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Being one of the last in the halls because your friends all have homes to go to

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When the Dog I walk realises we are heading home

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How the dog I walk reacts to me drying him off after going for a swim

But still so precious

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Happy Holidays

Anyway that is all that has occurred over the first semester at university (unless I remember anything else. Very likely with my special brain)

However my friend has informed me that the medical students from her corridor are the living meme

Where my friend heard it all occur late at night when she was roused from SKAM italia by a dull thud and laughing.

So to counter act this meme happening I hope the lads on my corridor will step up their game after the break!

FIGHTING!

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Third Year Psychopath. part 3.

There has be a kitchen victim.

Despite the very violent and threatening note left in the fridge warning people not to touch their food... their Nando’s has gone!

I walked in on the weekend holding my takeout with my friend - yes I have a friend - by my side before being interrogated from taking the Nando’s. Despite being a celiac vegetarian. This third year be scary.

So I think war has been declared.

Oh well.

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Seventh: Maroon 5.

My last neighbour to bring into the mix is a singing guru. They have a powerful set of pipes that they like to utilise at all hours of the day. Especially when it comes to Maroon 5 - like girl HIT those high notes DAMN!.

I have even had the honour of singing a duet with them when I was in the shower and heard them going. What a blast.

I wish I was more confident to share my passion for SUPER JUNIOR’S NEW COMEBACK! YES! A NEW COME BACK!  but unfortunately my international fan status and lack of any musical talent means I have been holding back that particular activity.

Either way keep being yourself Maroon 5.

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Disposable Razor Guy. part 2.

While I’m in the mood of sharing these less than usual happenings of my life I think it is time to move on to this dude and his squad.

After the meeting that give him the glorious nickname I kept seeing him every where which isn’t the most pleasant thing because he is kinda gross looking too. Like Dorian Grey’s painting only he didn't have the money for the painting cos he pawned it for weed and so wears it on his face.

Buuuuut anyways.

This guy seems to be very economical and is growing some magical fungi in his room which I guess if that's what you go for... And it is definitely what his crew go for.

I cannot count the number of times I have gone into the kitchen to see this man and his fellows talking about “profound” things. Of course they never stay for long as they have to make the trip to the smoking area every 20 minutes to be able to function so they constantly leave their cans and food boxes all over the kitchen.

The only redeemable quality of this guy seems to be his hatred for skipping song before they finish but the amount of swearing he uses to abuse his mates is just too much.

Besides they are always in an altered state... if you know what I mean.. but put on a show of being offended if they are asked if they are high; making a huge fuss.

You’d think his scumly ways would end at his consumption but... no. He also bad mouths his friends girlfriend - although girl if I were you... I’d jump ship. - and takes things from cupboards so... yeah.

Not sharing my popcorn with you noobs.

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Vampire Drug Dealer part 2.

So fam. we have finally arrived... here... yeah.

As I explained earlier I have several theories about this particular bloodsucker however I have also discovered they like to suck other... things too. So when I said that third year psychopath wasn’t the worst sex pest on the corridor... I meant it.

The first part of this discovery comes from an over heard conversation because this person has a very loud and distinctive voice. Really can’t be helped that I over heard that they were in the big L word and going to meet them for the first time at an air BnB… well this being romantic declaration didn’t last very long because...

About a week later there were very loud moans heard throughout the hallway. I left for the study room they were quite distracting.

But it gets worse... much worse. Because one day at about 11pm I was in bed reading when I heard a thump on the door across from me...

A mumbled “sh*t I've lost my key” and then lots and lots of kissing.

Finally one of the drunken minds must have found the key because I heard a door slam followed by the suggestive noises until eventually one particular cry broke into my hearing...

…

“ahhh I’m peeing!”

…

So that's how I learned that vampires are into water sports…

yeah.

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A bit more context.

I think it is about time I introduced you to the idea... of the fourth floor

And we live on the fourth floor...

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Nailed it! part 4.

Lol I forgot to mention about the numerous times I had been in the kitchen jamming and making tea and this regular Romeo popped their head in before running away again.

At least they have consistency. I don’t think I have ever seen them with dry hair or wearing anything other than a navy bath robe.

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Nailed it! part 3.

This final act of this dramatic love story - for this semester anyway - is one of triumph.

I was in the kitchen again, jamming to GOT7, and making some surprise, surprise, tea.

The number 1 person I am trying to avoid arrives in their post-shower glory - a dressing gown and wet hair - and says hello.

Now by this point I am also trying to improve myself. So I say hello back and dun Dun DUN smile.

I go back to my tea and enjoy completing the process without any further comments or interaction.

But alas it would not last. As I left the kitchen and the door slowly closed I hear them say: “Winning!”

…. I have never been more mortified.

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Third Year Psychopath. Part 2. JAMES

The time has arrived for the biggest of big buckets of tea to be spilled. Strap yourselves in fam.

James, the mystery man himself, seems to be my neighbours boyfriend. And for the first few months everything seemed to going well with the pair -aside from the psychopathic melt down - but yeah.

However two days into revision week the drama llama creeped out of the cupboard and into my neighbours room.

This camelid caused great distress both to me and the people in question. Several angry phone calls were had with very patronising repetitions of “A or B. It's a simple question. A. OR. B.” over and over and over again.

Asking if “He wants to make them feel worthless. If they find it funny. If it is too much to ask to be important.”

I can’t really put into words how awkward it is being next to a constantly fighting - and very loud - couple. Well know you can share my cringe.

I hope the issues the two of you have is sorted out so you can get back to your noisy sex or whatever your normal is.

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Nailed it! part 2.

So after the second, and belatedly remembered first, interaction with this neighbour I found myself cornered by this wet haired conversation hound once again.

I was in the kitchen making more tea when the person in question entered. A hello was exchanged and this time I managed a noise within human hearing so I was pretty chipper.

But once I returned to the kettle, my tea cup and BTOB I heard them over the music mutter to themselves.

“yes boys. We are making progress.”

Which immediately triggered my alert button and I was out of that kitchen like my sweatpants were on fire.

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Little bit of context.

So.……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

About the kitchen.

When have monthly kitchen inspections as well to make sure we won’t die or great a new super strain of bacteria and amazingly we have never failed.

But I would like to put forward a different option: PLease fail us! there is mould in the sink and all must stuff goes missing all the time. At this point I don’t think bacteria would even have low enough standards to live in our kitchen.

So lets get started:

*opens laptop, opens PowerPoint, gets 768493967867 slide projection ready*

I have a little something to say about the state of this shared space.

1. We have a dishwasher. But don’t whatever you do use it. Instead please leave your stuff in the sink for 2 weeks. That would really make my day to have to clean my dishes around your grease egg frying pan.

2. We have 3 fridges but we all know they are just for the snowmen to hide in over summer. So I recommend you continue to use the window sill and table. NB- Someone's plates and cutlery has been there for going on 2 months now so I just wanna know if your okay - like can I have your stuff if your dead?.

3. To the person that put all the plants in the kitchen because you *might* be allergic. Thank you! I love going into a jungle everyday. I don’t mind having to explain to my houseplant why I come home smelling of another bonsai tree every day.

4. To the smokers of this world... Keep it going you are doing a great job of killing yourselves, I can’t wait to get cancer from your secondary smoke; and I love having to pay a fine $$$ for the lingering stench in the kitchen. I get it. It’s so mean of management to have a designated smoking area outside of the building, so far away.

5. The parties and the loud music? I love it! I’m so glad you are having fun. And the maze of empty bottles all over the floor in the morning? Whose idea was that because they are a genius.

6. Mud Mud and more Mud. One of my favourite bands actually. Finally a Christmas song that I can relate to. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH_ddpVBFYQ Really living my best life. But what I love even more than a depressing holiday song is mud all over the floor of the kitchen. SO thanks guys.

Anyway that's about it.

*bows*

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Sixth: Ironing Board.

After my rather lengthy destructions of character I think it is time I pay a little attention to this gem of a human.

This person seems to be the only other person that uses the ironing board we share in the kitchen. Which is great! You get those central creases bro!

Just...……….. not when I need to iron on a new patch to my jacket. PLease.

Other than the annoying sense of timing you are defiantly my favourite neighbour xxx

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Fifth: Nailed it!

Next is a love story that will take your breath away from how awkward and weird it will... I’m still waiting to see what happens.

So sharing a kitchen with about 12 people isn’t that bad as a catered student as most of us aren’t in there cooking a lot and even if people do have to feed themselves they get a takeaway. So its pretty chill to be in there and jamming about to Stray Kids new album on my own.

However there is a new obstacle in the form of this person that always seems to enter while I am there of vice versa.

So I was in the kitchen making tea when in slams this person making me jump. They say hello and I respond with a low breath of air and vocal cords that I haven’t used for a good... 5 hours (probably) and so either way they probably don’t think I heard them.

But I did. and I also heard them say “Nailed it!” loudly as I left the kitchen and the door slowly closed.

Although I wear headphones all the time - for avoidance purposes - I have the volume low for my delicate ears and so I heard everything.

And imagined the accompanying fist bump....

What a disaster, especially when I remembered that on the first week at Uni I had actually dropped my food on the floor due to this person slamming through the fire door and scaring me.

So I clearly have a new love interest or someone just as introverted as me trying to make a friend.

And if the latter is the case... Good luck buddy.

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Fourth: Disposable Razor Guy.

Now this fellow here.... this is where is goes down!

So lets talk serious.

In the first or second week I got a knock on my door - which freaked me the hell out because I hate visitors and people in general.. so.. yeah.

Upon answering the door the first words out of this dudes mouth were “Ah I see the flaw in my plan now” and then proceeded to ask if I had any disposable razors.

Now as a female presenting female - for that day - I do have razors for personal grooming and I offered to look.

This guy wanders into my room and very obviously looks around (and I am immediately uncomfortable with him being there) so I quickly said I didn't have any razors and send him on his way.

This the first interaction and where he gained his name. But I will get into the juicy details about him and his mates - shudder - later.