venti-something-venting

[venti-something-venting]

[venti-something-venting]

Husband: With your hair grown out you look like my mom and it's creeping me out.

Me: Okay, I'll go dye it.

H: I like pink

Me: *two pics of pink hair I like*

H: meh

Me: I'm open to suggestions

H: idk do whatever

Me: I want you to like the end result, but I need input for that.

H: don't do it for me.

Me: I am super for the avoidance of accidental oedipal tendencies so can you help me pick something we both like

H: idk. Seriously do whatever.

Me: guess I'm not dyeing my hair then

H: *makes face*

Ffs. Not asking the moon. Asking for a cursory goddamn image search.

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This is a serious genuine question: why are autistic people against finding a cure for it? I understand if they personally don't want it to be cured, but why do they feel they don't want a cure at all for anyone? Thanks!

When people talk about curing autism they seem to have the idea that autistic people are basically ‘neurotypical’ people who HAVE autism (they view it as something separate that they’d like to remove to make us ‘normal’). But autism isn’t a separate thing that’s been ‘added on’, or an illness. It’s just the way we are. 

People also often seem to assume that anything negative we experience is because of autism, and anything positive we experience is despite autism. If you’re autistic, everything you experience is basically filtered through your ‘autisticness’, if that makes sense. So if you were to magic away that autisticness, it wouldn’t just remove negative things, and because autism is complex there can be traits that have both positives and negatives (for example, sensory issues: some sensory input might bring massive amounts of joy and feel really amazing, but then some sensory input might cause lots of pain and make you feel ill - sometimes I’ve thought I’d be happier with more normal sensory reactions to things, but ultimately I like the good feelings and I’d rather put up with the bad (and be able to try to find coping mechanisms to deal with the bad) rather than miss out on all the good).

Autism is inherent. You can’t remove it/cure it. So it also seems a waste for people to focus so much on that instead of focusing on our current wellbeing. Also, the knowledge that people do so desperately want to basically get rid of us (as we are) is obviously very unpleasant!

The idea that there should be a cure suggests that there is something wrong with us, and makes it very clear just how strongly a lot of non-autistic people feel about that. So even if there was a cure and we would (genuinely) have a choice as to whether we received it or not, it’s still not really pleasant to be told that you are something that needs curing, that there’s something so wrong with you that there should be a cure for it whether you want one or not. A lot of our difficulties would be somewhat diminished if we received adequate support (which most of us don’t - probably because all the resources that would go towards providing support are being spent on trying to find cures).

Realistically, if there was a cure, it’s likely that autistic people often wouldn’t get a choice. Parents would choose to cure their children (and that would include dependent adult children). Adults who were able to reject a cure would probably still get a lot of pressure to accept a cure (by family, doctors, possibly even other people like employers or colleagues who all just think that, “Life would be so much easier, why wouldn’t you want to be cured of something as terrible as autism?”) which would either result in people unwillingly ‘consenting’ to a cure, or would just cause lots of autistic people to live pretty miserable lives constantly being told how much better they’d be if they were just… not the way they are… and how much more wanted they’d be if they weren’t autistic… and likely that they’re not deserving of support because they could have ‘fixed themselves’. Thing is, we’re not broken. Having difficulties, even significant ones, doesn’t make us broken versions of real people. We’re real, we’re here already, and we could have really great lives and opportunities if people actually took the time to learn more about us and to embrace our differences.

As touched on above, if there was a cure, those of us who didn’t want to be cured would probably lose access any support we do already have. Why put money/resources into supporting autistic people if there’s a cure that makes that support redundant? Why would anyone (particularly those who thinks autism should be cured) support people who haven’t chosen to cure themselves?

The people who want to cure autism also want to find ways to prevent it, and lots of autistic people fear that if it was possible to screen for autism in the same way that people can screen for other conditions before birth, people would decide to terminate a pregnancy if they’d been told that their child was likely to be autistic. Basically, if you’re autistic, you’re constantly being warned that you don’t really deserve to exist. We are constantly trying to fight against that, trying to explain our experiences to people and trying to convince people that we are worthwhile human beings as we are, but the damage that’s already been done (by companies like Autism Speaks, and people like Andrew Wakefield) is really hard to undo. So I think most of us would expect that, if cures or preventative measures were possible, there would eventually no longer be any autistic people. And the ones who slipped through that ‘net’ would still suffer because the world would be even less inclined to want to support autistic people/there’d be less autistic people around to make them feel less alone.

Even the idea that autistic people can be cured is dangerous. That rhetoric is linked to fear-mongering, and the idea that autism should be hated and eradicated. Lots of children have dangerous ‘treatments’ forced on them, and  are basically abused under the guise of being ‘cured’ or ‘improved’. Lots of autistic people are murdered by their caregivers (and the reports are usually more sympathetic to the caregiver than the murdered autistic person). Lots of people refuse to have their children vaccinated, which also puts those children at risk of serious illness and possible death, and also risks the lives of other children who aren’t yet vaccinated, or can’t be vaccinated for some reason. There are parents giving their children potentially lethal bleach enemas, because risking their life and their health is somehow acceptable just because they’re autistic? 

It’s a massive waste of resources! We’d rather people spent time and money on trying to improve services for autistic people! So much money gets wasted on research into the causes, all with a view to eradicate us. It would make a much bigger difference to autistic people if the money went towards services to support us.

Often, people claim that those who don’t want cures are trying to speak for/over those who have more obvious difficulties, or have specific presentations (for example, being completely non-verbal). They’re making assumptions, though, because there are lots of non-verbal people who communicate in other ways and have made it clear that they wouldn’t ever want to be ‘cured’. I know that some autistic people dislike being autistic and would want to be cured, but no one really asks why. Is that purely because they’re autistic and that makes their life hard/miserable, or is it because of lack of acceptance, lack of support, etc. Considering all the history and negative experiences autistic people have (often not actually because they’re autistic but because of how other people perceive us, or how things are structured to cater to allistic people), that does make me wonder whether with more genuine acceptance and with more effort going into support rather than ‘cures’ the people who do dislike being autistic might actually be much happier. It is hard to see so much negativity surrounding who you are and to not start to feel like you are somehow wrong or a burden. It’s also hard to have difficulties and see information that focuses purely on positive aspects of being autistic (which are often there to fight against the negativity, but can alienate people who are having a hard time). Basically, we either get told how awful our lives are and what a burden we are (which can hurt all of us), or we get told how gifted we are and what amazing contributions we make (which hurts the people who aren’t gifted, and who don’t feel that they contribute towards anything in any way). More recently I think there’s much more balance, and if that can continue we’d all be better off. 

My personal view is that if I have to change myself that drastically to be able to live a happy life then it’s not really me living it, anyway. So I’d prefer if if resources went towards letting me be me (and enabling me to have a good life), and if people wanted me to be able to be me, if that makes sense? We want to be accepted. People can’t accept us and want to cure us at the same time. It just doesn’t work because autism is inherent/intrinsic. You either accept us as we are, or you clearly don’t accept us. When people are focused on trying to ‘fix’ us, we’re basically in danger, because the ultimate goal outweighs our wellbeing. When we’re viewed as ‘broken’ we’re viewed as less than human, and that means people think they can treat us however they want (because we’re not really real people until we’re ‘cured’). We need the focus to switch in order to be able to live full and happy autistic lives, and to protect our community (including the next generations) from all those potential harms.

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I can't go keep going on being guilted that all I could say was "I love you, I'm sorry you're hurting." It's all I have for you. If that's not enough, you'll have to look somewhere else. I will go to the doctor with you, I will take you to therapy, I will listen to anything you need to say, I'll take you to the river and we can throw rocks and scream at the moon and gods and the rest of the void that cannot hear us and maybe some of that unbearable weight will be screamed out of you, and it will be easier to get out of bed in the morning. I can do those things. I cannot keep convincing you to stay alive. I've said everything I can say. I've said it again and again. I can't help you if you won't let me. I'm trying. I'm trying. I love you. I'm sorry you're hurting.

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This. At work, too.

These images are meant for teachers, to help them understand the sensory issues that their autistic students may be dealing with, and to give them tips on helping their students manage these issues in the classroom. However, I think these could also be useful if you need to explain your sensory issues to other people, and to give them tips on how they can help you in general.

Please click the images to see them better.

(Source)

Liesel, Mod.

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Laying on the floor in the motel, I can feel everyone's footsteps. Very clearly. I can hear them. Boom boom boom. Ready for everyone to go to bed so I can decompress a bit. Considering going to the pool but not up to dealing with people.

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Fuckers woke the baby.

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What is with NTs and playing music so loud you can hear it four houses away?

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Not really using this blog. Make it my autism sideblog? Why not.

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I went shopping for an engagement ring today. Wow.

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«Alternative Fashion»

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How is everyone? Today it was nice and sunny in Poland so why not share a selfie! 

Have a pleasant rest of the day :)

[venti-something-venting]

Opinions of this cut? http://ift.tt/1CnZQmA

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So anxious might die