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this is iconic

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And Sunscreen. 

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The two faces of a request

There are two sides to Everything... 

ie. Heart Transplant:

- happy for those who are given a new chance at life. 

- sad for those who have lost a loved one. 

And people wonder why I have a problem with prayer. 

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Dream Logic

My friend got sent to the hospital and so I asked a different friend what the matter was and how he was doing. 

Me: What happened to him?  

Other person: He had a fever. 

Me: Oh no, that is not good.  

Other person: *nods head* 500 degrees.  

Me: Um, do you mean 105 degrees?  

Other person: Nope. 500 degrees.  

Me: You know, I am pretty sure that is impossible. If he had a 500 degree fever he would be dead.  

Other person: Exactly! That is why his quick recovery is such a miracle.  

Me: No, you see, Just .... Nevermind.

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Agreed. Being mature enough to know when an argument is pointless is not about debating skills, it can be about A) knowing that the other person is not able/willing to listen to reason, B) knowing that there is more information needed, and C) realizing that the debate is not worth your time. 

"You have no debate skills"

Choosing not to engage in a pointless debate is not the same as not having debate skills.

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Reblog if you're a nobody on Tumblr but you're still very proud of your blog.

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Live your life so Professor McGonagall would be both proud and exasperated by you

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Whenever I see a post on tumblr suggesting aliens don’t have gender, I always think–‘but what if also the reverse. What if aliens also have some fundamental social construct we don’t’.

Like, they come and meet us and they’re like ‘hey this is an awkward question but what’s your gooblebygark?’

And we’re like what.

‘You know, the… the thing. Your goobledygark. The thing that dictates whether you’re gnarfgnoovles or brubledoopes’

What. What. What the fuck, those words don’t even mean anything??? What are you talking about?

‘Look, your ridiculous human languages don’t seem to have the words for these! But they’re totally a thing, they’re like, fundamental aspects of social life for our species, just… just let us lick you so we can know what verb tense to use when we speak to you.’

What does one thing have to do with the other??? That makes no–

‘UGH, nevermind, you’re totally brubledoopes, I can just tell, I don’t even need to taste your bacterial skin colonies.’

And then another alien overhears and is like ‘holy shit, you can’t stereotype like that, that’s SO NOT COOL’

‘yeaH BUT THEY WON’T LET ME LICK THEM’

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Ohmigod, so I’m seriously sleep-depived and my mom handed me the phone to talk to some relatives and my grandmother came on and I said “Oh, I forgot you were still alive.”

I said that.

To a person. To my grandmother.

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okay but a story about an asexual pirate who gets made fun of by the crew until he saves all of them from sirens

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It is so hard to see someone who has been divorced tell their new spouse, “I will love you forever” and “Marriage is two imperfect people who refuse to give up.”  ... like, your first wife was not good enough for you? Where was the “refusing to give up” in your first marriage? 

Now, don’t hate on me. I know that there are some marriages that are bad and should end ... and I know a lot of people that are happy and strong in remarriages ... but this divorce was sort of close to me and it is still hard to deal with. 

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^^Same. lol.  If I am not able to duck somewhere and change what makes you think that I want to lick my own pants? 

Important fact I learned somewhere that has been a serious life safer:

Your own saliva will remove a stain of your own blood.

I learned this in costuming as a tip for in case a male actor gets a bit of blood on his shirt from shaving and MY first thought was ‘what about menstruation blood tho’?

it totally works

if you are a uterus-owner please PLEASE remember this tip! You get a sudden stain on your pants? You got a spot on your fave white undies? You out in public with your friends and you spot and you can’t elegantly bail to change clothes cause you happen to be in fucking disneyland? (seriously it happened to me)

while the blood is still wet literally spit as much saliva as you can on the spot and work it into the fabric with your fingers then dab with toliet paper. This obviously works best with small spots but can lessen the darkness/colour on a larger spot if you do it right. Obvs your clothes will still need to be washed but its a LIFESAFER in tight situations!!! Pass this info along!!!

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HAHA .. my IMMEDIATE reaction was to hold me breath.  You can’t tell me what to do! lol

breathe if you think im cute 

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so i made and account on tv tropes and it asked for my relationship status

i went over and was about to put in “single” or “it’s complicated” and, well..

i can’t deal anymore

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What’s for breakfast, Mom? ... 

Cereal with a side of heart-attack. 

Mmm, Cheerios.