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Haven’t we all been both Jonathan and Ethan at some point in our lives?

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chonky boy goes sledding

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“You know,” he added, “there are a number of recommended methods of dealing with ghosts— salt and iron, harmonic resonance, some people swear by exorcism, and not just priests— but that’s the first time I’ve seen anyone try a left hook.” “Now you say that,” Crane said, “it strikes me that it was a very stupid act.”

The Magpie Lord by KJ Charles

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Using the term "cronies" is a great way to out oneself as a conspiracy theorist.

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Y'all I'm crying. Why does it have nipples??

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Anytime someone lies, this is the voice in my head.

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i dont consider myself a 'fashion guru' by any means but one thing i will say is guys you dont need to know the specific brand an item you like is - you need to know what the item is called. very rarely does a brand matter, but knowing that pair of pants is called 'cargo' vs 'boot cut' or the names of dress styles is going to help you find clothes you like WAAAYYYY faster than brand shopping

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Switching from 4x4 to 2x4 on the fly

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“They’ve what?” asked Peggy, who had hubristically believed herself incapable of having her ghast in any way flabbered by either Bonny or Belle. And yet here she was, flabbered of ghast, and smacked of gob.

Something Spectacular by Alexis Hall

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On the drive to work apologizing to my car for all the times I complained that it was hot as balls. Give me my hot balls back car, I've learned the error of my ways.

i always forget how much of a hell getting up in the morning during the cold months is until im trying to get dressed taking frost damage like ough augh ugha oagh uagh

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it fucken WIMDY (part 3)

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“Tell that crotch-scratching, bottom line–licking dumbass that I quit.” “Crotch-scratching, bottom line–licking dumbass. Crotch-scratching, bottom line–licking dumbass. Got it,” Fred said cheerily and then uncovered the cordless phone.

Riley Thorn and the Dead Guy Next Door by Lucy Score