vagahbawnd

[vagahbawnd]

The Specials - Gangsters

[vagahbawnd]

A lot of time I regret making a big deal about getting sober bc now if I wanted to use it can’t be a casual thing bc everyone is gonna be like “relapse relapse !!!!” I’m not an addict it’s not a relapse I’m literally just using for fun fuck like I should have never acted like this was an addiction cause now people think it’s way bigger of a thing than it actually is. I can use recreationally it’s not like it’s heroine but my girl has dealt with so many people in her life living and dying bc of substance abuse I know it’s never going to be okay with her and if I hid it that would be 1000000xs times worse I’m just like fuck why did I ever make this a thing I regret getting sober

[vagahbawnd]

“I don’t feel the sickness yet, but it’s in the post. That’s for sure. I’m in the junkie limbo at the moment. Too ill to sleep. Too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea. Pain and craving. A need like nothing else I’ve ever known will soon take hold of me. It’s on its way.”

Trainspotting (1996)

[vagahbawnd]

but in other news I’ve been trying to get more comfortable with this strap-on and I was like basically jacking that shit off and wtf that’s so fuckin hot sometimes I wish I had a dick haha like I want some bitch to jack my shit off like spit on that shit get all fuckin messy but like it would also be cool to feel it 😩😂😂

[vagahbawnd]

[vagahbawnd]

Lying on the floor.

[vagahbawnd]

[vagahbawnd]

bro if anyone has a fear of fuckin commitment 😩😭 fuck. I never have ever not been down for commitment, actually I feel like I tend to want to pursue long term things like quick fucks are cool but a quick fuck who you can fuck for a long time is (or at least WAS) optimal but looking back at my past partners since me and my ex split I definitely put commitment as far into the back of my mind as possible? And I don’t know if I realized that? I mean I know I’m not interested in a relationship but I didnt realize commitment and investment had become so uncomfortable for me...? I had a super close friend who I got romantically intimate with (not sex) and I thought I was developing feelings for and I told her that... as soon as we had sex my mind just backed me out of that shit immediately now it was all becoming too much. I just separated myself from her and lost a friend out of it. The girl before her I definitely got uncomfortable every time she insinuated “feelings” and I never realized it but now I am. So my dumb ass definitely caught feelings but it all felt kind of fake or unachievable bc this girl lives 800+ miles away. Well in the heat of a certain phone conversation I told her I would fly her out to fuck me... so I did, I bought a fucking plane ticket for her out here for the weekend after next (thanks coronavirus for cheap tix) and we were both stoked and I’m still stoked but I’m also starting to freak out. This is all too real now and it’s like yea feelings are cool and fucking her will be chill I guess so I just feel wayyyy too in over my head like I’m looking for an escape plan and there doesn’t seem to be one. The whole idea is extra af why tf did you fly this girl out???? Wtf is that gonna even do?? And then she briefly mentioned her friends wanting her to move here (my city) with them which freaked me out I was like oh fuck the idea of her being a real thing in my life? Not even like relationship or anything serious like that just that now this becomes real. It’s freaking me out. Idk when I got like this or why. All I keep thinking of is how I can sabotage myself which feels more stupid than the extra-ness of this whole situation but idk somehow easier? Like am I just gonna ghost her and I gonna tell her not to come am I gonna grow tf up and just enjoy it for what it is? It just became too real. Like the investment in having someone in my life where there is emotions involved is really off putting. The investment of going out of my way to have someone in my life is off putting. I don’t even have friends bc I’m so uncomfortable with more than surface level interactions! And this girl has told me about her traumas and it felt very safe when she was 800+ miles away but her becoming real just Idk I bit off more than I could chew....

[vagahbawnd]

I despise your right to take a life Your disguise it hides your racial pride In your eyes I see the hate inside Swallow your pride choke and fucking die Rampant Practiced Fascist Blanket forms of Racist Sexist Sadist Attempts to target People that don’t have the privilege of being protected Because of the color of their skin they’re left defenseless Hero Of the People Comes from within Your gang Of black And blue Striking fear in Those that abuse of their power and those that have been Getting away with the murder of innocents I hope that Dorners ghost comes back to seek revenge Brings an arsenal blows off your fucking head Even cops hate cops because they know they’re full of shit I hope he doesn’t stop till your good and fucking dead

[vagahbawnd]

Scream/Violent World - Antischism

[vagahbawnd]

get the fuck away from me

[vagahbawnd]

I used to be a nice good smart person until I thought i didn’t wanna be that person anymore and idk maybe I hardened up to become less easily damaged, maybe I stopped caring and giving a fuck for a lot of reasons but what I know now is that maybe I’m not the person I should be. It’s easy to not have depth it’s easy to not think and not be self aware and just blatantly not care but maybe that’s not who I should be?

[vagahbawnd]

“I understand firsthand the despair that grows as drugs come to make our choices for us, deciding whom we will be with and what we will do. This gloomy cell of repetition occupied by every addict […] strips us of our most precious commodity, the freedom to choose. This is why I’m not against drugs or drug use, but am so thoroughly opposed to addiction: it strips us from our precious freedom. And this is also why it makes no more sense to cure addiction by imposing permanent or semipermanent limits on our range of choices than it does to teach compassion through corporal punishment. How could one give rise to the other?”

—

Judith Grisel - “Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction”

[vagahbawnd]

cat dot exe by mizunoyojimbo

[vagahbawnd]

The top 9 underrated selfies of ‘19

I’m bored and can’t sleep so for my negative -6 followers I have check me out being cute in 2019 (I’the first one isn’t a selfie but whatever?)

[vagahbawnd]

Antischism - Salvation Or Annihilation

[vagahbawnd]

GlENXCOCO