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josefine hj . out-andabout

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brunie.co 

brunie.co

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by Frachella

https://www.instagram.com/frachella/

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“Having a low opinion of yourself is not modesty. It’s self-destruction.”

— Bobbe Sommer

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July 27,2019

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“Words have power. Use them wisely.”

— Unknown

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My boyfriend is perfect for me

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do you have any good general tips for communication, especially in a new relationship?

Don't expect people to know something you haven't actually communicated and don't rely on hints and passive aggressive behavior. You gotta tell people exactly what you want them to know directly to their face, even if it's scary or awkward.

Don't worry too much about how to articulate what you want to say. Just say it. Showing up imperfectly is better than not showing up.

Choose one issue you want to discuss and stick to said topic. Don't drag 50 unrelated issues into the conversation. That's not constructive and will likely only escalate the conflict.

Don't make accusations. If you fear abandonment, go with "I'm afraid of losing you" not "you'll just leave me like everyone else." If you need more attention, go with "I would love for us to spend more time together" not "you probably don't even like me anymore" - and so on. Learn to articulate your feelings without accusing anyone of bad intentions.

When you and your partner are discussing an issue, repeat what your partner is telling you back to them in your own words so that they can correct you if you misunderstood something. Have your partner do the same when you speak.

If you want something to change, make your request concrete. What exactly does "help out more" mean to you? What does "give me more attention" mean in practice? You should know that before starting the discussion.

Learn to take and give constructive criticism without anyone taking it as a personal attack. Melting down and going "I'm just a horrible person who doesn't deserve you" every time your partner has a minor issue with something you do will just derail the conversation and remove focus from the original issue. So you shouldn't do that.

Remember that even when you disagree, it's not you VS your partner - it's you and your partner VS the problem!

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I wonder how many times I’ve look at the city and thought about what to do with my life

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I’m going to have such a beautiful life