welcome-to-my-hoard

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

...

Expiry dates are a suggestion.

If I can't see mold or smell rank, it's perfectly fine.

Also:

FUCK YOU! I DONT KEEP LITERAL TRASH! I HAVE STANDARDS!

I think ill say "Welcome to my hoard" when I'm showing someone my room. Is that OK, racoon?

Well, if it looks anything like my room (aka: MY HOARD; aka: A MESS), that sounds bout right.

Why am I a raccoon though? (Soldier calls me the same thing...)

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

I think ill say "Welcome to my hoard" when I'm showing someone my room. Is that OK, racoon?

Well, if it looks anything like my room (aka: MY HOARD; aka: A MESS), that sounds bout right.

Why am I a raccoon though? (Soldier calls me the same thing...)

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Sorry for calling you Hunter-

I don't know why I did said that-

Uh- so how are you doing now? Feeling a bit better?

@cozyperson

Ah- well I already answered this I s'pose...

Don't worry too much about the Hunter thing. It's weird, but eh, happens.

Anyways, um, yeah, I'm good. Medic fixed my arm and frankly, my pain tolerance is so fucked I didn't really even register the pain in my hand. Just a bit sore for a'couple days, I guess.

Probably bruised the bones pretty good, a little bloody, but nothing some bandages and time couldn't fix.

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Was it Scout?

It was Scout you had to explain this too wasn't it?

I'm assumin yer talkin about the period thing, so...

Yes, you hit the nail on the head, bud

His singular defense was growing up with only brothers.

Luckily, it seems Spy and later a very enthusiastic Medic (he brought DIAGRAMS, and TAMPONS! Ive never seen Scout get redder, HA!) have knocked some knowledge into his empty skull!

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

—

Heyya there, bud! I'm the Hoarder of Reliable Excavation Demolition (or just RED)! You best thank whatever God you choose that we ain't meetin in person, cause I woulda already stolen your wallet!

Anyhow, Miss Pauling has left the PR crap to us mercenaries (apparently somethin happened to the old guy), and so here I am! A recipe for disaster, I'm sure, but eh, what the hell, I'm bored anyways.

Since yah probably should know: The Engineer is my adoptive dad kinda-sorta-I-guess, but I just call him my uncle. He got me the job back in summer, and I've been shootin people dead professionally since!

Send questions my way if yah want, and feel free to ask about the rest of the team too, I'll make sure to bug em' for answers.

—

Tags:

#hoard rambles -> original posts

#hoard interacts -> reblogs

#hoard photos -> art (generally: in-universe photos)

#hoard answers -> answering asks

—

Previous Intro Post (beware; it's not great):

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Something showed up in the mail this morning:

We took this back on Smissmas, an' all of us got one! Good ol' group photo (even got Miss Pauling)!

Feels like a good send off to 69'

This year started off... real bad, honestly...

But, comin' out here, it really helped, and I'm finally... kinda integrating into the team?

It's... nice

Er... Anyways, I'm getting mushy- try to keep y'all posted on the happenings around base

(I'm gonna go give engi a hug. Wouldnt be here without im')

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Heh

Well, startin it with a hangover, but here's to hoping

Thanks other engie

Ah shit, I forgot- uh-

Happy New Year, people of... here? Wooo, 1970, or somethin...

(My head fucking hurts.)

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Ah shit, I forgot- uh-

Happy New Year, people of... here? Wooo, 1970, or somethin...

(My head fucking hurts.)

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Reblog to hit Spy tf2 in the guts

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Well. Demo was the first guy we found. Not much help given that he was drunk off his ass, but can't blame the guy for getting wasted on a day off, I guess.

Luckily, we ran into Frenchie! He doesn't like me (I always use my terrible Canadian French in front of him. He gets redder than his suit, it's FUNNY AS HELL) BUT! He did take the opportunity to reprimand Scout for not knowing such "basic knowledge" (his words, not mine).

He has taken it upon himself to teach Scout said knowledge, and dragged him off somewhere. (I really couldnt care less)

Oh joy,

I finally get to change my disgusting pants!

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Giving him the benefit of the doubt; Assuming the American school system failed this poor dumbass.

Still, need backup cause the shithead's not listenin to me.

Gotta find someone.

...

And probably change my pants.

Fuck.

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

CHRIST ON A TRICYCLE, HE DOESN'T BELIEVE ME

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Yknow, didn't think I'd be explaining to a grown ass man why I was bleeding through my pants, but here we are, in my impromptu sex-ed class.

I'll give ya all a single guess who it is.

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

MERRY SMISSMAS, EVERYONE!

The whole team's been gathered round' the commons pretty much all day. Lots a stop-motion Smissmas movies, and hot cocoa!

I helped Engi and Pyro make some cookies! They came out lookin kinda odd, but they taste good! Pyro is a real good baker, actually!

Side note: I finally came clean about... y'know... breaking into Heavy's room. Apologized to him for it. You wanna know what he did?

He laughed.

Not only did he already know, he WATCHED me do it, he was just so floored by my stupidity that he let it slide. (His words, not mine. Thanks, big guy.)

ANYWAYS.

We were getting dinner ready when Miss Pauling showed up. We aren't supposed to be opening presents until later, but I'm impatient, okay? I gave her my gift early:

The cardigan is... well, she makes it look a LOT better than it is (Because she looks stunning in friggin ANYTHING, fuckin hell)

Well, keep yall updated if anything interestin happens.

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Ah SHIT- IT'S EVE ALREADY!? (I need a damn calander.)

Thanks for the reminder! Oh- and merry Smissmas, other universe Sniper!

I have so much to do, god dammit.

MERRY SMISSMAS BLOODY EVE, MATES!!!!

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

So, good news:

Medic helped. The guy is actually... pretty alright when he isn't mad at me.

He is also AMAZING at sewing.

Something about his experience with human flesh being applicable to fabrics? Apparently, Heavy encouraged him to pick up the hobby. Couldn't help much with the machine, unfortunately, but I now know a lot more about hand sewing and embroidery! (Most importantly: how not to impale myself with the damn needle)

Bad news:

Im a MORON.

Accidentally brought up the (adorable) Heavy bear. Yknow... the one I shouldn't know exists and broke into Heavy's room to take a picture of? Yeah, that one.

I have never ducked out of a room faster IN MY LIFE.

(I really gotta stop pissing off our Medic... Ah crap, the big guy's probably gonna be mad too... fuckin- shit.)

[welcome-to-my-hoard]

Fuck this.

I need this done by smissmas, and if I impale my fingers one more time, I'm gonna lose it.

I'm asking Medic for help.