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valentiwyo · 1 year ago

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UNTIL I FOUND YOU | WOOSAN - FINAL CHAPTER

genre »» childhood friends to lovers

pairing »» choi san x jung wooyoung

context »» making out (not nsfw)

"I came to you with my secret feelings and childhood. See, I'm grown and I'm still here, Wooyoung. I have never given up on you even though we fell out. I still love you as you are..."

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

SAN'S POV

In all books I've read, they always say that patience is key. But now, something changed and those words became reality. When Wooyoung stood by my side, it didn't matter how long I had waited. The moment we hugged and kissed without any explanations needed, it felt like all of my waiting found its perfect ending between our lips.

While he was asleep, I couldn't resist leaning in and giving him kisses all over his face. The sun's rays cast a gentle glow on his skin, making every feature appear perfectly smooth. Wooyoung looked so beautiful standing there that I just had to go in for another kiss. As I leaned closer, he stirred slightly but kept his eyes closed with a satisfied grin as he muttered my name, "Sannie..."

"How long have you been up?" I inquired.

"Ever since that kiss on my lips," he responded with a soft smile, his eyes gently shut.

I saw him lying there with his hands under his head, and I couldn't help but glance back at the familiar face that I had been studying for hours. As our eyes connected, that same feeling washed over me once again - a rush of excitement that radiated through my entire being whenever I looked at Wooyoung.

"And then?" I murmured, a playful smile, tugging at my lips. "Where did I kiss next?" Wooyoung continued to grin, lifting his hand and using his index finger to point at his nose. "And then," he murmured, leaning closer and lightly pressing his lips to my forehead. "Then you kissed here. And here," his lips trailed kisses along my cheek, coming to rest on my temples. "Here and here," he whispered, his breath grazing my skin as he moved down to my jawline. Then, his lips paused upon mine before pulling away. "I might have messed up the order a bit, but..." His hands found support on my bare chest.

"Should I give it another go?" As I gently whispered, this time he seemed a little surprised for a moment. I gently nudged his shoulders, helping him to recline on his back and find comfort once again with his head resting on the pillow. His messy hair fell around his face, and he gave me a sweet smile that showcased his natural beauty after a restful sleep.

"Oh, where was it? Let me see... Oh yes!" I gently leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips, to which he responded with a subtle nod. "And here," he indicated his nose. I gently pressed my lips against it, then proceeded to move them softly across his forehead. "Sannie, it looks like we've messed up again," he chuckled. I lifted my head, supporting myself on both sides of him with my arms. "Oh man, do i have to start all over again?" I pouted with a cute little frown.

I felt his hand on the back of my neck, slowly climbing there while his other hand rested on my chest. He gently pulled me closer, kissed my lips, and then gently let go. "I wanted it to end just like it started," he murmured.

"What if I don't want so?" I playfully whispered, as I leaned in to kiss him again yet he turned his head slightly, my lips meeting his cheek.

"We'll be late for class, Sannie."

"So what?"

"Let's get up-"

"Wooyoung-"

"My love~"

He smiled as he pressed his lips gently on the top of my hand. His alluring whisper left me completely at a loss for words. "Let's get up and get ready, okay?"

He quickly pushed me off of him and hopped out of bed. Just as he said, I quietly followed him and started to get ready.

I always knew I'd remain the same for Wooyoung, and I'd always be here for him. My feelings for him had remained unchanged for years, and they always would.

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #choi san #jung wooyoung #woosan #woosan au #childhood friends to lovers

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valentiwyo · 1 year ago

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UNTIL I FOUND YOU | WOOSAN - CHAPTER 8 (🔞)

genre »» childhood friends to lovers

pairing »» choi san x jung wooyoung

context »» fluff, comfort, mature content, smut, making out, oral, oral abuse, orgasm, mention of alcohol (MINORS DNI)

"I came to you with my secret feelings and childhood. See, I'm grown and I'm still here, Wooyoung. I have never given up on you even though we fell out. I still love you as you are..."

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

SAN'S POV

"Damn, you reek of the awful stench of alcohol."

As I sensed my head graze the pillow's surface, I allowed my eyelids to part slightly. Wooyoung had managed to escort me home, dragging my stumbling form through the streets. My tipsiness had reached terrible peaks. Now, in this dimly illuminated space, he struggled to take off my coat. A sly smile crept across my face.

"We both do," I replied. My hand found its way to the nape of his neck. Raising my eyebrows, I motioned towards his lips. Even in this dimly lit room, Wooyoung's smile gleamed, perhaps for the millionth time, captivated me beyond the realm of myriad stars and millennia. As our faces aligned, with our breaths audible in the room's intimacy, in such closeness, just when our lips were about to meet, he stopped me, his hand covering my lips gently.

"Slow down, Romeo~ You're too drunk. Just sleep."

As he attempted to pull away, I caught his hand. "Why?" A smirk tugging at my lips. "Afraid I might do something?"

"Pfft, what could you possibly do? Why would I be afraid, huh? Your wit has reached an all-time low."

"That's what I'm talking about..."

My hands slid around his waist as I drew him towards me. With him using both hands for support on the edges of the bed, his long raven hair cascaded over his face. "I can show you my capabilities," I breathed, my voice like a whisper carried by the wind. Wooyoung rolled his eyes, his lips curving in a playful defiance before he eased back, a smile still lingering, and settled beside me. "Mmm, perhaps you'll have a chance to prove it one day," he murmured, nestling his face against my neck. His presence, as close as the brush of a gentle zephyr, threatened to dissolve my senses once again. I turned toward him, reaching out to place my hand on his cheek. His eyes were closed, as though he had willingly surrendered to the allure of the moment. With a soft smile gracing my lips, I indulged in the luxury of watching him, a masterpiece of serenity.

Describing Wooyoung is an enigma; It wasn't only his beauty that captivated me, though he was unquestionably the most beautiful human being I had ever encountered in my existence. But there was something else about him, an elusive quality that goes beyond the ordinary. He radiated the warmth of a pleasant summer evening. His eyes were speckled with tiny stars, evoking the serene sensation of gazing upon a night sky. Just looking at him infused me with a peaceful contentment as if I were nestled beneath a shade of stars. Wooyoung, even on the coldest winter day, possessed the ability to dissolve all shivers with the touch of his hand. Even from a distance, I could sense the potential of his warmth.

Thinking he was asleep, I was taken aback when his lips parted. "Sannie," his whisper brushed the air, just like my fingers brushing the strands of his hair, tracing delicate paths.

"You remember the rumors that swirled around me as we neared the end of high school? You know, the ones about me being queer..."

Though his sentence, devoid of eye contact, startled me, I concealed my astonishment. The topic he put forward was a relic of the past, a matter that had undeniably burdened him with its share of wounds.

"Back then, much like now, you were cherished by many," he continued. "We were always together, and due to the rumors surrounding you, I became the one people hesitated to meet eyes with. You understand what I mean?"

I softly nodded.

"I had thought that if I distanced myself from you, you'd be safer. I never wanted people to talk about you. That's why, even after we entered college, fearing that those rumors would continue to haunt me, I attempted to isolate you from my life completely," he took a breath, his voice low as he completed his sentence. He had likely pondered over these words for a considerable amount of time, finally opening up to share his inner feelings.

Meanwhile, a storm of emotions raged within me, my frustration directed inward like a smoldering fire. I was angry at myself for having failed to comprehend the situation and inadverently let Wooyoung withdraw. "Why did you keep all of this hidden within yourself for so long?" I whispered, turning my entire body towards him. My gaze continued to explore his face.

"Because I knew that if you learned all of this, you wouldn't care about what others thought and you wouldn't stop chasing me. But, as fate would have it, even without me telling you, you didn't stop."

As he uttered the final sentence, his gaze averted and a gentle smile graced his lips. This delicate acceptance caused a mutual smile to spread across my face, prompting me to draw closer to him. "But you seem to rather enjoyed this," I whispered. "I can't deny that I did."

I placed my hand on his cheek. As the effects of the alcohol began to wane, I leaned in and kissed his lips. My hand remained against his cheek, the connection unbroken for even a moment. "Let people think what they want, Wooyo. From this point on, you can't leave my side," our lips barely separated.

"Last night, I drew The World card, Sannie."

Furrowing my brows slightly, I pulled away from him and murmured, "What the hell's that?"

Wooyoung responded with a wide grin, wrapping his arms around my neck and sat up. His hand brushed through my hair, fingers curling the strands, while his gaze remained fixed on my lips. Unexpectedly, in an instant, he took his place upon my hips, a sudden warmth flooding my heart. "A card of love," he murmured. "You haven't heard?"

There he was, Jung Wooyoung, seated upon my hips, his gaze intently locked on mine. With a deliberate slowness, I shifted my gaze from his eyes to his hands, which gently trailed downward, tracing a path along my body. He was acutely aware of his actions, relishing in the joy they brought. He was smirking.

"I haven't."

With my hands finding their place on his waist, Wooyoung had tilted forward slightly. As I caught the hint of a chuckle, he inched closer to my face. His warm palms rested delicatelyon my sweater, his weight supported by my chest as he leaned in, while my hands that rested on his waist ventured down his hips.

"It signifies the closeness of reuniting with someone you've been apart from for a long time," he spoke in a low voice, for as he drew nearer, my eyes narrowed, taking in the intensity of his gaze and the firm grip of my hands on his waist, a position I knew pleased him. A mere few inches of space separated us, a distance that set my blood to boil with anticipation.

"Mmm, is that so?"

"It is."

"Well, you've chosen your card well," I murmured, and at last, my quivering lips met his. Our gentle kiss altered, igniting by the intrusion of Wooyoung's tongue, a surge of desire turning it into something far more passionate. Witnessing his impatience painted a tautness across my lips, an awareness that fueled the growing lust between us.

-🔞-

As our breath quickened, his exhalations melded seamlessly with mine. My hands traced a deliberate journey across the fabric that adorned his body, leaving trails of sensation in their path. With each tilt of his head, he urged himself closer, his enthusiasm undeniable. His insistence caused my hands to slide to his thighs, and the way he pressed himself against me sent shivers of awareness racing down my spine.

"You weren't this naughty before," I whispered between our kiss. Wooyoung threw his head backward, allowing my lips to trail along his jawline.

"I suppose you haven't truly known me yet," he grinned. My teeth grazed a spot on his neck, leaving a tiny red mark as a signature, eliciting a soft, hushed moan from Wooyoung. He ground back and forth gently in my lap, my lips finding their way down his collarbones. His fingers were tangled in my hair, while mine traced slow circles along the hem of his sweater. When I couldn't reach his collarbones due to the fabric, I pulled back. In that moment, as Wooyoung gazed at me that way, I felt myself losing all sense of reason.

"Are you not going to take it off?" He whispered, pointing his sweater. Once again, that familiar expression gaced his face. He was smiling, yet the curve of his lips held a mischievous edge, as if the moonlight filtering through the window had caught onto his eyes, reflecting within them like a missing puzzle piece finally finding its home.

Drawing in a deep breath, I grabbed him by the waist and guided him down onto the bed. Now, the roles had shifted, and I found myself atop him. Wooyoung's hands came to rest on either side of his head, his gaze a mixture of defiance and surrender as he gazed at me with a bold glint in his eye.

As Wooyoung's eyes darted away from their path across my chest, I couldn't help but chuckle, leaning in closer. The sight of his diverted gaze, an evidence to how deeply I affected him, brought a satisfaction all its own. With a swift movement, I relieved him of his sweater, my gaze trailing down to his chest.

"You've been by my side for a decade, yet with every passing minute, I unearth a new facet of you."

Then, I reached for Wooyoung's collarbones that had eluded me earlier, and as my lips met there, his hands once again found their place in my hair. With each kiss I pressed onto the marked areas, a low moan escaped him, his head seeking hideout in the softness of the pillow beneath.

"Damn it, Sannie.. How the fuck do you know all of this?" He groaned. Smirking, I lifted my head. "No one's as innocent as they seem."

Rising onto my knees, my hands found their way to my belt. "With whom you did it?" he suddenly asked. "Were they all one-night stands?"

His questions caught me off guard, as his curiosity delved far deeper into my sexual background than I anticipated. "Why do you ask?" I countered, raising an eyebrow. As I began to unfasten my belt and slowly slide it from the loops, Wooyoung's hands moved to grip mine. "Because," he whispered, guiding my hands with his, leading them down to his abdomen, then teasingly brushing them across his chest. "The idea of these hands having touched someone else drives me to the brink of madness.."

As my hands enclosed around his chest, he bit his lip and threw his head backwards. It was as if I was encountering a version of Wooyoung that I hadn't known for the past ten years. He exuded an innocence, yet that innocence was tinged with a readiness to taint it with me.

"And you," I murmured, pressing my fingers against his nipples, eliciting a soft gasp from him. "Do you know what I wanna do to you with these hands?"

A mischievous smile danced across his lips, and he shook his head slightly. Pulling back, just a bit, he rose to his knees, his posture straightening as he teasingly tugged at the belt of my pants. His hands glided with a deliberate slowness to the button. With a sense of urgency, his hands swiftly slided my pants down, urging me to lie back as he positioned himself between my legs, a satisfied grin playing on his lips.

"However innocent you may think I am, you have no idea how eager I am to be tainted right now, Choi San."

His warm palms slowly revealed my manhood, and the vibration I felt there rippled through my chest, my heart pounding wildly with arousal. Each tender touch he bestowed upon me was like a thread weaving through the web of my emotions, creating a tapestry of sensations that left me reeling. Lost in the middle of this moment, it was as if I had surrendered a part of myself, only to find it mirrored within him.

Until now, I had always been the dominant one, but for the first time, I found myself falling weak before him, as if I had been caught completely off guard. How could I have known that arousing me would be a piece of cake for him?

I felt his warm hand on top of mine. "I can't believe you're blushing. Allow me to look, I never want to forget this sight." he murmured in a teasing tone. He pulled my hands away and looked at my face. I rested my head against the headboard, meeting his gaze. I didn't know why, but Wooyoung's eyes were the most erotic thing about him. Then suddenly, without warning, he took me into his hand. I bit my lower lip to suppress the moan as he placed his hands on my inner thighs.

He ran his tongue up and down the entire length. His fingernails dug into my thighs as he sucked harshly on the tip. My body shuddered under the immense pleasure, heels digging into the bedsheets to keep myself grounded. Wooyoung took me deeper into his mouth, trying to draw a moan out from my lips. He was trying to unravel me, but I remained silent.

Wooyoung ran his tongue over the heated skin, drool slipping past his lips and down my throbbing member. I twitched in his mouth as he took me deeper, stopping before I hit the back of his throat. A quiet moan escaped from him. I extended my hand to his face and touched his cheek. He turned his head to the side, showing me how my dick deformed his cheeks. My thumb rubbed over his tiny mole gently, silently appreciating the way he takes care of me.

He pulled back, until the tip remained in his mouth, lightly sucking on it once more. He looked into my eyes with a smug smirk, running his tongue around the tip.

"Damn it, quit teasing," I hissed, my deep voice ringing throughout the room.

"Whatever." Wooyoung took me slightly deeper in his mouth, stilling to see what I would do. I snapped. My hips buckled into his mouth, cock driving deeper into his throat as he gripped my thighs. His nails dug into the soft flesh as he gagged around my dick, sending vibrations up it.

My grunts filled the room as I felt I came closer and closer to my orgasm. Wooyoung's eyes watered as I abused his mouth, gagging every time the tip of my dick collided with the back of his throat. He flattened his tongue against the underside of my member, relishing in the way it twitched.

"I'm fucking close," I attempted to pull out, yet Wooyoung wrapped his arms around my hips, forcing me to release into his mouth. I leaned back in the headboard, watching him swallow every drop. My hand ran through his hair lazily as I came down from my high. "Was that too much?" I panted.

Wooyoung shook his head. "Nothing I couldn't handle." He shot me a smile, lying his body on me. Gently brushing his hair with my fingers in a soothing way, I can hear him curse softly under his breath. Wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his face on my chest, Wooyoung whispered huskily, "Love you.."

I smiled gently, leaning my head forward, and kissed his head. "Love you too."

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez smut #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #jung wooyoung #choi san #woosan #woosan au #woosan smut #childhood friends to lovers

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valentiwyo · 1 year ago

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UNTIL I FOUND YOU | WOOSAN - CHAPTER 7

genre »» childhood friends to lovers

pairing »» choi san x jung wooyoung

context »» angst, fluff, hurt, comfort, cursing, verbal fight, mention of drinking / alcohol

"I came to you with my secret feelings and childhood. See, I'm grown and I'm still here, Wooyoung. I have never given up on you even though we fell out. I still love you as you are..."

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

SAN'S POV

Loving Wooyoung hadn't only brought me things solely or entirely related to him; it had also aided me in learning to love myself. With my entire being already intertwined within him, nestled in the deepest chambers of his heart, loving Wooyoung now felt a bit like touching my own heart.

As I looked at him, I saw myself too, for I knew exactly what I loved. My feelings were certain, my courage unwavering. For the first time in my life, I desired to possess something so fervently, and I continued to fight tirelessly for him. That's why with each moment I loved him, I found myself loving me too.

Now, he was sitting beside me with his arms crossed. He hadn't allowed me to get too close until we entered the classroom. I presumed he was embarrassed about it, for Wooyoung wasn't one to easily open up to anyone. Even his closest friend, Yunho, would talk about how much effort it took to reach him. Now, whenever I approached him, especially in front of others, I could attribute his escape to this situation. I had certainly begun to find his moments of panic enjoyable.

"Yunho was furious with me for occupying his seat again."

Wooyoung turned slightly toward me, offering a indifferent shrug. "I did tell as much."

Drawing near, I uttered under my breath, my gaze narrowing as my irises found their way to his lips. "Why? Doesn't having me by your side please you?"

Wooyoung was akin to a november breeze, unapologetically sweeping through, ready to slam doors in my face, blowing with a cold edge. Within that breeze, there held a sense of pain, a piercing melancholy that tugged at one's heartstrings, and perhaps even more painfully, it persisted relentlessly.

"Just go already."

"I truly struggle to understand you, you know? One moment, you kiss me as if beckoning me to come with you, and then you abruptly-"

"Lower your voice!" he snapped, his tone tense. His voice was undoubtedly huskier than mine.

I took a deep breath and didn't continue my interrupted sentence. He was at it again, just when everything seemed to be recovering, he would thrust a new cut into the center of my heart, right where all the previous wounds resided. And the cause of every single one of them was none other than himself.

"I thought we were slowly resolving things."

"We are."

"Is this how?!"

My sudden outburst caught him off guard, and as his lips parted to say something, they quickly closed again. Wooyoung, within me, someone who was madly and completely in love with him, allowed no room for patience. And my affection for him ran so deeply that when I raised my voice at him, it was my own heart that ached the most.

"Let's not talk here," he murmured. As he stood up, leaving me behind, I licked my lips and stood as well. I wasn't sure what words remained to be spoken, yet with each step, I found that I was unwilling to let go of Wooyoung. As I made my reluctance clear to him and he gradually opened his heart to me, it was as if everything suddenly reverted back to its old state, all because of him.

"What in the world are we going to talk about, for heaven's sake, Wooyoung?" I exclaimed, grabbing his wrist to stop him. He turned towards me. Amidst the lecture time, we found ourselves standing in the middle of the hallway for a while. He cleared his throat. "

Don't yell at me." he said, avoiding my gaze once again. Taking his chin between my fingers, I lifted his head until his eyes met mine.

"Don't drive me crazy then. Sit down like a grown man and contemplate. Come to me when you're certain about your feelings, alright?"

He shook his head, reaching to push my hand away from his chin. "You're the one who should be contemplating! I'm telling you to stay away from me, but you won't stop!"

"Goddamn!" I suddenly yelled out, taking a step back in a burst of frustration. I flung my arms in rage and stared at his face in disbelief. With just one word, he was erasing the canvas of all the smiles he had ever painted for me. "What do you want from me, Wooyoung? Damn it, you kissed me! And I thought maybe-"

"I'm not talking about that, San-ah! You're doing it in front of everyone. Stop it!" he snapped, emphasizing the last word. Once again, a cold breeze swept through between us. Carrying along the november gusts, he had cracked open his closed windows, ensuring we wouldn't freeze.

I refrained from responding to him, because if I did, I would have shattered that delicate heart of his, a heart I guarded even more carefully than my own. To do so would render the self-love I had cultivated entirely meaningless. I would have torn apart the entirety of my being that I had entrusted into his hands, leaving me broken once again. Taking steps backward, I avoided meeting his gaze, settling for a mere nod. I was hurt, once more he had hurt me. With just one touch, like a magical wand, he could erase all my pains, yet with a single sentence, he sent them all back to my heart, multiplied tenfold.

"Are you not gonna say anything?" He murmured softly, not accustomed to my silence. I locked my quivering gaze with his faded eyes for one last time. "I have nothing to say."

Wooyoung's lips parted. What was he expecting? Had he grown too accustomed to perpetually eluding me and to me tirelessly chasing after him? I wanted him to see just how much he had hurt me. Nothing had changed within me after his words. Only the heartaches I thought I had left behind had returned, and my love for him had not diminished by an ounce.

I turned around slowly, began to walk away without hesitation. My steps continued onward, despite Wooyoung's voice trailing behind me, "I'm afraid, San-ah!", but I didn't stop. And really, wasn't this something I already knew? From the very beginning, weren't we fighting all these battles precisely for this reason? However, not knowing the root cause of his fears was the prime factor behind my losses in these battles. The quiver in his voice, urging me to run and embrace him within my arms, was undeniable. Yet, if we were truly become one, I knew I could only discover it by leaving from here. And so, for the first time, I disregarded all the promises I had made to myself and distanced myself from him.

∆

After leaving school, I sat down on the edge of a sidewalk and began to cry, right after sending a message to Mingi. I, Choi San, allowed myself to sit and cry. And not just a few tears, but wrenching sobs that flowed without restraint, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. By the time Mingi reached my side, I had cried so much that I feared my tears would run dry. What was this? It was as if the weight of years of sorrow had settled right in the center of my heart. Perhaps if I had let myself cry before, the outpouring wouldn't have been this intense. But each time, I had managed to rein myself in. Whenever Wooyoung hurt me, I had found a way to slip away without letting the tears fall, because shedding them hadn't seemed like a sensible option.

"Oh shit, San, what the hell's happened man?"

As Mingi dropped his bag and settled beside me on the sidewalk, he wrapped his arms around my shoulder and I clung tightly to the fabric of his coat, letting the tears flow once more. The familiar scent of my closest friend should have offered some solace, and I had hoped that having Mingi by my side might ease the ache, but in that moment, his embrace only stirred my emotions further.

"Will my face never light up with a smile again? Just as I thought, we're finally resolving everything, but then he slips away from me again."

Despite sobbing and attempting to talk, I guess I should be grateful that Mingi was taking me seriously enough. If I were to observe myself from an outsider's perspective, I'd probably laugh at the sight. Yet, I did feel a slight easing of tension; the ache of bitterness had subsided, at least. Presently, there were protrusions of heartbreak still nestled in my chest, but they felt somewhat more managable.

The sensation of Mingi's hands amidst my hair had a somewhat soothing effect on me. He wasn't bombarding me with responses that would escalate the atmosphere into further tears; instead, he allowed me to lean against him and hold on tight, offering comforting pats on my head. If I began to ponder what I would do without him, I'd likely end up shedding more tears. So, I decided to put off pondering my gratitude towards my best friend for another day and pulled away from him.

"Listen up, man. Chill a sec, no need for the waterworks. My coat's gettin' wet 'cause of your tear flood." He gently wiped away my tears from my cheeks, almost as if he were playfully giving me a slap, and in that moment, I couldn't help but break into a chuckle and roll my eyes. Mingi grinned too, after wiping my tears, he looked into my eyes again. "Aight, spill it, man. What kinda shit did this Wooyoung-ssi pull on ya?"

Taking a deep breath, I gazed back at him with an expressionless face. My question, "How about we grab a drink, hm?" prompted Mingi to make a disgusted face, because he hated drinking with me. But ultimately, he couldn't turn down someone in such a miserable state as me. With Wooyoung occupying my thoughts, leaving me on my own would have been an act of madness, a truth he was well aware of. For I, at the precipice of murmuring his name, was dangerously close to dying from an unending flood of tears.

"Okay, come on, let's bounce. How in the world did a pain in the ass like you end up fallin' for that motherfucker..."

∆

Once again, that same melancholy had settled over the left side of my chest, though this time, the only difference was that it didn't sting as fiercely as before. I couldn't pinpoint the reason; perhaps feeling Wooyoung's presence once more or the fact that this wasn't the first time with heartbreak was tempering the pain, allowing me to navigate life in a somewhat more ordinary manner. After all, I had grown accustomed to it; as they say, habits have a way of numbing people. Or setting all that aside, sitting with Mingi on the edge of a sidewalk in the heart of the street, cradling a bottle of soju in my hand and gazing at the sky, could have provided a semblance of comfort. I hadn't indulged excessively; just enough to blur my vision and maybe to mumble a bit, that's all.

"Aight, man, chill out. Stop chuggin' that stuff. Don't wanna see you puke all over and ruin my favorite coat. Tears are doin' the job."

As Mingi snatched the bottle from my grip, I didn't put up much of a fight and just handed it over. Slumping back, I found myself sprawled on the sidewalk. The stars in the night sky were starting to annoy the hell out of me at this point. They all looked duller than Wooyoung's eyes, and the fact that I couldn't see him was making me want to rip them out of the sky, one by one.

"Yo, San-ah, uhm.. I pulled some shit, and what I did's prob'ly gonna get me killed, but damn, that's all for you, man."

"The hell are you sayin'?" I muttered, sitting up on my spot. Mingi slung his bag over his shoulder as he started walking backwards.

"I'm outta here, babe. Blew you a kiss. Take care. Catch ya later."

I made an attempt to get up and chase after him, but my head was pounding so much that I ended up falling on my knees. I reached out for the nearly empty bottle standing at the edge of the sidewalk to my right. Mingi's babbling was a bunch of bullshit to me anyway. I had intended to take a swig from that bottle, but the sudden appearance of someone behind me, putting an end to my plan and me jolting in surprise to look behind me. I thought I was seeing things due to being drunk. The idea of Wooyoung standing right in front of me was still beyond belief. I remained steadfast in that notion until I heard his voice.

"Stop drinking."

As my brows furrowed, my senses weighed down by the alcohol were slowly grasping the situation. Mingi had summoned Wooyoung here, betraying me in a big way, yet it was a betrayal that oddly brought me a strange sense of contentment. Still, I didn't want to feel grateful for it.

I tried my best not to look at his face, but that was a challenge because I had missed him, in just a matter of hours. Moreover, he looked different. The streaks of blonde within and back of his hair were now absent. With a black sweater and jeans thrown over him and his hair tied up in a small bun while the rest of it cascaded down, he looked stunning. If I weren't in my right mind, I would have stood up and planted a kiss on him. But truth be told, he was the one who had taken my mind away, yet again.

"It's none of your fucking business."

I grabbed the bottle firmly between his hands, brought it to my lips, and as I finished off the remaining drops at the bottom, I threw the bottle aside and stood up. I wasn't mad at him; I just wanted him to know how much he had hurt me or at least, that's what it seemed like the only thing I could do.

"San-ah!"

As I started walking, his voice caused my steps to slow down. "The house isn't that way."

I didn't bother turning around. "Who said I'm going home?" I muttered under my breath and kept on walking. The sounds of his footsteps filled my ears once again, and I slipped my hands into the pockets of my coat, exhaling a shaky breath. The air was cold, but it was a bit farther from the biting november breeze this time. Somehow, Wooyoung's presence behind me managed to radiate a sense of warmth.

"We are heading home, Sannie. Don't be so damn stubborn."

I felt Wooyoung's hand on my arm, attempting to help me. Furrowing my brow, I turned to him and yelled, "Why are you here?" I couldn't comprehend it. His inconsistent actions were driving me to this point, turning me into someone consumed by his anger.

No response. He kept staring at me expressionlessly, so I freed my arm from his grip and continued walking. I still hoped for a sign, for him to tell me he wanted me by his side. With my back turned, I carried on, quickening my steps as he failed to catch up. Wooyoung always left me hanging. As I drifted away, I still yearned for his hand to reach out once more. It was him who broke me, yet I still yearned for him to kiss away all the pain. Perhaps, everything about us was inconsistent.

I wasn't quite certain about the nature of the sign I had been waiting for. Alcohol had the tendency to intensify my anger, yet I remained sober enough to retain my awareness. Then, I felt Wooyoung's arms wrapped firmly around my waist. It was a swift and resolute embrace. As he embraced me from behind, his warm breath brushed against the nape of my neck. In that instant, the entire world seemed to tilt on its axis, and Wooyoung, wielding his magical wand, once again managed to banish my lingering pains

"Sannie, please stay.." His whispered plea resonated in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. Amidst this freezing air, his presence anchored my feet to the ground.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for being a freak, I'm so sorry for running away from you.. I'm truly sorry, Sannie..."

His whispers didn't cease. He murmured his perpetual sorrow to me with a trembling voice. Even though I couldn't witness the tears welling in his eyes, I could hear it in his voice that he was on the verge of crying. I took a deep breath. My trembling hands found solace in his grip of my waist. With his hands enveloped in mine, I turned towards him gently. I caught a single teardrop streaming down his cheek. I couldn't stay angry at him, for it was beyond my control. I knew how fragile he was beneath the walls he erected. I knew how terrified that little boy sitting on his knees behind those walls must have been.

"Wooyoung, look at me."

My cold hands met his warm cheeks, gently wiping away the tears that had streamed down. His persistent avoidance forced me to cup his face, making him to meet my gaze. As our eyes locked, mines grazed the pools of his teary eyes, causing my heart to flutter. Wooyoung had come to me. It felt as if the prolonged wait had reached its end, and with his presence, he had brought back a part of myself that was missing. In that moment, I began to love myself again, as if his arrival had ignited the spark of self-acceptance within me.

"Stay with me, Wooyoungie... Don't push me away. Don't distance yourself from me. Please stay..."

He nodded, his repeated apologies fading into the background as I prepared to do something that held a weight far beyond the words I had just spoken. The consequences it would bring him would either lead to me losing him entirely or, in this very moment, gaining him forever. "I'm sorry. If you're going to push me away now, then do it. If you don't, it means you can never leave me again," I whispered against his lips.

As our lips met like the collision of two opposing poles, the vibrations in that moment set my heart ablaze. Initating the kiss on his wet lips and feeling his stillness held a glimmer of hope, for he hadn't pushed me away. I lingered upon his lips, waiting. Then, very slowly, Wooyoung wrapped his arms around my neck, matching the intensity of my kiss in return.

His lips were soft against mine, a delicate contrast to the passionate emotions that roiled within us. I felt the tremor in his touch, the uncertainty giving way to a desperate yearning. My hands found their place on his waist, fingers curling into the fabric of his sweater as if to anchor him to me. Our lips moved together in a slow, achingly sweet dance, as if we were unraveling the threads of our desires, one delicate touch at a time. As we finally parted, our breaths mingling, the world returned to its rightful place. But the air still buzzed with the lingering electricity of our kiss.

"You know what this means, right?" I whispered, our foreheads gently touching. A soft sign escaped me, and I felt the warmth of his breath against my skin. Wooyoung's response was a slow nod, a silent confirmation. "You love me," He murmured, closing his eyes and letting a smile grace his lips. "I love you," I confessed, leaning in to plant a tender kiss just beneath his left eye, where a small mole marked his skin. "And I know that you love me." He smirked and nodded eagerly, "I do," he whispered.

Our whispered words blended into the night, carried away by the breeze. Laughter bubbled up between us, filling the empty street with a sound that felt like a release of all the tension and uncertainties that had surrounded us. In Wooyoung's touch, I found the remedy for every ache, every wound that had marked my heart. As if his hands held a magical wand, they erased all the scars in a single touch.

Tonight, once again, Wooyoung became my home. This time, he opened his heart to me completely, and I found myself lost within the softness of his lips. The vulnerability he showed, the honesty in his eyes, made every moment we had shared feel like an eternity leading up to this one. The air around us was charged with a newfound intimacy, as if the world had ceased to exist, leaving only the two of us in a shield of affection.

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #choi san #jung wooyoung #woosan #woosan au #ateez fluff #childhood friends to lovers

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valentiwyo · 1 year ago

Text

UNTIL I FOUND YOU | WOOSAN - CHAPTER 6

genre »» childhood friends to lovers

pairing »» choi san x jung wooyoung

warning »» a little cursing, non-serious intimacy

"I came to you with my secret feelings and childhood. See, I'm grown and I'm still here, Wooyoung. I have never given up on you even though we fell out. I still love you as you are..."

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

SAN'S POV

We had been talking about memories, about how they could never be replicated and how even if they were, they would never evoke the same feelings. Perhaps we had been mistaken. With Wooyoung in my arms now, maybe all those words we convinced ourselves were "right" were actually the wrongs we didn't want to be true.

I couldn't fathom how we had come to this point. How his hand, balled into a fist, had my shirt in a tight grip, or how he had nestled his head onto my shoulder, I didn't know. It was the morning that I found myself studying the individual lashes casting shadows on my cheeks. He might not approve of finding us in this position, but If I got up and walked away, I would be no different from a fool who missed the chance offered to him.

As my arms held him close, my fingers traced his spine gently, almost as if they were brushing over the pages of a book. The rain outside provided a soothing soundtrack to our quiet moment. His warmth seeped into me, and I found myself hoping that this feeling could be encapsulated, held in a time capsule to preserve it forever. But I knew deep down that some moments were meant to be cherished in memory, elusive yet magical, like fireflies that danced in the night, leaving trails of light before disappearing into the darkness.

As my idle right hand gently brushed back the strands of hair that fell onto his forehead, I leaned closer to the head he had rested against my shoulder. With an affectionate touch, I placed a delicate kiss on the exposed skin of his forehead. I didn't want anyone else to see what I saw in him. I wished for no one else to stand as close to him as I did, for his long lashes to be reserved for my eyes only.

Shifting slightly in my spot (my arm had undoubtledly gone numb from carrying his weight all night), I closed my eyes quickly as it seemed he might be waking up. Maybe if I wasn't the first to wake up, I would be a little less mad at me, wouldn't he?

Gradually, the weight of his arm on mine lessened, and I sensed him sitting up, though I didn't open my eyes. I heard he let out a deep sigh, followed by a prolonged moment of silence. I wasn't sure if he was looking at me, but with his hand resting on my chest, his scent seemed to intensify, filling my senses. Leaning in, he found his way toward my face, and while my lips remained parted, I fought a silent battle not to open my eyes. His soft lips brushed against one of my trembling eyelids. I swear, the sensation was so beautifully surreal, and yet, his lips were equally real.

The sensation of Wooyoung's lips, the delicate artistry of his touches, and the interplay of his breaths were nothing short of genuine. It was as if his very essence had manifested in these gestures, each resonating deeply within the chambers of my heart. Wooyoung, in his characteristic spontaneity, had chosen a moment of exquisite vulnerability to unveil his intentions, a calculated unveiling that rendered me, unwittingly, the protagonist of his intricate design.

Yet, amidst this tapestry of emotions, there remained an unsettling paradox. Wooyoung seemed to harbor the belief that I would continue to navigate the currents of existence, ignorant of the feelings he evoke. His confidence in this assumption was noticable, as if he believed my conscious world could evolve independently of his plans.

His hushed utterance cut through the air like a dagger, resonating in the space between us. "Idiot," he whispered, a single word, filled with unspoken sentiments.

Oh, how tragic it would be, I imagined, to relinquish the essence of his touches, all while being blissfully unaware of the grand portrayal that unfurled.

However, in this fleeting moment, perhaps he lay an opportunity for the consequence of the extended anticipation that had silently brewed within me. As if the universe itself conspired to align our fates, I chose to part the veil that masked my consciousness, allowing my eyelids to ascend. In the split second that followed, our gazes connected, a collision of souls that sent waves through the very fabric of our connection. In that unguarded instant, a revelation unfurled - a truth unspoken yet tangibly felt.

A tremor coursed through his frame, a frantic attempt to reclaim the distance that had, in a moment of weakness, been bridged. Panic etched lines of apprehension across his face, a portrait of vulnerability framed by the contours of his conflicted heart. Instinctively, he recoiled, as if my gaze bore the power to extract the secrets he held concealed within his chest - a fear so crystal clear that it became a tangible presence in the space between us.

In his haste to evade the imminent exposure of his innermost thoughts, he made a bid to detach himself from the cocoon of intimacy we had unintentionally woven. A jolt of determination compelled him to rise from the bed, a gesture as futile as it was miserable. Little did he realize, the narrative had shifted irreversably, the threads of our connection drawing strong, the boundaries of his retreat crumbling beneath the weight of an irreversible change. From this point onward, he must have understood, the prospect of avoiding my embrace had disappeared, a truth as undeniable as the enigmatic gravity.

With a swift yet firm grasp of his wrist, I drew him closer, me getting on top of him, his hair cascading onto the pillow like a waterfall. My gaze made its way across the contours of his visage - the widened expanse of his eyes.

"Where the heck do you think you're going?" I demanded, a trace of assertiveness tingling in my voice

His lower lip quivered under the pressure of his teeth, and he averted his gaze, unwilling to meet my inquiring stare. Pinkish hues began to paint his cheeks in hues of embarrassment. He knew well that I was aware of the truth - moments before, his lips had met my eyelids in a tender feeling. And now, in this display of timid evasion, the root of his apprehension lay bare before me.

"Will you run away every time you kiss?"

"I didn't kiss," he countered, the words a deceitful mask meant to shield his fragile resolve.

Advancing with a sly grin towards his turned face, I maneuvered until his gaze met mine – mission accomplished. "Oh yeah? Was it all a dream then?" I arched my eyebrow in mock skepticism. Without answering, he offered a subtle nod, his eyes evading my direct stare. Yet, within those very eyes, the stars were alight – each glance of his had the magic to resurrect every dormant constellation in my own.

"Goddamn, what am I to do with you?" I thought aloud, a wry smile touching my lips.

"Perhaps you could, you know, let me go," he attempted to tug my hands away.

"Not happening," I declared, my tone serious, hands pinning his wrists more firmly against the pillow. "I won't let you go until you confess you've missed me," I asserted.

His gaze shifted to me, a mix of surprise and disbelief. "You know there's no way I do that."

"Oh, you most certainly will."

"No. Besides, I haven't even missed you. Why would I say that? Don't be ridiculous."

"Kissing someone you don't miss, hm? Also twice?" I teased, a playful grin forming as I reminded him.

As Wooyoung's lips quivered, I noticed the simmering frustration. Truth be told, it suited my purpose. When he was irritated, he would become more talkative – a means of expression for his fears that he unintentionally indulged.

"San-ah, let me fucking go! Thanks for spending the night with me, but don't make me regret it."

"After this point, I ain't taking none of the negative bullshit you're spewing."

"You're making a mistake."

"If I want to, I will. Not like this is my first mistake anyway," I retorted with a smirk.

As the soft breath of his exhales grazed against his upper lip, he admitted defeat of letting his wrists slip from the sanctuary of my hands. In that moment, his gaze met mine, a visage devoid of discernable emotion. It was as if his eyes were two windows peering into a mysterious landscape of his thoughts, a landscape he allowed me to glimpse for an ephemeral second.

The tides of time had once again brought us to this precipice, where the familiar dance of his words sought to sever the fragile thread connecting us. He clung to the notion that his sharp insults held the power to fray the bond, to cast me into the obscurity of distance. Yet, this was a mistake I could not repeat, for wisdom had been distilled through the alembic of experience.

It was the secret of embodying Choi San's essence, though I speak not with vanity. This was the unspoken key to my self-possession, a treasure not for vainglory.

Now, galaxies converged within the depths of his eyes, each star a glinting secret whispered solely for my ears, Wooyoung was keenly aware that I would utilize every resource at my disposal to prevent surrender. Until he relinquished his stubbornness, my resolve would remain unyielding, an unwavering fortress against defeat.

"I've missed you," he uttered, his voice a soft murmur.

In that sacred moment, my mind's entanglements suddenly unraveled, anchored by the weight of his sacred words. Lips parted, I lingered suspended between the utterance and the comprehension, weighing the reality against my thoughts. More than a mere string of syllables conjured to escape my grasp, these words held a deeper resonance, an unspoken implication that Wooyoung was earnestly conveying.

"Satisfied now? Just let me go to the bathroom," he attempted another evasion.

"Why?" I closed the distance toward his neck. "You smell nice already."

Pulling away, I observed his expression: no longer were his eyebrows furrowed. Wooyoung wasn't angry with me; he simply remained composed, occasionally trying to flee but maintaining a greater sense of calm in my presence. In fact, a sense of shyness tinged his demeanor, as it did right now – his cheeks flushed, gaze unable to meet mine. The brat who arsed around outside now was standing before me as docile as a kitten, not daring to make a sound.

"I can really mess you up, you know?" he declared, his voice emerging from a trance. He had finally freed his wrists from my grip, pushed me away from the bed, and as my ass met the unforgiving floor, an involunary groan of pain escaped my lips. "Deserved it," he stated, his expression devoid of mercy. Rising from the bed, he retrieved a few clothes from his wardrobe, then exited the room briskly.

"How heartless..." I whispered, my voice a mere breath.

Despite the scars that were etched long ago and still bear their unhealed marks, today, for the first time in a while, a sensation of happiness unfurled within me, for Wooyoung had confessed his longing, his lips brushed almost mine; and the storm of his previous displeasure seemed to subside. Even though I was acutely aware that his inclination to evade might persist, the significance of this gesture for our relationship resonated profoundly.

Observing him gradually confront his fears, it became clear that he was taking considerable strides forward. This evolution of his journey stirred a desire within me, urging for his presence to remain nestled within my embrace, a realm where separation was an unthinkable charm.

After rising from the ground, I made my way to the bathroom. As I finished my task, the soft click of the door prompted me to secure my towel around my waist. With a contented smile, I opened the door. Though I couldn't understand the reason for his presence, the sight that met my eyes was unexpected – he hadn't likely anticipated encountering me in such a state of undress. His gaze, tracing an upward path from my bare chest to the my neck, quickly averted.

"What?" I asked, failing to suppress my smile, for those pinkish cheeks of his had unwittingly become my newfound weakness.

When Wooyoung cleared his throat and redirected his gaze towards me, his eyes, which had lingered upon my collarbones moments earlier, made traversed the path of my damp hair.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to go with me," he offered with a husky voice.

The smile that had adorned my face moments ago yielded to sheer astonishment, prompting me to lean against the doorframe, my elbow resting against it.

"Are you serious?" I uttered, my voice a mixture of disbelief and curiosity.

He offered a confirming nod, stepping closer towards me. The interval of the door collided with my back, eliciting a startled reaction. As his proximity increased, my heart raced with a intensity that suggested it might burst from my chest at any moment. There was a palpable vibration that seemed to emanate from my core and ripple through my chest, a tremor stirred by the electric charge of anticipation.

His gaze held a magnetic pull, a gravitational force that defied reason, weaving a tapestry of vulnerability and longing. The space between us seemed to waver, a silk-thin blanket that separated our unspoken intentions.

"Now you know that I've kissed you," he suddenly whispered. As he raised his head, his hand found its place on my arm, and with me standing there before him, draped in nothing but a towel cinched at my waist, I hadn't anticipated feeling so bashful. Yet, Wooyoung's demeanor was endearing in such a way that it rendered all the battles waged within myself irrelevant.

The pure intimacy of his revelation hit me like a gust of wind, leaving me unsteady. His fingers trailed from my arm to my shoulder, a sensation akin to a tender breeze caressing the skin's surface. As his fingertips lifted and ventured close to my cheek, I instinctively leaned my head against the doorframe behind me, as if to distance myself from the vulnerability that hung in the air.

His dry yet tender lips met my damp cheek, lingering there in silence for a few fleeting seconds. As he withdrew with a soft sigh, he whispered, "The third...", his gaze innocent and husky, locked onto mine. A shiver traced my spine as his hands brushed against my skin, the chill of his touch lingering even as a few droplets from my damp hair trickled down and followed the contours of my face.

As Wooyoung turned away, it was evident that he recognized my momentary silence as a result of sheer astonishment. "I'll change and wait outside," he murmured before departing.

Once again, he demonstrated his characteristic gesture – this time, not only offering fragments of hope, but rather presenting himself to me in entirety. The shift was unmistakable; his gaze held a newfound boldness, his touch no longer existing in the realm between absence and presence, but firmly grounded upon me.

As Wooyoung bestowed upon me the galaxies within his eyes, his fingers curled around mine, not only a tactile connection, but an unspoken promise that in facing darkness together, we would illuminate each other's path.

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #jung wooyoung #choi san #woosan #woosan au #ateez fluff #childhood friends to lovers

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valentiwyo · 1 year ago

Text

UNTIL I FOUND YOU | WOOSAN - CHAPTER 5

genre »» childhood friends to lovers

pairing »» choi san x jung wooyoung

warning »» cursing

"I came to you with my secret feelings and childhood. See, I'm grown and I'm still here, Wooyoung. I have never given up on you even though we fell out. I still love you as you are..."

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

SAN'S POV

The first flower to bloom on Earth is the orchid. All other flowers trace their lineage back to it. Gifting someone an orchid is to convey the message, "you are the first blossom to unfold in my world," intertwining both sentiment and botanical heritage.

In my opinion, I believe the meaning can change based on one's viewpoint. However, the reason behind placing a vase filled with orchids on the table at the heart of the kitchen was because Wooyoung happened to be the first bloom in my tiny universe. Hence, I associated him with the orchids, for he was the core of all flowers. Wooyoung was the first of all the beautiful things that had ever happened to me, and the very catalyst for them to incessantly weave into my life.

It was the wee hours of the morning, around three o'clock, and I still had no idea of Wooyoung's whereabouts. Did he enjoy the notion of driving me to the edge of curiosity? Countless nights I had spent perched like this, waiting for Wooyoung's arrival, yet he had never graced any with his presence. The silence of those moments seemed to echo the unanswered questions that swirled within me.

The fragrance of orchids waltzed into the obscurity of the kitchen, akin to a dance, and gracefully intertwined with my every breath, leaving my head gently swirling in its intoxicating embrace. Why was I even waiting, knowing he would never come?

Oh, how peculiar the human heart could be... Even when there was no hope left, it would ingeniously manipulate people, obstinately keeping them waiting for eternity on end, defying all logic.

I locked gazes with the orchids before me; they seemed to be smiling at me. Or was it my drownsiness conjuring me strange sights? No, that wasn't it either. I was quite awake, still, because I heard the sound of the door. Wooyoung must have arrived. A smile formed on my lips, a silent exchange with myself amidst the anticipation that filled the air.

Resting on the table, my elbows found solace, hands intertwined as I fixed my gaze upon the white vase before me. Even as the echoes of Wooyoung's footsteps enveloped the kitchen, my head remained tilted downward. Denied the privilege of his facial expression, I remained oblivious to the look he bestowed upon me as he saw me. In the dim kitchen, his silhouette cast upon me, as if all the sealed windows had swung open, ushering in an icy gust that ruffled through my being. This breeze sent shivers down my spine, while his shadow bore the weight of a dolorous gloom, a fusion of sensations that embraced in the quietude of the moment.

"What the heck are you doing at this ungodly hour of the night?"

I wasn't entirely sure if hearing his husky voice had given me any semblance of comfort, or if it was only my wishful thinking? That voice, a lullaby to my yearning heart, had always had a calming effect on me. But now, it had become a habit, and I couldn't discern whether it still held the same soothing power. All I knew was that I had an irresistable urge to lift my head and gaze at his face.

"Forget about me. But you better spill - where the hell were you till this hour, huh?"

The faint chuckle from him compelled my gaze, drawing my eyes toward his direction. The Moon's gentle glow, casting through the window, painted his smile in silver light, a sight both captivated and unsettled me. I can't quite put my finger on why, but a shiver ran down my spine, as if I was standing at the edge of a cliff.

A sense of unease settled within me, a disturbing fear that his lips might never grace me with their warmth again. A turmoil brewed in the pit of my stomach, the fear of losing his smiles carving a heavy hollow within my heart. In the secrecy of my thoughts, I murmured silent curses, a desperate attempt to ward off the shadows invading my heart.

As he pushed away from the countertop against which he'd leaned, Wooyoung strode over to me with a glass of water in hand. The moonlight cascading down his leather jacket revealed glistening raindrops, each one holding the delicate touch of a downpour from the outside world.

"Since when did you start grilling me like this, hm? Come on, tell me~"

"I dunno. Maybe for the past ten years?"

A faint chuckle gave way to a tiny smile on his face, but it faded just as quickly, replaced by an expression of discomfort that draped over both of us. "What're these for?" He asked, steering the conversation away as he extended a hand toward the vase. Gently, his fingers brushed against the orchids, a tender touch that spoke of his curiosity. "If you want, they could be yours. Their fragrance might help you sleep."

"My insomnia isn't as bad as it used to be, you know."

"Doesn't matter," I replied. "You can still take them."

With one hand resting on the table before me, Wooyoung leaned towards me. The window behind him cast him in partial shadow, veiling my view and enveloping the scene in a sense of twilight. "I know you bought these for me," his voice brushed against my ear like a whispered secret.

"Of course you do. You've always had an eerie ability for knowing everything, even when that knowledge leads to shattering what's delicate," I snapped. A silence drifted between us, as if time itself held its breath, a heavy truth tethering us in the charged atmosphere. His sudden approach revealed a glint of surprise, his brow furrowing as he attempted to unravel the layers of my expression.

You can't understand, I had the urge to snap at him at that very moment. He couldn't grasp it, could he? How could he understand the depths of my longing for him, the way his absence felt like a haunting pain that refused to ease?

"Why did you bother waiting for me all the way until this damn hour?" He changed the conversation once again, an expected avoidance. After placing the glass on the table, his back turned to me, an inpenetrable wall. "Just go and sleep already, San-ah."

Oh, the words unsaid... They swirled like a tempesr within me, a storm of emotions I couldn't put into words. I wished I could peel back the layers and reveal the truth that pulsed beneath my chest. His casual demeanor was a mask, a shield against the whirlpool within me. Inwardly, I wrestled with the urge to entwine my fingers with his, to make him understand. But my voice was nothing but a whisper, vanishing into the silence that enveloped us.

I swiftly caught his wrist, my grip firm yet not aggressive, "Where were you?" I asked, my tone serious. It wasn't my intention to put him on the spot, but the curiosity gnawed at me like an itch I couldn't ignore. I was deeply in love with him; there could be no other explanation for my concern.

"You know it's none of your fucking business," he retorted.

"You damn well know just how much it is my bussiness, Wooyoung!"

"Why??" he countered, turning to me in a sudden, almost harsh motion. "Why did you wait for me? Why the hell are you doing this?"

The meaning behind that question was crystal clear to both of us, a mutual unity. Like I said, he knew everything. He was acutely aware of everything. Tonight, he was asking me why I expected us to revert to how things used to be, using the night as an excuse. But what he didn't know was that what I truly awaited wasn't a return to the past. What I waited for was him, only him, and he would be forever.

"Because this world ain't big enough for you to escape from yourself," I retored, a sharpness in my tone.

"I don't fucking understand you! I'm tired, and I've got a damn headache, so shut the fuck up and get off my ass." He snapped back.

His wrist slipped free from my grasp, a deliberate retreat. "Then maybe you shouldn't have asked!" I shot back. There he was again, on the brink of opening up, allowing me entrance into his world, he'd suddenly hoist the drawbridge and leave me abandoned in a sea of uncertainty. He was slipping through my fingers like grains of sand, a ghostly figure whose presence was excitingly close yet frustratingly elusive. Before my eyes, he was holding a sign with bold letters saying, "NO ENTRY", turning me down like an unwanted visitor from the depths of his heart.

I managed to breach the walls he put up, almost touching the core of his being, and just when I was about to reach, his voice would send tremors through my fingers, and my tentative touch would withdraw once again. He was erecting barriers just as I was about to uncover the uncharted territories of his emotions. He would tease me with a glimpse of vulnerability, only to pull away.

Rain was drumming a steady rhythm outside. That night, as he slipped beneath his blanket, each rumble of thunder would resonate through him, potentially keeping him awake for hours, leaving me in a state of concern. Again and again, he would play this game, never tiring of the act. I couldn't afford to step back now; my feelings had come this far. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't ignore the "NO ENTRY" sign he seemed to project.

As he retreated with a draft of cold air from the kitchen, I rose from my seat, cradling the vase of orchids he had left behind. Through the gap of the slightly open door, I entered his room. The creak of the door's hinges accompanied him as he shrugged off his jacket, turning his gaze towards me. Once again, he was caught off guard by my presence. I walked, each step purposeful, placing the vase on the nightstand before turning back to face him.

"You know I got them for you, but you refuse to admit it," I finally spoke, the weight of my feelings simmering beneath my words.

"I did," he stated, his tone devoid of emotions. As he removed his sweater, he continued to keep his back turned to me, and I waited as he changed. "But wouldn't it be better if they stayed in the kitchen? That way, they could be our flowers."

Silently, I begged for him not to speak nice words like this. I wanted to shout this towards his face, but deep down, his way of talking warmed my heart. I was a broken vase, with cracks running all over, yet I was brimming with flowers inside. Wooyoung, on the other hand, was the embodiment of the white orchid nestled among them. And now, with just one beautiful sentence, orchid leaves were sprouting from the shards of the vase.

Sometimes, dishonoring Wooyoung wit the word "love" didn't sit well with me. Wooyoung was more than just "love." I couldn't simply love Wooyoung. I couldn't label my feelings for him with the same mundane term that ordinary people used for their meaningless connections. He was so much more, so much more special. He is the most beautiful among all orchids.

"No, they are yours."

"Ugh, fine! You cried so much, jeez," He muttered, pushing aside the candles on the nightstand to make room for the vase. "There you go, you've given it. Now get out. I'm going to bed."

Approaching him, I shook my head. "What the hell do you mean no? Have you lost your damn mind? Get the fuck out and leave me alone!"

He grabbed my shoulder and tried to push me away. Then, when thunder rumbled, his hands loosened, and he hesitated. I knew, he was still afraid. He'd been scared since he was twelve, and I didn't know why. Yet, every winter, I spent it with him. When he nuzzled into my chest, he would forget about the storm, the sounds outside, everything else. Perhaps that's why, perhaps with a silver of hope inside me, I took his wrists gently and lowered his hands.

"Wooyoung..."

As I delicately held onto his hands, his wrists felt like they might break if I squeezed even slightly harder. His skin was so delicate, and I found it hard to touch him. Yet sometimes, I wanted to hold onto him tightly until I felt all his bones ripped my heart. Was this called the instability of my emotions?

Licking my lips and lowering my head, I looked at our hands. Look at our hands, Wooyoung; look at our hands and tell me you weren't created for me... He looked. Wooyoung also lowered his head and gazed at our hands. As my thumb brushed against his wrist, a tremor passed through it, and I whispered, "Let me sleep beside you..."

His gaze momentarily shifted to the partially opened window through the curtains. He fixed his eyes on the rain-soaked glass, and a shaky breath escaped his lips. I was very sure he wouldn't grant me permission. Yet as our hands separated, he didn't reply. Sitting on his bed, he pulled the blanket over himself. "I guess our home isn't big enough for me to escape you either," he murmured, a shy smile touching his lips.

He never forgot a single thing I said, actually. He etched each of my words onto his delicate soul, keeping them hidden from me for a long time. He kept telling me to leave, but it was so clear that he wanted me to stay, that I smiled warmly at this dilemma. His dilemma became my hope.

As I lied down next to him, he turned his back to me for a moment. I knew he didn't want to look. If he did, he might say something beautiful that would flutter my heart, which he was scared to death. As my hand gently slid onto his shoulder, though he whispered ,"You've become a bit too spoiled," I didn't stop. While I caressed his arms, he took a deep breath, so deep that for a fleeting sound, neither of us heard the sound of thunder. Then, he tugged at the blanket and faced me. His hands were beneath his cheek, and he was gazing into my eyes now, while I had brought the whole galaxy within them.

"I'm stubborn, you know."

"Ooo, I very much do," He nodded immediately, smirking, saying this with excitement, causing me to chuckle and inch closer.

As I inched closer, he closed his eyes, his way of escaping once again. Even when I was right beside him, he tried to run away, but he was aware of it too, that he couldn't escape now, for I was right by his side.

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #choi san #jung wooyoung #woosan #woosan au #ateez fluff #childhood friends to lovers

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valentiwyo · 1 year ago

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UNTIL I FOUND YOU | WOOSAN - CHAPTER 4

genre »» childhood friends to lovers

pairing »» choi san x jung wooyoung

warning »» cursing

"I came to you with my secret feelings and childhood. See, I'm grown and I'm still here, Wooyoung. I have never given up on you even though we fell out. I still love you as you are..."

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

SAN'S POV

How could all the time I spent with Wooyoung be just a memory for him, when, for me, it was a breath that turns back and brings me back to life?

Now he was just staring at the dessert in front of his on the table. He was starting his sentences with “Remember? We used to..." He was talking about our memories. In fact, he wanted them to remain memories. He was running away from all of them. "That night," I started. We were still talking about the past. He, on the other hand, was trying to finishing his cheesecake in front of him. He said he didn't want to be in Yeosang's debt. Of course, your only main concern would be this instead of me.

"You cried because I left you alone."

"I did not."

"You did. Are you still afraid of thunder?"

After he nodded slightly, he stared at the window and watched outside for a while. I was talking about him calling me over because he couldn't sleep when it was raining outside one night, about how he cried because I didn't go to him and how he slept peacefully all night cuddling me because I had no heart to leave him and agreed to sleep with him (yes, I remember every single detail of it).

"I would come over again if you wanted."

He paused a little and then turned his gaze at me. "I'm used to it now." I shook my head and took a sip of the milkshake in front of me, while he kept eating his cake. He was stuffing his mouth fullly, with cream stain left on his lips. And I didn't even realise that I was watching him smiling until he raised his head.

"The hell you looking at?"

When I rested my elbows on the table and approached him, the fork he held in his hand loosened. I slowly reached out my hand towards his lips, which were parted of force. As I gently wiped out the cream stain on his lips with my thumb, he blinked more han once. I didn't rush. After my finger ran there slowly, I looked deeply into his eyes. One of the dead stars in there was still trying to hold on to life. How the hell could his eyes hurt me this much and still somehow fuel my desire to go after him at the same time?

"You are like a baby."

"Look who's talking."

I paused and looked at his face for a while with a frown. I didn't get it. I didn't understand what he meant until he took my hand on his lip and lowered it, and instead, when he approached my face, his hands still on mine, I don't know where the breath I took disappeared. Maybe mixed with his..? Wooyoung leaned forward and pressed his lips to the edge of mine.

While all the storms that broke out inside me calmed with the tip of his lips, with a single movement, he was unaware that he caused a new storm. For the last three years, since I realized my feelings for him, I was sure that nothing between us and Wooyoung would go beyond the concept of friendship. Because there was a line right between us, and whenever I was about to cross that line, Wooyoung would stop me. For example, I would hug him, and then I would check his reaction: he would make fun. For mocking, he would ruthlessly crush all my crumbs of hope with the tip of his feet and continue to mind his own business. And now this was far from the times when he mocked me. This time, I wasn't the one who contacted with him.

"The rest is yours." He pointed to the desserts with his eyes. As he let go of my hands and stood up, my hands, which he just held, were frozen. I couldn't anything in return, I couldn't even make a reaction. I was extremely astonished. Likewise, for minutes, I watched Wooyoung take his coat and leave hurriedly.

How likely was it that this happened and I lost all my marbles? Because I could never, ever believe that such a thing might have happened. After the past a year and a half when he left me at a dead end, how dare he do this and mess with my head? Because if he did, he must have known how my broken heart, whose pieces I was barely trying to hold, would anticipate more and beat like crazy.

Wooyoung would act without thinking, maybe we wouldn't be like this if he thought anyways. He would do everything to his heart's desire, ahead of the whole logic. He would do what he wanted at that moment, which he would continue to do even if regretting it in the end. He would be incorrigible, he would destroy everything but he would also know very well how to get everything back together with a single word coming from him. Maybe that's why I let him break my heart all this time, so that he could repair it in his own way, as he always did. I was willing him to hurt me just for a little mercy I would receive from Wooyoung.

And now he almost kissed me and walked off as if it was the most trivial thing in the world he did. He could destroy me as much as he wanted from now on; I could never leave him in any way. I let go of my hair between my hands, taking a deep breath, and looked at the watch wrapping around my arm. It was five minutes behind the class began and it would take me three minutes to get out of here and arrive at the building. But I don't know if I was ready to see Wooyoung this time.

ㅁ

And as a result, I got up and head the campus. I entered the classroom and as my eyes scanned the whole class, I found Wooyoung, and I started walking towards him, with a pleased smile on my face. He had covered his face with the book in front of him, scribbling something with his pen, which he didn't notice until I pulled the chair next to him and sat down. He lifted his head, he certainly seemed not to expect to see me that he blushed slightly and instantly closed the book and turned to me again. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

Actually, sitting next to him was not a strategy at all. Maybe it's not just Wooyoung who acts according to his feelings. It wasn't my brain that dragged me here, but my heart, because whenever I thought of Wooyoung, I always found myself around him.

"Guess why?"

As I leaned back and looked at him, he was biting his lips. I thought he was going to say something, but he was quiet. It was the first time he was so quiet next to me. Usually, he would get mad and brush me off. Now, he was looking at me as if he had committed a major crime, as if he felt embarrassment. I understood how much he regretted from his expression.

He might have regretted, but wasn't that the most valid evidence he was trying to hide his true feelings?

"That's Yunho's seat."

"You can't make up a better excuse?"

When he was about to say something, Wooyoung just paused and shook his head; he admitted that he was really looking for excuses. Under normal circumstances, while this situation should have upset me, on the contrary, I enjoyed it. I wanted to mess around with him. I leaned towards his ear and whispered. "What was that?"

When my lips touched his ear, he quickly pulled himself back and frowned at me. "I don't recall a shit."

"Is that so? Want me to remind you?"

Wooyoung's eyes were filled in astonishment, when I looked at his lips and approached him; he leaned backwards, his back touching the wall next to his seat.

"The fuck..?"

"Whatcha think I'm gonna do?"

"U-uhm... t-the thing back at the cafe.."

"So you remember?" I smirked.

"Ugh! Go fuck yourself!" He pushed me firmly, frowning. I didn't take my gaze off him for a second while I was spinning my pen between my fingers. Even though he kept pinching my arm during class and told me not to stare anymore, I didn't listen. I started to like it even more to annoy him.

I felt different, but in a good way. It was as if I could get close to Wooyoung again, but it was definitely not friendly, but with my real feelings. All I wish was that he wouldn't push me away and realize that the man in front of him was no longer that little boy.

You'll notice me.

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #choi san #jung wooyoung #woosan #woosan au #childhood friends to lovers

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valentiwyo · 1 year ago

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UNTIL I FOUND YOU | WOOSAN - CHAPTER 3

genre »» childhood friends to lovers

pairing »» choi san x jung wooyoung

warning »» angst, a little bit cursing

"I came to you with my secret feelings and childhood. See, I'm grown and I'm still here, Wooyoung. I have never given up on you even though we fell out. I still love you as you are..."

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

SAN'S POV

In Greek mythology, according to a tale about happiness; Gods decide to hide the happiness from humans so that it would become desireable. One of them says, "Let's hide it farthest from the heavens." The other opposes, "No, let's hide it at the depths of the ocean." But as a result of long discussions, they cannot reach a decision again. Finally, one of them comes out and states, "Let's hide it inside themselves. They won't even think of looking there."

I didn't believe in it. This belief did not suit me because my happiness built up more and more, and overflowed and returned back to a single person, to him again. I was constantly returning back to him. This was a cycle. Looking for it inside myself never crossed my mind. Why would I look for happiness in someone else, in myself, when there was Wooyoung in front of me? While my whole existence was already his, wasn't all the happiness I found in him actually a bit mine?

And from the happiness I felt now was a little far from the real happiness, but it was floating on its shores, because I wasn't quite sure what I had to feel. While Wooyoung, with one hand holding his chin, was watching me, who was on his knees and sleeping on the edge of his bed, was all that I felt a part of happiness? No, I was just afraid. I was constantly looking for happiness in someone else, because I was afraid to look inside myself.

"What are you doing here?" His voice was calm and a little husky, because he had just woken up, but if he kept talking like that, I'd fall asleep again. Everything about him was making me in comfort. But this calmness of his and the fact that he was watching me with one hand on his chin without taking his gaze off me for a moment was somehow intimidating. I kept calling Wooyoung my home, but it made me feel like it was only a matter of time before I was kicked out of my own house.

While he was the one where I felt safe the most, he was also the one who caused me to be on the brink of losing myself.

As I lifted my head, I backed slightly. I arched, averted my gaze, but in the end, I unhesitantly stared at him. "You don't remember, do you?"

He clicked his tongue and shook his head. He pulled the blanket on him and stood up, calmer than usual. He didn't want me to leave his room either, which was making me nervous. As he walked towards the small bathroom in his room, he said, "If I said something bullshit yesterday, just forget about it. I was drunk." I stood up and smirked, but it was because I started to get completely angry. Wooyoung was surprised when I approached him, and maybe for the first time in weeks I was able to catch his gesture.

"Why are you scared?"

While I kept walking up to him, his back slammed the bathroom door, "I-I am not." His stuttering caused my lip to curl aside. He thought I hadn't heard what he whispered in my ear at midnight. He was pretending that he had never made that sentence which destroyed my house and made me trapped under the debris, and maybe he was unaware of what I actually heard.

"Oh, yes, you are... You are scared to death to have told me your true feelings last night, Wooyoungie~ Haven't you already learned that I know you better than you do?" As my hand leaned against the wall, I kept staring at his face, which was slightly red. "T-true feelings?" He raised his eyebrows, then crossed his arms as he began to stand more confident. Again, he slammed the door in my face, which he himself opened.

"Nevermind, I'm bored." I pulled my hand. As he was surprised to see me give up so easily, I pulled away from him. This time it was him who didn't let me go. As he grabbed my wrist, flowers bloomed momentaryly there, then he faded them all at a single glance. "Don't leave before you're done."

"Why do you care now?"

"I've always cared, San."

I stopped and looked at him. He was far from the Wooyoung, who was just mad and yelled at me to get out for entering his room just a few weeks ago. Now he is holding my wrist, wanting me to stay a little longer and talk.

"When you said we couldn't be the same as we used to be, I thought you really didn't want to. But you do want to stay with me. There's just one thing that's stopping you. I don't understand."

As his gripping hand loosened, he licked his lips and looked down. Then he turned his back to me. As I stared at the messy hair he tied low at the back, he murmured, "I don't want to."

"You liar." I approached him. I took the advantage of the fact that his back was turned, and I leaned towards his neck. "You can't even look at me in the eyes." I whispered. As he lowered his head and took a step forward, he turned to me with a frown.

"Stop being delusional."

"You little... You are really itching for trouble, aren't you?"

"You have to take things seriously, San-ah!"

"Take things seriously?" I smirked hysterically. The habit of him not telling these actual thoughts he went through his mind and the fact that I never knew the reason for it pissed me off. I could have fallen crazily in love with him, but as time passed, my desire to punch and then kiss him reached peak just as much.

"Do you think I would have stayed away for a year and half if I didn't take you seriously? Don't you care at least a little about my feelings?"

"No, I only care about myself. Now get the fuck out of here. We are running late for school."

I didn't resist much when he pushed me backwards and directed me towards the door, because he was brushing me over again. He wanted me to take what he said seriously, but he never did mine.

ㅁ

"Maybe you need to act the way you want, not the way he wants from now on, dude."

I looked at Yeosang who was sitting across from me, sipping from his strawberry milkshake. That's right, Kang Yeosang, Wooyoung's best friend. And yes, we were close friends. I just sat down and told him I liked Wooyoung and explained the whole situation. In fact, I didn't trust him at all at first; he seemed like he wouldn't intend to hide anything from Wooyoung. But I realized that this situation was different, when I found out that everything remained only between us.

"How the hell am I going to do that? You know him well. He would kill me."

"Don't let him be the dominant side. Don't stop chasing him. Try to stay with him, San-ah. According to what you said, if he really whispered that thing in your ear while you were asleep, what he wants is for you to stay anyway."

I nodded and thought for a while. Yeosang was telling me that with the feelings I ran away from, I had to approach Wooyoung this time. It didn't sound ridiculous at all. There was nothing wrong with trying. I wanted to strive not to lose Wooyoung, the only thing I could have already lost.

With the chuckle from Yeosang, I raised my head again and looked at him. "What?"

"Nothing. Your expression is so funny. You're really nuts about him, hm?"

As I sighed out of anger and was about to oppose, I wanted to disappear when I saw Yunho and Wooyoung entering the cafe we were in and approaching our table. I was very sure that Yeosang texted Yunho and told him to bring Wooyoung here. Now I could understand from the rhythm of my heartbeat, not why I was looking for happiness in someone else, but why I found it in Wooyoung. He was the only happiness in me. It wasn't a lack of self-confidence or being looking for happiness in someone else; I already found it a long time ago. He was right in front of me, slowly walking and looking at me lazily, pulling a chair and sitting right across from me.

"I thought it was only the three of us?" He looked at Yeosang coldly, sitting with his arms crossed.

I rested my elbow against the table, raising my eyebrow. "Why? You didn't like me being here?"

"No, in fact, I did." He said, smirking playfully.

For a moment, the smile on my face disappeared, and he was smirking, having fun with the reaction of mine. He was aware of the fact that it depended on one beautiful word for him to accelerate my heartbeat. Just as I was almost angry with him in the morning enough to beat him, now sitting in front of me chatting with Yunho and smiling, I forgot everything. The cracks in my heart were tossed with a single curl on his lips and flying far away from me.

"Yes! The orders are here!"

I looked puzzled at the plates full of desserts and milkshakes placed on the table. Then I turned to Yeosang, "You just had one, idiot!"

As I was frowning, he suddenly stood up. "These are already for you both, dude. Besides, I paid. If you leave before these are finished, it would be a shame." Yeosang grabbed his coat and linked arms with Yunho and dragged him along. "Enjoy~" Yunho winked at me and then they left.

I covered my face with my palms and sighed. I was caught off guard and now Wooyoung was sitting in front of me and looking at me unbelievably. "Is this a fucking joke?" He rolled his eyes frustrated, looking down at the table. The fact that he was uncomfortable with this situation bothered me. "Why? You don't like having a date with me, Wooyoungie?" I pouted.

Wooyoung leaned back and shoved his hands in his pocket. "I don't."

I didn't believe him.

Wooyoung, whispering I miss you in my ear at night, could pretend he didn't like to be with me as much as he wanted. As he slowly began to uncover his true feelings, I had no intention of giving up on him.

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez au #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #choi san #jung wooyoung #choi san x jung wooyoung #woosan #woosan au #woosan ship #woosan fluff #woosan fanfic #woosan angst #childhood friends to lovers #angst

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valentiwyo · 1 year ago

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UNTIL I FOUND YOU | WOOSAN - CHAPTER 2

genre »» childhood friends to lovers

pairing »» choi san x jung wooyoung

warning »» angst

"I came to you with my secret feelings and childhood. See, I'm grown and I'm still here, Wooyoung. I have never given up on you even though we fell out. I still love you as you are..."

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

SAN'S POV

"So tell me what it is. I wonder what have you wanted to say since morning and what is important enough to call me to your room."

Wooyoung was sitting on my bed, with his arms crossed, his gaze wandering over the me standing before him. I'd cleared my throat many times. Now I couldn't say a word when he was right in front of me. What kind of a cycle is this? Wasn't it unfair to love him enough to cause my heart suffer?

"Let me get straight to the point directly."

Wooyoung reached out his hand towards me, who was constantly spinning around, holding me by the arm and stopping me. "Stop it, you're knocking me dead." He grumbled, but all I thought about was his hand grasping my arm and how the heat running from there occupying the middle of my heart. I didn't know how to put words together. I'd always been a good speaker, but it was as if my words were stuck in my throat when in front of Wooyoung. All these feelings was turning me into a weak man.

"Why are you running away from me?" Silence fell between us the moment I asked what was on my mind, and after a while, since the silence started to become quite loud and seeing him pouting at me, I bit my lower lip and sat next to him.

"What made you think that?"

"I don't know. You've been here since we moved in the same house, but at the same time you're not. You are here, but you are not as you used to be"

"And that made you sad?"

I wasn't making eye contact, but his gaze didn't leave my face for a moment. He stared at my side profile so ceaselessly that I was embarrassed and lowered my head shyly. But then I turned to him with courage that was tightening my chest. "It made me worried"

"Your being distant from me makes me worried, Wooyoung."

Wooyoung nodded as if he was turning things over in his mind. Then he leaned back as his hands rested against the bed. I couldn't look back at him. I contented myself with just watching the white plain carpet in front of me.

"Some things do not stay the same, San, and you know this."

"Why? Am I boring now?"

The question I asked with a slight joke destroyed the tiny smile he displayed me on his face. It was replaced by a cold and blank stare that absorbed me in, and I couldn't make sense of that.

"No, we just changed. You should admit it."

I was feeling so offended that nothing bothered to slip out when there were so many things I wanted to say. Wooyoung wasn't content with some things, but he had no intention of telling me about it either. A feeling spread over my chest as if I was chasing somethig impossible.

"You're right.." I turned towards him and smiled at him without trying to hide the sadness in my eyes. As curved waves settled on the sides of my lips, I wanted him to realise what a resentful smile it actually was. Or not...

What would change anyways?

"Well... was that all you needed to say?"

We looked at each other for a while. I had known him for years and I had no idea what Wooyoung was pondering right now, who used to present all his feelings to me with a single expression.

I shook my head, then watched him get up slowly from my bed and walk to the door. He looked back at me for the last time, "I won't be home today," and left the room. I forgot all the pain Wooyoung had created in my heart in the last year, yes, I felt like this was the most painful of all now. It's like he indirectly told me that we couldn't be the same anymore. I hated this. I hated his absence, and the deep wounds caused by his presence.

I gazed into space for a while longer, I didn't even remember how I had spent the evening. If my phone didn't ring, I'd been ready to cover myself with my blanket all day and cry, but when I saw 'Wooyoung' on the screen at midnight, all we talked about in the morning suddenly slipped my mind, and instead, was replaced by a huge excitement that I immediately picked up the phone. I was worried in the fear that the phone would slip out of my hand.

"San?"

I frowned as I heard a foreign but also familiar voice coming from the other side.

"I'm Yunho, Wooyoung's friend."

"Why are you calling me?"

"Uhm..." He murmured. There was a sound of music in the background and there were human voices mixed with a lot of laughter. "Wooyoung got a little drunk. No, he's actually pretty drunk. If you don't mind, can you come and pick him up?"

"Drop me the location." I was resting the phone between my shoulder and ear and trying to put on my coat.

"Okay, doing it. Hurry up."

I don't remember how quickly I left the house after hanging up the phone and shoving it in my pocket. When I checked the location, I saw that it was close to the college. It was a small bar within walking distance, so I jogged on there. The only thing that was on my mind was what kind of trouble a drunk Wooyoung could be, proving it to me by running after him all night on his 19th birthday. So I quickly got into the bar whose door I arrived at.

As my eyes scanned inward, it wasn't very difficult for me to find the table they stood in front of, thanks to Yunho, who's 190cm tall. He and Mingi were both loosely all snuggled up together, and my eyes were still looking for Wooyoung.

"Hey Yunho, where is Wooyoung?"

"Wow, so you are here." When Yunho grinned and pointed to the scene with his head, I held my breath and looked there. After the view I witnessed, I closed my eyes tightly for a few seconds. Damn... As I opened it again, I took a deep breath and stepped towards Wooyoung, who was rocking in the middle of the stage. He was standing with a glass in his hand, not dancing, but staring into space and rocking back and forth. As I smiled at this state of him and leaned my hand against my face, I watched him from afar for a while. The collars of the black leather jacket on him were bent, his long oreo hair tied below, and his bangs closing his eyes.

When Wooyoung suddenly turned to me, when I came into his view, my hand slowly went down and my lips were parted. He was staring at me with his husky eyes and then suddenly he smiled. The moment he smiled, I felt like flowers had blossomed out all my wounds. The thorns that dug into my heart didn't hurt me that much anymore. My heart was beating so fast that before I could understand what was happening, Wooyoung walked towards me with quick steps and embraced me unexpectedly. As my mind got silent, so was the music and people's voices in the background. It was as if only the two of us were left on the stage. I can't believe he hugged me.

"Sannie, is that you?"

Even this tiny question he asked sounded so cute at that moment that I nodded as my hands slipped to hold his waist and cupped his face, which was buried in my neck, and raised it, and I stared at his beautiful face.

"Let's get out of here, okay?"

When my hand touched his, I was hesitant. But since I knew he was unconscious, a courage sweeped over me and this time I gripped his hand firmly.

"Sannie, are we heading our home?"

As Wooyoung was resting his head against my shoulder, I wrapped my arm around his waist while walking, and he turned his head, looking at me. His cheeks were red and his eyes were about to close. I nodded, smiling softly. Whenever he got drunk, he would start calling me by the name he gave when we were younger. "Yes, our home." Wooyoung was calling that house "our" for the first time...

As he held the collar of my coat tightly, I wrapped his waist tightly so that he wouldn't fall along the way, and it was as if my heartbeats, which normally beat like crazy, had stopped. My heart was frozen and I couldn't feel a single beat. As I felt Wooyoung's breath hitting my neck, I was holding mine.

"Sannie..."

"Yeah..?"

On one hand, I trying to unlock the door, and on the other hand, was trying to grasp his waist tightly and was in mortal fear that he wouldn't fall, because he was standing completely loosely: if he let go off my neck, he could fall flat on the ground.

When I unlocked the door and finally managed to get in, Wooyoung pulled me along with him as he leaned against the wall. I was shocked. While my hand was resting on there to get support from the wall, I had to take a deep breath and keep the smell of his alcohol inside. Only one-step distance... I could reach his lips if I wanted to, but then I gave up thinking about the consequences of doing this and being aware of it. I was content gazing at the face of the guy I fell in love with.

"What's wrong?"

He closed his eyes as his arms wrapped around my neck loosened.

"What if I lose, Sannie?"

"Lose what, Wooyoung?"

He didn't say anything. His head slowly fell on my shoulder, as his hands on my collars falling on both sides, and I realised that he dozed off when his breaths became louder. Although I didn't understand what he was trying to tell me, I didn't want to overthink it and pour salt on morning's wounds. I just smiled and grabbed him by the shoulders. When I picked him up, I gazed at his lips for a while. I don't know about him, but I had already lost...

When I entered his room, the last time was like three weeks ago, I looked around a little and then slowly put him to his bed. On his walls were posters of many other bands such as Slayer, Bullet For My Valentine, and Deftones. Unlike this edgy style, which he adopted during high school years and never changed again, and his strict attitude, he was actually a very sensitive guy. He had an electric guitar, hung on his wall next to his desk. On the other side of the wall, old vintage vinyls were hung. There was a black candle on his desk and it was covered with several books. He was a night person. The silence, darkness and coolness of the night would attract him. As cold as he was, Wooyoung was actually warm home inside. He was my home.

But after a while, he started to hide my self to himself too. He wasn't inviting me to the house that I found in him anymore, every time he was shutting the door in my face and saying that we can't stay the same. You don't belong here anymore.

I shook my head quickly to get rid of the thoughts I was immersed in. After taking off his shoes and leather jacket and throwing them aside, I crouched down next to him, leaning my elbows against the edge of his bed, and then for minutes, maybe even an hour, I sat there and watched him. Most often I pushed the bangs that fell before his eyes. My fingers ran softly over his soft lips. He couldn't wake up and scold me. So that night, I watched at him to my heart's desire.

Then, how dumb of me, I ended up falling asleep there...

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #choi san #jung wooyoung #woosan #woosan au #woosan ship #woosan fanfic #woosan fluff #woosan angst #childhood friends to lovers

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valentiwyo · 1 year ago

Text

UNTIL I FOUND YOU | WOOSAN - CHAPTER 1

genre »» childhood friends to lovers

pairing »» choi san x jung wooyoung

warning »» cursing

"I came to you with my secret feelings and childhood. See, I'm grown and I'm still here, Wooyoung. I have never given up on you even though we fell out. I still love you as you are..."

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SAN'S POV

When I was 10 years old, one day, I fell to the ground and my knees got injured. That day, my whole life changed...

The little boy, who reached out his hand to me and lifted me off the ground, suddenly stepped into my world and took everything that was mine away. He stole me away. My whole ego got into his air and now, again with the same boy being a grown man in front of me, I realized that that ego never came back to me.

Jung Wooyoung, I guess, was my childhood friend. Our parents forcibly placed the two of us in the same house the year we started college. While this situation bothered Wooyoung, and he showed that to me without hesitation at every opportunity he found, I was staying with him with my trembling chest. I was looking away every time he looked at me and my palms were sweating every time he was next to me. I hadn't complained even once about staying by his side.

Because I had a crush on my childhood friend.

But somehow we got used to it. Even though Wooyoung ignored me at school; and even pretended not to know me, after a year of routine experiences, all this turned into habits, and things that used to annoy me in the past became ordinary for me. I was used to loving him that way.

The awareness of my feelings for him dawned on me when I was 17 years old, and as I grew up, my feelings grew with me. For him, I was nothing but an acquaintant who was kept with him by the force of parents, and I was somehow used to this too. And now I couldn't help but take my gaze away from him, who was sitting across me, listening to the teacher, or not, with his palm on his chin, scribbling something in his notebook in front of him. I knew my feelings for him were no longer innocent. When my attachment, which flourished as a kid, turned into a huge love today and reached a level that could no longer fit in me, which was absolutely not innocent. I was not innocent. None of us were...

"Psst! San, what's the answer to this question?"

As Mingi, who was sitting next to me, whispered into my ear, I directed my attention to him and turned my head.

"Solve it yourself."

"Why the fuck would I bother when the school's top student stands in front of me? Do I look like a sucker?"

When I took a deep breath and looked at him with my expressionless look, Mingi got the message, pressing his lips together, and backed off. The bane of my life, my best friend, Song Mingi. He suddenly showed up next to me in our freshmen year and said that I was the most popular student at the school and became friends with me. Although, initially, I thought he was nothing but a self-seeker dickhead, I somehow accepted him, but over time, our bond became stronger and our friendship, which was established on behalf of all this popularity, turned into a real and unbreakable one.

"I want your leisureliness as hell. You don't even pay attention to the class. Do you eat books instead of three meals a day??"

"Nah, I'm just a little spaced out."

Mingi turned his face to me as he put his palm on his chin. "What's on your mind?" He asked. Since we were sitting in the back, our voice was unlikely to be heard in a class of sixty, but we were still whispering. As my gaze and attention slipped again to the boy whose long hair bangs covered his eyes, I sighed and examined his facial features longly. The only place where I could watch Wooyoung for so long was during class. I loved watching him, and the whole world had to witness this; Jung Wooyoung was the most beautiful person I've ever met in my life. This was not only with his appearance, which I came to the conclusion as we grew up, his inner beauty was reflected on his face as well.

There were times when he was grumpy, maybe a bit noisy, but at the end of the day, when he put his head on the pillow, he was a guy who pondered about his worries in his life for a long time. Wooyoung was considerate, even though he wasn't showing it, he had always bothered his pretty little head about something. I was the only one who knew him better than anyone else; he knew that himself too. But when we graduated to the senior year of high school, we somehow fell out with each other. We weren't hanging out together like we used to. He wasn't smiling at me, because we grew up. As we grew up, we changed, and as we changed, he found himself new friends whom he could spend time with. The only thing that didn't change was my feelings for him. On the contrary, over time, they had grown bigger and turned into an enormous thing.

"Same old story. His face keeps haunting me all the time. Even if I look at him for quite some time, it's never enough; I want to talk to him."

Mingi knew very well about whom and what i was talking. While I kept saying to myself that I should share my feelings with someone that brim over me, I spilled my guts on Song Mingi, the first person I came across, and he was not very surprised at all.

"You live in the same house. How hard can it be to talk?"

"I don't know. It's like he's running away from me."

"Dude, you go to him then. Didn't you already say that you have nothing to lose?"

"You have a point honestly."

While I was still watching Wooyoung, talking to Mingi, even a little bit, brought me a few ideas. He was right. All I could lose about Wooyoung right now was that we lived in the same house. His attitudes, stares and behaviors towards me; it's been a long time since I lost all these.

While I was thinking about him, maybe doing this by peeking at him for minutes, Wooyoung turned towards me very slowly, and as our gaze met, my knees knocked together. I, who constantly averted his gaze, did not do that with the concussion of being caught while staring at him all of a sudden. Just then the school bell rang and it was as if everything was keeping up with our situation. Wooyoung had stood up. I thought he would turn his back and leave, but no, he walked towards me. I held my breath. After Mingi grinned next to me and pinched my arm slightly, he said, "I'm outa here," and left us alone.

"Choi San."

Hearing Wooyoung's husky voice made me gulp down and lift up my head completely. Now he was standing right in front of me. There was only one desk between us, which was trembling from swinging my legs. Wooyoung's gaze was slipping there from time to time. I wished he didn't understand how excited I was.

"Were you going to say something?" He asked, his sharp gaze focused on mine.

"No, where would you get that?"

As Wooyoung smirked and rolled his eyes, a few seconds later he looked at me again and rested his both hands on the desk and leaned closer to my face. He came closer and closer, and he didn't stop. His eyes narrowed as his gaze hovered between my two irises.

"I've known you for ten years and you think I can't understand that you want to say something to me from that look of yours? You've been staring at me ceaselessly since the morning."

"But I already do that all the time."

"What??"

As Wooyoung was taken aback, I made use of the situation and got close to his face a little bit, which made him stumble slightly back. "I say that I've been staring at you all this time already, have you just noticed?" I murmured, arching my eyebrows.

"You are pissing me off."

"I didn't do anything, Wooyoung."

"And that's what pissing me off."

My lips parted. I swallowed back the words lined up in my throat and I couldn't answer him back for a while. While he was standing in front of me like this, I wanted to make use of the situation and didn't take my eyes off him for a moment. My gaze hovered on his plump lips, where he made it bleed from biting during the class; on his delicate hands, where he often rested on the desk; on the blonde highlights between his dark hair; or in his pupils that crystallized and shining as he looked at me...

"Let's talk at home," I said. Everyone else's gaze on us didn't bother me, but I said this because Wooyoung might have been somehow bothered due to this situation; he didn't like to draw attention. That's why he ran away from me most of the time. The gaze of others made him run away from me, but he still misunderstood me.

"Excuse me, I wasn't supposed to talk to the most popular guy at the school here, because people may get it wro-"

My deep exhale and the shift of my hand to his wrist took place at the same time. While I was holding him tightly and pulling him towards me, his word was interrupted, and instead, he completed it with swearing out.

"What the hell are you doing?

Now, our shoulders were touching each other while he was sitting next to me, and my hand on his wrist was slightly loosened. I had my heart in my mouth at that moment.

"You still have the habit of understanding everything the way you want. Sit next to me for this class."

"I don't fucking want."

As he attempted to get up, my hand on his wrist tightened firmly again, which I was somehow warning him not to go away while one of my eyebrows was arched.

"I don't even care if someone sees us together or misunderstand, that's it."

I licked my lips and once again murmured in a calm tone, "Sit next to me, Wooyoungie~" Now, my gaze was more stagnant and my eyes were begging him to stay a little longer. I was like a vulnerable cat when I was with him, constantly losing to him. In fact, maybe, it's been years since I lost to Wooyoung...

"Damn it! Fine," He said as he pulled his wrist between my hands and crossed his arms. He was staring at me, frowning. I smiled calmly, "You still obey me."

"Talk a bit more and I'll show you what happens next."

I nodded as I shut my mouth, smirking. I missed him like crazy, and if we still had our old intimacy now, I, who goes crazy with a single touch from him, probably wouldn't be able to survive in that house. In the past, Wooyoung would hug me and hold my hand. He would kiss me, because we were brotherlike and that was the excuse for all this. However, I never saw him as a brother. When I realized that the behaviors we fit under the name of brotherhood were actually under the wreckage of that name. When I realized my feelings, it was when Wooyoung and I had fallen out with each other.

He might find my feelings for him childish or wrong. Maybe when he found out, he would yell at me and get mad, but I couldn' t lose him anymore. Because that would also mean losing myself.

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- @ valentiwyo on twitter

#ateez #choi san #jung wooyoung #woosan #woosan au #ateez fluff #ateez fanfic #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #childhood friends to lovers

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