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I’m literally so sane about Henry Barrow, I swear. I’m so normal about him.

I haven’t written a whole 6+ chapter story about him. I promise I’m actually so normal about him.

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I know the joke is no one knows what’s happening in Riverdale(not even the writers) but can someone tell me what the actual fuck is going on in season 6 thanks

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Fuck you *un-garlics your bread*

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How to know if someone likes you thanks

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I’m coming back on here for a little bit because Twitter wasn’t helping my situation and telling your older brother through a tweet that you experienced SA as a child isn’t what I wanted to do to process the trauma. But it’s okay. My brain is healing and it felt ready to process it and that’s what’s important right now.

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We love telling my boss about a repressed SA memory that just came back in between sobs while on the clock :))))

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Ayoooo it’s y’a bitch. I’m back. You know what time it is when I come back: it’s mental breakdown tiiimmmeeeeee

Before I begin, this post might have some triggering topics or themes for some people like family issues, mental pain, and general themes of not feeling like one is enough. If those things are trigger to you, please don’t read this rant. You are enough, you are worthy, you deserve love and happiness and you deserve to feel okay. Skip over this rant, I’ll see you in the next post, you got this.

Today’s topic of discussion: How I learned my dad doesn’t actually care about me and how I’m lower on his priority list than his children, children in law, and grandkids :)

Soooo this post is gonna sound slightly annoying and kinda entitled, so I wanna start by saying that yes, I’m well aware I’ve lived a very privileged and lucky life. I know there’s millions of people around the world who would love to trade places with me in order to have the luck and opportunities I’ve had in life. I’ve lived with that knowledge for many years, and I do my best to help out those I can when I can due to guilt of not deserving the life I was brought into. But, I didn’t get to choose where I went, I didn’t get to choose what struggles I’d have versus what other people are experiencing. I’m still going to do my best to take care of those I can around me when I can to repay the universe in a way for the opportunities and privileges I’ve been granted as an upper middle class white person. That being said, my struggles are still mine alone, and they still affect me. I’m not looking for advice, I’m not looking for judgement. I know I’ll still probably get that stuff, and I know I’ll still get judged that these are my struggles based on how “cushy”(as some would call it) my life has been. I get that, I respect your opinion on that matter, but someone else’s life being worse doesn’t mean my struggles and pain aren’t worthy of being felt and vented. Thanks.

So, my dad is planning a “Christmas in July” thing for my siblings, their partners and their kids and my mom and I. This is meant to be happening on July 24th, cause it’s essentially half way to christmas. He’s been getting gift ideas for everyone and he’s been buying my siblings and their partners and kids whatever they’ve asked for. My sister in law wants a new special craft iron that’s 4 times as expensive as a normal iron? Sure, no problem. My nephew wants a lego spaceship? Absolutely. My brother wants this cool toolset as well as a swing set/treehouse thing for my nieces and nephews? Sure, he’ll even drive down to where they are and stay there for a week to build it for them.

Well, I recently asked for a Microsoft surface, but I offered to go half and half on it with him so I could get it sooner. I’m slightly more impatient when it comes to things like tech that I want, especially since I wanna use it to write on while I’m away from my desktop(which is really the only working pc I have right now). He told me, “I can’t, I’m buying gifts for everyone else right now.” I paraphrased part of it, but yeah that’s pretty much what he said. He didn’t really say, “Are you okay waiting on it until later?”. He didn’t say, “I have to wait until I can afford it”. He just said he couldn’t get that or even send a little bit of money to me to help cover it. I’d be 100% okay in waiting on it. Hell, I’m now waiting on getting it so I can just buy it myself as my paycheck that came in today can’t fully cover it, and I’m like $100 away from paying for it. I’m fine with waiting for it, even if I’m a little impatient. I told him it’s okay if he wants to wait on it, but he said that he couldn’t do it and couldn’t even pitch in a little bit. I will admit, he’s helped with some stuff for my apartment, and I’m super appreciative of that, cause if he hadn’t I wouldn’t have been able to afford some of the really nice stuff in my apartment. I feel like if I wasn’t appreciative I would’ve just begged him to pay for it, but I offered to go 50/50, 60/40, even 90/10 with him, but he says he can’t.

I’ve known since like sophomore year of high school that he doesn’t financially provide for me nearly as much as he does the kids from his first marriage and their kids. I thought I was fine with it. But having him say that he basically focused more of his money on getting gifts for his other kids than he would on me and essentially prove I’m an after thought to my own father hurt. Bad. I’d hate to be the only one at this little Christmas in July get together that doesn’t have a gift, so I’ll likely not be going. I doubt he’s paid off the other gifts entirely, so he’s likely not gonna spend much on me, and that’s fine. I’d rather not go than be the awkward kid sitting there and be forced to be happy when my siblings and their kids get any gift they could’ve ever imagined while I have to say, “Nah, you guys being here is enough”. While, yeah, getting to see them all again will make me really happy, I don’t want to be the person who’s constantly holding back tears at what’s supposed to be a super happy family gathering when I’ve been forgotten. I’ve had to do it in the past and it just breaks my soul a little bit when I’ve had to. Soooo looks like I’ll be at work on July 24th :)

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Got the feeling my friends hated me again today and unfortunately hanging with my new friends I’ve had for maybe a month on discord did nothing to make me feel better. So I just left the call without warning.

I think my days on the discord server are numbered as well because I’m getting the feeling they don’t like me there, and it’s not necessarily that they’re unwelcoming, I just think I’m annoying everyone ok there so much that it’s better I just kinda.... fade out of it. Having that little blip of friendship was great while it was there.

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PEDOPHILIA IS NOT A SEXUAL ORIENTATION OR FETISH

NECROPHILIA IS NOT A SEXUAL ORIENTATION OR FETISH

YOU CANNOT COMPARE THESE TO BEING GAY

THEY ARE PROVEN MENTAL DISORDERS THAT CAN BE HELPED

IF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IS UNABLE TO GIVE INFORMED CONSENT ABOUT SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC THINGS IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM IT IS NOT OKAY TO PURSUE ANY TYPE OF ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP FROM THEM

IF SOMEONE IS UNABLE TO GIVE RATIONALLY INFORMED CONSENT, THEY ARE NOT ABLE TO EXIST IN A ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.

IF YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO CHILDREN, YOU ARE A PEDOPHILE AND NEED HELP FOR TRAUMA YOU’RE IGNORING. YOU ARE NOT A MAP IN NEED OF ASSISTENCE

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Someone told me to shut up in a YouTube comment section for making a joke that I was there within the first minute... So I said “okay :)”.

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I am the nothing pizza with left beef and I wish I was just YEETED into oblivion. But I never get what I truly wish for, and so I remain on this plain. Making cringy posts waiting for the moment when I vanish.

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For legal reasons I’m ready to off

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Bruh, people have good relationships with their cousins??? Like people genuinely love their cousins???? My cousins just bullied me for being fat and having undiagnosed mental issues, learning disabilities, and chronic illnesses, even though one of them caused part of my trauma single handedly.

How do people go around to their cousins and be like “omg bitch I fucking love you tf” like.... I haven’t seen most of my cousins in like 3 years.

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Me: *steps to go do something then forgets what I was going to do and stands there staring into the void for like 7 minutes with the human equivalent of a loading screen in Skyrim happening in my head as my brain tries to process that one step*

My boyfriend: *stares at me wondering what the fuck I’m doing halfway through a walking cycle not moving anywhere*

Me: *snaps out of it and remembers what I was going to do only to repeat the cycle 10 minutes later without doing the task*

I am a waste of human

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Something I feel like more people should know about: You know that feeling of being suddenly uncomfortable because you’re wearing socks? Yeah, people with periods will sometimes feel that with pads. But like we don’t get to just Willy nilly take them off like with socks, nonono. For you see, those of us that have bodies that are too powerful and mentally uncomfortable with other forms of sanitary products have to keep the pads on. Until we change them. And that can range anywhere from 2 hours to like 8 hours. And the cycle will begin anew with the new pad. It never ends.

And pads can give you a very uncomfortable feeling similar to like diaper rash if you wear it for too long(that part was mostly for anyone who’s new to periods and pads to hear so they don’t keep the pad on for too long.... Like overnight pads are the ones you can wear for like 8-10 hours because that’s what they’re meant for, but like they get hot REALLY fast down there so I recommend wearing dark shorts. Breathable and comfortable for sleeping. As for thinner pads, don’t wear them for more than like 6 hours depending on your flow just to make sure you don’t get the whole diaper rash type thing situation going on). Periods are weird as hell.

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What time is it??? Random sad boy hours fuck yeah

So let’s start this with a trigger warning for things like phobias(specifically nyctophobia or the irrational and extreme fear of the dark), maybe some spookies, and mental issues such as anxiety, depression, and suic!dal thoughts, fantasies, tendencies etc. If you could be triggered by any of those, please ignore this post and continue about your day beautiful human :)

Next warning I’ll add is that this is just a post about my 3 am thoughts(I tend to be the most in touch with my processing of trauma late at night because I’m not focused on all my other tasks for the day), not a post about things I’m gonna do. While I’ve been on the border of a harming relapse due to my brain, my coping mechanisms have been working okay enough to prevent me from harming or anything similar and I don’t plan on attempting or anything, so don’t be worried about that. I sometimes just need to write down my stuff and vibe with it for me to be okay with it.

Final thing before the post: please don’t try to diagnose me. I’m in therapy, I’ve been evaluated a few times, I don’t need anyone who may or may not have studied psychology to diagnose me when they don’t know my full story or my full history. If you have a comment that tells your experience, that’s fine, but diagnosing someone through the internet when you don’t know them and you’re not they’re therapist is inappropriate and I will delete any comments diagnosing me or anyone else commenting.

Into the post :))))

So I’ve been thinking about my fear of the dark tonight. It’s so intense that while I sleep with a pillow covering my head and ears for epilepsy reasons, I NEED light in a room or I freak out. I’ll start getting anxiety induced paranoia, start getting an anxiety attack, all that jazz. I sleep with my TV on but the cable box off most nights and a painting I got for my 15th birthday of the Eiffel Tower(cause I LOVE Paris) decorated with string lights lit up at all times. I know I’m supposed to sleep in the dark, but sleeping in the dark always gave me nightmares as a kid and actually made it harder to sleep.

So, I’ve been thinking about it and while the dark is scary, what I’m actually afraid of are the things that might be in the dark. I’ve had multiple ghosty experiences(my house is haunted), so when I can’t see what’s there my mind goes wild. But tonight I was thinking about it... and while I’m scared of the things in the dark, the darkness gives me a weird sense of comfort. Like it’s familiar to me. I don’t know why, but I guess it goes into the stream of thought that there’s comfort in the sadness depression creates or the panic anxiety creates because it’s familiar... it’s a feeling... and a thought popped into my head tonight while watching tiktoks...

I’m afraid of the darkness but I kind of want to join it. Sometimes I feel like the darkness is “calling” me but I know that’s not how that works. I know that that’s not a thing. But I feel drawn to the darkness because sometimes I just don’t want to exist. Like life is too complicated for me and maybe I just want to be a blob of darkness in the shadows for a bit. Like I want to feel like I’m just alone in a place not existing for a bit.

That’s like the entire post, I guess. I don’t know, I might add to it later. But that’s kinda it. Yeeeeeehonk.

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Normal names are boring. Imma name myself stupidsponge irl and everyone better respect my new name baybeeee

the thing i love about the internet is u can call urself whatever name u want and ppl are just like fine with it immediately okay with it i wish real life was this simple. if you wanna be called flipperz you do that. but in real life its like nooo you cant do that. shut up! boring ass