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Some days I wish I could give him my original self, free from the affects of the hurt, pain, ridicule, disappointment, dishonesty, disloyalty of the past 45 years. While I know he is in love with the slightly jaded, emotionally bruised woman with a wealth of…..experiences, who at times, is triggered and suspicious, I wish he could feel how freely I used to love.

Maybe

Hmm, now that I type that out though…. Maybe he’s coming back into my life exactly when he’s supposed to. Because I don’t just give away my love freely. Not that I’m making him work for it, quite the opposite. It’s his. My love is his. Has been. My heart may just have stayed closed off if not for him.

That made me smile. In this moment when I’m feeling like he’s getting a dented can…I’m realizing that he’s indifferent to the can. He’s salivating thinking of what’s inside. He’s the one who gets to dine on the sustenance.

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Sunday

sigh.....I started missing him before he was gone. The whole day had me emotional and feeling off. When he said he had to gather his things, get ready to leave....and thing is people....he lives about 10 minutes away. It’s not like he’s leaving on a plane, he’s minutes away. But. That’s too far.  We should fall asleep and wake up next to each other every single night and day. But. I spent the last year giving my love and attention to the wrong person and I want to make that up to my boys. I want time with them, and only them. We had to leave the home they were used to and now we are making somewhere new our home. I want this for and with them. I want them to feel as important to me as they are......but, fuck...him and I....I feel like we are one....and when he’s not by my side...I feel empty. I know we will find a balance, maybe. I know things will get easier, maybe. But honestly....I’m counting the days until life will allow me to fully be His.

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When you know you are about to make a big mistake..... But he's such an overwhelming mistake.... And he engages my head, my heart and my cunt...

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Nothing like getting a call from the boyfriend when you are masturbating to pictures of your exs cock.....

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Damn his sexual prowess

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2-29-16 7:30am

I let my hopes get to high. I loved having him here. When he left I realized how empty I feel. He told me I was more than just sex…. But I wasn’t to him… That is the only reason he came to see me!!! I’m so pissed at him. I just want to call him on it, but I didn’t want to mess up or night….. I’m lonely. I’m hurting.

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Sigh...... I broke my toy..... How am I supposed to cum?!?!?!

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2/28/16

I feel so alone. My friend came to town. We reconnected, we talked, we fucked, and now he's gone... My apartment is so quiet. I miss having a man in my life.

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I think I'll always love him

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2/16/16

It's been so long since I've slept in a man's arms. I miss it terribly. Oh how I long to be held again... The man I'm sleeping with started drifting off to sleep after sex. He put his hand on my thigh. It was nice.

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🍃🍥🍃🍥🍃🍥

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Tonight...

Tonight I can’t shut my mind off. I want to wrap myself in a blanket of words, a blanket of soft comforting whispers. I want to forget my life, my responsibilities, my decisions and just be. I want to just be in a safe place, a safe quiet place of comforting words.

2-15-16

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The first relationship to improve is the one you have with yourself. When you’re happy with yourself, then all of your other relationships improve, too. A happy person is very attractive to others. If you’re looking for more love, then you need to love yourself more.

Louise Hay (via livingwithroxy)

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12-14-16 1:17pm

I think the thing that hurts the most is that I'm now realizing that it wasn't you. It was me. It wasn't that you were so jaded you were unable to love in the way I needed to be loved, you didn't love me the way I needed to be loved.... Because you just didn't want to.