whelmedscape

[whelmedscape]

Brain over beauty goes beyond the concept of people's appearance compared to intelligence. It can also be how other than humans make us feel more than how it works, rather than how it looks, in some cases, or is that just me? Like how a modern art can be just a line but still be worth millions with its meaning. What a video talks about that keeps the viewers hooked til the end can't be compared to just a collection of beautiful clips with no context or say about it.

[whelmedscape]

On Loving Women

1/29/24

In years of living, I've questioned my sexuality and have felt confused about it. Due to friends and social media, I've been exposed to people with different tastes in romance, and it caused me to doubt my own. But this confusion for preference came to an end; because when I read novels with great female characters—movies and series also, I've never been focused on them as I am if they are to be of different gender, I would make a fuss over it. And if I did like girls, I would've fallen in love with people in my life already, considering the people around me are mostly women. I would've had a crush on my ate, but instead, I made her an inspiration and someone I look up to for her strength and for being poised and calm in situations I don't react the same to. Also on my cousin, for she has always been kind-hearted and has always treated me with care. I would've had little crushes on them if I am capable of feeling as so; but I don't. I've been around women who are like this, and not to mention their appearance. They're so beautiful, so pretty. Some are like the ocean, some the sun, or clouds, the colors, and some are how the coffee smells like. The belonging sense of knowing that we have the same anatomies, sculpted uniquely making us unique, special, and different from each other. Thinking, why would we ever feel the need to be insecure of our own body, knowing that we are different so that all will feel special? But we forget that, don't we? If I ever have the heart and mind to romance someone the same as me, I would've for sure fell in love. Instead of romance, I feel.. this womanhood, a bond that I can't ever explain on how I feel about it. Just.. I feel so grateful for them to be in my life; the feeling of assurance they bring to my life that each of us are understood, oh, to feel to be understood.

[whelmedscape]

You say it's even more hard being an adult,

And being 14 has never been more scary,

Knowing how I've been struggling even as a kid,

What would the future be for me?

When you say a dark and sorrowful future lies before me.

It's been hard transitioning to a teen,

How hard would it be to be an adult,

Knowing how you say it to me?

Oh, I don't want to know.

And I don't ever want to know.

[whelmedscape]

I hurt a very dear friend of mine today,

Now I don't know what to say,

Other than I'm sorrys.

You let me hurt you,

You allowed me.

I hurt you,

You allowed me.

It's not a reason for it to be,

A morally or rightful thing that could be.

I'm really, really sorry.

Yet I still say sorry just so that I'll feel less guilty.

Rather than being guilty,

Of what a jerk of a friend I am.

You still forgave me.

I think you're hurt.

I'm still sorry.

What a terrible friend I am.

I use an excuse that we're still kids and growing,

Yet I know deep that it's not a valid reason to be.

We're kids, fourteens,

An age to be wrong and terrible to be.

Even for this poem,

I still give my reason to be:

Just a fourteen kid growing up,

Still growing and free.

I pushed too hard,

I pushed you hard.

I'm so sorry,

That you have to see someone like me,

In school where we see each other easily.

Now, it'll be awkward,

Just like I'm thinking it will be.

I'm regretting it, really.

I'm very, truly sorry.

[whelmedscape]

“Lola”

Oh, lola, sabi ng iyong anak,

Iyong ako’y mahal

Oh, aking lola,

sabi ng aking inay iyo’y siya'y inalagaan.

Lola, sabi nila,

Ating mukha’y isa't isa

Sayang ay hindi ko na ikumpara,

Nang ika’y lumisan at hindi na maalala.

Nang ako'y bata pa,

Nang ako'y buhat-buhat mo pa,

Ano kaya ang iyong iniisip,

Maliban sa mga sabi sa akin nila mama't papa.

Nang ako'y ‘di pa makapaglakad,

O ‘di man makapagsalita,

Ano kaya ang iyong iniisip

Sa boses ko kapag ako'y makapag salita na.

Oh, lola, hindi na kita naririnig sa kanila,

Ano pa kaya ang iyong naiisip,

Sa iyong apong hindi ka maalala.

At ano rin kaya,

Mga kamay mong nagbuhat sa akin,

Ano kaya ang ramdam na iyon,

Kapag tayo'y maghawak?

Hindi ko alam, at hinding-hindi ko ma aalam.

Lola, ang iba ay may lola,

Habang ako'y nagkaroon,

Ngunit walang maalala.

Ano kaya ang tinig ng boses mo,

Oh, aming lola.

Totoo ba ang mga sinasabi sa akin ng aking kapatid?

Hindi ko alam, at hinding-hindi ko ma aalam,

Dahil wala ka na, aming lola.

[whelmedscape]

Ziggy scratched me with his feet when he jumped out and it scarred my hand so much that my skin peeled. I go and put a pool of betadine. I looked at it and I just cried, feeling so much pity for myself for what I've done to my body.

-

I give all my love to the world, I forget myself. I care so much as to what others think, I forget what I think. I care so much about what I make others feel, I forget to care about what I feel. I care so much, and yet I cannot even feel it. I think too much, and yet I can't even think for myself.

I feel so unworthy of this body. This body in which I scarred, ignored, and left behind. I feel so unloved by the person who's supposed to love and care for me. So much so I forget that I'm her. Because I ignored her, hurt her, and left her. I didn't even give myself a chance to think. I drown it all with all the things that can distract me away from this girl who's ruined. And yet, I grieve for her. I pity her.