vampireswithcats

[vampireswithcats]

no one ever told me how nice eyebrow razors are (they did and i ignored them and now i realize why my brain tried to ignore them)

[vampireswithcats]

i almost forgor to update! realized i probably shouldn’t cvt at work for the reason of: i took way too fuckong long. i started and was only gonna do 5 on each side. nice and quick, but then it didn’t look or feel like enough so i added a few more, and then a few more. and next thing you know my coworker is calling for me bc we’re fuckong busy and i feel horrible. so. i shouldn’t cvt at work. but it felt great. kind of upset i can’t do it more often.

napkins held fine tho, only moved around a bit, nothing major.

[vampireswithcats]

finally started carrying shit around with me and it’s been a godsend. brought it to work with me today, i don’t know how well the napkin will hold without my boxers but. i’ll update y’all later, excited for today!!!!!

[vampireswithcats]

it would be so great and wonderful if i had someone else who sh to talk about sh stuff with and to share pictures and memes to. only requirements are don’t be a child and don’t be a creep. that’s it. not that hard. someone. please. i’m so funny and cool and relatable.

[vampireswithcats]

showing my therapist a specific narrative so she can’t change my core personality (mental illness and psychotic symptoms)

[vampireswithcats]

Does god want me to kill myself because that’s the vibe I’ve been getting

[vampireswithcats]

honestly i wish i never reached out for help in the first place bc now i can’t even cut or starve in peace. i feel like an idiot

[vampireswithcats]

After a few sv1c1d3 attempts people stop caring.

Everyone is like "oh she might try again but she will fail as always, who cares?"

They aren't tired of me talking about ending myself

They are tired of me trying and failing

People won't care if I try again

People will only care if I actually do it

People are expecting me to d1e

[vampireswithcats]

Nothings ever deep enough

Nothing will ever be good enough

Fuck

[vampireswithcats]

[vampireswithcats]

therapists saying you're surprisingly self aware is like being called a pleasure to have in class for adults

[vampireswithcats]

i need to start carrying shit around with me. i’m at work and just want a few cvts. just a few. i think it’d make the work day a lot easier. not that it’s bad rn i just. i need more. all the time. and i also found someone that likes them. that’s not telling me to stop. he’s been my friend for awhile but he’s never been on my side like this. it’s really fucked up and not healthy but that’s okay. it’s making me happy. a coping skill is a coping skill. they should be happy i’m mot dead, im only here for them anyway.

[vampireswithcats]

going for the 5th time in the same night over the same area is just a different kind of euphoria

[vampireswithcats]

im so sad i miss him and i wanna relapse

[vampireswithcats]

When people tell me that I'm an open book and I'm bad at manipulating people but I legit manipulated everyone into thinking I don't cry myself to sleep every night and don't have suicidal thoughts everyday LMAO

[vampireswithcats]

I’d rather fall asleep to the pain of fresh cvts than some existential bs

[vampireswithcats]

i feel like this is the only place i can talk about my mental illness on

i just don't want to burden the people in my life cause their problems are actually so much worse