unknownoutrider

[unknownoutrider]

so guess who just started to watch critical role and is loving it

[unknownoutrider]

LET’S BE SAD aka Vex is missing her other half and it shows:

Vex gets black out drunk in the tavern and at first everyone’s just having a good time but suddenly she’s falling asleep on the table and that’s the point where Vax would look after her. Percy quietly helps her up to their room and tucks her into bed and if she calls him Vax he doesn’t mention it the next morning. 

She jumps into a dangerous situation and doesn’t bother to check her six because of course her brother always has her back and Keyleth is the one that jumps in to cover her.

At some point in a mission she offers: “we can stealth ahead” only to realize her partner in crime is not there and she pauses for a heavy charged second before Scanlan interferes “yeah, I’ll go invisible, let’s go!”

They don’t hear Vex laugh for a long time after Vax leaves. Grog is the first one that notices. He takes to calling her “stubby” and messing up her hair and giving her wet willies and even begins a prank war with her.

Her hair is a mess because she can’t braid it worth shit and okay in Whitestone her maidens will do it but on the road it just becomes a walking disaster until Pike offers to fix it in the mornings, carefully waving two blue feathers and a black one into it.

And even then there are inside jokes she starts telling only for her voice to trail off and die because he’s not there to share them. There are days when her heart is heavy and no one can tell. There are amused, amazed and disgusted looks where she expects to find an identical expression sharing her emotions, only to be met by emptiness.

One day she dies in battle and in the darkness her brother comes to her and Vax is furious that she’s dead but she’s just overwhelmed with happiness because for the first time in months she feels whole, no longer a broken half. Vax refuses to take her to the other side because “just give them a moment and they will bring you back” and he says it firmly and with conviction and Vex complains because what if she doesn’t want to go back? to be a broken half again? who could bring her back in the ritual if the one who is her heart is here with her right now? And he just strokes her cheek gently and tells her that even if she lost a half, she gained five more and that she’ll always be whole because he’s always with her too. 

Vex wakes up to five tearful and relieved faces that hug the everliving shit out of her and scold her for getting herself this hurt and just fill her heart with love and she realizes she can miss her brother and be whole too

I made myself cry writing this so I hope you’re all happy

[unknownoutrider]

my problem with the ‘harry becomes lord of 2/¾/5 ancient noble houses’ trope is so unbelievably petty because its that fic writers don’t take it to the potential extreme. like, okay, you wanna make harry the bossest of bitches i get that, i understand, i have that urge too from time to time, but c’mon, be a little more creative about it please

so how about a fic where harry goes to gringotts after the fighting is all over to try to make peace with the goblin nation because this boy does not need more problems and after much hostility and some groveling and promises of future payments for damages caused a plucky goblin lass comes and shuffles harry into her tiny cube office to discuss the nature of his financial situation

(this is a grave insult among goblins. getting handled by a female, first of all, because they are supposedly less capable bankers, hello misogyny among other species, and because they consider anyone who needs help with his money to be lower than cave scum. harry doesn’t know about his. and if he did, he wouldn’t care because he does, desperately, need help)

and plucky goblin lass (who we will call PGL for short) brings out this MASSIVE tome of parchment and slams it down on her desk. a cloud of dust rises. harry sneezes and gets a terrible feeling. some of the parchment is mildewing. the stack is taller than his hand is wide. this can only end badly

PGL tells him that he’ll need to read the entire book to fully comprehend the new scope of his property and harry kind of weakly says “what??”

and it turns out that heyo, when the death eaters swore to follow voldemort with all their lives and souls and magic in their little racist hearts they actually swore a modified liege lord oath which also has the coincidental side effect of ceding all titles (and property connected to said titles) held to the lord in question too. haha how funny who knew

and that’s an ongoing thing. so voldemort was the de facto head of two dozen magical houses at the beginning of the war and he just picked up more as he gained more followers and he probably could have just voted himself and his crew into every position of the government and run the country like that if he cared to do it but voldemort was not about dat political life. he wanted change and he wanted it now. he wanted to MAKE AMERICA MAGICAL BRITAIN GREAT AGAIN. so he started a civil war and just never informed his loyal death eaters of that little fact because they didn’t need to know.

and you might think that gringotts vaults are tied into bloodlines but they’re really not. the malfoy family vault belongs to whoever is the current head of the malfoy family. normally, that’s a malfoy and his malfoy spawn becomes the next head and so it passes through the family, accumulating inherited wealth. it was a working system until voldemort got involved and exploited the ever-living hell out of it.

now this all becomes harry’s problem because it turns out that Right of Conquest is an actual thing. what was voldemort’s is now his and voldemort has has the time to accumulate A Metric Fuck Ton of stuff.

also connected to titles are votes in the wizengamot. and whoo boy, this is where harry’s problem becomes really really really problematic. because the noble families squabble over those votes like children, hoarding them and passing them down, occasionally trading them for advantageous marriages and such, but mostly jealously guarding them like the politcal gold they are. it’s such a bitterly tight-fisted market that any one family has ~maybe~ three or  four votes.

and now harry bloody potter has a hundred of the things and a completely unintentional stranglehold on the government. whoops

and then hermione would shotput harry straight into the wizengamot against his protests and things would become so hilarious i just

some jerkass attempts to increase his own salary for doing basically nothing

“how about no,” harry and his hundred votes say.

somebody attempts to tighten restrictions on where magical creatures like vampires and werewolves can work

“how about no.” harry crosses his arms. “actually, how about we repeal those bullshit laws already in place that make it almost impossible for werewolves to get a job right now, hmmmm? and how about we put something in place to catch abusive owners of house elves? and make sure they get paid? and vacation days? and healthcare? actually how about we get healthcare for EVERYBODY HOW ABOUT T H A T?”

ten generations of purebloods cry out in horror. look upon him ye mighty and despair.

the years after voldemort’s defeat don’t go down in history as The Golden Era. in fact, thanks to harry bloody potter (and some incessant nudging by hermione granger), they go down as The Decade of Frankly Astonishing Strides Toward Equality *cough* enforced by a semi-plutocracy.

(all thanks to a third tier plot never really explored by a would-be dictator YOU’RE ALL WELCOME)

[unknownoutrider]

My definition of compassion is seeing my pain reflected in someone else's eyes and taking action to ease it - eradicate it if possible. It's like recognizing my agony dwelling within someone else and going "No... No! This isn't right! NO ONE should have to suffer like I have! NO ONE! Please, let me help you. I've been where you are. I know the way out. Let me show you. What? No, you're right. I still suffer. I don't know the entire way out. But I can lead you to a better place than here. Let me show you. Take my hand. Follow me."

ultimately i think kindness is the most radical thing you can do with your pain and your anger. it’s like, you take everything awful that’s ever been done to you, and you throw it back in the world’s teeth, and you say no, fuck you, i’m not going to take this.  you say this is unacceptable. you say that shit stops with me.

humans are fucking terrible and this awful world we live in will fucking kill you but if you are kind, if you are brave and clever and try really hard, you can defy it. you can impose on this bleak and monstrous structure something beautiful. even if it’s temporary. even if it doesn’t heal anything inside you that’s been hurt.  

i’m gonna sleep and i’m gonna wake up and i swear by everything in this deadly horrible universe i’m gonna make someone happy. 

[unknownoutrider]

Okay, so this idea got stuck in my head after someone mentioned the idea of a theme song on Twitter. So, to exorcise my demons, I did a quick version of it. It’s not perfect, but I tried to mimic the style of the old theme and did it as if it was the intro to the current “God Arc” or “Vecna Arc” of the story.

Credit for the image goes to Justin Esparaza (@kahruveldesign on twitter)

[unknownoutrider]

And then there are us who keep trying to catch sleep and it just keeps escaping, like those Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons.

Go to sleep)

[unknownoutrider]

Lady Vex’ahlia

[unknownoutrider]

Inheritance

A Critical Role AU scene.

Disclaimer: This is based off of what I think is the reasoning behind why there are only half-elves and half-orcs, and no other hybrids, in D&D. I have gone into detail on the subject here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zVgV4fTCZCCh5gOeIlpHQr2iYp_GDtSl5zSyr2w7b8o/edit?usp=sharing

This is not how I think it should go. This is how I think it could go. It is only one possibility. Your games and stories do not have to include this complication. I happen to think it is an interesting element of drama - a sadder, more tragic way the story could go. Please do not think that I’m saying that D&D and Critical Role absolutely must follow this.

“I’m sorry, but it’s impossible.”

Pike’s heart wept as she watched the hope die in Vex and Percy’s eyes. She hated that she had to tell them this.

“Barring the intervention of a god, it’s impossible. Or, near enough to impossible that it’s not worth hoping for,” Pike continued.

Vex’s voice caught as she asked, “Wha - What do you mean?”

Pike sighed.

Vex and Percy had been trying to have a child now for three years. Whitestone needed an heir. But, for all their trying, Vex had never become pregnant. Finally, they approached Pike for help.

Pike had inspected both of them: physically, magically, and spiritually. She hadn’t found anything wrong with their bodies. Spiritually, they both suffered scars, but nothing that would interfere with fertility. Pike then began researching everything she could on fertility in libraries and consulting healers and sages. Finally, she consulted with the clerics of Ehlonna, the Goddess of Fertility. She hadn’t liked what she found.

“The gods tell us that a mother’s essence and father’s essence mix to create a baby at conception. But, the essences must match, in some way that we don’t understand, to successfully create a child. A gnome’s essence and a human’s essence, or a halfling’s essence and an elf’s essence, do not match, so they can’t have children.

“But, a human’s essence and an elf’s essence, or a human’s essence and an orc’s essence, almost completely match, allowing them to produce half-elves and half-orcs, respectively. The gods tell us this is because, at one time far in the past, humans, orcs, and elves shared a common ancestor. Over time, the three groups changed and became different from each other. Elves and orcs became so different from each other that their essences don’t match enough anymore to have children. But, both of them almost match with humans. Humans occupy a middle ground between the other two groups, able to reproduce with both.

“The almost-matching essences of the parents results in a child with an unbalanced essence. There is literally something missing in their core essence, putting it out of balance. Because of this missing bit of essence, half-breeds can’t have children, even with other half-breeds. This is why there are so few half-elves and half-orcs. They can’t have children with each other. They can only come about from cross-species mating.

“At least, that’s what most healers and sages think.

“The clerics of Ehlonna informed me that what ‘everyone’ knows is not quite true.

“It is true that male half-elves and half-orcs can never have children. Male essences are already slightly out of balance. Being a hybrid male puts the essence even further out of balance; making it impossible to match with anyone.

“However, female half-elves and half-orcs have, extremely rarely, managed to have children. The chance of them becoming pregnant, according to the clerics of Ehlonna, is one in a million - literally. And then only if the father is an elf or human - for a half-elf woman, or an orc or human - for a half-orc woman. It happens so rarely that most people don’t know it can happen.”

Vex was holding her hand over her mouth, tears in her eyes. “Then … Vax and Keyleth.”

Pike nodded. “Yes. I’ll have to inform them about this too. They will never have children together.”

Vex looked like she was about to burst into tears. She looked at Percy. “I’m sorry. Whitestone needs an heir. But because you married me…”

“Hush.” Percy pulled Vex into a hug and kissed her on the forehead. “I will never regret marrying you. You mean everything to me.” Percy turned to Pike. “You mentioned gods. I suppose a pact with a higher being could accomplish this too.”

“Please, don’t!” Pike nearly squeaked in her urgency. “Both of you have suffered enough from pacts with otherworldly beings! Please don’t make another pact! Please!”

They didn’t respond. Damn them! They were too good at controlling their expressions for Pike to tell what they were thinking.

“A pact with an extra-planar being might mean that you can have a child, but then never raise them. Or the child is taken from you after a certain age. Or the child is nothing more than a vessel for the outworlder’s spirit. Somehow, some way, you will end up worse off than what you were before.

“Can’t Cassandra bear Whitestone an heir?”

Percy sighed. “Technically, yes. But, she has gone through so much suffering. I want her to enjoy life. I loath placing this burden on her and forcing her to find a husband. Specifically a human husband too, as you have just informed us. I’m not … comfortable … limiting her options.”

Pike glanced at their faces. She still couldn’t tell if they were considering making a pact with an extra-planar being. “Th-there may be another way.”

She had their rapt attention.

Pike wrung her hands uneasily. “Listen, this is highly dangerous and experimental, but… but you’re not selling your soul…” She sighed. “The clerics of Ehlonna have heard rumors of arcanists that are trying to develop a spell that will allow any cross-species couple to have a child.

“We know it can be done because that is how we think the dragons made the dragonborn species; combining dragon essence with human essence - two very dissimilar and non-matching essences.

“These arcanists probably have a myriad of reasons as to why they are trying this. Likely, only a few of them are attempting to create this spell because they want a child with their lover; who happens to be of another sentient species. Others may want it for darker reasons.

“Even if you could find one of these arcanists and, after investigating them, you find that they are trustworthy, it will be very expensive. New spell research requires exotic components. Those components are expensive. You would be either paying a lot for the research and components while the spell was being developed, or paying a lot after the spell was created so that the arcanist can recoup their expenses.

“And there could be side-effects, maybe permanent ones, depending on how the spell operates. If the spell alters you both to be permanently compatible and fertile with each other, essentially becoming a separate species that is just the two of you, it might include other changes too. Possibilities like skin color changes, growing an extra limb, or becoming a water-breather come to mind.

“If the spell is a one-use-one-child kind of spell that operates on the mixing of essences at conception, the side effects might exist in the child. The child could end up looking very different than either of you, possibly with a very alien physiology or mentality: extra limbs, extra eyes, a tail, or odd hungers and behaviors.

“You might find that you have become test subjects for a very shady arcanist. Some sages think that similar spells, that mix essences of dissimilar species, created some of the monsters in the world.

“But… If you could find an arcanist you could trust, this could be a better way than making a pact with an otherworldly being.”

Pike glanced back and forth at their faces while they absorbed this last bit of information.

“Do you know of one such arcanist?”, Vex asked.

Pike shook her head. “No, I don’t. There might not be one. It was only a rumor.”

“Thank you, Pike.” Percy ran his hand through his hair. “You have given us much to think about.”

“I wish I could have given you better news.”

“Nevertheless, we needed to know.” Percy squeezed Vex again. “And you have given us options. Again, thank you.”

Pike nodded and got up to leave. Now, she would have to have this exact same depressing conversation with Vax and Keyleth. She hated telling her friends bad news like this.

[unknownoutrider]

Fanfic writers are the unsung heroes of the Internet

It always amazes me on how much effort and time fanfic writers will put into a story or even just a chapter. Just imagine writing an AU on something they know nothing about so they have to research the history of a different country, look up the rules and point system of a sport they have never played, or study and learn a subject they don’t know much about just because they wrote about a character who is good at marine biology or something.

It is amazing the amount of time and care that is put into writing each chapter just so other people can read their work for free. Fanfic authors don’t expect the readers to pay them for their work, all they would like is a comment and a like on their chapters to tell them that the reader likes their writing and story.

I wanted to write this as an appreciation post to all the amazing fanfic authors out there because without them people wouldn’t have countless hours of free entertainment.

[unknownoutrider]

Please make this go viral.

It is so important I don’t even care if you delete what I write here, just help it be seen. 

[unknownoutrider]

Me, softly, at 12:40 AM, seeing Ashley MF Johnson in episode 94: She’s home.

Also I have this small theory that Grog’s eyes are green. 

[unknownoutrider]

Daydrinking (again)

[unknownoutrider]

I relate hard. But, in my case, I'm what is invisible. Seriously.

People have forgotten that I was sitting at the table, eating with them. They would start talking about things that they wouldn't have shared with me if they had known I was there. They were often upset or embarrassed when I did something that brought me, somehow, back into their awareness.

In one case, I - a male - was eating lunch at a restaurant with a female coworker and her female friends. My coworker and I often ate lunch together. This time, she asked if it was OK if we met with her friends. At one point, they started talking about menstration and its complications and difficulties. They went on for quite a while. The food was quite spicy and was making my nose run, so I blew my nose. The entire table suddenly stopped talking as they all looked at me. Every one of their faces were red in embarrassment. They admitted to having forgotten I was even there. I hadn't minded, because I had been getting an unexpected education.

Often, I would be sitting in a group, talking, when it would happen. I wouldn't comment much, but when I did, people would squeak in surprise and ask when I had joined the group, or when I had rejoined the group. I had been there from the beginning and had never left.

Multiple times, I have ordered food at a restaurant and had them forget to make my meal.

Once, the entire table got their meal, except for me. Everyone finished eating, but I still didn't have my food. I asked the waiter about it. He looked at me surprised, like he hadn't been aware I was even there (he hadn't been refilling my drink either), then went to ask the cooks. He came back, appologizing, because the meal hadn't been made and they were just now starting it. The rest of the table left because they had things to do. So, I ate by myself at a large table covered in the remnants of their meal. The waiter still forgot to refill my drink.

One time, I ordered a fast-food burger, then sat down to wait for my meal. I was reading a really engrossing book, so I wan't fully aware of the time passing. I eventually realized that they'd never called my order number. It had been over an hour since I had made my order. I went to the counter and found that they had never made my meal, even though the order was still sitting in plain sight, an hour later.

Last week, I ordered a pizza for myself. I was told it would be out shortly. About 45 minutes later, I still didn't have my pizza. So, I went to the counter to ask about my pizza and found that they were cleaning up for the night. I learned that they hadn't even made it, but my order slip was still hanging in "to be made" holder. I got my pizza after they'd heated up the oven again and cooked it. By then it was closing time, so I had to take the pizza home.

I've had restaurants and stores close while I was still in them, sitting or standing in plain view. The managers or employees were then shocked to find me still in the store. Sometimes they would get angry, thinking that I had hidden on purpose. I was in plain sight the entire time.

One time, while I was in my first year of college, my family was walking in a shopping mall with me. My mother, who is a good head shorter than me, was walking in front of me. She turned around to say something and stopped, confused. She said, "Where did (my name) go?" She was looking through my chest, eyes focused somewhere behind me. For 3 secounds, she was looking through me. I even waved my hand in front of her face, but she didn't even blink. My dad said, confused, "He's right here." She turned to look at him, then back in my direction. Then she blinked rapidly a few times and finally focused on me. "Oh, there you are," she said. "Where did you go?" "Mom, I was here the whole time." She didn't believe me.

I am somehow easily forgettable and apparently often invisible to select individuals, even my mother. This is very frustrating. But, it has happened so often that I can't work up enough energy to be upset about it anymore. I just sigh and think Again?

hey have i ever told y’all about my cursed apartment building

cursed how, you say???? well, here’s the thing: no-one can fuckin see it. let me explain further

i live in a tiny flat in a big red brick building with huge windows. it has a driveway with two columns on either side - not a thing you usually see in this area. it is opposite a bus stop and several corner shops. it is on a main, busy road. most significantly, it is attached to a church. a well-known church with a big pink sign on the front.

all things that would make it easy to spot, right???? like if i gave that list of distinguishing features to someone along with my address then they’d be able to find my flat easily, right??? well APPARENTLY NOT

we have never once had a delivery to our flat (outside of the usual postal service) where we haven’t been called by a lost courier 

usually, they are about thirty seconds away. “i’m by the church and i don’t know where to go from here,” they say. so we tell them, “it’s the building right next to the church!! the one you’re outside. that church. it’s the next building along. it’s opposite a bus stop and it has a driveway with two big columns.” 

without fail, they call back 5-10 minutes later, still lost.

i have answered calls from both lost delivery people and friends where i’ve been able to see them standing in front of the driveway, from my window

a friend of mine once drove past my building three times, while on the phone to me, getting increasingly panicked that she couldn’t figure out where she was going. she parked in a nearby road and i had to walk to her car and guide her to the driveway

however, my flatmate and i found this place when we were flat-hunting first time, no trouble, and we don’t know what that means other than i guess this place chose us and the rent is so cheap because the estate agents were so relieved to find the first people in a thousand years who could actually see this fuckin building

today a food delivery person called me to say he was outside the church, was told to go to the next building along, (a 20 second journey on foot) and arrived at my door 20 minutes later, saying, “sorry, i went to the back of this building by mistake. weird right???”

this building doesn’t have a back

it backs onto the rest of the church it doesn’t have a back where did he go

[unknownoutrider]

a meeting of charm and wit

title: a meeting of charm and wit relationships: percy & zahra (background percy/vex) warnings: none words: 3.2k summary: percy finds himself the subject of zahra’s curiosity.

this was my half of my wip swap with @buckysleftarm! the first bit of the library talk is hers!

They meet in the library, passing ships usually at odd hours. Zahra comes in with stacks of books and rummages around for more, and Percy spends time there reading, the only place he can clear his mind because no one will bother him here. One night he feels something different, and looks up from his book to see Zahra sitting on the chair across from him, fingers steepled as she studies him. “Don’t stop on my account,” she says, gesturing for him to continue.

“Have you just been watching me?” He assumes asking the question is fair even though he’s already concluded that she has. Percy’s never really known what to make of the Tiefling they found as their ally.

Zahra shrugs. “I got tired of studying words and decided to see exactly what it is that Vex likes about you.”

[ao3]

[unknownoutrider]

Critical Things by AlexielApril

it was fun and sad and beautiful

[unknownoutrider]

it starts with an earthquake, pt 1

The world ends on a Thursday, comes crashing down in smoke and fire and ruin. And then it keeps going, and Vox Machina figures out how to make do in the aftermath. [ a post-apocalyptic au for cr ladies’ week]

day one: pike trickfoot

[ao3]

After the world ends, Pike takes up distilling moonshine in the still on the roof.

It’s Percy still, actually, but he cedes it to her with his blessing, spends his time instead in the garage fiddling with whatever’s most broken, a mechanical triage of sorts. And sure, they need a doctor at the end of the world, but there’s a surprising amount of downtime between sewing people’s organs closed and administering antidotes, and if there’s one thing everyone needs after the world ends, it’s a stiff drink.

She’s even started experimenting. Things get slow at the end of the world.

Keep reading

[unknownoutrider]

Quick, kinda shitty Pike doodle ¯\_(ツ)_/¯