A bitch, a model. A vaccuum at times. It felt like missing a limb, not being able to text him. Not being able to call him when something embarrassing happend to you, just so he could make fun of you for days.

Your Rinnie, sitting on the other end of the stream. Fresh tears in his eyes as he saw your reaction to his message. The pats on his back from Samu, who was sitting next to him, didn't provide him much comfort if he had been honest. But it was worth it. To see you smile.

He knew he wouldn't let go of the title [y/n's version] for a long time. And that was alright. You were a part of him, just as much as he was a part of you. That's why he had to be strong now. So he could live up to the promise he made you.

So he didn't protest when Samu shut off his computer. It was for the best. If he had known that only moments later you ended the stream with a big kiss on Kenma's cheek, maybe he would've even thanked his friend for sparing him from the sight.

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 23 | meowth, that's right PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 22 | higher ranks [~0,8k words] PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

As soon as you got out of the train, you spotted a certain puddinghead wearing his signature Nekoma sweatpants. The station was nearly empty, making the setter look like a red neon sign in the dark.

"You're here", he breathed. Like he still couldn't believe it.

"Yeah."

The both of you chuckled at the awkwardness of the situation. What were you supposed to do when you kind of knew you liked each other, but weren't really sure either? You settled for hugging him as a belated greeting. Kenma momentarily froze under your sudden touch, but hesitantly reciprocated after a few seconds.

"Welcome home."

You had never heard anything more beautiful before.

"Thank you", you murmured into his neck. Instinctively, you nuzzled all the more into him, making the blonde's breath hitch. "For picking me up. And for waiting for me."

"No problem."

You released him from your grasp and grinned into his face, your eyes undoubtedly still puffy. Without realising it, Kenma reached for your face with wobbly fingers. "Although, you know..."

"Hm?"

"I almost didn't recognize you."

The puzzled grimace you had to have made pushed an honest giggle out of Kenma's stomach.

"I was waiting for Gollum, you know. You look-"

"I look horrible, I know."

He simply rolled his eyes, put his hands in his pockets and turned away from you, starting to walk into the direction of your house.

"I was gonna say 'you still look very pretty'. But have it your way."

Blood rushed to your face. By the time you had unfrozen again and caught up with the boy to link your hands together, you were both bright red. Yes, you decided with a rapidly pounding heart, you had made the right decision. For sure.

"Is this a bad time to ask you something?"

"Under the moonlight on a summer night?"

With an incredulous look, you pointed at the bright night sky above your front porch. The walk was shorter than you thought it would be. Kenma snorted, but clutched your hand tighter nevertheless.

"Do you think we could...", he murmured, his golden eyes staring up to the stars until he finally met your stare again. You had never seen him so vulnerable. His gaze spoke volumes. Hope. Fear. Insecurities. Love.

"Do you think we could level up?"

For a moment, you swore you felt every emotion at once. Never had you thought that Kenma would make the first step towards you. Towards that new level of your own little game.

"Does this mean I ranked up to girlfriend now?"

"Hm. What was your rank before?"

"Knight?"

"What?"

You fell into a fit of giggles at your own stupid joke, at which your boyfriend(?) only raised his brow.

"When you first gave me your jacket, I tweeted that you knighted me. I guess that was the first and last time I ranked up."

"You're wrong." The puddinghead reached for your other hand now. "The first time you ranked up was when we were kids."

"Huh?"

"Well first, you were my friend. Then you became my best friend and then", he hummed, swallowing a lump in his throat. "Before I knew it, I had the biggest crush on you."

To say that butterflies exploded in your stomach would be an underestimation. His sudden confidence made your heart flutter. You could detect he wasn't as collected as he sounded at the redness of his ears, though.

"And when you came back... I realised that we needed to level up. Maybe you were a 'knight' once, too, but for me you have been my first crush, my first love, someone I can't ever lose and lastly the one. Because I love you."

Once again, your body collided with his in a tight hug. Kenma was about to wrap his arms around you, when he unexpectedly heard you sob against his chest and stilled. Maybe you thought he wasn't good enough. Maybe you would've rather stayed with Suna. Maybe-

"I have read the signs all wrong, haven't I?"

"No! No, I- Ken, please look at me."

Your fingers firmly held onto the hem of his sweater, forcing him to face you. Kenma was beyond relieved to see you smiling brightly at him.

"I was just overwhelmed, that's all. I am so very happy. Because of you."

"Yeah?", he asked, suddenly shying away from the situation.

"Yeah. I love you, too."

When you tugged him along into your home, Kenma could have sworn a victorious sound chimed through the world, exclaiming that he had won. But that wasn't just another game he finished. There were many levels the two of you would have to beat first. And most importantly, there were still higher ranks to achieve.

But for now, he was Kenma Kozume - boyfriend. Pretty cool, huh?

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 21 | maybe i always will [~0,6k words] PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

"Don't leave." His voice was barely a whisper over the summer night's wind. Rintaro Suna's begging green eyes were an unlikely picture. As unlikely as his shaking, tall frame. You were sure that you were imagining things - never in all those years together had you seen him cower like that. Deep in your bones you knew why his nerves seemed to be wrecked, but you still needed him to clarify.

"What do you mean? I can't just skip school, Rinnie."

The wince your best friend let out when he couldn't find what he wanted to in your gaze made you flinch. You didn't mean to sound so distant. You didn't like how far away he already seemed, although only steps seperated you. The silence rang loud in your ears.

"It's not because of school though, is it?"

He nervously kicked the gravel underneath his shoes, eyes turned down to the ground.

"You can't stay just as much as you can't love me", Rin choked out. Suddenly you felt like throwing up. You had known this conversation would come and you still weren't ready. Looking at the man down you felt like you were kicking right now, you thought you would never be ready for breaking his heart. "I still hoped. Throughout you loving Atsumu, you not loving Atsumu, I-"

"I'm so sorry, Rin."

Although tears spilled onto your cheeks, you felt like you could see clearer than ever. You had your ups and downs throughout the past months. You were sure you had about every reason in the world to not be feeling so strongly about anyone right now. But in your head there was a voice.

How do you know which one to choose?

You know, when you start a game and you have that instant connection to one of them although you can't really tell why.

Kenma. You wanted to go home to Kenma.

"You are amazing. And caring. You always have my back and I love you so, so much."

By now, your voice was strained and you couldn't stop the hiccups that interrupted your speech. The middle blocker was trembling so much that he tried to compose himself with clutching his arms tightly around his shoulders.

"I can't lose you, Rin. But I can't be selfish and stay with you just to keep you in my life. Not when I can't love you right."

"I promised you something", he whispered and held out his right hand for you to take. The steps you took towards him were unsure and careful. You hated that you had to act that way around him. Like you were both made of glass. When your hand slipped into his and your stares met, you figured you had a whole lot more tears left to cry.

"I promised you that I would be a secured constant in your life. That means forever, if you hadn't figured already."

His voice was rough, like someone had worked his throat with sandpaper.

"I can't expect that from you, not when I-"

"I love you, y/n."

I have always loved you. Maybe I always will. That's what the both of you knew hung in the air between you.

"But I've gone through this once already. I can do it again."

Anything for you. I can endure anything for you. That's what he couldn't tell you, not even when the tears finally dried down. Not even when the train entered the station and you had to let go.

Rintaro Suna breaking down between hundreds of people at a train station was an unlikely picture. But as long as you were happy, he supposed, that picture would fade one day. Just like his tears.

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 25 | froggy chair [epilogue] PREV | KENMA | MASTERLIST

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Congratulations! You made it to one of the two endings of my first SMAU "YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS". I'm writing this note after having uploaded the first few chapters. Although I wrote and completed this story within 5 days (I checked the dates on which the first and last screenshot was taken) it felt like I macarena-d through a whole lot more. I gained about 30 new personalities, made myself cry over text conversations with myself and learned to love a few characters a lot more.

While writing this note, I have already started working on another SMAU! It will be called "NEVER LEAVE YOU STANDING" and yes, it is another Taylor Swift reference. I love that woman. Throughout the days working on this project, I have changed a lot. I like to think my writing has as well.

I want to thank everyone for reading and for accompanying me on this journey.

See you in Kenma's route!

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 24 | one tearful hour later [~0,45k words] PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

Kenma wasn't at school today. According to Kuroo, the gamer didn't avoid you, but you could tell he just didn't want you to feel bad. And you realised that you did - in fact - not feel bad about your decision. Rin was the one for you. You had felt guilty about how you feel long enough.

You couldn't lie to yourself, though. Kenma had been a major part of your life for the past months and you missed him dearly. So when he didn't turn up at school the following days nor replied to your messages, you decided to ignore his wish of needing time.

Ringing a doorbell never felt so nerve-wracking. Only with Rin's encouraging words from the day before in your heart were you able to press the tiny button at Kenma's door.

He doesn't hate you. He's just hurt. I would want to hide from the world, too, had I lost you.

Do you think he will want to be my friend again?

He would be an idiot if not.

Rin.

Seriously, he would be an idiot.

I am pretty serious myself.

Should I be jealous that you want him to like you sooo bad?

Rin.

I'm kidding. Just talk to him. I know for a fact it's hard to say no to you.

Sighing, you retreated a few steps from the door after minutes of silence. Maybe he's gaming. Maybe he's suspecting you are standing outside and doesn't want to risk having to talk to you. Maybe-

"Uh, hello."

Kenma looked like he hadn't slept in days. He probably hadn't. His golden eyes were shut into tight slits, feeling discomfort from the sudden sunlight. The bags under his eyes had become way darker, too.

"Hi."

A nervous chuckle left your throat. Your fight-or-flight activated immediately at his faltering expression. But you had to do this.

"Can we talk, Ken?" The setter swallowed. Once. Twice. He looked even more lost than you. He didn't know if he could endure your presence, let alone talk to you. Talk - as in 'you saying all these things to him that will make him cry again'. Yeah, that talk. He could do without that.

"Please. I know you said you need time but I-"

"Sure."

Kenma hates himself sometimes. But when you trotted into his home once again, the smell of freshly baked applepie radiating from your bag, he figured he hated one thing even more.

The fact that he would have to get over you.

Because erasing you from his life, he decided, squinting at you during a match in Smash Bros one tearful hour later, wasn't an option.

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 23 | blah blah blah [~0,26k words] PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

"Do you really have to get on that train?"

"Guess I do. Unless you have another sappy confession to stop me up your sleeves."

"Well, then... I want you to marry me."

You shot up from where your head rested in his lap, grasped the nearest pillow and smashed it against Rin's face. The incredulous look he gave you turned you into a laughing mess.

"You wound me, my love." Feeling your cheeks heat up at the his new name for you, you hid your face in his chest. You couldn't help but bury your nose in the fabric of his shirt. He smelled like home. "If that's your answer I'm not gonna ask you again."

"What happened to 'I wanna take it slow with you, y/n. I wanna do everything the right way, blah blah blah', huh?"

Your boyfriend chuckled at the muffled sound of your voice against his body.

"That doesn't mean I don't know what I want, duh."

At that, you look up at him again.

"... And that's me?"

Rin tilted his head, raising his brow at you like you were stupid. With a quick movement he flicked your nose, making your face muscles tense up under the contact. He bowed his head down to yours, pressing the ghost of a kiss against your forehead.

"That's you", he whispered. Like, although he wanted the whole world to know, it was a secret between the two of you.

And maybe, when you pulled him down to meet your lips for a long awaited, heartfelt first kiss, that secret was sealed.

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 22 | in another world PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 21 | one for eternity [~0,6k words] PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

"Don't leave." His voice was barely a whisper over the summer night's wind. Rintaro Suna's begging green eyes were an unlikely picture. As unlikely as his shaking, tall frame. You were sure that you were imagining things - never in all those years together had you seen him cower like that. Deep in your bones you knew why his nerves seemed to be wrecked, but you still needed him to clarify.

"What do you mean? I can't just skip school, Rinnie."

The middle blocker took a few nervous steps towards you, sighing defeatedly. His much bigger hands searched yours and linked you two together. He certainly was shaking.

"I mean", he gulped. Suddenly his forehead collided with yours, as if he couldn't look at you any longer. You slipped your right hand out of his grasp and started cradling his hair. It was natural. Welcoming him in your arms was so... natural. "I mean I can't keep missing you. I mean that I can't bear it if you fall in love with someone else again, y/n."

A surprised gasp left your quivering mouth. Rin's breathing had become uneaven, his eyes still closed against your skin.

"Call me selfish, y/n. Go ahead. Maybe you choose Kenma tomorrow. But let me have today."

Finally, he tore himself away from you. His grimace was a clear sign of how painful it must have been to do so.

"Give me today. So I can pretend like you're not going to leave me, okay?"

A forced, tired smile appeared on his lips. In the corner of his eyes you spotted tears that mirrored the one's on your damp cheeks. You didn't even realise you were crying. You didn't acknowledge anything besides the boy in front of you and the burning in your chest. You couldn't deny that you were afraid. The lingering pain and trust issues weren't going to disappear anytime soon, but in that moment it didn't matter.

Because in that moment, when he looked at you like you were his entire world, you felt it. And you just knew.

Yes, you had some sort of feelings for Kenma. Yes, you had your doubts about relationships. And yes, you couldn't stand the thought of losing Rin like you lost Atsumu. But that was your Rinnie - standing before you, his heart on his sleeve.

A broad smile spread on your face, tears still blurring your vision. You could make out Rin's confused pout, though, and narrowed the distance between you two again. Under your trembilng hands' touch on his jaw, your thumbs swiping away his tears, he momentarily stilled. He simply blinked at you. Torn but hopeful.

"Hey, Rin?"

"Huh?"

"You know it would be kind of stupid to take the train tomorrow. Traffic on Mondays is horrible."

His tiny smile vanished completely. Nervously, Rin rubbed his neck, avoiding your gaze with all his might.

"You're right, sorry for being an idiot. Just forget I said anything, I-"

"It would make way more sense to go back on Tuesday, wouldn't it?", you interrupted him.

The sly grin on your face turned him into mush. He wanted to kiss you. He wanted to punch you. Honestly, he couldn't be sure. The only thing he was certain of, is that he wanted you here with him. Preferably forever. But Tuesday, he concluded, Tuesday would have to do. For now.

"If you're saying what I think you're saying, y/n..."

"I'm saying that I'm in love with you."

Rintaro Suna's shocked expression was an unlikely picture. But it was one for eternity.

"I love you, too."

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 20 | just a little longer PREV | RIN | KENMA | MASTERLIST

TRIVIA:

Rin doesn't know how to ask you to stay.

Kenma doesn't know how to ask you to come home.

The Author couldn't get "Good Feeling - Violent Femmes" out of her head, so "just a little longer" was inspired by that.

This is the last trivia section of this(!) SMAU, as it is the last chapter before the routes. I really like both endings, there's a little picking favourites if you squint, but I am happy how they turned out.

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 19 | merely an npc PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

TRIVIA:

Although Kenma has many fangirls, he doesn't believe in his good looks. Especially since y/n is perfect in his eyes. He tends to be a realist most of the times and in this situation he believes the realistic thing is that y/n will choose Rin over him.

Akaashi is very confused.

Atsumu slowly tries to get back into your lives, but he knows he has a very long way to go to gain back trust and friendship.

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 18 | bulbasaur solos PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

TRIVIA:

Samu hates to admit it, but he did miss Atsumu. He somewhat still is his other half.

Kenma was disappointed when y/n shut off his question. He hoped she would share his thoughts with him too (although he already knew about everything thanks to the groupchat).

Rin did blast "Counting Stars". Very, very loudly. Until y/n threatened to hit him in the head with her suitcase.

The author listened to Disney soundtracks while writing this chapter.

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 17 | the game is on PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

TRIVIA:

When Rin heard about y/n and Atsumu, he became furious at first. Then he got a little smile on his face, thinking about how kind and way too nice y/n is. He is totally whipped.

When Kenma heard about y/n and Atsumu, he was really confused. He couldn't understand why y/n was so nice to him. He really, really wants to piss that guy's cereal.

Rin was pretty confident when writing "the game's on", but started being a nervous mess a second later.

Kenma wasn't even confident to begin with. He just nonchalantly faked being it.

Akaashi also had a cat-coffee, but he didn't want to ruin Bokuto's mood.

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 16 | one more lie PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

TRIVIA:

y/n is overwhelmed by the fact that Atsumu opened up to her.

y/n has not forgiven Atsumu, nor does she plan to do so soon. He caused her too much harm in the past.

The author does not support cheating nor the idea of forgiving a cheater. The author wanted to show Atsumu's "POV" of the story, because the cheating was merely a fact up until now. The author also doesn't want to excuse his behaviour through his statement.

Atsumu knows he royally fucked up :)

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 15 | sometimes ya get hurt PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

TRIVIA:

Kuroo likes to act like he's a 43 year old father. Relatable.

y/n doesn't feel comfortable talking about her feelings with Kuroo, because she knows he is Kenma's best friend. She is still unsure about what she wants.

When y/n finally opens up to Samu, he is so relieved. He happily cooked the rest of the evening and when Atsumu walked into the kitchen, the latter was confused why his brother was in such a good mood.

[wipeawaythedebt]

"YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS" CHAPTER 14 | so wise. and so handsome. PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

TRIVIA:

The text Akaashi sent Bokuto looked something like that: "I am in need of assistance. Can you just be yourself and text y/n for a while? I have an important job to do at the moment and don't want her to find out."

Bokuto has multiple big-bootied birds on his phone. They make him smile.

Rin meant every single word of his promise.