vent-uwu

[vent-uwu]

I’d never actually tell you any of this but honestly

Sometimes it feels like I’m subconsciously pulling away or smthing bc I’m afraid I’m gonna fuck up royally and hurt you and you’re gonna stop loving me so I’m trying not to let myself get hurt but in that process I think I’m hurting myself even more and I can’t even say anything cause I’d literally rather fucking die than say anything about how im not always feeling okay

Lately my body’s been feeling so fucking confused when I think you’re supposed to be mad at me and I’ve been bracing for you to yell at me and make me cry and hurt me and then it never arrives and I’m just left even more confused and honestly I’m scared that the other ball is going to drop and it’s going to be worse than when I was with my ex and I really don’t want it to happen but those are the only options in my mind either you take your anger out on me at the moment or the anger is gonna build and build and it’s gonna be so much worse cause I’ll be used to you not hurting me when you’re angry and trusting you and then you hurt me and I don’t know what I’m fucking saying anymore I just don’t want to be hurt I just want to be loved I want to be normal what the fuck is wrong with my why am I believing that you’ll hurt me you’ve been nothing but kind and sweet to me I’m being so fucking stupid right now

[vent-uwu]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

[vent-uwu]

Ah yes.

Feeling like shit because my anxiety is felllinh me that my girlfriend is gonna leave me.

So fucking fun.

:)

[vent-uwu]

[vent-uwu]

I think I want to permanently sleep

Not in an “I want to die” way, but like, forever off in dream-land, anywhere that isn’t reality

I’m not going to kill myself, but I wouldn’t complain if I just, fell asleep and didn’t wake up

And I think it scares me how much I don’t care about life anymore

Idk, maybe it’s the sleep deprivation getting to me lol

[vent-uwu]

Ahahaha love feeling horny while also feeling like shit it’s the best fucking feeling :)

It absolutely doesn’t make me want to fucking die :)

I’m a normal human being with no trauma whatsoever :)

[vent-uwu]

I love my gf sm but hdjsbd did she rlly have to clock me as being irrationally worried that she’d hurt me when she gets angry 💀💀💀

She rlly does know me too well <3

[vent-uwu]

Motherfuvkinh hell why is it back why is that goddamn anxious feeling back I was doing good today I was ok what the fuck

[vent-uwu]

I’m still thinking about my anxiety attack earlier..I haven’t been doing great lately, there’s been a nagging at the back of my brain that my girlfriend is starting to hate me n that she doesn’t want me anymore, which was amplified with us not talking as much today (which isn’t any fault of hers, brain is just mega stupid rn), and then snowballed into an anxiety attack cause rejection sensitive dysphoria :D

Idk why I’m typing all this out but I think it’s helping? Idk, this is my blog I’m gonna make any post I want, not like anyone’s gonna see it anyways lol

[vent-uwu]

Ok, anxiety attack over she’s not mad :]

[vent-uwu]

Please say something please say something please say something please please please please please please please don’t be mad at me

[vent-uwu]

Please I’m sorry please don’t be mad at me please don’t break up with me I’m sorry please love me

[vent-uwu]

Please love me please love me please love me I’m sorry I don’t know what I did wrong please don’t leave me I’m sorry please I’m sorry

[vent-uwu]

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser(s) were never punished.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is living a normal life.

Shoutout to everyone whose allegations were immediately dismissed.

Shoutout to everyone reported their abuser to the police and nothing happened.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser was able to get out of significant legal punishment.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is generally seen as a good person.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is a “pillar of the community.”

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has lied about you.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has framed them.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser threatened them into silence.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser who discouraged them from reporting.

Shoutout to everyone who lost friends after reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who lost family after reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who received backlash for reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has created a rift in their family or friends by reporting or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who is terrified to tell anyone about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who never had the opportunity to talk about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who feels like talking about their abuser is worthless.

Shoutout to everyone whose case was dismissed by the court.

Shoutout to everyone who faced backlash after their abuser was put in jail.

Shoutout to everyone who faced backlash for testifying against their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who still has yet to be believed that they were abused.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their abuser will never be punished.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their abuser will never face backlash.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their story will be dismissed by loved ones.

Shoutout to everyone who spoke out about their abuser, but wasn’t believed until something happened to someone else.

Shoutout to everyone who spoke out about their abuser and wasn’t believed until they seriously harmed you.

Shoutout to everyone who has been mocked for trying to speak out about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has faced social repercussions for speaking out or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has suffered financially for speaking out or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has admitted guilt, but never faced justice.

Shoutout to everyone who knows they were abused and are punished for it.

[vent-uwu]

Ahahaha feeling insecure again for no fucking reason please I just want to feel good I just want to feel like my girlfriend loves me I don’t want to break up why does it feel like we’re gonna breaks up I don’t want that I love her I love her I love her I love her

[vent-uwu]

just wanna fuck them so well they forget their trauma

[vent-uwu]

Hi hello I’m just a tiny eeny weeny bit distressed I feel like Im a different person than I was like 5 mins ago but also not but also yeah def different person but also what if I’m faking feeling like this???? Help??????

So uhm,,,like,,,I thought it was just Deja vu I was feeling,,,,but then like I started feelin like I was missing a lot of memories I should’ve remembered n I looked through some old messages with my gf n me which I like sorta vaguely maybe remember??? Aaaa???? I’m actively distressed????

Hi this is me like a bit later idk how much later but like,,,I still think I’m a different person and I’m still distressed but idk it’s like rlly muted like suppressed or smthing I don’t fucking know please send help