unlovelyunicorn

[unlovelyunicorn]

please consider

[unlovelyunicorn]

Service Offered: Professional Third Wheel

Unwanted suitors? Not sure if you’re on a date? Too nice to turn him down? I can help! With nearly four years of experience sabotaging romantic encounters, I’m the uncomfortable silence you deserve… and now, I’m offering my services professionally. 

Bring me along as a platonic bufferzone on unwanted or ambiguous dates with suitors you’re not interested in but don’t know how to turn down. Guaranteed to kill the mood or your money back!

Basic services include: Terrible puns, poorly-timed jokes, casual physical displays of affection, bringing up unappealing facts about you (to be established or fabricated ahead of time), including myself in attempts at cuddling, domineering the conversation, irritating laughter, talking about I may have finally found an apartment for rent that’s big enough to house all of your cats, subtly making remarks about how nice it is that you’ve made a new friend.  More advanced services: Creating diversions (available at tiers 1, 2, and 3; examples include pouring water over my head, impromptu hula dancing, and  triggering alarms), intimate displays of physical affection, accidentally spilling drinks on your suitor’s clothing, laughing at everything your suitor says while drinking until I manage to time it so that water comes out of my nose and sprays onto them. 

 Package deals: 

The Gay Best Friend: What it sounds like. Because this persona runs the risk of stereotype and exploitation, I prefer to keep this subtle. Willing to engage in mild flirtation with your suitor. Please use discretion when requesting this service; the intention is to make him realize that your feelings towards him are platonic. Do not even consider this package if he is aggressively homophobic. 

The Imposing Older Brother: I scowl, smirk, and huff judgmentally. Comes in two flavors: the Violent Ex-Con and the Insufferable Elitist. Can flex my physical or intellectual muscles as needed. 

The Irritating Younger Brother: I bring a gaming device along, snicker rudely and roll my eyes whenever he speaks, complain about the time, chew with my mouth open, shrug indifferently, prop my sneakers on his chair, wipe my nose on my hand, and bluntly interrupt the conversation whenever it strays out of your comfort zone. 

The Priest: Why the heck would you bring your priest on a date?! I don’t know, and neither will your suitor! Obfuscate them into backing off. If that doesn’t work, I will recite dry Biblical passages until they are driven away by crushing boredom or fear of Hell. 

The Son from The Future: Depending on the age difference, I can also pose as your Son from the Current Era. Will dress in conspicuously unusual clothing (ex. holographic baseball cap, life preserver, roller skates, VISOR-like sunglasses), continuously ask for the date and time, and anxiously mutter about how it’s almost time for you to ditch this place and meet my father for the first time.

The Enslaved Zombie Ex-Boyfriend: I don milky, semi-opaque contact lenses and follow you around mindlessly, with jerky, unnatural movements. I am at your beck and call, controlled from beyond the grave by your occult powers - the fate of all the boyfriends who displease you.  

The Demon Prince: I wear a stylish fawn suit, soft kidskin gloves, and silver cuff-links etched with strange symbols. I have a ring or a cane decorated with the head of a ram. I say little, but smile often. Now and then, I pull out a little silver hourglass from a chain around my neck and examine it, tapping my foot, my fingers, or my cane impatiently. I adopt a curious and subtle accent and ask him to appraise his immortal soul. I carry a sleek briefcase rigged to emit a bright light if I crack it open a hair. Optional: I carry a cube of sulfur in my pocket for the smell.

The Mulder: A proven classic. I periodically derail the conversation with crackpot conspiracy theories, the nature of reality, extraterrestrial intelligence, and ESP. May accuse your suitor of being a Reptilian, or demand that they feel the scar where I had an alien implant removed. Insist that we change tables because this one is bugged and we are under surveillance by the secret shadow government.    

The Fiance You Thought Was Lost at Sea: I burst through the door, dripping wet, with barnacle-encrusted clothing and a crab dangling from my ear lobe. I’ll smell of brine and have a haunted look in my eye. This will require some acting skills from you; you’ll need to throw yourself sobbing into my arms and cry, “I thought I’d lost you!” and I’ll hold you and mutter something about Davy Jones getting ahead of himself.  

Other: I am happy to work with you to develop a persona specific to your unique needs and preferences. 

Rates: Sliding scale, determined by me on a case-by-case basis. I want to make my services available to all who need them. Factors such as the relative heinousness of suitor is considered; affluent clients can generally expect to pay more as likelihood of physical or spiritual harm increases. For swanky dates in nice locations with minimal levels of danger, I typically ask only that you cover the cost of my meal, entrance fees, transportation, and other expenses.

IMPORTANT: Although I am prepared to deal with any number of eventualities, I am not a professional: bodyguard, assassin, exorcist, crocodile hunter, or escort. If you expect that any of these services will become necessary, I am happy to put you in touch with a specialist. ADDITIONALLY: If your suitor is non-human, please be upfront with this so that we can plan accordingly. We do not want a repeat of the events of Halloween 2012.

ADDENDUM 2014: I reserve the right to terminate our deal at any time. This is a exclusively a professional relationship, and any physical or romantic affection we may share may be considered performance and unrelated to my personal feelings. ADDENDUM 2015: If you are trying to orchestrate a set-up because you get off on watching your significant other jealously beat the crap out of perceived rivals, fuck you. Vengeance will be swift.

[unlovelyunicorn]

Do you have any resources or tips for how to determine where someone needs to improve in regards to their grammar and punctuation? Or general writing skills? I know there are some gaps in my knowledge but I am not 100% sure even where they are or where to start. I know I am not exactly great with knowing when to use a semi-colon but I understand the use. I also know stylistically where some of my troubles are but not where my technical failings are.

Start getting detailed and tough critiques from people who know what they’re doing, typically in the intermediate to advanced writing levels. Novices can help to a point because they’re still a pair of fresh eyes, but someone can only critique around the level of skill they have, so a novice writer is a novice critic. That said, for the grammar-specific part of the question, grammar isn’t a skill isolated to creative writing so there can be some novices who can help with it. General creative writing skills are different and require more experience to properly critique.

There are a few ways to get critiques with varying levels of potential success:

Posting online. I don’t recommend this but I’m putting it here because it’s technically an option. Sure, an online post gets the work on the internet, but it’s probably not going to be seen by many people and even fewer of those people will put real effort into a critique. Unless you can promote your work (and have patience and the ability to weed out the poor-quality comments) then just posting online likely won’t help.

Physical communities. Depends on where you live, but a lot of places have writing communities where people meet for writing-related activities, talks, or whatever they want. Some may have a way to pair up for critique work or submit for a general review. Make sure to research the community so it fits your critique needs.

Online communities. Sometimes physical meetings aren’t going to work so the internet can provide a substitute. These communities also vary in what they provide, so make sure to research and identify what they can give you. A decently good one is Scribophile, though some prefer a more personal group where they get to know the other members and can make more specific critique requests. 

Find someone to trade work. There are many, many writers out there who also need critiques, however any trade should be equally beneficial to both parties (or as close as you’re okay with). There will always be some form of imbalance to skill levels but it’s unfair to the better writer if the other person can’t figure out what’s wrong because their skills aren’t high enough.

Paying someone. I’ve seen quite a few people offer this service and this blog may eventually do so as well. It’s understandable if you don’t want to spend your hard-earned money on someone you don’t know, so it can help to look into that person’s post history (if they have a blog), reviews, personal work, or anything else that can help make you comfortable. A critique isn’t easy and those who are good at it are providing a service that should get something in return for all their work. You don’t ask someone to spend hours painting your house for nothing in return so don’t ask for critiques without compensating the person– and oftentimes the best option is money.

Because what a critique is can sometimes be a confusing point, I present to you Beta Readers vs Critique Partners vs Editors (link embedded). Make sure anyone you work with is aware of what you’re looking to get out of the interaction.

It’s possible to critique yourself, but it’s never as effective or time-efficient. The closest thing to a “fresh mind” you can get on your own work is to forget about a piece for at least 6 months and then go back and critique it. However you’re only critiquing at your own writing level (which is probably higher than when you first wrote that piece, but still), and you’d get more out of having someone else do it. 

For general notice, and as that linked post mentions, it’s important to remember that a critic isn’t there to fix things for you. They can tell you which grammar issues you’re having, but they aren’t a grammar editor and wont go line by line to change the punctuation. Editors are for the final draft to fix mistakes. Looking to improve your skills, as you are, requires a critic to point out the mistakes.

Grammar and punctuation help can also just be generally found on the internet with sites like Grammar Girl or The Punctuation Guide. Of course they aren’t a direct help for creative writing because you have to learn how to apply the rules in your own environment, but they’re a good place to brush up your memory.

Good luck with your skills!

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Thinking of asking a question? Please read the Rules and Considerations to make sure I’m the right resource, and check the Tag List to see if your question has already been asked. If you can give back, please consider supporting me on Ko-fi or via Venmo Username: JustAWritingAid

[unlovelyunicorn]

How to Get the First Chapter Right

The first chapter of your novel is the most important chapter of your novel. Anyone who picks up your book will read the first page, but unless that first page is good, there’s little chance they’ll make it to Chapter Twenty-Three, the the best piece of writing ever set down on a page. 

So how do you get it right? 

By remembering three things: 

1. The first chapter is a promise to your reader.

Your first chapter is a promise to your reader that this is what this book is going to be–that there’s not going to be a sudden switch in focus in chapter fifteen. 

It’s important that the first chapter accurately sets up the rest of the book–that it lets the reader know what they’re in for, whether they’ve read the synopsis on the back or not. 

If your book is a murder mystery, don’t start the book with a funny, romantic scene featuring your detective’s love interest. Instead, set a sinister tone, display your detective’s ability to perceive things others can’t, use imagery that suggests violence, show the murder victim being a jerk to the detective soon to be investigating their death. Set up a murder mystery. 

What’s the best way to do this? By remembering that…

2. The first chapter focuses on introducing three essential story elements. 

There are three essential story elements your first chapter needs to focus on:

The protagonist: who they are, what they want, and why we’re reading about them.

The world: whether the world is Middle Earth or Minneapolis, we need a sense of what we can expect of the setting - what its “rules” are

The plot: this might not come until the very end of chapter one, but we need a hint as to where the story’s heading before the words “Chapter Two.” 

But it shouldn’t linger too long explaining them because….

3. The first chapter’s primary job is to hook the reader. 

Your first chapter needs to hook your reader by intriguing and engaging them.

Intrigue your reader by taking your readers directly into a scene that shows off how interesting your protagonist, and world are, by ending on some sort of plot point that turns everything on its head - a revelation or action that will make us go “ooh, what’s going to happen next?” 

Engage your reader, however, by using your protagonist, plot, and world by showing them in action, not description.

Don’t stop to explain that this is a fantasy world–have your protagonist summon fire from her fingers when she goes to light a candle. 

Anything that takes us too far away from the main action of the first chapter, should be put on hold. 

Any time you pause the action to explain what’s going on, what the world is, who the main character is, stop and save it for the second chapter, or third–once you already have your reader’s attention and their trust that you’re going somewhere with this. 

Because that’s what your first chapter is all about: showing you reader that you’re going somewhere with this, and that somewhere is going to be good.

Once you’ve done that, there’s a much better chance your reader will make it to that perfect Chapter Twenty-Three. 

[unlovelyunicorn]

Scrivener is a writer’s best friend. 

It’s a word processing software created with unruly, complicated novels in mind. However, some writers stay away because its many features can be seem overwhelming at first. If you want to use Scrivener, but haven’t taken the plunge yet. Or if you already use Scrivener, but haven’t explored its many features, check out my three part guide to writing a novel with Scrivener, from planning to editing and all of the key smashing in-between. 

1. Planning with Scrivener

Scrivener comes with tools dedicated to outlining, researching, and brainstorming your manuscript. The first part of this series details everything you can do in Scrivener before setting that first line down in ink (or pixels.) 

2. Drafting with Scrivener 

The second part in this series covers the actual “writing” part of writing. It covers multiple composition modes (even making your screen mimic Microsoft Word!), writing in split screen, word targets, and more. 

3. Editing with Scrivener

The third part of this series gives advice on exporting your writing into a standard manuscript format, saving each version of your work as you go along, and the best tools for revising your manuscript. 

Download a free 30-day trial of Scrivener at its official site. 

Disclaimer: This is not an ad. I am not being paid by the Scrivener people. I just really love this software. 

[unlovelyunicorn]

24 Invaluable Skills To Learn For Free Online This Year

Here’s an easy resolution: This stuff is all free as long as you have access to a computer, and the skills you learn will be invaluable in your career, and/or life in general. 

1. Become awesome at Excel.

Chandoo is one of many gracious Excel experts who wants to share their knowledge with the world. Excel excellence is one of those skills that will improve your chances of getting a good job instantly, and it will continue to prove invaluable over the course of your career. What are you waiting for?

2. Learn how to code.

littleanimalgifs.tumblr.com

Perhaps no other skill you can learn for free online has as much potential to lead to a lucrative career. Want to build a site for your startup? Want to build the next big app? Want to get hired at a place like BuzzFeed? You should learn to code. There are a lot of places that offer free or cheap online coding tutorials, but I recommend Code Academy for their breadth and innovative program. If you want to try a more traditional route, Harvard offers its excellent Introduction to Computer Science course online for free.

3. Make a dynamic website.

You could use a pre-existing template or blogging service, or you could learn Ruby on Rails and probably change your life forever. Here’s an extremely helpful long list of free Ruby learning tools that includes everything from Rails for Zombies to Learn Ruby The Hard Way. Go! Ruby! Some basic programming experience, like one of the courses above, might be helpful (but not necessarily required if you’re patient with yourself).

4. Learn to make a mobile game.

If you’re not interested in coding anything other than fun game apps, you could trythis course from the University of Reading. It promises to teach you how to build a game in Java, even if you don’t have programming experience! If you want to make a truly great game, you might want to read/listen up on Game Theory first.

5. Start reading faster.

Spreeder is a free online program that will improve your reading skill and comprehension no matter how old you are. With enough practice, you could learn to double, triple, or even quadruple the speed at which you read passages currently, which is basically like adding years to your life.

6. Learn a language!

With Duolingo, you can learn Spanish, French, Portuguese, Italian, or English (from any of the above or more). There’s a mobile app and a website, and the extensive courses are completely free.

Full disclosure: BuzzFeed and other websites are in a partnership with DuoLingo, but they did not pay or ask for this placement.

7. Pickle your own vegetables.

Tired of your farmer’s market haul going bad before you use it all? Or do you just love tangy pickled veggies? You too can pickle like a pro thanks to SkillShare and Travis Grillo.

8. Improve your public speaking skills.

You can take the University of Washington’s Intro to Public Speaking for free online. Once you learn a few tricks of the trade, you’ll be able to go into situations like being asked to present at a company meeting or giving a presentation in class without nearly as much fear and loathing.

9. Get a basic handle of statistics.

UC Berkeley put a stats intro class on iTunes. Once you know how to understand the numbers yourself, you’ll never read a biased “news” article the same way again — 100% of authors of this post agree!

10. Understand basic psychology.

Knowing the basics of psych will bring context to your understanding of yourself, the dynamics of your family and friendships, what’s really going on with your coworkers, and the woes and wonders of society in general. Yale University has its Intro to Psychology lectures online for free.

11. Make your own music.

Step one: Learn how to play guitar: Justin Guitar is a fine and free place to start learning chords and the basic skills you’ll need to be able to play guitar — from there, it’s up to you, but once you know the basics, just looking up tabs for your favorite songs and learning them on your own is how many young guitar players get their start (plus it’s an excellent party trick).

Step two: A delightful free voice lesson from Berklee College Of Music.

Step three: Have you always thought you had an inner TSwift? Berklee College of Music offers an Introduction to Songwriting course completely for free online. The course is six weeks long, and by the end of the lesson you’ll have at least one completed song.

Step four: Lifehacker’s basics of music production will help you put it all together once you have the skills down! You’ll be recording your own music, ready to share with your valentine or the entire world, in no time!

12. Learn to negotiate.

Let Stanford’s Stan Christensen explain how to negotiate in business and your personal life, managing relationships for your personal gain and not letting yourself be steamrolled. There are a lot of football metaphors and it’s great.

13. Stop hating math.

If you struggled with math throughout school and now have trouble applying it in real-world situations when it crops up, try Saylor.org’s Real World Math course. It will reteach you basic math skills as they apply IRL. Very helpful!

14. Start drawing!

All kids draw — so why do we become so afraid of it as adults? Everyone should feel comfortable with a sketchbook and pencil, and sketching is a wonderful way to express your creativity. DrawSpace is a great place to start. (I also highly recommend the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain if you can drop a few dollars for a used copy.)

15. Make your own animated GIF.

BuzzFeed’s own Katie Notopoulos has a great, simple guide to making an animated GIF without Photoshop. This is all you need to be the king or queen of Tumblr or your favorite email chains.

16. Appreciate jazz.

reddit.com

Have you never really “gotten” jazz? If you want to be able to participate in conversations at fancy parties and/or just add some context to your appreciation of all music, try this free online course from UT Austin.

17. Write well.

Macalester College’s lecture series is excellent. If you’re more interested in journalism, try Wikiversity’s course selection.

18. Get better at using Photoshop.

Another invaluable skill that will get you places in your career, learning Photoshop can be as fun as watching the hilarious videos on You Suck At Photoshop or as serious as this extensive Udemy training course (focused on photo retouching).

19. Take decent pictures.

Lifehacker’s basics of photography might be a good place to start. Learn how your camera works, the basic of composition, and editing images in post-production. If you finish that and you’re not sure what to do next, here’s a short course on displaying and sharing your digital photographs.

20. Learn to knit.

Instructables has a great course by a woman who is herself an online-taught knitter. You’ll be making baby hats and cute scarves before this winter’s over!

21. Get started with investing in stocks.

If you are lucky enough to have a regular income, you should start learning about savings and investment now. Investopedia has a ton of online resources, including this free stocks basics course. Invest away!

22. Clean your house in a short amount of time.

Unf$#k Your Habitat has a great emergency cleaning guide for when your mother-in-law springs a surprise visit on you. While you’re over there, the entire blog is good for getting organized and clean in the long term, not just in “emergencies.” You’ll be happier for it.

23. Start practicing yoga.

Most cities have free community classes (try just searching Google or inquiring at your local yoga studio), or if you’re more comfortable trying yoga at home, YogaGlohas a great 15-day trial and Yome is a compendium of 100% free yoga videos. If you’re already familiar with basic yoga positions but you need an easy way to practice at home, I recommend YogaTailor’s free trial as well.

24. Tie your shoelaces more efficiently.

It’s simple and just imagine the minutes of your life you’ll save!

[unlovelyunicorn]

Ya know, its 2am and maybe I’m just rambling nonsense but one thing i really hate is how little variation there is in how fiction portrays depression and suicidal ideation. Its always the same things.

And while its great that it’s getting any visibility, I just feel like we need better, more nuanced portrayals. Especially for those of us who don’t experience those things in the “normal” or “stereotypical” way. Because like all mental health, its an extremely individual experience and I just wish that actually shined through a bit more in media portrayals

[unlovelyunicorn]

This is amazing

[unlovelyunicorn]

Kill a heart full of love

Onboard a private jet and sitting on a comfortable chair with a novel in hand -Clemence, judging by the cover-, the Prince of Russell reads out loud the tragic endings of its main male character who; -spoiler alert- despite his solid principles and morals, ends up executed as traitor to his country by the request of a woman who did not love him. All in favour of a criminal who betrayed him and their nation.

"Fallen in disgrace for a woman, Why do you read such a crappy novel?"

The monarch tossed the book over to his retrainer, who surprisingly did catch the book before it hit his face.

The publication in question was snatched away from his hands two hours ago by his Majesty, Viktor Alexander Yuri Russel d' Nikiforov the IV, as the man was bored and unoccupied.

He had revised the plans for the diplomatic exchange in Japan since the plane lifted, all through the proposal of free commerce treaty with their country and redacted a speech for the opening of the cultural exchange festival organized by both nations on the embassy.

"It's called romance your majesty. We all want to be loved in return, and for love, we would do the unspeakable"

"He chooses to set free a man who leaks warfare plans to the enemy. And for what? A heartless woman?" Places his chin over the palm of one hand, looking at the window.

"This is why he remains single" mutters under his breath the duke who was mortified. This was a fictional story was written by a man who died a century ago; the sappy romance of that time entails 'the sacrificial lamb because of love'. He couldn't argue that the ending didn't do justice to the main character but Majesty had spoiled the big finale. One thing you should never do, "His Majesty seems restless ever since we left the palace. For all our sakes, What's on your mind, Victor?"

"Do you consider yourself to be superstitious?"

"No"

"I thought so too. My heart feels unsettled"

"Anxiety? You? Of all people? Are you sure it's not a caffeine overdose?"

"..."

"Well, No snarky come back? Are you seriously ill?"

"For what it's worth, I can't fire you. We don't have a suitable replacement but, surely I can discount this attitude on your paycheck."

"How cranky, please excuse me "

The mirage once again reinforced stillness, the view was more attracting than the discussion. The duke once more questioned wherever or not the prime minister would have his head on a spike or if he would ever be executed on lesse majesté charges once he pats his Majesty on the head...with a fist.

The man is utterly irritating. One could declare he is a desirable bachelor, albeit only in the condition to ignore a fundamental fault: he was incapable of truly loving someone else apart of himself or his brother.

Such a waste of a hansome man.

Out and under, lies the firm land of overcrowded buildings and the stagnant air as the night rings the starless sky. From above all that is there to see is the artificial light, created to mimic a sleepless monster of the metropolis, calm but not quite resting. It's beautiful, albeit in a way different from Russel.

The Prince still feels the pull of a strange undertone, not in a dreadful sense -like he would wish it to be-, but quite craving. Starving stubbornly, over something that is yet to come.

"How long until we touch land?" he forces down the uneasiness, with a mouthful of dry fruit.

"Half and our we have arrived at the airport as scheduled"

"Excellent, contact the embassy upon our arrival. And Otabek, be discrete. I don't want a horde of photographers around"

"As you wish, your Majesty"

So long so far, they touch the ground. As is to be expected customs, when there's a diplomatic figure involved, takes no longer than a quarter of an hour. The committee of Russels' delegation arrives at the hotel.

[unlovelyunicorn]

21 daisies, 21 Violets

Every year without fail, just as the sun kisses gently his window, Yuuri recieves a bundle of flowers.

January 13th. Same as always, even if he tries to catch the mysterious gifter, he can't come across to finding who or why they give him flowers.

Oddly he finds it a sweet gesture, even though his friends find it creepy and weird.

"Are you sure it's not a ghost? For real, you are being haunted!" says Pichit placing the flowers on the counter. He can't bring himself to touch them, fearing that if he does, he will be irremediably cursed.

"I'd appreciate if I'm not being followed by a dead person" The odds are, none as these beings don't exist. It's silly, at this point I don't care who.

"When we made the beth, I didn't think it could be a thing" Sighs looking forward to spending time cleaning the bathroom floor, for a month or so.

"It's not like I ask for them, they just appear every year."

"Don't you feel annoyed? Not being able to know how? Clearly, they know you." He laughs. The other day they were singing "Daisy, Daisy" over karaoke night.

"Last year I got sunflowers. i guess it has to do with the sunflowers seeds Celestino as a snack"

"Wow, that's something. But seriously just put a camera and voila!"

"We have already gone that path. Actually, Mary and Yuuko did one year. It didn't work"

"Ok, for some reason it sounds no good. Should I be scared? I won't get murdered in my sleep next year, will I?"

"Whoever they are, it is harmless. The flowers are normal"

"...OHLOOKATTHETIMEITSLATESEEYOUATPRACTICE"

------

Time abides and changes the course of the story as something switches the gears of fate. The month prior Yuuri asks, no roses or geraniums, not even peonies -his favourites, a boy can dream- he just waits patiently with a bundle of White Violets like the florist recommended.

Little did he know that a figure of something magical would stare widely eyed, on the eve of January 13th, as he took a place in his bed just next to him.

"I have always been waiting for you"

Who?

"You know, this year I was going to give up," says the breathtaking man before his eyes. He takes the flower arrangement and places his nose over, delighted.

Tumtum goes his heart.

"But I'm glad. They are lovely Yuuri, let's take a chance at happiness. Yes, I do" The silver-haired man stokes his face so gently. Yuuri somehow gets entranced on the loving expression of his blue eyes.

"I can't wait to get wedded, my adorable fiance".

Sorry, come again?

Before he gets a chance to say anything else, the man approaches his lips and places a soft kiss. It tastes so sweet. A wonderful feeling, almost like bathing in a warm cup of tea on a cold night.

Until a ringlet appears on his right hand.

The bubbly spell of love breaks.

"Ehhh?!"

And Yuuri falls hard on his back onto the floor.

"Yuuri, are you alright my love?"

"W-hen? How? What are you?"

"Is it not obvious? I'm a tooth fairy! Victor Nikiforov. But you can call me Vitya since we are getting married"

"When did i say that?"

"Well, You gave flowers in response to mine!"

"Wait! I did. So, now we are engaged?"

"Yes, it's a fairy's standard proposal. I get the flowers that you like, you get me a message in flowery speech."

______

Yuuri Katsuki, 23. Engaged to Victor Nikiforov, the tooth fairy.

The adventure begins.

[unlovelyunicorn]

Riddle

Im a shelter made of snow

To travelers away from home

Given by your mom,

I swore an oath.

Might it tunder, might it rain

Shall i rise in war again

You will no sufer in fright

Cuz' i'll be your knight.

What am i?

[unlovelyunicorn]

Rubish Bard song

▪Unicorn tunes mandoline for the music▪

This is the tale of Sir Barks-a-lot

And his noble quest for the holy bone

For he was the second his mama bore

Oh he was the second his maama boore!

Woof wooof

Arm with no fear

His companion lead him to the rear

On the edge of the world he found

The mighty ground!

OH! The mighty grouuund!

(Mighty ground) Woof

Flick winds came from the rose

And revived the god of the hose

Distracting Sir barks a loooot!

But crumble not-

Sir baarks a loooooot!

(Owner shouts at him) Woof

Temptation did not prevail

From the search of the bone-grail

And two sister winds were leeeft

Cuz the others didn't theeeeft

The hoooly booooone!

(Oh! Holy bone!)

AAWOOOOOOOOOOO!

Autums and Winters

Ever the tricksters

tested Sir Barks a lot

On the way to camelot

Where it rested the holy bone

"From one of us you shall choose

For one is a ruse,

And another leads you to glory

Ya' better come with a good story"

This is were the tale ends

Hope it makes amends

To those who can't find

The right kind

Sir-barks-a-lot-choose-the-good

SIR BAAAARKS A LOOOOOT!

LETS GO HOME (owner)

AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

▪mandoline solo ends▪

[unlovelyunicorn]

Riddles

My lover had a necklace made of crystal and gold. A greedy leprechaun stole it, but my love for her is far more. So down the road of the rainbow, I went ahead to the treasure. But oh beware for magic coins and pots! They are far great and I'd be a fool if not for you.

Down the road of silver two twins stars are seek one meek and sleek and the one is it. No deceit, the love I feel is what it is.

The one I crave, I stalk as a breath for a name I despair, hidden are they among the shepherds   one of them is thy love. I look and hook until dawn and I'll find them among the wands but condemn me not! Sheep we are.

Unreachable are they dress in purple silk the stable boy, says lovesick for unrequited love at bay Foolish sights for their baby cheeks

[unlovelyunicorn]

Don’t ask what canon can do for you. Ask what you can do for fanon.

Take fate in your own hands and write fanfiction.

[unlovelyunicorn]

Greek Mythology AU with Gorgon!Victor and Blind!Yuuri: In which Victor, cursed, starts to grow a garden by himself and Yuuri, also cursed, likes the fragrance and follows it to the source to collect some nice smelling flowers.

But he doesn’t turn to stone when Victor chances upon him.

More to follow?

[unlovelyunicorn]

The dissonant Disappearance of MK

CHAPTER 1: UNUSUAL REQUEST 

“Blog entry: farces and fortunes Feb, 4th 19** - Sabriélle, The Republic of Griege. By Chunalont P.

On the early evening of January 16th, Mary Katsuki left her cottage on Mirage Village. She sneaked off through the back door of her house, suspiciously running away. Back then, her household staff did not suspect anything strange about her constant absence nor her conspicuous behaviour the month prior. She did not say anything to her sick mother nor his preoccupied brother.

She had a highly ordain life, work from 8:00 o'clock on mornings to brunch at midday. She ate with her sick mother, drove back to her office, stayed at that place till 7 pm. then went home. No history of alcoholism, save the nasty habit of smoking her pipe at her studio. She wasn't a complicated businesswoman, one could describe her as a faultless boss.  She was hardworking, always improving her inherited legacy, as the majoritarian owner of a chain of hotels and resorts around the Riviera.

Despite all of the known facts on the case, one could not care less about someone who apparently has everything: money, education, and a degree of influence. The highlights were in fact, somewhere else. Her little brother, a young doncella of a night club "the white lady", had a conspicuous company around. If we -as mere spectators- could find the category of men that Yuuri Katsuki associated with, "Thugs" will be the accurate description. So we suspect him or at least mark him as a person of interest.

She had another relative, an aunt and godmother who was cut off the family 11 years ago. The reasons for her disinheritance, elude us to this day. Mary's grandfather was a forgiving man, may he be harsh with his descendence when he was alive as the reason, Who might know? That man was 12 feet underground along with his wife. Was she somehow involve? We do not discharge the possibility.

Her mother, Hiroko Katsuki, is a gentle soul. Bedbound, resting her apparent disease, remains a lucid woman. Her life, ever since her husband passing, has been exhausting. Almost like a candle losing its wax, in her grief she poured all her strength on the Katsuki Empire until she fell sick 5 years ago. Her devoted daughter, counted her blessings each day her mother ate, woke up, and went to sleep. However, as sweet as her mother is, she remains the chairwoman behind the Company.

In the midst of that, a private investigator was currently deciding if it was worth the effort to take or not a high profile case such as MK.  The case drops on his doorstep, or should we clarify,  illegally trespasses his office, makes a fire and drinks his scotch. Nothing but the sight of that innocent creature pleading his case plagued the mind of the detective for months to come.  Although what he could not predict, was the series of events and mishaps the disappearance on M.K brought to him. A scandalous affair, one should warn, if you are still keen, we are obliged to tell the accounts in details as we were there. Nothing will remain in the shadows."

For those who don't enjoy the pleasantries of the sweet cost, might not picture the charm of ambience, nor the humility of the mirage. A single evening of January holds an everlasting spring full of life, warm rugs of beach kissed by the sun and peaceful joy. The wind carries way the pure sea, caresses the palm trees and travels the vast jungle until it reaches its core. Full of sound and kindness, the Pacific coast stands proud and abundant like a caring mother.

While the torrid winter on the north takes hostage meadows, rivers and forests; life itself grieves dressed in white. Sadness and solitude govern relentlessly over the landscape, leaving only skeletons of trees, dry grass and dormant streams. There are not murmurs of singing birds nor evidence of footprints either. Like cemeteries devoid of mirth, lie down bare.

But our tale doesn't begin then when tourists seek refuge in December. This tale and the subsequent events began when Yuuri Katsuki, received a letter through the mail. An invitation to brunch with his sister, half a year before the tragedy stroke. As the protagonists of this story share their greetings and bread. The table is set, and a matter of urgency dropped.

-You want me to drop of Law School and rebel? Be disinherited?!  - Spilt his tea in shock, albeit terrified for his sister's demeanour. She never looked so sure before, not even when she took over the Katsuki Enterprises without help. After all, his sister is a stubborn woman that would rather burn bridges before asking help. 

-Yeah, basically. Look, I know its insane, but I really need your help with something.- She sight, lighting her pipe. From his seat, Yuuri saw in her eyes something he had never perceived on her before. He'd have sworn, that for an instant, fear clouded her gaze. Almost haunting, it made his skin crawl and his stomach sink.

-Mary, what the hell is wrong with you?! - He'd carefully ask as if the answer was a death sentence.

-Yuuri, please do as I ask. Everything has to be done carefully or it won't work.- That request did not stop the uncomfortable gut feeling of wrongness. Mary was waiting, unmovable. Another light shone on her features, one of a cornered lion, ready to bear its teeth to anyone.

-Why? Are we in danger?-  He pleads, anxiously. Yuuri approaches her sister, placing a hand on her shoulder.

-We are safe, for now. But something is wrong- She sighs, burying her face on the crook of his neck.

-You will never tell me anything, won’t you?- Whispered softly, embracing her.-

-I can't. Not yet anyway- Only then, she would meet his eyes, looking past a void of emptiness, uncharacteristically of her usual composed behaviour. He felt pressure to leave the mather alone.

-Why? - After gathering courage, she meets his sister on the eye.

-Might it be risky, this is a way to protect you.

-How being disinherited helps?!

-There will be a fight, you 'll be "disinherited" but not quite. It's just a ruse to distract them.- Gasped Yuuri, the whole plan sounding outlandish -  Then you'll seek work as a performer on a night club where this man works, he owes me a life debt.-She then, took off her lapel a photograph. It was a handsome young man, in his twenties, black undercut, clean looks but basically a marble statue. -I'll send you flowers every Tuesday-

-What if something happens? How will I contact you? You are not making any sense!

-If something goes wrong. I need you to contact this man- And she showed him a business card. A private investigator downtown: "Nikiforov Investigations"- Should anything happens to me Yuuri, this applies too.

-Mary, I c-can't do this!

-Promise me, Yuuri.

-But

-PROMISE ME YOU WILL DO IT!

------------------------------------------------------

So, chapter one of a complicated thing is potentially out. This story is weird, involves chasing, guns, undercover mission, plotting of evil deeds, a burlesque show on a night club (which is lame, it simply does not justifies why oh why sweet Yuuri works on “The white lady”. Need to work on that) and romance in the peril of danger.

 Basically a Femme Fatale Yuuri and a stone face detective Viktor?

Question is: Is it going in a good direction? Opinions are highly welcome! 

[unlovelyunicorn]

im writing a scene where two people are talking to each other and dont realize an unknown third person walked in and overheard everything. all the while not really giving away who the third person ?? i just dont really know how to explain it without wording it weirdly. the pov is third person but its sorta limited to just the mc (i hope this makes sense, thank u!)

While I’m picking at word choice here, it’s important to the answer that there not be any confusion in this regard– there’s no such thing as “sorta limited” 3rd person. Either it’s 3rd Omniscient, where there is an outside narrator who has their own spin to the story but can report on character thoughts and feelings, or it’s 3rd Limited, where the POV is limited to one character and cannot switch without a clear scene or chapter break.

If “sorta limited” means 3rd Omniscient where the narrator occasionally “dives in” and mimics a different character’s voice for a line or two, then that’s okay. If it means a mix between Omniscient and Limited, then that’s not a thing without a chapter break and you better have an amazing reason for that shakeup. If it means Limited but you change perspective within the same scene, then that’s called “head hopping” and it’s poor writing. If it means Limited, but you occasionally use POVs outside the protagonist’s and they’re separated with a clear scene or chapter break, then that’s okay.

Correct terminology is important for clear communication, especially with advice, and while your wording has me leaning more toward a Limited answer I’m going to address Omniscient just in case. 

If your narration is 3rd Limited…

If a character doesn’t notice something/someone then you can’t write it. If the narrator is your protagonist (or this other person they’re talking to) then there will be no mention of this third person walking in nor who they are. It’s possible for the third person to be noted in narration as unrecognized (within reason) or as part of the background, but the reader would not get any indication of it being important. Even hint-dropping is in iffy territory because the narrator would have to deem that “background person” noticeable enough to even comment.

If the narrator is not one of those two people, then it’s possible that they’d notice, but it’s a very odd way to write any sort of important conversation. That would also mean the rest of the convo would be written from this “overheard” perspective and that’s a choice that would also need a strong reason to be made. The scene will come off as disconnected and likely boring to read as it would just be back and forth convo as the person “listened”, but I can think of a few cases where it would work. The average conversation, no. 

Technically, you can write this convo in multiple scenes and switch narrators between them, but there’s a very high change that it’s going to read as poor writing. Unnecessary POV switching solely to show a bit of information in the middle of scene gives readers whiplash and ruins the flow, ultimately looking like the writer is trying to force information. It tends to read as a cheap trick unless written into the structure of the story from the start, and the story would have to be paced in a way to make it work.

What might work best, though still likely to come off as cheap without very careful writing, is if there is one small hint dropped during the conversation scene. The issue here would be finding a hint that’s worth bringing up in the scene that also makes sense not to tip off the narrator as to who the person is. Then, once the conversation is complete, start a new scene and switch POV to the person who overheard, using the hint from before to connect the scenes. There, that person can then report on what just happened. The second issue here is that this additional scene needs to be actually worth writing; it needs to do more than just convey that the person overheard or it will suffer from the same whiplash/cheap consequences. Maybe it can be sewn into another scene that already featured this person’s POV?

So, if you’re using 3rd Limited, you might need to rethink your goals for that scene. The reader is not able to learn of this person overhearing the conversation without some narrative twist, like a POV switch, but even that has consequences to a story.

(There is a such thing as hindsight commentary, a form of the reminiscing narrator, where the narrator can break away from the story to mention it, but that’s a very specific style that would have to be present throughout the entire story to work and it’s almost exclusively used in 1st person. “Almost” is an ass-saver there because I’ve never actually seen or heard of it occurring in 3rd– in theory it wouldn’t work nearly as well without the “I”, but I’m sure some (hopefully) talented writer has tried it.)

If your narration is 3rd Omniscient…

Everything is much easier because it can just be stated. “They didn’t notice, but he was right behind them” or any other more creative version.

Good luck!

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