walrusissimo

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whoever invented chess wasn’t fucking around when they made knights. everything moves in straight lines different ways. simple enough. now there’s a horse that jumps over people in an L shape. thrill ride for the 16th century gamer

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This is so sad

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during finals week

friend: hey

me: the most important united states supreme court case was marbury v. madison because it established judicial review

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ape babies: hey whats up I can climb around and do whatever the fuck i want basically from birth

human baby: uhhhhhhhhhhh guess ill be a dumb immobile little slug for like a year

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March 22 2019 is gonna be CRAZY

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i’ve been laughing for a solid 15 minutes over this dude who got banned from r/food for his potato recipe

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ok do you guys remember those Capri Sun “RESPECT THE POUCH, RESPECT IT!” ads where children would deface a Capri Sun pouch in some way and then suffer some karmic punishment thematically connected to the way they disrespected pouch then there were Airheads commercials where eating an airhead would turn your head into a balloon and there were Fruit Gusher ads similar to that except your head turned into an enormous piece of fruit what happened where for this brief period of time (in america at least) it was decided the best way to get kids to buy fruit themed junk food was to imply there was some kind of chaotic evil force that would let you sip its sweet nectar and feast on its fruit, but only if you were willing to sacrifice your state of existence and obey the artificially flavored outer gods   

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why did my mom end this text with a wink

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unbuttoning anything for someone is… incredibly intimate and cinematographical, oscar worthy to say the least