whimsicalpaulrevere

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

Was looking in one of my bags from middle/high school for pills and found $5 and some cute pins

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

confronted with the fact I may need to actually spend 3 weeks sober I crashed out a bit. And then considered that everything about me is a lie and a performance and maybe I should've gone into theatre. Then I started going through my brother's pills, surely he'll have something I like(he didn't). I started going through my dads, he's got the basics for a depressed man with a depressed daughter and ADHD son and a dead wife, Ativan, ssris, cold medicine. But I went through his drawers and what did I find? Anti psychotic for said dead wife plus a bottle of Ritalin. I hit the jackpot I think, I haven't had Ritalin or addy since HS, I'd finally complete my relapse trifecta(weed, can and addy) BUT IT WAS EMPTY. IVE NEVER EXPERIENCED SUCH DEVASTATING ITS SO AWFUL. anyway I took some Ativan obvi and the anti psychotics but I'm nervous to take them and Google says it doesn't even get you high but idk IDC if it's even placebos or vitamins or anything I just want to pop and get high and idk.

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

When I turned 18 I held my youth and girlhood in my arms and begged "please don't go"

At 19 she lingers in the doorway and says I'll understand one day before turning and sitting on my porch steps

She said Time will pull more from my arms than just her

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

I don't think death is scary. It's soft and gentle, carrying you forward like a child that fell asleep in the car. The grief is the scary part, by when you think about it that's just love. Loving so strongly you wish you could stay and help those you care about

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

i want to hang myself but like emotionally and just hang there not s//cide

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

Blondes have more fun bc the bleach is in their heads and not their stomachs

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

There's a monster in my bed

He has me call him daddy and trains me to sleep well

He lays under my blankets and touches my skin

I rip off the sheets and turn and he disappears

It's been 5 years since the monster in my bed

There's a friend in my bed

He lays under my blankets and we've been here before

But this time I sleep and he touches my skin

I wake and turn around but he doesn't disappear

He keeps touching me and he won't stop

There's a monster in my bed and he won't stop

Sorry if this isn't good. This was all I could think about after waking up to getting touched by one of my friends while I slept. I couldn't stop crying and couldn't move✨

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

would it fix me better if I washed my heart or my brain? I don't know so I'll just destroy my liver

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

Noah kahan's story on tiktok is so funny. Mans is geeking. He's kicking his feet. He's informing me that there are thirst traps of him and I'm not the only one who finds him extremely attractive. "my body's pulsating" like??? "I'm so happy" "everyone thinks I'm hot" it's so funny!!

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

Sappho, the villain, the whore, the elitist

Sappho, the lover, the feminist, the muse

Sappho, the woman

The desiring poet

I do not kneel at your feet

But I cherish your words

In your pages is a soul

Love, desire, unabashedly feminine

The woman you were

Gifted by the muses, unrestrained

I see in the fragments centuries of women

Their hopes, feelings, desires

I see myself, a young sapphic, scared and shameful

I see myself, a grown woman, wishing to be unrestrained

My pen always moving, desiring much

Love from those I love, my virginity so I may be pure, for my pages and mind to be full

Perhaps it is projecting but on pages of words written centuries ago I see a woman

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

thinks he's finally realizing he can't fix me. I feel sick both physically and in a weird mental way. Time to get drunk!

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

When does the daydreaming become maladaptive?

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

Ill watch your life through my TV screen

And I'll spend hours wondering how to patch my broken wings

And I will wonder what everything means

And I hope that sometimes you think of me

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

I feel a deep sense of sadness in my life that I try to fill with slutty little writings and alcohol but I think I am going to disappear from my loved ones lives one day and they will never find me

[whimsicalpaulrevere]

First time I heard She Calls Me Back by my lord and savior I thought the ending was "too afraid of living on your food stamps" and I think about that a lot

[whimsicalpaulrevere]