wifeyseul

[wifeyseul]

i've moved on. i wasn't going to wait for her to realize my worth and i know that now. i'm worth a lot, i'm a great girlfriend. maybe i'm not perfect, but i try so hard and i put in 200% every time. maybe we fight or have differences, but i work twice as hard to mend things. i'm a great girlfriend and i'm not going to wait for her to see that. if she doesn't, then that's okay. there's a girl out there who's looking for a girlfriend just like me, and i'll cherish her.

[wifeyseul]

it's not that i'm jealous, but it's just like... how did she just get up so fast from us? i'm crumbling down and she's already talking to someone. even if i were to ask her to come back, that person is 5'9 and probably cooler. i'm not sure id be able to compare and i dont think i want to find out.

besides, she deserves them. id only ruin her life more than i already had.

[wifeyseul]

i am coming to terms with it, and i know my own place now. i really mean it when i say i want her to be happy. i say that because maybe that's all i really cared about in the end, her happiness. if it's not with me, then at least give her someone who can love her the way she deserves. someone who will protect her heart, who will memorize every detail about her, who can make her feel like she's perfect even when she says she isn't, who will remind her she's so pretty because she forgets.

i am coming to terms with the end of a happy point of my life. i realize i'm no longer a happy person, and that's okay. i choose others over me, and maybe that's my mistake but i will never choose to hurt someone else if i could prevent it.

at the end of the day, as long as she's happy, i am happy.

[wifeyseul]

finding little things i did during our relationship, just constantly reminding myself how much i really did love her. 😕

the playlist i made

the screenshots of our calls with her caller id

the fics i made of us

the fic i made to comfort her when she's on her period

the song is learned on the ukulele for her

and that is tried to record myself singing it so i could send

the picture of her name written all over my hand in hearts because i got bored in class with a pen

it all just reminds me of her, and maybe i was the fool. maybe i forgot that i should've powered through the pain because it would have been worth it to save us, but what can you do? i forgot how much i loved her and let it all fall apart. i let my brain take control without any care for my heart. these are the consequences. i guess the best way to learn really is to fail.

[wifeyseul]

let go lila, she's happy, let go. you can let go, you said you could. don't say you fucking lied. you liar. piece of shit. god why am i like this. why are you like this? tou said you wanted her to be happy? are you fucking messed up in the head? she's not yours.

[wifeyseul]

there was no reason for me to reason for me to read those words and feel so sick, to get so feverish, to feel weak in my knees. holy shit, my stomach hurts. i haven't eaten, i can barely sleep. who am i?

[wifeyseul]

gun to my fucking head omg

i feel useless. i'm listening to my girlfriend cry on the other side of the phone, unable to comfort her. i want to hold her in my arms and whisper that everything will be okay, i want to kiss away her sorrows and take her mind off the burden. i want to mend her heart and heal her from the pain. i want to do so many things and make her happy, but i cant. im useless.

[wifeyseul]

do you remember this? please lila, you hoped that she'd find her happiness with someone else. you were so afraid her love wasn't real that you pushed it away. you should be happy, you said you were moving on, you said you were okay. you are okay. i am okay. i am okay. i am. i am okay.

i dont think she loves me anymore, like genuinely

i think she's not interested in me anymore and im scared she's going to leave me

im ready to take the hit, she deserves someone better anyway, i'll understand

i just hope i'm not weighing her down, i hope she's happy and maybe she'll be happier with someone else aswell

[wifeyseul]

nondy nobody no bdy nobody nobdy nobody nobody noobodytheres nobody why why wjy why ehy ehy why why why why whyyw hywhy why why

[wifeyseul]

is it bad to say that i start to miss her some days? that when im alone, i start to miss her texts? GOD IM HOPELESS. why cant i fucking decide for myself sometimes? why do i push her away yet crave her when ive already shot her down? why do i feel jealous? she's not mine anymore, she doesnt love me anymore. im not supposed to love her anymore. why does it hurt me when it was me who hurt her.

[wifeyseul]

why? why must it feel like everyone around me does not love me anymore? why does my head read into every little thing? every little detail begins to throw me off, i just want to feel loved. i want to feel wanted. i want to feel like i'm not the one chasing for once. im sick of living like this, feeling like this all the fucking time. i want to go home

[wifeyseul]

crack baby, you don't know what you want

but you know that you had it once

and you know that you need it back

[wifeyseul]

fuck im a wreck

[wifeyseul]

deleting tumblr and discord???? w decisions?

[wifeyseul]

ahh yes... barreling trucks heading in my direction as i get hit

[wifeyseul]

im not made for happiness, i wish i was gone

[wifeyseul]

i ruin everything good in my life