vitya-plum

[vitya-plum]

3

lying in bed lights off all alone just your thoughts thousands and thousands of thoughts one more violent than the other shout over each other the first one tries to be louder then the second one and the second one tries to be louder than the third one et cetera et cetera a never ending cycle lying paralyzed unable to move totally consumed trying to end it

[vitya-plum]

2

everything and nothing feel all emotions at once happiness, sadness, emptiness, peace but also a feeling of complete numbness a mixture of wanting to do everything clean your room, read a book, start a new hobby wanting to get your messed up life together and at the same time you feel like a total piece of shit who can't do anything just mop around and feel worthless this is what it's called feeling overwhelmed

which I feel most of the time

and it's fucking exhausting

[vitya-plum]

1

do you know the feeling on your heart the invisible hand squeezing it until your blood can't flow properly the invisible dagger stabbing you until you can't breath properly all the insecurities all the doubt all the fear creating voice inside your head which tells you all the ugly things that you're useless worthless that you're a burden disappointment

broken

so you're waiting and waiting for someone to tell you that it's okay to live

[vitya-plum]

New road

leading to somewhere unknown don't know if i like it or not but walking this way anyway what other choice do I have maybe there is but I don't see another path so I continue walking this way even if it's scary even if I'm alone I'm still going and hoping that at the end happiness awaits me

[vitya-plum]

You

classroom that's the place where you are sitting behind desk trying to look interested in the lecture looking calm at least on the outside because what is happening inside is a whole different story your heart is squeezed by an invisible hand into a small ball you try to take a deep breath to calm yourself down breath in breath out repeat but it's not working you start to shake on the edge of bursting into tears you start to blink rapidly to fight back the tears breath in breath out repeat trying to shake off your silent cry you start to focus on things in the room chairs desks cabinets breath in blink breath out blink books statues black board repeat you start to calm down slowly you're coming back to yourself until it's finally and completely you

[vitya-plum]

Midnight

she stands under the night sky she looks up at the stars the moon surrounded by thousands of stars but still so alone it feels like looking into a mirror

[vitya-plum]

Imagination of observing

first puff people walking around second puff the sun is shining third puff head starts to get foggy fourth puff world starts to spin smoking cigarettes and looking around looking at people going inside the school another people smoking cigarettes people passing by quite the entertainment imagining lives of other people I imagine the story behind a person that picks my interest imagine what they study what they do in their free time what kind of people they who is their partner their parents I imagine all of that

It's my design

[vitya-plum]

Fireworks

look at the sky do you see those fireworks? so colorful lighting up the sky full of light creating lovely sparkles if I have to go I'd like to go out just as beautifully

[vitya-plum]

Growing up

a meadow full of flowers flowers in the colors of the rainbow the sun shines in the cloudless sky fills the meadow with light it lights up the flowers like colorful beacons the wind is blowing gently spreads grass and leaves in the middle of the meadow the child is playing she holds a dandelion in her hand ready to blow away the seeds for a long journey the seeds are blown away the child is now dancing across the meadow plucks more dandelions happy laughs suddenly stops she sees a figure at the end of the meadow it's an adult surrounded by dark aura with scars on hands, heart a sad expression on her face the adult looks at the child and sad expression is replaced by a sad smile the child smiles back at her beamingly the figure looks back one last time and walks away from the meadow towards the rising moon the child looks behind the figure until she finally turns and walks off into the setting sun two persons walking different paths so different and yet so similar